I'm Lost in Confusion

I was sitting at home, not enjoying my day. I’ve had a hard week, I’m sure some other people haven’t too. It makes me wonder what was going on her head. All I wanted to know was why. Why did she leave. I though about this, from the minute I walked down the isle to that sad looking man. Did I do something wrong, did I make her not want to be around me, did they do something wrong. Did he do something wrong. I didn’t understand,. I could only think about this so much with out getting frustrated and not knowing why. It was a nice day out in this wonderful town of Huntington Beach. I walked around the pool that sat outside in our back yard, I walked over to him. He was sitting on a chair in the shade, smoking

"Hey are you ok?"

"Yeah I’m fine."

You know you shouldn’t feel bad, I know you do for him, but she made the choice.

I know but its just shocking that she left everything behind for one person.

All this is to me is a game of wonder. Why why why why, that’s all I wanted to know. I want to make her come back but I cant make her do anything. I wanted to know if Chad was ok with this, not that she couldn’t take care of him, but him being away from his dad. I really wanted to know why the fuck she left him for him. It put me in shock that she went this far, she didn’t tell me if she was talking to him, she always tells me that kind of stuff. BUT NO. NOTHING AT ALL. The whole group acts differently now. Quiet, we never were like this. We always had fun, loud, annoying , slightly drunk, but always having fun. The many tours we went on with them, many adventures. We always had a great time no matter what. Now that was all gone, cause that one person left. Its not time to make the group happy, they need their time. I know each person has a different take on this, but I know they feel confused and hurt.
I walked back into the cool house, dragging my feet a crossed the tile floor. I walked over by the phone to see if there was any messages. I check all time, just to see if its her. I thought maybe she would want to call something and talk, but I guess she’s still not ready or whatever. I slowly walked over to the fridge to make some food for lunch. I remember all the good times we’ve all had in this kitchen, it makes me sad to think the one person that is the closest to me is gone, she was the one person I told everything to, and I mean everything. I quickly made some sandwiches and brought them out.

Jenn: "Here, I know you don’t want to, or your tying to fit into some clothes that you couldn’t fit into before, but this is no way to reach that goal. I said trying to make him laugh, as I handed him his plate".

Brian:" very funny, but I don’t feel like it."

Jenn: "well you have to eat sometime so do it now. don’t make me look like a fat ass here, cause I really want to eat this sandwich."

Brian: "well then go head and eat yours. Ill eat mine in a little bit."

Jenn: "I will shove this down your throat if you don’t eat it, and its not going to be pretty."

Brian:" Fine, ill eat it."

Jenn:" Good, and don’t throw it up, or ill kick your ass. I laughed a little."

He didn’t even crake a smile. He always smiles or laughs at my dumb little jokes. I don’t want him to change just because this has happened. I know he’s a good friend and he worries about them, but there’s only so much you can do to help. Don’t get me wrong I feel like shit to. Maybe in a week or so he will come out of it. I sat there quietly and ate. I glanced over at him, he was finished with his food. I knew he was hungry that lying sack of shit. I got up and grabbed his plate that was balancing on his stomach, to bring in the house to wash.
Brian: thanks. I nodded.

I set them in the sink. I looked over to see if there was any calls missed. Nothing. I don’t think this is health either. We just need to go on with our lives, if she calls she calls, if not then that’s the way she it. He walked back in, he took off his sunglass, and set them next to the phone. I wondered if he was secretly looking to see if she called.

Brian: "Ill wash them since you made lunch".

Jenn:"" its fine, I have a lot of free time now, so I can do it."

Brian:" That’s not fair though."

Jenn: "you will have to give me a better excuse then that. Plus you ate that sandwich pretty fast".

Brian: "I was hungry."

Jenn: "I knew it. I was done with dishes, the whole two".

I walked out to the living room to watch a movie, he followed me, like a child I was supposed to watch.

Jenn:" you want to watch a movie with me? Or you going to go out and do something? I asked holding random movies in my hands".

Brian: "no not anymore, ill stay here with you".

Jenn: "No its fine go out. You haven’t been outside these walls. I think you could use some fresh air and alone time".

Brian: "ok I guess, but ill be back soon". He huffed.

Jenn: "Ok ill be right here. He grabbed his shoes, keys and wallet and left".

I put in a movie, I don’t think I was really going to watch it, more for background noise. I had all my stuff for planning my wedding out and scattered everywhere and I mean everywhere. I don’t know why he hasn’t said anything about, must be a sore subject right now in his mind, I’m going over it all because I’m down one person, the one person who was helping me with everything. I’m lost now. I feel like I want to re-do everything over, cause it doesn’t feel right. Not with her not here. He didn’t come back until later that night and I was still going through things, getting more and more irritated with not accomplishing anything. He sat down next to me.

Brian: "How many times have you watched this movie?"

Jenn;" I don’t know. A lot."

Brian:" well im hungry. You want to go out?"

Thank god he was hungry cause I am too, and he admitted it himself. I didn’t have to make him.

Jenn: "yeah ok, I need a break."

Brian; "Looks like it."

I don’t know why every moment of my time is spent on think how could she. She left him at the alter. She left everyone here. I cant concentrate on anything. I have a wedding to plan here, and I cant. Not cool. I can only imagine what he is thinking. Brian goes to check on him everyday. it’s the same thing everyday. Its to soon to cheer everyone up, and its to late to change the out come of this situation.

I’m lost in confusion