Lullabies

The front door closed behind him, and Alex leaned back on the door looking up. He didn't want to cry anymore, he wanted to stay strong for David, for himself. The singer made his way up the stairs, stopping for a look at his brother's room. He shook the image from his head and started towards his room, then turned back walking towards David's room. He dropped his backpack, and pushed the door open. Everything was the same; the guitar leaning against the wall by the bed, the window uncovered, the guitar pick he used to play his last song. It was all there, and all Alex could do was reminiscence on the last night he saw him.

When he closed his eyes the scene played in his head. The worse part was coming home to hear that David had shot himself and Alex could never get the image of his brothers body laying lifeless on the floor out of his head. He sat on his brothers bed, clutching the guitar, and holding his pick. When he opened his eyes, his father stood in the doorway. Since his death, Alex really hadn't talked to his father that much. Mike walked over and sat down on the bed, looking at the guitar Alex was holding. He saw Alex's back pack outside the room and wondered what he was thinking. "Why are you in here?" he asked, sounding cold.

Alex stared blankly at his father, not even sure how to answer that question. "I miss him dad," he muttered quietly.

Mike shook his head, looking down at his hands. "Yeah, your not the only one," he said harshly.

Alex looked up from the guitar, his eyes starting to burn. Lately, his father had been acting like it was his fault. "You think...," he started, trying to get the words out, "that this is, my fault?" he asked, on the verge of tears. His own father - he didn't have the right.

Mike kept staring at his hands, "Well, you were the last to see him, and not to mention get into a fight with him...," he trailed off, as Alex stood up throwing the guitar down on the bed and tightly clenching the guitar pick in his hand. As he walked to the door he turned around and said, "How could you.." the animosity, and despair showing as the tears fell down his cheeks.

Alex grabbed a change of clothes and ran to his car, not wanting to come back home that night. Once the car was started he was on the road to the spot him and David would go when nothing was going right. At the moment, he wanted to be alone. He drove to the ocean, remembering those nights when his brother would play his guitar by the water, while they sat on the rocks. They'd sometimes stay there till late in the night, then Alex would fall asleep on the car ride home. Once he got there, he parked and got out of the car. Luckily, no one was there, and darkness coming quickly.

Alex removed his shoes, leaving them on the floor board of his car. The sand squished in between his toes as he walked towards the rocks. He sat down and finally let himself go. Crying, he looked up at the sky with the wind rustling his hair, drying the tears that stained his cheeks. "Dead, like a candle you burned out," he sang, hoping his brother could hear. "Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams. Waiting to say, I miss you I'm so sorry," he continued, letting his tears fall. "When your not around, its like a piece of me is missing." Alex let the words that have been on his mind of so long finally come out. "I miss you, I'm so sorry," he repeated, wanting David to know.

The sun set, and Alex looked out at the dark waves. His tears had dried up, leaving him dry eyed, and tired. His thoughts got the best of him today, and he was ready to sleep. Pulling himself together, the singer made his way to his car and got in the back. He just wanted to feel safe again like those car rides home. Shutting his eyes, he fell asleep in the back of the car like he used to.