So Sacrifice Yourself, and Let Me Have What's Left

All five of us managed to be seated at the cramped round table with plates of food covering the entire wood tabletop with skyscrapers made out of boxes surrounding us. It was quiet for the most part, mainly because we were all starving from a long day of either school, work, or, if you were Cynthia, trying to arrange everything that was still packed in boxes in the same fashion as our old house used to be in.

“So, girls, how was your first day of school?” Devin asked, breaking the silence with his mouth full, with bits of his mashed potato spitting out of his mouth as he spoke.

“Mine was pretty good.” Danielle shrugged, the first to speak. “I met this girl, her name’s Kaydin. She seems pretty cool. She gets picked on by these five guys though, so she kinda doesn’t talk much.” She said, taking a small bite of her roast beef.

“Kaydin, that’s a pretty name.” Cynthia said after swallowing her bite of lettuce from her salad.

“How was your day, Lee?” Devin asked, turning his attention towards Leana.

Leana perked up a bit in her chair, and smiled brightly. “Mine was great!” she said happily. “Not only did I get a new car, thanks again, Daddy.” She said, earning an approving look from Devin. “But I met this guy today! His name’s Jimmy, and he’s really funny. He even invited me to this party he was going to with a few friends of his tonight. Can I please go?” she asked, jutting her lower lip out at both of her parents.

Cynthia and Devin looked at each other as if they were thinking of what to say to Leana. I already knew the answer, though. Leana got everything she wanted just because she was their first born. Honestly, I would’ve hated it if Cynthia and Devin treated me like they did Leana because I was their first child. I would’ve felt uncomfortable having someone wait on me hand and foot. But, then again, Leana was born that way, so she was destined to be spoiled rotten from the very beginning.

“Well, since it is a Friday…” Cynthia started.

“We might as well let you go.” Devin ended.

Leana cheered happily, standing up from her chair to kiss her parents on their cheeks. “Thanks Mommy, thanks, Daddy!” she said, taking her plate and walking into the kitchen to rinse it out. Once she did, she hurriedly ran up the stairs and into her room. I could only imagine what she was going to wear.

“How was your day, honey?” Cynthia asked Devin, who had just cut his roast beef into four slices.

Devin shrugged. “They were just teaching me how things worked today.” He stated. “Tomorrow is when I really start getting to work.”

Danielle stood up and walked to the kitchen, only not quite as fast as Leana had done. She rinsed out her plate and walked back to the table, sitting down quietly, listening as Devin talked about what his new job consisted of and how much money he was going to be paid for doing it.

I was going to finish my meal without saying one word. They—I mean all four of them—would talk amongst each other, always forgetting the sad little sixteen year old nobody in the corner, slowly rotting away as she ate her food in silence. But something different happened from all the other nights that caught me off guard.

“And how was your day, Candace?” Devin asked, turning his complete attention to me.

I gave him a blank expression. This was probably the only time he would ever do this, so I might as well make the best of it. “Uh, it was okay…” I said, lifting my tiny shoulders up and down in a shrug. “I met this girl, her name’s Gena, and…” I began to think that if they treated Leana like a goddess, and Danielle like a queen, perhaps they would at least give me the only thing I ever asked from them. “She invited me to her house tomorrow. C-can I go?”

Devin and Cynthia looked at each other. This had never happened before. Never had someone actually asked me to come over to their house. They both knew I didn’t have any friends, so this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to actually have the house to themselves without me wandering around, even though I stayed in my room the majority of the time I was in the house.

“Well, you are in high school…” Cynthia started.

“We might as well give you some freedom.” Devin ended with a smile.

A smile appeared on my lips as I looked up at both of them. I was surprised that they actually agreed to something like this. But, then again, they might just want alone time for the first time in three hundred years. “You mean it?” I asked breathlessly.

Cynthia nodded, clearly taking in the first time I ever had any other emotion besides mope. “Of course, but, who will be taking you to her house?”

I sat back down in my chair, my facial expression turning back to normal. “She knows where I live, so she’s having one of her friends pick me up. He might come at like, noon, or something.”

“He?” Devin asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

I nodded, trying not to look at him, for I wasn’t used to him being protective of me. “Yeah, his name’s Matt, and he’s the only one of her friends with a car.” I said, taking out the humor in Gena’s sentence.

“At least you told us that. Lord knows what I would do if I saw some guy walk up on our porch asking for you.” Cynthia laughed under her breath, taking her plate to the kitchen.

I looked at Danielle, who I had just remembered was still sitting with us at the table, and she was looking at me the same way Devin was. She had never paid much attention to me, so this was a new one. “What?” I asked once Devin followed Cynthia into the kitchen.

“Nothing, I just think it’s kinda funny.” Danielle shrugged, placing her hands in her lap.

“Think what’s funny?” I asked, watching her as she stood up from the chair.

“That someone actually wants to be friends with you. You sure they’re not being nice to you for pity?” Danielle asked smugly, turning her back to me as she made her way towards the stairs.

I was used to her being like that. Danielle had never really liked me. There were days where I thought she would rather have me dead then feeding off Cynthia and Devin, even though she does that as well. Danielle didn’t really like Leana, either, but she could put up with her sister when the time came. Other than that, Danielle ignored everyone, especially me. I was hoping that this Kaydin girl was going to give Danielle at least a better personality, even though I have no room to talk when it comes to that.

Not saying anything to Danielle, I got up, took my now empty plate with me into the kitchen, and rinsed it out. I placed it in the sink like everyone else, knowing Cynthia would clean them and put them in the dishwasher later. Cynthia really did enjoy her job as a housewife, and always did things to the house while the rest of us were gone. It was like her hobby, which wasn’t something you often heard from your average woman living in America today.

I had to admit, I was a bit worried about tomorrow. I began to think that maybe Gena would forget, and not tell this Matt guy to come pick me up. I knew Danielle and Leana would never let me live that down, so I was praying to an unknown God that no one could see but me in this house. It doesn’t seem so odd that a family full of werewolves wouldn’t worship God, considering they’re creations of the devil. Even though I didn’t know it at the time, I meant more to the devil than the others did, and God probably didn’t care about me because of the blood that ran through my veins. But still, it doesn’t hurt to try to see if He just happens to be listening at the time. If I had known all of that then, I probably wouldn’t be praying to God, asking Him to let Gena remember, so I would at least have a chance to have a somewhat life for a day.

Walking into my bathroom, I really couldn’t help myself at the time. I stood by my door, but my body wasn’t facing the bathroom, no, I had much better things to look at than myself in the mirror. He wasn’t in sight that the window could expose, but if I waited, he might pop out of nowhere. The seconds ticked by, and he still hadn’t shown up. I sighed, remembering how Gena got to have him while I could just stare from a distance like some idiot who was afraid to do something and actually talk to the guy. I began to wish that I was more like Gena—someone who wasn’t afraid to talk to a total stranger—and then maybe I would get to have someone like the god next door. My heart sank slightly after I waited a bit longer for him and never once did I catch a glimpse of his jade orbs on his perfect face. I turned, now facing my bathroom, and walked inside, closing it behind me.

I remembered to brush my teeth, thankfully, just in case the nerves of tomorrow would cause me to have some type of short term memory loss and forget to brush my teeth in the morning, or afternoon, depending on which time I wake up. I stepped into the shower once the water had warmed up a bit, and stepped out fifteen minutes later once I had lathered my brown hair with the usual shampoo and conditioner. Once I was dressed in my nightclothes, which consisted of a plain gray t-shirt with black shorts, I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was dripping from the water soaking it as it was glued to my face. I stared at my reflection, the only way I would ever see my true self. My inner voice, or, should I say, voices, began to speak to me. It didn’t surprise me that these voices sounded strangely like Leana and Danielle, the Perfect Ones.

You’re ugly as shit…
No one will ever want you…
No one will ever love you…
Get over yourself…
You’re not, and never will be, worth it…
You’ll be seen as nothing but a ghost…
No one will ever glance in your direction…
They will always run in the opposite direction, away from you…
Do yourself and the world a favor…
Die.

These voices came to me on a regular basis. They never came at predictable times, so I always had to be prepared. I felt the tears creep up my throat, and I let them appear on the rims of my dull green eyes as I continued to stare coldly at my reflection. I had never hated anyone as much as I hated myself. There was no one in this world that I would rather see dead than myself. There were a few people who got on my nerves, but I could never despise and loathe anyone as much as I did the person in my reflection, me. She was nothing to me. She was the stupid girl who thought that she was going to have a happy ending. Little did she know that she was taking the path towards hell, and there were no U-turns for her. No one would ever see this girl in my reflection as someone they could love and want to be around. I felt a tear slowly run down my cheek as I heard another voice, a familiar one, whisper along with Danielle and Leana.

You think you actually had a chance with him? What a foolish, foolish girl you are. He will never want you. He’ll always want me, whether you like it or not. He doesn’t care for you. He doesn’t even know your name. So why bother with someone who’s way out of your league?

Gena’s whispers caused my tears to flow faster than Danielle or Leana’s. She had just joined the Perfect Ones club. My hair now hung in my face, covering my eyes, as I began to gasp for air. I looked down, not able to see my ugly self in the even more hideous state of crying, staring at my wrist. The scars had faded a bit from the last time, but they were still visible. The scars were staring back at me as well, mocking me, begging to be opened once more. A slight pulse began to beat against my skin where the scars were, urging me to help them spill my dark red blood once more. I obeyed their commands with the help of Danielle, Leana, and Gena’s whispers in my mind, and walked into my closet. I reached down in the deepest pit of the mountain of clothes, searching for a certain pair of jeans that I no longer wore but always kept for these kinds of moments.

You’re nothing…
We all hate you…
He’ll never love you…

My fingertips touched the fabric of denim, and I took a tight grip of what I felt, violently yanking it from the mountain, causing a slight avalanche of shirts to appear and disappear almost quickly as it had started. I stared at the pair of jeans I was holding for a few moments as the Perfect Ones began the chant they always did to urge me on. I was surprised at how quickly Gena had caught on with this little chant.

Cut your wrist! Spill your blood! Die bitch die!

I sat Indian-style in my bathtub, holding the razor blade that was once in my jeans, which were now sprawled on my bathroom floor. I bit my lower lip, breathing slowly and uncertainly. I wasn’t so sure if I really wanted to go back to this routine, but then I remembered how it felt the first time I had done it. With that thought, the chant grew louder, thumping in a beat against my ears, sending it into my brain.

Cut your wrist! Spill your blood! Die bitch die!

I could feel the pressure of the blade against my left wrist, not yet slicing the skin. Tears were spilling from my dull green eyes, where I was sure the white was now bloodshot, blurring my vision a bit as I thought of everything that made my life horrible. Cynthia and Devin didn’t care for me. Leana and Danielle would rather have me gone or dead instead of breathing the same oxygen as them. My real mother was probably a whore who could never keep her legs shut, and my real father was probably some drunk who had kids from different mothers running all over the place, never once paying attention to any of them. No one cared about me, and I had no friends to say that they would always be there for me. Gena got to have the god next door, making me realize that I would never have a chance with him, or anyone for that matter.

With those thoughts in mind, the razor blade easily sliced my beige tender skin with red ooze slowly creeping out of the slit.

Cut your wrist! Spill your blood! Die bitch die!

Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I could taste the salt water on my lips as I stared at the slit. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, and I no longer had to worry about the worries life had put upon me. I smiled breathlessly at the feeling, and soon it became my addiction. I placed the razor blade against the slit once more, deepening the cut. I watched with what little vision my tears gave me as my blood began to drip from my wrist and onto the bathtub, making a small puddle of red liquid. Soon the cut had become too deep for my liking, and I moved to the bare area above the new scar, and placed the blade against it. The chant had gone from a whisper to an almost yell as I let out a small whimper at the feel of the blade violently slicing open tender skin. Only this time, the chant had added a few more words.

My lips were quivering angrily as the tears had started to calm a bit with their flow, and I stared at my arm. Red liquid was covering a good chunk of it, and wrapped itself around the cylindrical form of my wrist, followed by dripping into the fresh puddle of blood. I could feel the cold of the liquid stinging against my legs, telling myself that I should stop. But I couldn’t. The chanting and the visions of him made my addiction grow for more of my blood to run out of my skin. I wanted this weight to disappear completely, but I knew, deep down inside, that nothing could make it go away. The chanting made me think otherwise, overflowing the thoughts of common sense, causing my mind to no longer think in logical ways. I was no longer responsible for my actions.

“Candace!” someone yelled from a distance, causing the chanting to go away.

I looked to my right to see nothing but my bathroom counter. I looked at my door, which was still shut, so I figured whoever had called was still outside, meaning I wasn’t caught from this sin I was doing.

“Y-yeah?” I asked weakly. I wasn’t surprised by that fact.

“Mom says you need to get out of the bathroom and help her with the dishes!” the familiar voice of Danielle called, only her voice was more of a normal human tone than when it was the demonic voice whispering in my ear telling me to die.

“Alright, tell her I’ll be there in a minute!” I answered, looking once more at my puddle of blood. Danielle had taken my mind out of its trance and brought it back into reality, causing me to see how large this puddle really was. The sting from my arm that I had noticed for the first time caused me to wince. I heard Danielle shut the door behind her, signaling she had now exited my room, and I turned on the water, not bothering to wait for it to warm up.

I watched as the clear liquid picked my red liquid up, almost holding it above its head as it carried my blood back down the drain, where it belonged. I stayed put, ignoring the water soaking my shorts, watching my blood swirl around the drain in an almost hurricane state before disappearing completely. I sighed, knowing that my addiction was not going to end here. I needed someone to save me from this hell I was being put through. Someone to tell me they cared and would do anything for me, just as long as I stayed alive and kept my heart beating, pumping my deadly blood through my veins instead of spilling onto the ground. I needed someone to sacrifice themselves, just so I could feed off their remains.

I needed him.