Lullabies

Alex felt himself choking up, having a hard time spitting the words out to Lullabies. It was their first live show to play the new song, and Alex was so nervous. He turned his back to the crowd, as the beginning chords played, and he sang the first few lines. He turned around, and faced the crowd when he sang, "Dead! Like a candle you burned out." Having a hard time, he felt himself slipping. A panic attack on its way, but he fought it off. Finishing the song, he thanked everybody and looked away from the crowd to Jack. "I'm going outside," he said hoping Jack could read his lips.

Once outside he finally took in a deep breath, the outside cold air comforting his hurt throat. He pulled cigarettes from his pocket and lit one, a new bad habit. He breathed out the smoke and leaned up against the wall feeling himself calm down. He didn't break down, and he was proud of himself. Jack joined him outside, and put his arm around his shoulder. "You alright?" he asked softly, looking down at the cigarette and then back up to Alex. He wasn't too fond of Alex's new habit, but whatever got Alex by, he had to be okay with.

Alex nodded, blowing smoke out from his mouth once more before answering Jack. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just keep having those images in my head you know? Like I can just see him lying there on the floor...," he faded, closing his eyes, "I just can't get it out of my head," he admitted, opening them slowly, and looking through his clouded eyes. "I just want it to go away," he said as he finished, taking in a long drag, then letting it leak out of his mouth. Alex found himself trying to fight off the image, and focus on Jack at the same time. It had been almost a month and a half now, and Alex still had trouble every now and then.

He felt well enough to go back inside, and Jack followed in. He met a few fans, and signed things. It was weird, they weren't even that well know but people still asked for their autographs. There she was again, just like always. Lisa came up to him, a cute smile spread across her face. The past few weeks he had really gotten to know her. He called her later that day, just to talk. He really liked having someone like that, someone to talk to when he need them, and Lisa, was always there.

Alex signed her paper, and smiled for a picture. "You know, you do go to school with me," he laughed, suggesting that she could just take pictures with him at school. "Now you know, I don't want to look like a freak at school," she joked, taking the paper from him, and her camera. "Thanks Alex," she said softly, going up to the counter and ordering a drink. Alex couldn't help but let his eyes linger on her once she was gone. Snapping out of his trance, Alex was being tapped by another fan. "Hi," she introduced herself. "I'm Catie. Can I have a picture?" She smiled, her voice being so cute, she seemed like she was twelve. "Sure," he said with a small smile, turning to take a picture with the small girl.

Jack helped everyone put their set up, then found Alex in the coffee shop. "Come on man, we gotta go," he said in his usual slang. Alex nodded, and once Jack disappeared Alex went to get a water. "Water please," Alex smiled, pulling out a five. Then, Lisa appeared at his side like always. "Hey Lisa," he smiled towards her, then looked away to get his change from the cashier. "Hey sexy," she played, walking with him to the door of the coffee shop. "We going to hang out soon?" she asked, and Alex shrugged. "Sure, we can do dinner and a movie." He smiled, opening the door for her. She walked outside too, then turned around, "Dinner and a movie? Are you asking me on a date Mr. Gaskarth?" she asked, and Alex didn't know what to say. Jack was standing behind the building, but he might of heard that. "Of course not, friends," he chuckled, waving goodbye, and leaving her behind to find Jack.

"Great show guys," Alex said with a smile, getting in the driver's side of the big van. "Yeah," they all said, smiling. It really was a success. For being a small coffee shop - it was a really great time. Jack had overheard Lisa, but he decided not to say anything. He knew that Alex wouldn't screw him over like that. "Alright, am I dropping everyone off?" he asked, Zack and Rian both reply with a yes. "Alright," he smiled, looking back at all of them. Jack climbed in the front seat, taking care of the music. He skipped around on the radio stations, trying to find something awesome to play. He stopped at a Papa Roach song and laughed, lip syncing. The whole van sung, and smiled. Car rides home were always the best. They got along so well.

After Rian and Zack were at home, Alex drove to Jack's house. He parked in the driveway, and got out, walking Jack to his front door. He'd leave the van there, it belonged to Jack's dad. "You did great," Alex said softly, once on his porch. "Oh yeah? You did better," he smiled, kissing Alex softly. The singer let his hands slowly wander to Jack's hips, Jack's hand on Alex's face. "I love you," he said quietly, and Alex said it back, with a smile. "See you tomorrow," he told him, leaving the porch, and heading to his car.

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Safely inside the house, Alex looked around the kitchen. His dad's car was in the driveway, and Alex really didn't want to deal with him. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, then checked his texts going out of the kitchen. He ran into someone, catching him off balance. "Sorry," Alex said quietly, recognizing his dad's grunt. His father shook his head, looking down at his puny child on the floor. "Maybe if you weren't such a little girl you'd be able to stay on your feet," he said coldly, watching Alex stand up. Alex just shook his head, trying to shake it off and leave the conversation it seemed that Mike wanted to bother him. "I have to go to bed," Alex told his dad, stepping away from him, and going up the stairs. He really hated this - the whole thing between him and his dad. He wished he had a normal relationship.

It didn't stop there. The next morning Alex had another encounter. His mom was asleep, which left him and his dad alone downstairs in the morning. Usually, Alex just ignored his abusive comments, but today was different, he wasn't taking anything. His father made small hints at how it was his fault, and how he still didn't forgive him. Alex couldn't take it anymore, sighing and shaking his head. "Its not my fault," he said shakily, trying to hide his emotion. "It is. If it wasn't for you, he'd still be here," his dad said, trying to make him feel even worse. Alex wanted to find something to say, but he still knew he had limits. "It was you who didn't encourage him to play his music," Alex said, trying to push his dad.

Mike shook his head, looking away. "He probably just didn't want to be connected with his gay brother," he father said, leaving the kitchen and going out the garage. Alex was left in silence, wondering if his dad really knew. The whole thing came as a surprise, and he was confused once again. "Jack," he said softly, wishing he was there to comfort him at the moment. But then again - he couldn't be gay.