If Only I Knew How to Hate You

Alex

She’d seemed so honest, innocent, saying those words. I stand outside her door, leaning my head against it quietly, trying to figure things out inside my head. What does it mean? Maybe it’s wrong, she’s not scared of the dark?

I glance around, wondering if I should talk to Dr. Carter. After all, the nurse has already made her last rounds for the evening. Not another one till about midnight, I suppose, and they’ve kept Bailey’s window partially open to peer on her when that time comes.

Twisting my slouchy hat in my hands for a few minutes, I finally gather the courage to go to her window, and look in, feeling guilty like peering in on someone’s bug collection or something, and that’s just horrible. I squint, pressing my face into the glass. Soon enough, I can see her immersed in all the pillows. But even from here, I see her hands shaking, eyes closed too tightly and her heart monitor… I guess that means her heart’s beating a bit faster, then.

Not until midnight… I glance around, ignoring the policeman. They switch every eight or so hours with about ten of them, and they already all know to let us, her friends in, and only a certain amount of doctors and nurses. So they don’t care about the schedule, just about who enters…

Eh, clear enough to me. I nod to the policeman and carefully step back in, quietly closing the door behind me. I turn over to Bailey who hasn’t noticed me just yet, still shaking and shivering, wrestling inside her mind.

“Bay…” I whisper, dropping my things back on the table and walking over, taking her hand. Frowning, I uncurl her hands, trying to straighten them out, to loosen up.

I hear her breath catch and slowly she turns to me, eyes wide and taking deep breathes. “Alex?” She asks, sounding confused, but her voice is slurred like the drugs are still trying to take effect. “It’s… too dark…” she murmurs, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Shhh,” I whisper, and gently I climb onto the bed, avoiding moving her or any of the wires or anything can could draw attention and maybe get me kicked out. After a minute, I’ve pulled the covers up over her, but I’m not cold. I’ve looped an arm around her and my other hand is slowly tracing circles on her collarbone that peaks from the hospital gown. “It’s okay. You can sleep,” I whisper.

Drowsily, she gives a nod and I feel her body quickly relaxing into oblivion. I watch her for a while, content with the heart monitor that everything is okay, and hoping she’s having good dreams, especially with me in them. Then the darkness has its own effect on me and I finally sleep, too.

I’m prodded and poked like cattle, waking up. Grumbling, I turn over, peaking around my shoulder in the bright light. Ugh, it’s a nurse. Wait, a nurse? “You’re not supposed to be here,” she hisses, upset and angry.

“You shouldn’t, either,” I mumble, still sleepy. “It’s too early.”

She glares and keeps prodding me until I finally get off the hospital bed that Bailey’s still asleep in- or was…er… she’s starting to wake up and blinks over at me and the arguing nurse, confused. “Alex?” She rasps, her throat somewhat dry. “Why are you in yesterday’s clothes?”

“I spent the night with you,” I grin. “That’s all.”

Bay nods uncertainly and then looks to the nurse who looks like she’s bursting steam from her ears. “Okay, okay,” I grumble under my breath. “I get the message, woman, happy? I’m going, sheesh. Later,” I add the last part to Bailey sweetly, kissing the back of her hand before scampering out before the nurse gets any ideas.

On my way out, I find Dr. Carter leaving a patient’s room, and I meet him. We talk for a few more minutes, and I tell him about last night. He’s not too happy that I stayed since it’s against rules, but he is glad that we’ve figured this out for sure. He also hands over her four prescriptions and informs me that in just an hour she’ll be off to therapy.

Oh, fun…

Shaking my head, I leave the hospital and head on home. Jack’s there, asleep on the floor and both of our dogs cuddling against him for warmth. Just as odd… I toss a pillow at him as I run upstairs to change.