Fallen From Grace

There’s something cold and blank behind her smile
She’s standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile

Ida had slipped out if her house in a quiet, Hartford suburb in upper Connecticut. She wasn’t sure of much of anything, really, and soundlessly trotted across the front lawn.

Her sneakers softly thudded on the sidewalk. Oh, how she wished she could just slip into one of many cracks in the cement and just disappear. Life seemed like a constant battle, one that she would never win. Derek was there. He always would be.

Derek was Ida’s so called ‘boyfriend,’ who constantly made sure that’s she’d always be with him. Oh no, nobody could have the beautiful Ida except him. He made her swear on her life that they’d be together forever, and she made the promise. Derek had been very pleased, taking extra measures to ensure she stayed true. This meant little to no contact with the outside world. Ida was to save every single word that came from her mouth for him, and him alone.

For Derek, words weren’t enough. He wanted every ounce of her being. Ida’s gorgeous, pale skin was only to brush against his own, her small hands and slender fingers were only his to hold. Those clear, blue eyes were only meant for him, and her cascading brown hair was for his fingers to entangle with. In simple English, Ida was his. His everything.

Ida had basically become a robot, putting on fake little smiles to convey the feeling that she was okay. Deep down, she knew she wasn’t okay, but other people didn’t need to know that. She then wondered why it even mattered, she only saw one person on almost every single day. Derek.

She was still slowly moving ahead, guided by streetlights. The air was bitter, and she could see her own breath as she exhaled. That, or maybe remnants of the marijuana she smoked in the afternoon still lingered in her mind. It wasn’t enough for her to lose her ability to function, but it was enough to make her feel a little off or confused.

Soon, she was walking up a small hill to the overpass above I-84. The highway below looked deserted, and Ida saw no headlights at all. The only things she could realls see clearly were sides of buildings in the distance, where beams of light from the streetlamps hit them. Other than that, everything was colorless against the pitch black, starless sky over Hartford, Connecticut.

You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away

Ida quietly stood there leaning against the rail that was there to prevent a car from falling over the edge, and onto the normally busy interstate beneath them. Part of the reason it was usually so busy was that this was a large city, and more than that; it was the state capital. This was also where Bradley International Airport was located, which was the closest airport to most of Connecticut’s residents. Besides those who were close to the New York border. It was probably of more convenience for them to go to John F Kennedy International Airport in Queens, New York.

She still stood there, looking down on the empty pavement. It was nearly invisible in the darkness, but it was quite obvious where it was laid. There was still not a single car.

Standing all alone up there really did leave her mind open for thinking. But sadly, it also opened her mind to the thoughts she didn’t want to think. Lately, while Derek was working, all Ida spent her time doing was smoking pot leaves to escape. Well, at least escape in her mind. The exits were always locked, and alarms were on every window. She truly was a prisoner. Tonight, though, Derek forgot to lock the side door, which was how she had gotten out.

Derek had simply just gone out to pick up some snacks for himself, seeing as tonight was their ‘movie night’ back at the house. He loved the way these horror films literally sent her straight into his arms. Ida always did so when she was scared. Giggling to himself, he started loading up on goodies like sour gummy worms, twizzlers, cheese doodles, and other high-carb sweets he’d probably regret later. Derek smirked at the twizzlers, more at the fact that he loved sticking one end of the delicious twists in his mouth, and the other end into Ida’s. Both of them chewed on it until their lips met in the middle, which reminded him of that scene in Lady and the Tramp where the dogs were eating pasta. As soon as her rosy, pink lips touched his own, he immediately began to kiss her.

Derek giggled, ready to taste her lips again. He kept her hair in his fingers, and never let her break away from him until he wanted her to. With another giggle, he went and grabbed a few sodas, thinking he got everything. Derek checked out, and walked out to his car to head home. Home to Ida.

He turned right out of the plaza, out onto the main road. As Derek quietly drove away, he swore that he saw a dark silhouette on the overpass in the faint glow of a streetlight. Deciding that it was just his mind playing a trick on him, Derek shook his head and sighed, taking a left and thinking nothing more of the matter. It couldn’t be real, could it?

Ida was slowly beginning to feel cold, seeing as she was standing still with minimal movement. To be quite honest, she didn’t even care. There wasn’t much to care about anymore.

One thing that always bothered her was now perfect her life had once been. Even though she was only 19, it always felt like she wouldn’t live much longer. She truly did regret moving out of her parent’s house, and missed them both a lot. The last time she saw them was 6 months ago.

Ida did know that there was no such thing as perfect, but still felt that she used to live the perfect, ideal life. She longed for the freedom she once had, resenting ever meeting Derek. The drugs gave her freedom, they freed her for a few hours before she was back to the restricted life she now lived. If only she had never met him, if only.

One other thing she did know was that Derek had once had a perfect life, with everything he could ever ask for. He seemed to envy the way she had it so good the first time he met her. The good life had thrown him away, it cast Ida away too. And now, she was running away from it all. Maybe even life itself. Living almost didn’t seem to matter to her anymore. She could never find the cloud with the silver lining.

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself

Ida slipped her hand into her pocket, not for any reason particularly. She sighed as she put her chin on the rail, slowly exhaling as she closed her eyes for a second. The wind was blowing from behind her, blowing her hair all over her face. She felt hidden behind her chestnut brown veil, again, wishing she could just disappear.

The marijuana wasn’t really doing it for her anymore. She just wasn’t completely satisfied with the high it gave her. So, she moved onto something a bit stronger. Luckily, there was quite the stash of drugs under a loose floorboard. Somehow, Derek never noticed any of it missing, or that she had been doing something. That was probably partially because she usually did the stuff in the early afternoon after he left for work, and the effects would wear off before he came back. Really, she just kept on using the drugs to keep everything off her mind, and now she was probably her own worst enemy. The drugs couldn’t save her from herself.

Ida felt around the pocket lining of her jeans, and produced a small, white pill that she held in the palm of her hand. Ecstasy. She just stared at the little circular tablet, not making any move to pop it into her mouth. Not yet, but Ida definitely wasn’t going to waste the precious drug.

All of a sudden, she popped it in her mouth and rested it on her tongue, beginning to play with it inside her mouth. But of course, she swallowed it. This was a step up from the pot leaves she rolled into a joint. Ida waited for the high to kick in, relieving her of all these restless thoughts.

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid
Lost all her dolls

Derek had finally parked in the driveway, and got out to grab the bags out of the trunk. He walked around, popped it open, grabbed the stuff, and slammed it shut. Nearly dancing with excitement, Derek walked up to the side door. He was surprised when he put the key in the hole and it was already unlocked.

“Oh Ida, darling,” he purred, quietly slipping into the house and dropping the bags off on the kitchen counter. Derek listened for an answer, but smirked. She was probably teasing him. Oh, he liked that. Liked it a lot.

Derek listened again, but there was still no answer. “Baby, come on!” he called, growing impatient. He didn’t like games he didn’t win right away. Feeling a burst of anger, he stormed upstairs and threw open her door. No Ida. He opened every door in the house; no Ida. Well, the only door she went through he had already closed, but she wasn’t inside.

His jaw nearly dropped to the ground when he remembered the side door was open. Ida escaped. Ida ran away from him. Ida was gone! HIS beautiful Ida was gone, almost into thin air! Even after she promised him she’d be with him forever, she broke it. Ida was not to leave the house unsupervised, and she had walked out the door he carelessly left unlocked. You could only lock/unlock the door if you had the key, which she didn’t have. Somehow he was able to push that dark figure in the overpass out of his mind, and now he probably wished he hadn't. Yet again, he couldn’t regret something that he couldn’t remember. All he knew was that he wanted her back right now.

The ecstasy pill was starting to work its magic. She felt very good, and was relieved of all her fears. But she was also in an intimate mood, and could do nothing with that horny feeling solo. Ida also felt invincible, and picked up a piece of jagged metal. Slowly raising it up, she carved a smile onto her face, something she hadn’t had on her face in the longest of time.

The blood sprayed all over her white, long-sleeved shirt. She started to lick at it with her tongue, letting the rich, red liquid into her mouth. Surprisingly, it tasted out of this world, and was like a drug itself! She put her hands in the crimson river, and stuffed them into her mouth to suck at the rusty and sweet substance that covered them.

Derek had rushed out to his car and sped off, retracing his steps. He was wracking his brain to notice something unusual or odd. He drew a blank, and sighed, frustrated. He wanted Ida back, needed Ida back. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind.

You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away

Ida was like a savage animal, but was feasting on her own blood. She dropped to her knees, not feeling any pain at all from the self-inflicted gashes on her face. This mutilation didn’t seem to phase her. She held that piece of metal tightly, then rammed it into her throat. She spluttered and choked as the blood filled her mouth, and she fell backwards while her head felt like it was spinning, blood oozing out of the corners of her mouth. She choked for one last breath, before it was all over. She didn’t look peaceful in death at all.

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Wont save her from herself

Life was a constant battle, and Ida lost.