Cancel You From My Mind
Songfic for Pretty. Fever
Try to cancel you from my mind
Never liked you that much anyway
I ran into my bathroom, blood covering my hands and the front of my shirt. I slammed the door shut and fiddled with the lock, but my hands were slippery with blood, making it hard to get a good grip on the lock.
click
The lock slid into place and I turned to the sink. I turned the knob and put my hands under the scalding hot water and scrubbed at my hands with soap. The water turned red with the blood. I felt like I was scrubbing my skin off. The water slowly turned pink, then clear but I still scrubbed like they were still covered in blood. I dropped the soap in the sink, leaving the water running. I grabbed the bottom of my turquoise shirt and pulled up, stripping down to my bra. I crumpled up the shirt, throwing it into the corner. I stood in the bathroom looking everywhere but the mirror. I didn't want to see what I looked like, not now. I kept hearing this animal like sound. I realized it was me, trying to breath and crying hard at the same time.
"Oh what have I done?" I thought over and over again. I grabbed my hair and stood there, sobs shaking my body. I finally looked up into the mirror. My liquid green eyes where wide with terror and they glistened with tears. My red hair was matted and dirty. My face was dirty tear streaks running down it and it was pale. I looked horrible. It fully hit me when I looked at myself into the mirror. I backed up until I hit the door. I slid down the door as tears started to pour out of my eyes. I curled up on the floor and sobbed.
"What have I done?"
~♥~ one month earlier ~♥~
" I am so sorry Baby." He whispered. I flinched as he knelt down to hug me. He saw me flinch and got angry.
"Damn it Baby! I am not going to hurt you again. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just love you so much that sometimes it makes me crazy." He pulled me against him and felt confused. He is so nice and loving at times. But then there are nights, he gets this look in his eyes and I know that its going to be hell. He tells me how much he hates me, how he wishes I wasn't his girlfriend, how everything wrong was my fault. Then he would beat me, calling me all sorts of names. Then after wards he would apologize and tell me that he loves me and that I make him crazy sometimes. I don't know what to believe. I have left him before when he first started to beat me and he split my lip open. He came to my apartment with roses and crying, telling me how sorry he was. My heart melted and I let him in. It was good for two weeks, then that look came back.
"Baby, I am so sorry. I will never do it again. I promise." He whispered into my hair. I knew that the promise was an empty one. He whispered it to me every time, yet once that look enters his eyes its out the window. I must have made a sound of disbelief because he pushed me from him.
"Damn it Baby! Whats wrong with you? I am trying to make it all better and your acting like a bitch!" He yelled, glaring at me. I felt a spark of anger.
"Well excuse me for not believing your promise. Any other time you promised me that, it always happens again." I don't know where I got the courage to say that, but as soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. His face seemed to turn purple with anger. His blonde hair seemed to turn pink and his blue eyes showed red glints. He looked demonic when he was beyond angry. He stood up and glared down at me.
"I love you Baby, but I have had enough of this. You always are accusing me of things I don't do. You make me crazy sometimes and then you sit there and try to put all the blame on me. I can't take it anymore! We are through!" He turned towards the door. My heart froze.
"Rich, please don't leave me! I promise I will be better. Please, I can't live without you, I need you." I grabbed onto his jacket sleeve and begged. He threw me off.
"I'm sorry Baby, but I am tired of being your victim. You cast this spell over me and it makes me hate you as much as I love you. But now I have no love for you, just hatred." Without a backward glance he left me on the floor, my heart seemed to had stopped beating.
~♥~ Three weeks and six days later~♥~
I can't sleep most of the time
Try to cancel you from my mind
Never liked you that much anyway
Got to try sleep through to Saturday
I can't get you out of my mind. You are always there, like a bad stain that won't go away. Or is it a sweet dream? I can't tell if your an annoyance to me or a sweet image of what I still want. I am sitting on my window sill, staring at the moon and I can't stop thinking about you. I can't understand why I can't get you out of my mind. I can't sleep, hardly eat, and my social life doesn't exist anymore. I have become a zombie. Well a zombie that doesn't go around eating people. I am not that crazy. Maybe I am. I sighed and turned from the moon to look around my room. It was messy. I haven't been very good at doing much of anything lately. My answering machine was blinking. I watched the light for a couple of seconds and that blinking light drew me to it like a siren drew unsuspecting sailors to their deaths. I'm not saying my answering machine was trying to kill me... well it might, not sure. Technology doesn't like me much.
"Hey Baby, It's Arina and the girls. We miss you. Come chill with us." Beep
"Baby, Arina again. We haven't heard from you, is everything ok?" Beep
"Baby Ann Daniels! If you do not call me back I swear to God I am going to come over to your apartment and knock some sense into you! Don't make me! I will send Cujo after you!" Beep I had to giggle at the last one. Arina has a little tea cup terrier named Cujo. The most he will do is lick you to death. He is about as vicious as a bunny. I looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. Too late to call her now.
I looked around my apartment trying to figure out what to do. My new case of insomnia means I never get any sleep, but my zombie-ness doesn't let me do much but stare into space. So my place was a mess, I decided to clean it. I looked around at the apartment and sighed. I had a lot of work to do.
Can't seem to keep my eyes shut
Can't stop to think about what what what
You said, you said to me when
I lost, I lost you again
~♥~The next day~♥~
"I know Arina, I am sorry. I have been...zombie-ish lately." I murmured into the phone. I was still cleaning my apartment and when she called again, I answered. She was kind of mad at me for not calling her. She doesn't know anything about Rich beating me, but she knows that we are not together anymore. I heard her sigh heavily.
"It's ok Baby. I understand. I just want to help you through your time of need, not be left out. I am your best friend. Hoes before Joes hun. Remember that?" It was our pact we had made in high school. That was nine years ago, we were eighteen. We had just graduated. We were happy to be out of school.
"I have an idea!" She said suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Why don't we go out tonight!" I paused in my cleaning, the scrubbing brush hanging in my limp hand. Then I continued to clean as I thought about it.
"Do I want to go out?"
"It would do me some good going out."
"What if I see him?"
"I should go out, see if I can find someone new"
I'm lonely, gotta look for a party
and dance with somebody tonight
Cause I'm lonely, feeling empty inside
Can't you make me feel alive
"Alright Arina, We well go out tonight. Were we going to go?" She squealed in delight. I heard her name of places that we could go and how we should invite the girls to come with us, but my mind was on a certain boy who broke my heart, yet still seemed to be chained to it.
After making plans with Arina, I hung up the phone and continued to clean. I scrubbed my bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room. I threw mounds and mounds of trash away. I had to do what seemed like millions of loads of laundry. I was finally done cleaning around seven thirty, just in time to hop in the shower and get ready. We had decided to go to Boca Joes, a night club we used to go to a lot. I slipper into my favorite clubbing outfit, which consisted of a turquoise shirt and a white mini skirt. I threw on some make up and put my hair up a messy curl bun and called it good. I heard a knock on my door quarter after eight. I opened the door and there stood the Girls. Arina was dressed in this pink... well I'm not sure it could be called a dress. I think dresses have to have more material then that. But as the girls walked in one by one, I seen that some had less materials than Arina's dress.
Rain was dressed in a blue dress. Trixxy was dressed in probably what she considered an outfit. It was this light pink dress thing. veronica was dressed in a red dress. And the last one to stroll in was Danica. Danica was dressed in what looked like a shrunken cheerleader outfit.
"Hey Baby, looking good!" They said as they walked past me and into my apartment. I smiled back at them and shut the door behind them. I turned to them and smiled.
"I missed you all. I am sorry for my Zombie-ish behavior lately." I explained to them.
"thats why we are here, to help you along." Rain said. I grabbed my purse and we headed to the club.
~♥~ That night at the club~♥~
Oh God... I don't think I can breath. He was here. I haven't seen him for the first hour, so I thought it was going to be ok. I was dancing with this guy when, for whatever reason, I looked up towards the door. And there he was, leering at me. I looked away and wove my way to the girls.
"Girls, I think I am going to leave. He is here." I explained as I grabbed my stuff. The girls protested and after I told them to stay and enjoy the night did they finally let me leave. Arina gave me this look. I shrugged and walked away.
Don't look at me like that
What? You think I'm some kinda maniac
Who was asking for your opinion anyway
It's my life and you don't have a say
I looked around and didn't see Rich. I let out a relieved sigh and started to make my way through the dancing crowd. I made it halfway to the door when a hand grabbed my arm tightly and didn't let go.
"Baby, lets talk." Rich led me to the side door, where the alley way was. He opened the door and led me down the alley a bit, away from the smokers. He turned me towards him.
"Baby, I have heard that you can't seem to Live without me. It's funny because since I have left you, I can't stop thinking about you. You put a spell on me Baby. It's driving me crazy." He squeezed my arm harder, making me whimper. I tried to take his hand off of my arm, but he grabbed my other arm and pushed me against the wall.
"Rich, let me go." I whimpered. He just squeezed harder as he tried to nudge my knees apart. I realized what he was trying to do and struggled. I finally got away from him. I shoved my knee into his groin and then took off down the alley way.
Gotta get, get outta this place
Can't stand to look at your face
I'm gonna get lost in the underground
I'll kill you if you follow me around
I ran for what seemed like ten minutes, the whole time he ran after me and yelled my name, threatening me.
I tripped and suddenly he was right on top of me. I seen the gun in his hand. I scrambled away, but he grabbed my hair with his one hand and yanked me up. I tried to claw at his hands to let me go, but the most I got out of it was a backhand to the face. The gun hit my check. I cried hard.
"Rich, let me go. Please, let me go. Don't hurt me." I looked at him and knew that he was beyond human intelligence. There was a monster in the place of what used to be Rich. I didn't want to be the victim anymore. I shoved my knee into his groin again, causing him to let go of my hair and double over in pain. I kicked him in the face. He flew backwards onto his back, the gun flying from his hand. I ran for the gun, I heard him coming after me. I picked up the gun and turned. He was almost on top of me.
Crack
I looked at his shocked face as he rammed into me. We flew to the ground, him landing on top of me.
"How could you?" He whispered hoarsely.
"I'm sorry." I whispered back. His eyes went blank and he slumped onto my shoulder. I pushed him off of me, getting my hands covered with blood. I looked at my hands and ran.
~♥~♥~♥~♥
Try to cancel you from my mind
Never liked you that much anyway
I ran into my bathroom, blood covering my hands and the front of my shirt. I slammed the door shut and fiddled with the lock, but my hands were slippery with blood, making it hard to get a good grip on the lock.
click
The lock slid into place and I turned to the sink. I turned the knob and put my hands under the scalding hot water and scrubbed at my hands with soap. The water turned red with the blood. I felt like I was scrubbing my skin off. The water slowly turned pink, then clear but I still scrubbed like they were still covered in blood. I dropped the soap in the sink, leaving the water running. I grabbed the bottom of my turquoise shirt and pulled up, stripping down to my bra. I crumpled up the shirt, throwing it into the corner. I stood in the bathroom looking everywhere but the mirror. I didn't want to see what I looked like, not now. I kept hearing this animal like sound. I realized it was me, trying to breath and crying hard at the same time.
"Oh what have I done?" I thought over and over again. I grabbed my hair and stood there, sobs shaking my body. I finally looked up into the mirror. My liquid green eyes where wide with terror and they glistened with tears. My red hair was matted and dirty. My face was dirty tear streaks running down it and it was pale. I looked horrible. It fully hit me when I looked at myself into the mirror. I backed up until I hit the door. I slid down the door as tears started to pour out of my eyes. I curled up on the floor and sobbed.
"What have I done?"
Never liked you that much anyway
I ran into my bathroom, blood covering my hands and the front of my shirt. I slammed the door shut and fiddled with the lock, but my hands were slippery with blood, making it hard to get a good grip on the lock.
click
The lock slid into place and I turned to the sink. I turned the knob and put my hands under the scalding hot water and scrubbed at my hands with soap. The water turned red with the blood. I felt like I was scrubbing my skin off. The water slowly turned pink, then clear but I still scrubbed like they were still covered in blood. I dropped the soap in the sink, leaving the water running. I grabbed the bottom of my turquoise shirt and pulled up, stripping down to my bra. I crumpled up the shirt, throwing it into the corner. I stood in the bathroom looking everywhere but the mirror. I didn't want to see what I looked like, not now. I kept hearing this animal like sound. I realized it was me, trying to breath and crying hard at the same time.
"Oh what have I done?" I thought over and over again. I grabbed my hair and stood there, sobs shaking my body. I finally looked up into the mirror. My liquid green eyes where wide with terror and they glistened with tears. My red hair was matted and dirty. My face was dirty tear streaks running down it and it was pale. I looked horrible. It fully hit me when I looked at myself into the mirror. I backed up until I hit the door. I slid down the door as tears started to pour out of my eyes. I curled up on the floor and sobbed.
"What have I done?"
~♥~ one month earlier ~♥~
" I am so sorry Baby." He whispered. I flinched as he knelt down to hug me. He saw me flinch and got angry.
"Damn it Baby! I am not going to hurt you again. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just love you so much that sometimes it makes me crazy." He pulled me against him and felt confused. He is so nice and loving at times. But then there are nights, he gets this look in his eyes and I know that its going to be hell. He tells me how much he hates me, how he wishes I wasn't his girlfriend, how everything wrong was my fault. Then he would beat me, calling me all sorts of names. Then after wards he would apologize and tell me that he loves me and that I make him crazy sometimes. I don't know what to believe. I have left him before when he first started to beat me and he split my lip open. He came to my apartment with roses and crying, telling me how sorry he was. My heart melted and I let him in. It was good for two weeks, then that look came back.
"Baby, I am so sorry. I will never do it again. I promise." He whispered into my hair. I knew that the promise was an empty one. He whispered it to me every time, yet once that look enters his eyes its out the window. I must have made a sound of disbelief because he pushed me from him.
"Damn it Baby! Whats wrong with you? I am trying to make it all better and your acting like a bitch!" He yelled, glaring at me. I felt a spark of anger.
"Well excuse me for not believing your promise. Any other time you promised me that, it always happens again." I don't know where I got the courage to say that, but as soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. His face seemed to turn purple with anger. His blonde hair seemed to turn pink and his blue eyes showed red glints. He looked demonic when he was beyond angry. He stood up and glared down at me.
"I love you Baby, but I have had enough of this. You always are accusing me of things I don't do. You make me crazy sometimes and then you sit there and try to put all the blame on me. I can't take it anymore! We are through!" He turned towards the door. My heart froze.
"Rich, please don't leave me! I promise I will be better. Please, I can't live without you, I need you." I grabbed onto his jacket sleeve and begged. He threw me off.
"I'm sorry Baby, but I am tired of being your victim. You cast this spell over me and it makes me hate you as much as I love you. But now I have no love for you, just hatred." Without a backward glance he left me on the floor, my heart seemed to had stopped beating.
~♥~ Three weeks and six days later~♥~
I can't sleep most of the time
Try to cancel you from my mind
Never liked you that much anyway
Got to try sleep through to Saturday
I can't get you out of my mind. You are always there, like a bad stain that won't go away. Or is it a sweet dream? I can't tell if your an annoyance to me or a sweet image of what I still want. I am sitting on my window sill, staring at the moon and I can't stop thinking about you. I can't understand why I can't get you out of my mind. I can't sleep, hardly eat, and my social life doesn't exist anymore. I have become a zombie. Well a zombie that doesn't go around eating people. I am not that crazy. Maybe I am. I sighed and turned from the moon to look around my room. It was messy. I haven't been very good at doing much of anything lately. My answering machine was blinking. I watched the light for a couple of seconds and that blinking light drew me to it like a siren drew unsuspecting sailors to their deaths. I'm not saying my answering machine was trying to kill me... well it might, not sure. Technology doesn't like me much.
"Hey Baby, It's Arina and the girls. We miss you. Come chill with us." Beep
"Baby, Arina again. We haven't heard from you, is everything ok?" Beep
"Baby Ann Daniels! If you do not call me back I swear to God I am going to come over to your apartment and knock some sense into you! Don't make me! I will send Cujo after you!" Beep I had to giggle at the last one. Arina has a little tea cup terrier named Cujo. The most he will do is lick you to death. He is about as vicious as a bunny. I looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. Too late to call her now.
I looked around my apartment trying to figure out what to do. My new case of insomnia means I never get any sleep, but my zombie-ness doesn't let me do much but stare into space. So my place was a mess, I decided to clean it. I looked around at the apartment and sighed. I had a lot of work to do.
Can't seem to keep my eyes shut
Can't stop to think about what what what
You said, you said to me when
I lost, I lost you again
~♥~The next day~♥~
"I know Arina, I am sorry. I have been...zombie-ish lately." I murmured into the phone. I was still cleaning my apartment and when she called again, I answered. She was kind of mad at me for not calling her. She doesn't know anything about Rich beating me, but she knows that we are not together anymore. I heard her sigh heavily.
"It's ok Baby. I understand. I just want to help you through your time of need, not be left out. I am your best friend. Hoes before Joes hun. Remember that?" It was our pact we had made in high school. That was nine years ago, we were eighteen. We had just graduated. We were happy to be out of school.
"I have an idea!" She said suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Why don't we go out tonight!" I paused in my cleaning, the scrubbing brush hanging in my limp hand. Then I continued to clean as I thought about it.
"Do I want to go out?"
"It would do me some good going out."
"What if I see him?"
"I should go out, see if I can find someone new"
I'm lonely, gotta look for a party
and dance with somebody tonight
Cause I'm lonely, feeling empty inside
Can't you make me feel alive
"Alright Arina, We well go out tonight. Were we going to go?" She squealed in delight. I heard her name of places that we could go and how we should invite the girls to come with us, but my mind was on a certain boy who broke my heart, yet still seemed to be chained to it.
After making plans with Arina, I hung up the phone and continued to clean. I scrubbed my bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room. I threw mounds and mounds of trash away. I had to do what seemed like millions of loads of laundry. I was finally done cleaning around seven thirty, just in time to hop in the shower and get ready. We had decided to go to Boca Joes, a night club we used to go to a lot. I slipper into my favorite clubbing outfit, which consisted of a turquoise shirt and a white mini skirt. I threw on some make up and put my hair up a messy curl bun and called it good. I heard a knock on my door quarter after eight. I opened the door and there stood the Girls. Arina was dressed in this pink... well I'm not sure it could be called a dress. I think dresses have to have more material then that. But as the girls walked in one by one, I seen that some had less materials than Arina's dress.
Rain was dressed in a blue dress. Trixxy was dressed in probably what she considered an outfit. It was this light pink dress thing. veronica was dressed in a red dress. And the last one to stroll in was Danica. Danica was dressed in what looked like a shrunken cheerleader outfit.
"Hey Baby, looking good!" They said as they walked past me and into my apartment. I smiled back at them and shut the door behind them. I turned to them and smiled.
"I missed you all. I am sorry for my Zombie-ish behavior lately." I explained to them.
"thats why we are here, to help you along." Rain said. I grabbed my purse and we headed to the club.
~♥~ That night at the club~♥~
Oh God... I don't think I can breath. He was here. I haven't seen him for the first hour, so I thought it was going to be ok. I was dancing with this guy when, for whatever reason, I looked up towards the door. And there he was, leering at me. I looked away and wove my way to the girls.
"Girls, I think I am going to leave. He is here." I explained as I grabbed my stuff. The girls protested and after I told them to stay and enjoy the night did they finally let me leave. Arina gave me this look. I shrugged and walked away.
Don't look at me like that
What? You think I'm some kinda maniac
Who was asking for your opinion anyway
It's my life and you don't have a say
I looked around and didn't see Rich. I let out a relieved sigh and started to make my way through the dancing crowd. I made it halfway to the door when a hand grabbed my arm tightly and didn't let go.
"Baby, lets talk." Rich led me to the side door, where the alley way was. He opened the door and led me down the alley a bit, away from the smokers. He turned me towards him.
"Baby, I have heard that you can't seem to Live without me. It's funny because since I have left you, I can't stop thinking about you. You put a spell on me Baby. It's driving me crazy." He squeezed my arm harder, making me whimper. I tried to take his hand off of my arm, but he grabbed my other arm and pushed me against the wall.
"Rich, let me go." I whimpered. He just squeezed harder as he tried to nudge my knees apart. I realized what he was trying to do and struggled. I finally got away from him. I shoved my knee into his groin and then took off down the alley way.
Gotta get, get outta this place
Can't stand to look at your face
I'm gonna get lost in the underground
I'll kill you if you follow me around
I ran for what seemed like ten minutes, the whole time he ran after me and yelled my name, threatening me.
I tripped and suddenly he was right on top of me. I seen the gun in his hand. I scrambled away, but he grabbed my hair with his one hand and yanked me up. I tried to claw at his hands to let me go, but the most I got out of it was a backhand to the face. The gun hit my check. I cried hard.
"Rich, let me go. Please, let me go. Don't hurt me." I looked at him and knew that he was beyond human intelligence. There was a monster in the place of what used to be Rich. I didn't want to be the victim anymore. I shoved my knee into his groin again, causing him to let go of my hair and double over in pain. I kicked him in the face. He flew backwards onto his back, the gun flying from his hand. I ran for the gun, I heard him coming after me. I picked up the gun and turned. He was almost on top of me.
Crack
I looked at his shocked face as he rammed into me. We flew to the ground, him landing on top of me.
"How could you?" He whispered hoarsely.
"I'm sorry." I whispered back. His eyes went blank and he slumped onto my shoulder. I pushed him off of me, getting my hands covered with blood. I looked at my hands and ran.
~♥~♥~♥~♥
Try to cancel you from my mind
Never liked you that much anyway
I ran into my bathroom, blood covering my hands and the front of my shirt. I slammed the door shut and fiddled with the lock, but my hands were slippery with blood, making it hard to get a good grip on the lock.
click
The lock slid into place and I turned to the sink. I turned the knob and put my hands under the scalding hot water and scrubbed at my hands with soap. The water turned red with the blood. I felt like I was scrubbing my skin off. The water slowly turned pink, then clear but I still scrubbed like they were still covered in blood. I dropped the soap in the sink, leaving the water running. I grabbed the bottom of my turquoise shirt and pulled up, stripping down to my bra. I crumpled up the shirt, throwing it into the corner. I stood in the bathroom looking everywhere but the mirror. I didn't want to see what I looked like, not now. I kept hearing this animal like sound. I realized it was me, trying to breath and crying hard at the same time.
"Oh what have I done?" I thought over and over again. I grabbed my hair and stood there, sobs shaking my body. I finally looked up into the mirror. My liquid green eyes where wide with terror and they glistened with tears. My red hair was matted and dirty. My face was dirty tear streaks running down it and it was pale. I looked horrible. It fully hit me when I looked at myself into the mirror. I backed up until I hit the door. I slid down the door as tears started to pour out of my eyes. I curled up on the floor and sobbed.
"What have I done?"
♠ ♠ ♠
here you go Kayti!! Hope you like it!:)