If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

I lean us back into the couch as the last of her tears leak out. To stop myself from getting confused or anything, I try to make sense of everything as I hold her against me. It’s really hard to understand, but I think she’s giving me the key to everything that I keep thinking about, the circles I’m going in.

Part of her past, that has to be it. And the nightmares, maybe? From this person who’s obviously scaring her. But even now, knowing this, doesn’t give me everything I need to know. Who? And why? Did she do something to them? While Bailey has quite the attitude, I don’t think she would conflict pain or anything without an obvious reason.

All the same, at least I know something, something to help me better take care of her. She’s being followed, or something like that, and I can be there for her. I told her I’d be here, and I’m going to keep my promise.

She’s falling asleep when I have to go get ready for our set, but she mumbles she’ll be fine. With the new knowledge of her being followed, I absently recall her being paranoid now and then, and realize I’m going to probably get even more paranoid, wondering already if she’ll be safe here.

Jack pulls me away though before we come up with a solution, and I work on not worrying or anything during our set- after all, we’re young and we don’t need anything pushing us down.

“Alex, she’s hogging the couch!” Zack calls as I rummage around my bunk for clean socks. I duck my head out to see the guys sprawled out for a movie, and Bailey, still sleeping, taking up most of the couch.

“Wake her up, then- nicely,” I add before bending over again. Where are my socks? I could’ve sworn some just got washed… groaning, I start the search all over again.

“She’s not waking up!”

“She’s dead!” Jack calls.

That makes me freeze, wide-eyed, but I hear Rian wallop him on the head, muttering something about lying. I get my muscles to relax and sigh before joining them to see the situation. Walking over, Bailey’s hand twitches, and the guys are still pouting.

Rolling my eyes, I mutter under my breath, and gently shake her. She just rolls over in her sleep. “Bailey,” I speak her name loudly, over and over, but still no reaction.

“Kiss her!” Jack decides loudly.

“This isn’t a fairy tale, Bassam,” I roll my eyes.

“So?” He whines. “It always works.”

“Well- stop staring,” I give them a weird look. Sighing, they scramble around, turning on the TV and grabbing snacks. Mumbling to myself- though I’m not bummed about kissing her, my mind’s just on the missing socks- I lean over, carefully rubbing my thumb across her cheek, and carefully kiss her lips.

After a second, there’s a reaction, a long groan/sigh, and her eyes squint open. “Sleeping,” she mumbles, and starts to turn over.

Chuckling, I roll her back over. “No can do. The guys want the couch. Want me to carry you to the bunk?” I offer, standing and ready to help.

Blinking, she slowly looks around and begins sitting up, still obviously groggy. “Uhmm, no. I’ll be fine. Just… yeah.” She rubs her eyes, standing. After a second, she stops wavering.

“You sure?” I grab her arm, just to be sure and she sighs after a yawn. “You still look pretty whipped.”

“Don’t I always?” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, pausing upon seeing my other hand. “Why are you holding onto socks?”

I glance down. “Because I need fresh ones.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Yeah, I could smell them. The laundry hamper is in the driver’s seat, Alex.” She pats my hand absently and with Seb following after her quietly, she heads back to the beds to sleep some more.

But I found my socks! Grinning eagerly, I go to the front seat, and she was right. I’m finally wearing clean socks!