So Sacrifice Yourself, and Let Me Have What's Left

It doesn’t seem so odd that when you meet someone undeniably gorgeous that you can’t stop thinking about him that entire night. School started tomorrow, or, by what my clock says, today, and I haven’t closed my eyes for more than two seconds. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I guessed his name was Zacky, considering that’s what he answered to when the voice from inside the house called him. I’m tired, since I keep yawning every five seconds, but my eyes were almost glued open, staring up at my large ceiling. Strands of my brown hair were flying in different directions to the fan’s wind blowing through my entire room. It amazed me that Devin actually gave me this room and didn’t keep it for him and Cynthia.

It was huge, and, just like Devin said, took up the entire third floor. Boxes were sprawled everywhere, in every random place I could find. My mattress was placed in the middle of my room, under the ceiling fan that took up almost the entire ceiling. The exhaustion from sleep made me think about how big that fan was, and that the ceiling wouldn’t be able to hold it up, and that the fan would fall right on top of me, ripping me to shreds. I shivered at the thought, only making me continue to lie in my bed, my eyes growing heavy with sleep, but my body stirring, keeping myself up.

I wondered what made him so beautiful, and began to go down the list from what I saw. His jade orbs were the most often features that popped into my head. It was almost as if they could see right through me and into my soul, where my true self shined. I hoped that wasn’t the truth, because I knew that if he saw me he would run in the other direction away from the monster I really am.

I began to work myself up over nothing, and continued to think about him, and what it would be like to have his plush lips press against mine in a passionate way. I even let myself think I heard something move from outside. I looked over to my window that was used as a door to walk out into the balcony. The balcony was empty, as I told myself I should’ve been expecting, but a part of me wanted someone to be out there, watching me. I wanted him to be thinking about me as well, and wanting to see me again like I so desperately did for him.

The hours slowly crept before me and past me in an almost unbelieving way. I guessed that perhaps the moon and sun were playing a game to where they were both turtles, slowly creeping either on the Horizon, or disappearing under it. The shine from the sun did not surprise me, nor did it cause my eyes to wince and have to adjust to its brightness. No, I was more than prepared for it, and I knew that this day was going to go as slowly as the night had done, which wasn’t something I was looking forward to. I wanted this day to go as quickly as possible because of one reason and one reason only, school. I dreaded the thought of being bombarded by hundreds of kids that knew where they were going, while I would be wandering around, taking my time, trying not to cry. It’s strange that when I get too nervous, I start crying. I’m not sure why I do it, but I’m sure of how annoying it gets. Although, there is one good thing to it, usually when I do start crying someone comes up to me, usually a guy, and tries to help me. At least some good comes out of something as annoying as crying.

“Candace, Mom says it’s time to get up.” Danielle called unemotionally up the stairs that led to my room, not even bothering to come into my room to see if I was actually getting up.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” I mumbled, not sure if she heard me. I heard her footsteps walk down the stairs and into the second floor where her room was. I sighed, looking out my window, staring at the forest. I knew that there was no way that I could be Devin’s daughter, because the thought of being alone, in a forest, with nothing to protect myself except my own hands scared me. I was terrified of the forest, and I was terrified of what might be hiding in there. Werewolves don’t think like that, which means that I could never carry the Lycan gene like my sisters did.

If only I knew.

The seconds ticked by, and I figured that it was best to get up and start the day, considering it was going to be a long one. I sat up in my mattress, my knees coming up to my chest, and looked at my balcony. I knew I was tired, so I had to have been seeing things when I thought I saw someone on that balcony looking back at me. I told myself over and over again that it was no one, and that it was probably a bird flapping its small wings past my window. But it couldn’t have been. I didn’t hear any wings or chirps that would signal that a bird was near. In fact, I couldn’t hear any now, which was strange. Besides, if it was a person, I would’ve heard their footsteps, but I didn’t hear anything. I just saw a dark figure on my balcony and, when I blinked, it disappeared completely. Something had to be wrong here.

I stood up from my mattress that was placed the middle of my room on the beige carpet floor. I took one last look out my window and onto my balcony, and out into the forest once again. I didn’t like how that was my only view, but, wait, perhaps not. I couldn’t help myself. Before walking into my bathroom, I looked at my other window on the opposite side of my room from where my bathroom was. That window was smaller compared to the other that went out into the balcony. It looked right into another window, and my heart fluttered at who I saw.

It was him, looking as gorgeous as ever.

I stopped dead in my tracks, standing in front of my bathroom, staring at him like a tourist staring at the empire state building. He had just woken up, but he still looked beautiful with his hair going in different directions and his eyes half open. I knew that this was the view I was going to be looking out into the most often. My heart sank when he opened his bathroom door and closed it behind him, meaning I could no longer see him and admire him. This wasn’t fair. I just had to know him.

I followed his actions by closing the door behind me as I entered my bathroom. Luckily my closet was in my bathroom, meaning I wouldn’t have to walk in and out to change my clothes. Devin had hired movers to help us make the move, so all of my clothes were already in my closet; they were just piled on the floor. I didn’t mind, considering that’s how my old closet used to be arranged, and felt right at home digging through the mountain of random clothing. In the deepest pit of the mountain, I found a plain black collared shirt with a white pattern on the left breast. It wasn’t often that I wore this particular shirt, but, when I thought about it, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone with my appearance, so this shirt will do. I tossed it on the bathroom counter, half of it falling into the sink that I had not used yet so the shirt wouldn’t get random drops of water on it, and looked for a pair of pants. Those weren’t hard to find, considering they were the dark blue top of the mountain of clothes. I picked the first pair I saw, which wasn’t much different from the rest of them, but I didn’t mind. Before putting my clothes on, I did my daily routine, which consisted of thoroughly brushing my teeth, thanks to me forgetting to the night before, straightening my naturally straight hair, I like the stick straight look, I’m not sure why, but I hated having any type of curl in my hair. I stared at my eyeliner, and it was staring back at me. I knew what it was saying—it said this every time I picked it up and attempted to put its brush against my eyelids.

“You’re nothing. You’ll never get that god next door either, and you want to know why? You’re ugly, fat, and will never be pretty. You can put on all the makeup you want, but it will never hide your true self. So why bother?”

I don’t think eyeliner is supposed to be this mean.

But, despite what it was telling me, I applied it onto my eyelids anyway. I didn’t wear much, since most of the things my eyeliner told me really hit me. I didn’t think I was pretty, which, in my mind, made me believe that’s why I didn’t have any friends, because they all thought I was hideous back in McKinley. But people who visited out of town said I was attractive, but they didn’t react the same way towards me than how they reacted for Danielle and Leana. That was another reason why I was weighed down with the thought of not being pretty. I grew up around Danielle and Leana, and, compared to them, my own birth mother wouldn’t find me the least bit attractive.

I hurriedly put on my clothes, realizing how much time I had taken up whining to myself and moping about how ugly I am, and opened my bathroom door. I took one last look at myself, and sighed. Once again, I looked like I always did, boring. I always thought of myself as that, just someone who was walking around, and just a wave in the oceans of the hurricanes. I began to understand why my birth mother and father gave me away; they couldn’t possibly keep someone as ugly and boring as I.

I finally unglued my eyes from myself in the mirror, and walked out of my bathroom. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. My eyes immediately looked out the small window, hoping to catch a glance of him.

Our eyes immediately met, his jade orbs staring into my dull green eyes. He had all of his clothes on, much to my dismay, but I didn’t care. He was actually looking back at me while I was staring at him like an idiot. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way by just looking at someone. He had to have known who I was, simply because he was staring at me the same way from the first time we saw each other. My breathing became heavy again, and, from what I could see of his chest, his had, too.

“Candace!” someone yelled from the stairs just outside my door.

It was my turn to look away from his gorgeous face. “What?” I called.

“We’re going to be late!” Cynthia’s voice called. “Hurry up!”

I huffed, hating how she was always like that. She would always rush people when they had more than enough time left. “I’m coming! Hold on!” I yelled. I had to see him once more before my long first day of school, just to keep a picture in my head as something to keep my hopes up.

My heart sank, he was gone.

I wish I had kept looking at him. I knew that it was probably because of Cynthia calling me that he wasn’t there anymore, and I cursed in my head, making a mental note to never look away from those sparkling jade orbs ever again.

I gathered all of my things, which wasn’t much. The school had so many students that we weren’t supposed to carry backpacks, so, in the meantime of being the new kid, I carried a new black notebook and my purse that Leana had given me once she was done with it. I took one last look out the small window, and didn’t see any sign of him. I sighed, hoping that I would see him again soon, and walked out of my door.

“You took forever!” Cynthia exclaimed. “Here, eat your breakfast in the car.” She said, throwing two waffles at me and, surprisingly, landing on my notebook like on a plate.

I didn’t say anything, I knew better than to try to get Cynthia to calm down when she was like this. I took a bite of one of my waffles, feeling the chocolate chips bursting against my mouth, making me feel somewhat better. I followed Cynthia out of the house and into the garage. I still hadn’t said one word to her, and listened as she went down her ‘to-do’ list in her mind that came out of her lips. I waited patiently in the passenger seat of Cynthia’s gray mini-van, my eyes darting every five seconds or so towards the house that my small window looked out to. No one was entering or leaving, which was strange, but I didn’t pay any mind to it as Cynthia pulled out of the driveway in a fashion that her drivers-ed teacher wouldn’t be so proud of.

“Where’re Leana and Danielle?” I mumbled, my mouth full of chocolate chip waffles.

“They took your Da—I mean, Devin’s, car.” Cynthia said, her eyes on the road as she sped past the random cars that were either on their way to work or school.

Cynthia and Devin tried to get me to call them my parents, but I would always refuse. I wouldn’t call some strangers my mother and father, considering they had nothing to do with my birth. They would call each other that once in a while when they were talking to me, mainly because they were so used to doing it to Danielle and Leana, but they would always catch themselves, which was fine with me.

“Then what’s Devin going to do?” I asked, wiping my hands against each other, making sure no waffle crumbs were on them.

“He’s not going to work until tomorrow.” Cynthia stated, taking a left turn. “He’s getting Lee a car today for her birthday.”

I nodded. It didn’t surprise me that Leana got a car for her birthday, when they barely remembered mine. I remember my last birthday they had completely forgotten, and I was all alone, in my room, with a brownie, singing ‘happy birthday’ to myself. I know they didn’t mean to, but still, if they wanted me to treat them as my parents, they should treat me as their daughter.

“Do you think you can find your way to the counselor’s office?” Cynthia asked as she pulled up in front of what looked like a two story prison.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ll find it somehow.” I said with no emotion in my voice, opening the car door. School had already started, meaning I wasn’t going to be seen getting out of a mini van while the woman driving was asking me questions like I was three years old. I hurried to make my way towards the large prison, which seemed like Heaven compared to Cynthia the hell raiser.

I opened the large doors of the prison, and was greeted with the kind of scenery that one would want to get married in. If it weren’t for the fact that this prison was actually a school, I would probably get married here as well. There were two large stairs extending out into the second floor that joined as one on the first floor, and the ceiling was in a circular dome shape, giving it that sense of beauty, with a symbol of the silhouette of a man in some type of old Greek uniform. The words ‘Liberty Titans’ were wrapped around the image, and I figured that was this school’s mascot. It was pretty obvious that the reason why the staircase was put there was to fool the parents into thinking that this was a good school instead of the children’s personal version of hell. They’ve obviously never been around Cynthia in the mornings.

“Excuse me?” a voice called from behind me.

I turned, and saw a woman, possibly early forties or late thirties, standing before me. Her sandy blonde hair was in a poofy curl fashion and was cut short against her small and fragile scalp. She was short in stature with a small frame that was covered by a red turtle neck sweater that was short sleeved with Capri pants that stopped in the middle of her ankles, exposing her brown shoes that looked like the kind of shoes that would come in handy for walking around all day.

“Are you Candace Owens?” the woman asked.

I nodded, and that’s when I noticed the way she was looking at me. She was looking at me in an almost unbelieving way, almost as if I was some type of unknown creature to her, and that she had just made a remarkable discovery that would put her in all of the science magazines worldwide.

“Please, follow me.” she said in a small voice, turning and walking down a hallway away from the majestic staircase and the Titan silhouette. I followed behind her, looking through the windows of the doors that we passed, trying to look at the other students. From what I saw, they looked a little like what the kids in Chicago looked like—the ones who accepted me—instead of the ones in McKinley. I figured that I was going to like this place.

“In here.” The woman said, leaving the door open for me as she walked past it.

I followed behind her, and walked right into what looked like a living room that one door cornered each wall. There was a couch, two chairs beside it, and a desk standing in front of the furniture. There was a guy already sitting on the couch, staring at his hands, as he waited for his name to be called.

“Go ahead and sit down, I’ll tell Ms. Jones you’re here.” The woman said kindly, walking to the other side of the desk that had a chair on it and sitting on it, already typing things before she placed her bum on the chair.

I took her advice, and sat down on the chair farthest away from the side of the couch the guy was sitting on. I waited just like him, only I was staring at my notebook, tracing the brand with the tip of my index finger.

“Hey.” A deep voice said quietly.

I looked up to see the guy looking back at me. I figured he was speaking to me. “Hi.” I said quietly, giving him a shy smile.

The guy smiled slightly, and looked back down at his hands. I went back to my tracing, trying not to think of how weird that was of him saying hello and nothing more. Back in McKinley they would try to start a conversation with you, and, if you were like me, you hated having someone being in your personal bubble like that. Maybe moving here wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Candace Owens?” an unfamiliar voice called.

I looked up, and saw a woman holding a door open that went into an office. She was dressed the same way as the other woman, who I guessed was the secretary, only instead of a turtleneck she was wearing a shirt with the words ‘Liberty Titans’ written across it with the same silhouette of the Titan as the one on the staircase. Her dark brown hair came down to her shoulders, and had obviously been teased a bit on top, but her hair was so thin it didn’t do much. She was a bit bigger than the other woman, with her round, pudgy fingers and palm holding the door open. “That’s me.” I said, waiting for her to say something about me having to stand up.

The woman smiled. “We’ve been waiting for you. Come on in.” she said, turning so the office was the only thing I was staring at.

I stood up, passing the guy and the secretary, all the furniture, passed the unfamiliar woman, and walked into the office that looked like any other office a woman had that worked in a school, trying to fool the parents into thinking that this school wasn’t hell when it truly was.

“Go ahead and sit, don’t be a stranger.” The woman said, closing the door behind her and walking behind her desk, sitting down on her chair, looking at me as I sat down on the chair in front of her. “You already have your schedule, correct?” she asked. I nodded, remembering Cynthia giving me my schedule the night before. “Now, since this is a big school, well, it is compared to your other one, so we decided to get you someone to show you around a bit for first period. We got a girl that signed up for this herself, and she has the same lunch as you, and she’ll invite you to sit with her and her friends, does that sound good?” she asked, looking at me intently.

To be honest, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. But I knew it would be better than wandering around like an idiot and getting trampled. If I weren’t so shy, I would’ve said ‘yes’ immediately, but it took me a while to actually get the guts to agree with something like this. “Sure.” I said quietly.

The woman nodded. “Alright, I’ll get her.” She said, picking up a phone and dialing a number. She paused for a minute, and then began to talk. “Yes, Mrs. Dennison? This is Stacy. Do you have Gena Paulhus in your class right now?” she paused. “Do you think you could send her to my office please? I have a new student I would like to have her show around.” She paused, and then smiled. “Alright, thank you so much.” She hung up, and then looked at me. “She’ll be here in a few minutes, you can just wait here.” She said, rolling back in her chair to look at her computer, leaving me to think.

I was really hoping this day wasn't going to be as slow as I thought.