If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Bailey

“Can you believe it?” Alex sighs, lying down next to me. “Five more days. I didn’t think it would end so soon.”

I bring myself up on my elbow, glancing down at him curiously, studying the wistful smile on his lips. Wishing something would never end… have I ever honestly experienced that? My thoughts stray a little for a moment, and then I shake my head.

“You all right?”

My eyes glance down at him as he shuts the curtain for privacy every night. My heart hammers at first, considering claustrophobia, but I force it away. “Yeah. I’m just out of it, I guess?” My eyes return to his in the dim light. “We’ll be home in five days?”

He nods. “Yep. Tomorrow, we’re just driving. Then we have a day off at the coast, and two more shows. We’ll be home after that and the night after is a big party at a great L.A. club to celebrate with everyone. You’ll come, right?” He adds quickly, fiddling with a strand of my hair that’s fallen in front of me.

I watch his calloused, gentle fingers. “Yeah, I suppose,” I muse, considering the dates… yes. That party will be just two or three days before September… my heart thuds. September.

During this tour, we haven’t exactly talked about it. You know, about the deal being over. It’ll be weird, I realize, not being… but will I be with him? What would I do? If I really wanted to do something, and go for it, would I go for him? Would he still want me, after everything?

But could he have me? With… with me being stalked, that wouldn’t be possible, I realize. I’ll have to go somewhere else for a while, stay in hiding and the like. I can’t put anyone in danger. Missy’s called me already a time or two, phone calls with breathing on the other end. I can’t let anything happen…

“Bailey?”

Distracted, I blink and brush my bangs from my face. “Yes, Alex?”

“We were thinking about going to the beach, on our day off, you know. Being so close, we might as well do some surfing and everything. You up for it?” He asks eagerly.

I give something of a reluctant smile. “I guess so.” Sighing, my arm is tiring and I lie down next to him, getting comfortable under the blankets. I ran into a bench earlier today, so I can’t lay on my right facing Alex, so I lie on my other side, facing the wall.

After a minute, Alex’s arms creep around, pulling me closer. I let him, moving my hair from our faces and grabbing one of his arms subconsciously, to hold on to. It’s been like this most nights, really, just peaceable silence while being together. Then the last thing of the night- Alex’s cool lips on my neck- and my eyes flutter closed, not a thought in my mind.

“I really don’t know, Alex,” I begin reluctantly, glancing around outside the bus. I mean, when I agreed to join everyone at the beach… I thought it was just like Alex and the few guys. Not the entire tour! I watch some people loading little barbecues into some trucks. How long are we going to stay? I have no idea…

“Come on, you’ll have fun. Plus you’re already dressed,” he points out as he peaks his head outside the bus, still looking for his flip-flops.

…That I happen to be wearing. What? I couldn’t find my own. And I’m sure I’ll give them back when he figures that out. It makes me grin a little, but it stops as I see some guys staring at my chest.

“Hey look! They’re talking!” I yell, throwing up my hands. That gets their attention, jerking upright. Some of them blush, the others smirk, and slowly they move off as I glare hard at them. Those perverts.

And it’s not my fault. I mean, I’m wearing a bikini, I know. But I’m still wearing shorts and a tank… hmph. I cross my arms again as I brush some sticky strands of hair from my forehead, the sun beating down hard on us all. It’s the one thing I don’t like about California, that’s for sure.

“Aha!” Alex’s loud voice makes me jump, bringing me to reality. “You have them!” He cries.

“Smart kid,” I reply dryly. He pouts. I make a face and grumbling, slowly take them off, trying not to hop up and down on the hot cement. Alex puts them on and then suddenly lifts me up, twirling me around on his back.

“Better?” He glances up.

“Yep. Onwards, surfer boy.”