I'm Lost in Confusion
OH! JIMMY!
I was occupied with cooking dinner for tonight. It wasn’t much, but I’m sure it will satisfy theses two. I had mixed feelings about jimmy coming over. I was excited that he was coming over, but I was nervous to how he might react to this whole incident. I was busy in my own little world, until I thought about the phone, again. I walked over and noting. I pushed the button just to make sure. “ no new messages”. I hope everything with her is ok. I looked at the time on the stove clock. Five already. Jimmy should be here soon, or well if he’s still the same. I grabbed three plates and set them on the counter. I stopped think some more. I get so many flash backs. I shared so many memories with her. But now its all gone, that’s all I have of her.
Brian: HEY! HELLO! He yelled. Waving his hand in front of my face.
Jenn: oh… what.
Brian: you know that jimmy’s here.
Jenn: he is. I smiled.
Brian: why do you brighten up when jimmy shows up, why not me.
Jenn: Shut up, you know I do.
Brian: I don’t know about that one, he said following me through the kitchen to the living room where jimmy was.
Jenn: Hi jimmy. I said quietly.
He looked up at me, and I could tell right away that he wasn’t the same. I looked down to the floor, Brian rapped a arm around me.
Jimmy: hi friend. I haven’t seen you in a long time, a week is a long time with out you.
Jenn: yeah it sure has, I missed you jelly bean. I walked away from Brian to give jimmy a hug.
Jimmy: its ok, there’s no need to be sad or anything.
I nodded.
Jenn: I made dinner for you jimmy.
Jimmy: great I’m hungry. He said rubbing his stomach.
I hope this wasn’t a show he was putting on. I don’t want him to fake his happiness. I truly want him to be happy. I don’t know what to do anymore. Its like I try to fix everything but this is something I cant.
I grabbed the plates to give to them so they could dish themselves up.
Jimmy: thanks for making dinner.
Jenn: no problem. I said not fazed at all.
Jimmy: ok I cant not talk about this. I have to get this out of my system. Its bugging me. Its in my head, and I cant get it out. He yelled a little.
Brian: ok then
Jimmy: we need to help matt, you’ve seen how’s he’s been. I don’t want him to get worse.
Jenn: I have no idea what to do.
Brian: well I think this is all we can do for right now. We cant force this to get batter now.
Jimmy: but we need to take his mind of it. At least for one day or something.
Brian: maybe we could go back into the studio, I’m sure that will take his mind off it for a bit.
Jimmy: we need to get her back! He yelled. I’m going to find her!
Brian: That’s great jimmy, but ok well where is she then…jenn? He looked at me like I was hiding the answer.
Jenn: I have no idea, why would you think I would hide that shit from you guys.
Jimmy: Well you are her best friend.
Jenn: Still. I don’t know where she is.
Brian: You must no where she is. He said pointing his finger at me.
Jenn: I DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE IS! I yelled. I stood up and left.
I cant believe they think I would hide shit like that. Maybe they should find her, if they are going to be like this. This really makes me pissed off that they think like that. Why would they do that.
I walked down the street, I need to get away from them, and the pressure. Every step I took I thought where she might be ,maybe I could solve it, if I had time to think by myself. I walked to the park. It was more relaxing to walk where there was really no people around. I found a bench to sit at. I swear I stared at the same spot for like 3 hours, just think. I was now think how are we all going to get alone, everyone is fighting. I felt a slight buzz in my pocket, I took out my phone and looked who was calling me. Brian. I didn’t answer. He should feel like shit for accusing me of “hiding” things from him. But I hope jimmy is ok, I didn’t mean to upset him if I did. I’m so frustrated with everyone, and myself. I feel like giving up, but I cant. Its getting to the point where I hope she knows all the shit she’s putting everyone through. I sighed. I looked up and noticed that it was dark out., and thought maybe I should go back home. I walked the 2 miles home. It was getting a little chilly out now, now that summer is starting the fade. I was looking at all the homes with there lights off with sleeping families in them, there was a few with lights on , not many. But I noticed mine were on. I took a long and deep breath. I’m sure I’m going to get it for leaving like that. I quietly opened the door and shut it. I walked down the hall where the living room was in plan view, and there he was. I totally avoided that area and went to the kitchen. I opened the fridge to grab some water, but was push back. I looked down.
Brian: why did you leave.
Jenn: Why did you piss me off.
Brian: sometimes you hide stuff.
Jenn: I don’t hide anything. You just don’t listen to me, because you don’t care.
Brian: I do to listen.
Jenn: you have selective hearing, all men do.
Brian: don’t, why don’t you tell me where she is? He said putting both arms by my head pinning me in.
Jenn: I can make up a place, if you like, but I have no idea. I said giving him a mean look.
Brian: she tells you everything. I thought she would tell you.
Jenn: well if she did I would tell you, I wouldn’t make matt wait like that. I push him back, and walked away.
He followed me up the stairs into the bathroom.
Brian: where you going you cant run from this.
Jenn: Brian don’t be an ass, I have to take a shower. I’m not running away from this. Can I please take a shower, then we can talk about it.
Brian: I called you like ten times.
Jenn: UGH! I KNOW BRIAN!
Brian: Don’t yell at me.
I slammed the door in his face.
For Fucks sakes were not even married and were fighting like we have been married for 30 years. It's sad because were not even there yet. I hope that all this won't drive him away from me, but I highly doubt that. We've always been so close. I took my shower slowly. I wanted to relax, it felt like this was the one place were no one can get to me.
I walked down the stairs to the living room where he sat on the couch.
Brian: are you ready now? he asked annoyed
Jenn: yes. I stood there in front of him.
Brian: do you know where she is?
Jenn: no I don't, I told you Brian I wouldn’t make matt wait like that. I'd tell you first and then matt. I said. I wanted to cry, cry out frustration. Ive become very emotional now.
Brian: please don't cry. Ok I believe you now, just the way you were saying it it was not convincing. He said grabbing me in a hug.
I grabbed on to him. I didn’t want to let go, ever.
Brian: what are we going to do about jimmy?
Jenn: oh! Jimmy! I walked off from him. Where did he go!
Brian: he finished dinner. He got up and said u don't know when I'll talk to you, but I'll be ok. So don't worry. And left.
Jenn: uh god I'm such a fucking idiot.
Brian: your not. Your just like we are confused as ever. I can tell your losing sleep over this.
Jenn: I can't stop thinking about it. Don't think I didn't notice you tossing and turning.
Brian: we need to talk with Zacky.
Jenn: yeah we do.
I walked up to him. I smiled. He smiled back.
We both said sorry.
Jenn: im going outside.
Brian: to sleep?
Jenn: Yes, yes im going outside to sleep. No I need to talk with the group.
Brian: dun dun dun…..VLH. He whispered.
Jenn: yes. I laughed. And walked out. to the slightly breezy night.
Brian: HEY! HELLO! He yelled. Waving his hand in front of my face.
Jenn: oh… what.
Brian: you know that jimmy’s here.
Jenn: he is. I smiled.
Brian: why do you brighten up when jimmy shows up, why not me.
Jenn: Shut up, you know I do.
Brian: I don’t know about that one, he said following me through the kitchen to the living room where jimmy was.
Jenn: Hi jimmy. I said quietly.
He looked up at me, and I could tell right away that he wasn’t the same. I looked down to the floor, Brian rapped a arm around me.
Jimmy: hi friend. I haven’t seen you in a long time, a week is a long time with out you.
Jenn: yeah it sure has, I missed you jelly bean. I walked away from Brian to give jimmy a hug.
Jimmy: its ok, there’s no need to be sad or anything.
I nodded.
Jenn: I made dinner for you jimmy.
Jimmy: great I’m hungry. He said rubbing his stomach.
I hope this wasn’t a show he was putting on. I don’t want him to fake his happiness. I truly want him to be happy. I don’t know what to do anymore. Its like I try to fix everything but this is something I cant.
I grabbed the plates to give to them so they could dish themselves up.
Jimmy: thanks for making dinner.
Jenn: no problem. I said not fazed at all.
Jimmy: ok I cant not talk about this. I have to get this out of my system. Its bugging me. Its in my head, and I cant get it out. He yelled a little.
Brian: ok then
Jimmy: we need to help matt, you’ve seen how’s he’s been. I don’t want him to get worse.
Jenn: I have no idea what to do.
Brian: well I think this is all we can do for right now. We cant force this to get batter now.
Jimmy: but we need to take his mind of it. At least for one day or something.
Brian: maybe we could go back into the studio, I’m sure that will take his mind off it for a bit.
Jimmy: we need to get her back! He yelled. I’m going to find her!
Brian: That’s great jimmy, but ok well where is she then…jenn? He looked at me like I was hiding the answer.
Jenn: I have no idea, why would you think I would hide that shit from you guys.
Jimmy: Well you are her best friend.
Jenn: Still. I don’t know where she is.
Brian: You must no where she is. He said pointing his finger at me.
Jenn: I DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE IS! I yelled. I stood up and left.
I cant believe they think I would hide shit like that. Maybe they should find her, if they are going to be like this. This really makes me pissed off that they think like that. Why would they do that.
I walked down the street, I need to get away from them, and the pressure. Every step I took I thought where she might be ,maybe I could solve it, if I had time to think by myself. I walked to the park. It was more relaxing to walk where there was really no people around. I found a bench to sit at. I swear I stared at the same spot for like 3 hours, just think. I was now think how are we all going to get alone, everyone is fighting. I felt a slight buzz in my pocket, I took out my phone and looked who was calling me. Brian. I didn’t answer. He should feel like shit for accusing me of “hiding” things from him. But I hope jimmy is ok, I didn’t mean to upset him if I did. I’m so frustrated with everyone, and myself. I feel like giving up, but I cant. Its getting to the point where I hope she knows all the shit she’s putting everyone through. I sighed. I looked up and noticed that it was dark out., and thought maybe I should go back home. I walked the 2 miles home. It was getting a little chilly out now, now that summer is starting the fade. I was looking at all the homes with there lights off with sleeping families in them, there was a few with lights on , not many. But I noticed mine were on. I took a long and deep breath. I’m sure I’m going to get it for leaving like that. I quietly opened the door and shut it. I walked down the hall where the living room was in plan view, and there he was. I totally avoided that area and went to the kitchen. I opened the fridge to grab some water, but was push back. I looked down.
Brian: why did you leave.
Jenn: Why did you piss me off.
Brian: sometimes you hide stuff.
Jenn: I don’t hide anything. You just don’t listen to me, because you don’t care.
Brian: I do to listen.
Jenn: you have selective hearing, all men do.
Brian: don’t, why don’t you tell me where she is? He said putting both arms by my head pinning me in.
Jenn: I can make up a place, if you like, but I have no idea. I said giving him a mean look.
Brian: she tells you everything. I thought she would tell you.
Jenn: well if she did I would tell you, I wouldn’t make matt wait like that. I push him back, and walked away.
He followed me up the stairs into the bathroom.
Brian: where you going you cant run from this.
Jenn: Brian don’t be an ass, I have to take a shower. I’m not running away from this. Can I please take a shower, then we can talk about it.
Brian: I called you like ten times.
Jenn: UGH! I KNOW BRIAN!
Brian: Don’t yell at me.
I slammed the door in his face.
For Fucks sakes were not even married and were fighting like we have been married for 30 years. It's sad because were not even there yet. I hope that all this won't drive him away from me, but I highly doubt that. We've always been so close. I took my shower slowly. I wanted to relax, it felt like this was the one place were no one can get to me.
I walked down the stairs to the living room where he sat on the couch.
Brian: are you ready now? he asked annoyed
Jenn: yes. I stood there in front of him.
Brian: do you know where she is?
Jenn: no I don't, I told you Brian I wouldn’t make matt wait like that. I'd tell you first and then matt. I said. I wanted to cry, cry out frustration. Ive become very emotional now.
Brian: please don't cry. Ok I believe you now, just the way you were saying it it was not convincing. He said grabbing me in a hug.
I grabbed on to him. I didn’t want to let go, ever.
Brian: what are we going to do about jimmy?
Jenn: oh! Jimmy! I walked off from him. Where did he go!
Brian: he finished dinner. He got up and said u don't know when I'll talk to you, but I'll be ok. So don't worry. And left.
Jenn: uh god I'm such a fucking idiot.
Brian: your not. Your just like we are confused as ever. I can tell your losing sleep over this.
Jenn: I can't stop thinking about it. Don't think I didn't notice you tossing and turning.
Brian: we need to talk with Zacky.
Jenn: yeah we do.
I walked up to him. I smiled. He smiled back.
We both said sorry.
Jenn: im going outside.
Brian: to sleep?
Jenn: Yes, yes im going outside to sleep. No I need to talk with the group.
Brian: dun dun dun…..VLH. He whispered.
Jenn: yes. I laughed. And walked out. to the slightly breezy night.