If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

I eye the two of them cautiously, wondering why the heck John Ohh one of Warped Tour’s most flirtatious girl-snatching guy [usually that’s me, by the way, but I’ve slowed it down for the sake of my girl], is with Bailey right now, sitting outside our bus.

John stands up, and pulls her up without asking her. She stays quiet, crossing her arms and sullenly glaring at the ground as John speaks up, ruffling his hair. “We’re just talking, chill man. She needed some quiet time and I joined her. We’re friends. Something wrong with that?” He asks me breezily.

Looking at him through narrowed eyes, I finally relax and sigh. “Yeah, fine, whatever. But I need to talk to her now. Alone?” I add.

He shrugs. “Later, you two,” he gives a short wave and heads back towards the Tour arena place.

Hesitantly I take a step forward, and she purposely takes one back. I curse under my breath, hands forming in fists. “Bay…” I begin but I’m not too sure where to begin.

“A little lost?” She finally speaks up, shooting me a rude look. “You can start by opening the friggin’ door and begging for an apology.”

I sigh and slowly unlock the door, mentally reminding myself to get her a key, because that can’t be too safe, her being around and the like without her own key to get in and out and the like. “Here,” I hold the door open. “Now could we please talk?”

“Aren’t we now?” She asks sarcastically.

“Can I talk where you’ll listen?” I rephrase the question.

She purses her lips. “Fine.” And she climbs inside, turning on the fans even higher to get cool in this heat. “Start speaking,” she mutters as she flops down in a seat.

Nervously, I fidget and walk around, trying to gather my thoughts. I use the moment to get us cold cups of cola with plenty of ice. “Here,” I mutter and at least she takes it… “I’m sorry,” I say finally. “Honestly, Bay, it was a joke. I didn’t think you’d take it seriously.”

She says nothing but keeps up with the cold look. Inwardly groaning, I try to think of what else to say. I sit down across from her, tapping my fingers on my knee, other hand holding the cup resting on my other knee. I watch her thoughtfully, finding the right words.

“Bay, you… you know I don’t think those things at all. I didn’t mean a word of it, and I still don’t know why I said it. It wasn’t funny in any way, and I’m really, really sorry. Now can you please just…”

“Don’t you dare say ‘get over it,’” she says warningly.

I bite my tongue. She watches me critically for a moment, her hands fiddling with her drink. Then I watch as she nervously glances around and sighs. “But…” she begins grudgingly. “If- if you promise not to say that on stage… or even mention me,” she adds quickly, “then, I guess… I can forgive you.” She looks down, avoiding my gaze.

“Really?” I’m kinda… stumped, I guess.

“Yes,” she mutters, looking anywhere but towards me.

I watch her for a few more minutes, just trying to figure it out. Sometimes, its like I get these really good glimpses, and other times its like she’s put on a brand new mask, one I’ve never seen before, and I have no idea who she is. “Thanks,” I say finally.

Then, choosing to make this normal again, I plop over, sitting right next to her, and pull her legs on my lap. “So, are you excited for tomorrow, the fourth of july?” I ask eagerly.

Slowly she turns to look at me and gives me a confused look. “Why would I be?”

I give her a crazy look. “It’s the fourth of july!” She shrugs. “A day off from tour, an only like three hours of driving! And lots of fireworks!” I tell her. “Plus we usually go out clubbing,” I offer.

She considers it. “Fireworks and drinking?” She says doubtfully. “Has anyone died on these tours?”

My head goes back and I laugh, nearly spilling my drink as she rubs her knee self consciously. “No,” I assure her. “Well, the Butcher got a patch of grass on fire, and Katy Perry handed out gasoline to a ton of us, but it’s usually pretty safe,” I offer with a shrug.

Sighing, she shrugs, muttering something like ‘I guess,’ as she puts her drink down and her hands fiddle with… my bracelet? I smile faintly, watching her. She’s gazing off into nothing, just thinking in lalaland obviously. “Bay?” I ask softly.

“Hm?” She looks at me, somewhat curious. But my thoughts go astray as I keep looking at her softly. Her skin’s gotten darker on the tour but she’s also gotten some freckles along her nose- 23 in all, I count. And her eyes are this deep emerald green looking my way, and a soft slightly creased forehead and red lips like no other… “Alex?”

I blink. “Oh. Um… right. I just… the bracelet,” I blurt.

Her eyes gaze downwards, somewhat guiltily. “Oh. Do you… want it back?” She asks, somewhat morosely and reluctantly, fiddling with it again.

“Oh. Um, no,” I shake my head quickly, my eyes still stuck on my leather around her wrist. “No,” I say again. “It… I’d just been wondering where it went,” I mutter, my eyes turning to her face as she keeps looking at her wrist. My fingers fiddle with her hair, pulling a few strands from her makeshift bun, soft and silky.

“It’s only been a month,” she murmurs.

“Hm?” I ask faintly, not really listening as I keep fiddling with her hair.

“A month,” she repeats. “It feels like forever.”

I give a slight chuckle. “Only two more to go, love.”

“You’re not British.”

“Yes, actually, I was born in Essex, England, a loooong time ago.”

“Really?” She scrunches her nose and looks at me, our eyes catching it. “I don’t know much about you,” she realizes.

I shrug, my fingers still in her hair. “I don’t know much about you either.”

But it’s still sort of bothering her. “But… then, when did you move here? Or, Maryland?” She corrects herself.

I push my cup down, and lean forwards until we’re practically touching noses. Our breathing is small yet steady. “I was around seven,” I whisper, meeting her eyes. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

Taking the initiative, I lean forwards, making our lips touch. She pulls back a tiny bit, somewhat reluctant. “But- it’s not…” she begins, but our eyes meet again and she’s no longer sure on what she’s saying any more. “Well, I just,” she falters again and swallows, licking her lips.

I send her a sly smile and slightly pull her back to me, pulling us closer again.