If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

Sighing in relief, I shut my phone and stare hard at it. Little device may have just saved me… I lean back in my chair, very relieved that she’s actually agreed to come talk to me. Which has to mean something, right? My mind can’t help but wander over everything that occurred tonight. Seeing her look in that beautiful dress- I never even told her how stunning she looked- and talking to other, but that didn’t matter. Seeing her with John, that wasn’t great…

Okay, mostly just what she last said.

I want my heart back…

Is it really possible, to have something and never know it? Chewing on my lip, I start thinking about it harder. Had I really ever known? Had it ever come to mind that maybe, just maybe she did have feelings for me? There were times when she was willing to hug me… the times she would kiss me. The sprinkling of compliments and willing to help me out with things and do stuff with me. On her good days, she’d even hang out and laugh with me, maybe playing with the dogs and I.

Of course, then there were the times she’d insult me, avoid me, and do anything just to annoy or spite me. She’s a girl who knows how to hurt where it really does hurt, come to think of it… But then, it’d always been fixed because soon she’d be nice again.

…

She’s a really confusing girl. Truth, definitely.

Another truth? I am definitely head over heels for her.

She, too, is the one holding my heart, if you want to put it mushy like that. She’d spent her own time juggling and playing around my heart. Painful as it was, there wasn’t anyway I wanted my heart back. Somehow, I guess I just know, Bailey’s the only one I want to ever hold my heart. Great, I realize. I’m turning into a completely sap.

Ding-dong.

I jump up and literally run all the way to the door, fling the door open and seeing Bailey standing there chewing her lip like the freaking adorable thing she is, I wrap her in my arms, dragging her in. “I missed you,” I mutter in her hair.

“Um, okay?” She offers softly but she doesn’t return the hug, just standing there. After a minute, I realize I’d better let go before she strangles me so I step back. “You wanted to talk?” She chooses to get straight to the point as she closes the front door, hands shaking.

I nod. “Yeah, right. Come on in, let’s sit down…” We walk into the familiar living room and sit down, I on the couch and she’s in the big chair that makes her seem to small, vulnerable, beautiful…

Clearing my throat, I figure I’ll start. “I guess it’s my fault, Bay, and I realize that, really. I mean, I’m a guy, and I just don’t- no, I just…” I scratch my head, shifting uneasily. How to put this all into words? “Okay. So I’m a little slow, all right?”

Bailey slowly nods, and suddenly freezes. “Di- did you hear that?” She whispers suddenly, standing. “A door just…” She rubs her arms, unable to stay still for a second.

I stand also, confused, and I listen. “Uh, not that I know of. Why?”

Swallowing, Bailey promptly sits down. “Oh. Okay. Right. Imagining things… Uh…” She starts tugging at her hair and biting her lip all the more until I start wondering if it’s going to start bleeding soon. “Wait,” she says quickly after some silence. “Right there.”

Crrreaaaakk…

A shiver runs down my spine. “I heard it…” A quick intake of breath comes from Bailey and I look at her. “Bay? Are you okay?”

She seems to choke on her breath. “May- maybe it’s just me. I just- I could’ve sworn I was being followed here, that’s all. A stupid brown car trailing behind with half a headlight gone… it’s just me… right?”

I take it in, trying to think. “Bay… is there something you’re not telling me?” I just have that vibe trailing along, I swear… My mind starts running back during some conversations during Warped…

Suddenly she gives a small gasp of horror as a look of recognition flashes on her face. “I know the car,” she whispers softly, raising a hand to her mouth. “From too many years ago. His car.”

‘Him’ and ‘his’ is all I really know about this figure who she’s so paranoid about. I mean, if he did something, she has a right to be… but what did he do? Do I even want to know? Does it have to do with her? I just wish I understood… “Let’s go outside,” I decide. “Maybe if the car’s around, we’ll know for sure and we can call the police, okay?”

Her eyes turn on mine hesitantly. After a moment, she nods slowly. “Okay.” And slowly we make our way to the door, listening for any more sounds. Not really, though. So maybe it’s just us, being suddenly paranoid? I really shouldn’t have watched Saw III last night, probably…

We open the front door, but it’s as far as I get, suddenly feeling something whap the back of my head. I crash into the wall and collapse, unconscious.