If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

Bailey wants to go say hi to the Maine boys but I’m quick to speak sharp and get the heck out and away from those little boy brats. I head around, saying hi to some guys and especially Pete, but soon I find myself looking again and watching Bailey.

My mood just keeps getting worse and worse. Not only did she have to say hi to them while I was still feeling a bit sour- but she has the nerve to go to a corner and talk with John? I wasn’t even watching for the first few minutes and I have no idea how long they’ve been there, doing who knows what. Fine, call me jealous. Whatever, I really don’t care.

“Dude?” Jack taps me in the brain. “I can like, see the steam coming from your ears, man! Cool down and stop glaring at people… who’re you glaring at?”

“Bailey,” I grit my teeth.

Jack whistles as he sloshes his drink around merrily, undisturbed. I ignore whatever he says for the next moment or two as I see John glance at me, and back to Bay. Probably saying how he’ll meet her in the back, or call her later or something, I guess sourly.

Bailey turns around and sure enough finds me glaring at her, and she’s quick to glare back, the vixen of mine. In my jean pockets, I can feel the ring burning the fingers that touch it. I want to chuck it at her, and I want to slip it on her finger and whisper soft words to her. This girl has got me insane, I swear.

Jack tugs me away after a moment, saying what I need is a drink, and finds me the perfect vodka. He introduces me to some of the other merch girls we hadn’t met, and bored quickly, I invite two of them to the dance floor with me. The songs get hotter and faster and soon I have to chuck my jacket and roll up my sleeves- but that’s fine with me.

The two girls, Mary and Gwen, have quite the dancing skill in seriously close dancing. Not that I’m complaining- it’s just what I need at the moment and I don’t mind if Bailey sees right now. Let her see what its like, you know?

Slowly the hours trek by and Kevin and Pete and some other producers steal the stage now and then to talk, chat, and present toasts. The party has really begun and I get some more vodka. Now and then my eyes find Bailey, dancing or drinking or talking to someone- but clearly avoiding me. Just as I avoid her.

The hours press and I find myself getting somewhat antsy, my anger and frustration slowly fading. Especially as my hand keeps falling to my pocket where the ring still is. At last I excuse myself from the dance floor and find some more wine to enjoy. Leaning against the bar, I look around, peering at all the faces, turning red from the heat and alcohol. Most are slightly familiar, and some aren’t. But it’s all cool. Then at last they fall on Bailey, who’s at a table with herself, a small smirk playing on her absent lips, watching the people dance and sometimes waving their way.

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the adrenaline, or maybe it’s just my stupidity and antsy self that makes me. But I wind my way around the club and step in front of her table, setting my now empty glass down, watching her. Slowly she looks up and raises her eyebrow at me.

“Yes?”

“Let’s talk,” I decide. “Outside.”

“About?” She snorts, swallowing the last of her martini.

“Us. Everything. Tuesday.”

Rolling her eyes, she stands and shoves the glasses away. “If we must,” she drawls and leads the way. She chooses not to go quite outside, but in the hallway between the parking lot and club, where’s it quiet and just waiting for us. “So?” She turns around, hand on her hip, waiting with a critical eye.

I watch her for a moment and then run a hand through my hair, pacing for a few steps as I find the right words. “Well, Tuesday is going to be September first, you know.”

“Duh,” she rolls her eyes.

I frown and try not to be put off. She’s angry and slightly drunk and not a good combination at the moment, obviously. “Well,” I say carefully, “I just wanted to know what you think. If… if we could keep…”

“Keep what?” She says when my voice trails off. Then she snorts, and jabs me in the chest. “I’m sorry, Alex, did you think this would last longer than Tuesday?” She cocks her head up at me. “Cause it’s not. I’m not going to this take.” She looks confused. “That is… I’m not going to take this,” she corrects herself, stepping back and shaking her head, realizing she is slightly drunk.

“Take what?” I ask. “I just, Bailey- all that we’ve gone through, I mean… it wasn’t all just lasting till Tuesday, I know it wasn’t. And I know you have secrets from your past, and I don’t care, okay? I really, really don’t. And I am sorry for acting so rude- but I am frustrated and-”

“Insanely jealous,” she snaps with a smirk. “What would happen if I went and gave Johnny boy a big ol’ kiss, hm?”

I swallow, gritting my teeth. “Bailey, I’m trying to stay calm.”

“Then don’t!” She throws her hands in the air. “I’m sick of it. I’m just so sick of everything! It’s not going to get better, okay? It’s not! It can’t! There’s too much between us to have anything! Tomorrow, I am packing and I’ll sleep on the couch and be out by sunrise, pal.”

“Oh, just like a hit and run, huh?” I growl, frustrated.

“Not like you do anything else, Gaskarth.”

“Fine, Daniels, have it your way. But you can’t run, you know. I’ll still be here and you’ll regret everything you do tonight, I swear.”

“Pretty boys swear on nothing but a fantasy,” she steps, shaking. “Okay? I can’t trust you. I’ve never, never gotten close to anyone, except for Missy.”

“And me,” I jut in, just to annoy her.

It does, obviously. “So what?” She hisses. “John was my first friend after that, okay? You hated me ever hanging out with him! Alex, you’re such a jealous, selfish brat, you have no idea!”

“Are you kidding me?” I spread my arms out. “Me, selfish? I gave you everything, Daniels! Okay? I gave you gifts, I took you out, I gave you my home, and the dogs, and food, and I took you places that you never would have gone without me! Crap, Bailey- I practically wore my heart on my sleeve for you! And you just tossed it in the trash like you do with everything!”

“No I don’t!” Her face turns white, her hands in fists. “You take that back, Gaskarth!”

“No. I’m going to be selfish. I am after all, aren’t I?”

“I hate you!” She shouts, slapping me in the face. “I can’t stand the sight of you.”

“Liar!” I smirk, leaning down. “You wouldn’t say that if I kissed you right now.” I ignore my burning cheek. “You think you can just walk away, saying you never felt anything for me? Heck, I’d like to see you even try and say that you don’t feel a thing for me.”

Bay scowls. “Gaskarth- you- you’re just- ugh!” She starts stomping off.

I can’t help but call after one last time. “Oh, so it’s over then? Is that it? You just can’t stick around anyone long enough, living a miserable life? You think its fun?” I add snidely, crossing my arms.