If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

The night finishes up better than I’d even hoped for, and I have great expectations for tomorrow. Only a few hours of driving in which we’ll be trading, and then we’ve the day to ourselves. Can’t get much better than that, right?

Bailey shuffles over after a quick wash up, getting all the sticky ice cream off of her. I chuckle as she pulls at her hair, trying not to get it tangled. “You can deal with that in the morning,” I tell her. “Now just get in bed.”

She pretends to narrow her eyes. “You just want me to get in so you can cuddle.”

“Correct term would be so we can cuddle,” I say slyly.

But she doesn’t put up much of an argument as she sighs softly to herself and carefully climbs in, trying not to hit her head like she has before. I watch as she lays straight down on her back, as always, for a minute, before turning to face the outside of the bunk. Kinda like a routine for her, I guess…

“No, no stop. Please…”

Slowly my eyelids open in the dim light. Wait, dark? Why am I awake? I yawn and I’m about to turn over when I hear it again.

“No, don’t- stop it, just stop!”

I nearly sit up, but remember I don’t have the room for it. Not quite, anyways. I turn over and swallow, looking over at Bailey. Her pillow’s fallen off the bunk and she gripping the sheets tightly in her fists, a frown upon her face, cold sweat trickling down.

“Stop it!” She keeps getting louder and at one point she slams the ceiling with a frustrated fist in her sleep. “No, please- don’t- don’t touch me!” She squirms around, still fast asleep and obviously caught in a nightmare. “N-no….”

“Bay? Bailey, wake up,” I whisper, slightly shaking her. “Bailey…”

Her breath catches and she whimpers. “Don’t touch me, s-stop… stop it!” She screams the last part and I realize the boys are going to wake up any moment and obviously she’s going crazy.

“Bailey!” I order in a whispered yell, shaking her. I move across, climbing out of the bunk and yanking her to the feet. I don’t mean to be violent, but I need her to move enough to wake her up.

She jolts awake with a gasp, eyes wide as she glances around, squirming. “What, no…” She breathes heavily and nearly falls over if it weren’t for me holding her up. “Oh….” She blinks, looking at me somewhat blankly. Then she blinks again and her breath catches. She puts a hand to her mouth in horror and runs for the bathroom.

I trail after, carefully closing the door behind me so no one else will hear or wake up. I hold back her hair as she finishes hurling the contents of her stomach, and then washes out her mouth as I flush the scum.

We sit on the plastic tile as she takes slow deep breaths, her eyes closed in exhaustion. “You okay?” I whisper finally.

Bay swallows and slowly opens her eyes to me. “Y-yeah,” she bites her lip, glancing at her hands. “Sorry… I, it was just a bad dream. Was I loud?” She asks, worried.

“Not to the point that you woke up everyone,” I shrug. But I don’t think that makes her feel better as she goes back to looking at her hands. I scoot over and wrap my arms around her. “It’s okay,” I murmur in her ear. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she sighs, instantly relaxing in my grip, falling into me comfortably. “I don’t want to think about it, that’s all.” We’re quite for a while and I’m beginning to doze off when she speaks again. “I’m tired. And I have a headache.”

“I’ll get you something,” I murmur. “And let’s get back to bed.”

She nods and we get up, turning the lights back off. I lead her to the bed and shift around in the darkness, finding a waterbottle and some advil that we keep around. She takes a few pills and I put everything back away. When I climb back in bed, I wrap my arms around her comfortingly and I think that helps, her heart beat going normal again.

“YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Jaaack….”

“Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks! Fi-ur-works! Fi-ur-works! Fi-ur-works!”

“Shut up!”

“Go back to bed!” I call shoving the pillow over my ears. I hear a slight sound and opening my eyes, realizing I stole the pillow me and Bailey’d been sharing. “Sorry,” I wince and put it back. She mutters something, hides under the covers, trying to go back to sleep.

“But it’s the fourth of july!” Jack skips by merrily. “We can get drunk and play with fireworks! Yay! It’s like Christmas!” He laughs like a madman and returns to poking Matt.

I groan and pull my blanket over my head, but it’s fruitless. I’m awake and Jack’s still skipping around like an oversized leprechaun. Sighing, I climb out and glance at Bailey. She peaks an eye open but closes it, turning her back towards everyone, hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep.

Whapping the back of Jack’s head, I make my way to the table and grab a bowl of cereal, shoving some funny-smelling milk in, and start chomping away. I watch Jack as he finds a lighter and starts waving it around, so I put my cereal down and shove him outside. “Learn some fire safety!” I call. “Stop, drop and roll, man!” And I lock the door behind me.

Ha.

And we all sigh, reveling in the momentary silence at ten in the morning. Much too early, don’t you think?