Lullabies

Bright white lights shone into Jack's sensitive eyes as he opened them. He noted a few things; Alex was slumped over in a chair sleeping, he was in a hospital, and a nurse was checking on him. A dull pain settled everywhere in his body, and a headache clawed at the front of his skull. He sighed as he remembered the events of that day. He felt weak and helpless, and slightly lost in the hospital bed. He wished now that the semi crash would have killed him like he planned. Jack looked over at Alex once more, wishing he was his.

Suddenly, he wondered what day it was. Jack wanted to know so much about what had happened, and what was happening. The nurse smiled at him, and he returned it being polite. He coughed a few times, and the nurse asked him if he was okay. He nodded, looking back at Alex. He awake now, letting his hood fall from his messy hair. "Jack," he said quietly, getting up and moving his chair to him. "Your alive...," he whispered quietly, letting his tears fall freely as he wrapped his arms around Jack's broken body.

As Alex cried into Jack's shoulder he repeated over and over; "I'm so sorry," he would say, his weak voice trembling, having a hard time spitting out the words. Jack didn't know how to react. He let a single tear fall down his cheek as he tried to stay strong for himself, and for Alex. Jack wrapped his free arm around Alex, leaving the one in a cast laying on the bed. "It's okay," Jack would whisper, while he knew it wasn't. What Alex did was terrible, hurtful, and just ridiculous. He wasn't prepared to see it, and really he didn't want to think about it at the moment.

Alex didn't move, he felt responsible, and he was, so he planned to stay there until someone made him move. He recalled the doctor reading to him everything that was broken - His left wrist, right leg, left foot, various ribs from smashing into the steering wheel, all the fingers on his right hand, and his left cheek bone. He got a concussion from smacking his head on the windshield, that caused him to be in a coma for a week and a half, but the biggest thing was his lung failure. When crashing into the steering wheel, his ribs bruised the right lung and punctured the left.

Looking up, Jack felt his eyes flutter as he tried to blink away the tears that were filling his eyes. Not just from the mental pain that Alex was causing now, the constant reminder, but from the physical injuries. Alex saw that Jack was having troubles and called in a nurse. She gave Jack pain pills, and Alex got Jack some water. "Take them," he said in a weak voice, and Jack did what he was told. He drank the water handed to him, and fell asleep quickly.

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The next time he woke up, Alex was sleeping with his head on the end of the bed. Jack tried to move his fingers he'd broke, and felt accomplished when he could wiggle them. He checked out a few more things, glad that he was healing. He coughed a few times, trying to get what felt like ash out of his dry throat. Alex lifted his head slowly to look at Jack coughing. Alex got him a drink of water and sat back down, scooting his chair towards Jack. Jack could see how tired Alex really was. He had bags under his eyes, the way he was sitting in the chair, his delayed blinks that lasted too long. He smiled, glad he got to see Alex, he didn't think he'd be there for him.

"Alex, please go get some rest," he said, wanting his friend, his lover to get the required rest that he needed.

Alex shrugged, not knowing if he should but he sure as hell needed to. "You sure? You'll be okay?" he asked, afraid his friend might try to end his life again.

"How much longer do I have to stay here?" he asked, then held his hand up. "I'll ask later. You just go home and get some rest, God knows how much you need it." He smiled, watching as Alex nodded and got up.

"If you insist," he said softly, his weak voice showing itself.

Alex gathered his things, throwing a hoodie on for the cold weather outside. He set a letter down next to Jack's hand. "I wrote this for you," Alex said quietly, pulling his back pack strap over his other arm. He said for the last time, "I'm sorry." before he leaned over and kissed Jack's lips softly. "I love you," he whispered, and left the room.

Jack watched as he left, before he opened the letter and began to read.

Jack,
I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am. The day before you saw me kissing Lisa, my dad called me gay in an argument. He still blames me for my brother's death, and said he did it because he didn't want to be associated with his gay brother. I know its not true, but shit Jack - it was hurting me. I loved you, but I couldn't take what my dad was doing to me. I had to kiss Lisa, to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. But I don't care anymore, about any of it. It was never my intentions to hurt you this much. I've had this time that you've been in a coma to see what my life would be like without you, and it sucks. I need you, and all I can do is stare at your hurt face, broken bones, and sleeping body. I just want you back, and if you never get to read this, I'll never forgive myself. I want you back, and whether you chose to forgive me, and take me back is up to you. I love you, don't you ever forget that. Lisa is out of the picture, don't worry. I've told her about everything. I just want you back, and this time for real. I could care less what people think.
I miss you, I'm so sorry.
Alex

He closed the letter, tears filling his eyes. The doctor came into the room, and saw that Alex was gone. "He's a great guy isn't he?" he said, checking Jack's sheet, then looking Jack over.

"What do you mean?" he asked, as the doctor scribbled a few things down.

"Alex was your lobe donator. You know - for you lungs," he said, taking off his glasses and putting them on his shirt. "Without it, your lungs would have failed and you wouldn't be here now," he told him, then walked back out of the room to tend to other patients.

Jack was left there clutching the letter in his hands. Alex donated a part of his lung to Jack... He'd never be strong enough to sing again because of Jack. He gave up his dreams, to save his best friend. Jack wanted to see him now, to hug him, to tell him how much he appreciated him. He closed his tired eyes, falling asleep once more the letter still clasped tightly in his hand.