I Never Liked You Even When I Tried To

I wasn't ready, I just wasn't. I wasn't ready to have another boyfriend, nor was I ready to break another heart, even if it was to save my own.

"Nick I don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry." I said softly.

He smiled and shifted in his seat. "Okay."

An awkward silence fell over us until I rethought things and opened my mouth, "You know maybe--"

And then, of all things, the microwave bell went off signalling the macaroni cheese was ready.

Nick jumped up and dropped my hand, scooping the two bowls out.

He placed one in front of me and smiled. "So what were you saying?"

I looked down at the pasta shells coated in sauce. Some of the orange cheese powder was still sitting on top. It was kind of like my heart; the pasta was the organ, the sauce was hatred and the powder was love. It just didn't make sense to me at all.

"Um, don't worry, we've lost the moment."

Nick slid a fork across and started to dig into his own meal. I hardly picked at mine, instead seeing how many pasta pieces I could fit onto one spear of my utensil.

"Are you okay Cianna? You seem kind of distracted."

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine, great."

"Is it about the kiss because I can explain?"

I nodded and rested my fork against the bowl.

"I didn't want to get in trouble with my brothers. I know that's pretty selfish but if they found out I'd been nasty to a girl they would of beat me to a pulp. And you wouldn't want to see a mashed up Nick Jonas would you?"

Normally I would've disagreed, but the way Nick said 'pulp' made me giggle hysterically.

"You have a cute laugh."

Don't listen to him; he's only leading you on.

"Thanks." I blushed.

He smiled and collected our bowls, placing mine in the fridge and his in the sink.

I glanced up at the clock; 12;11.

"Do you wanna go down to the beach?" I asked.

Nick shrugged, "Yeah, okay."

"But you promise not to undo my top."

"I promise, scout's honour."

I raced upstairs and yanked on a bikini and boarshorts. I slung my straw bag over my shoulder and slipped my hat and glasses on.

Nick was in the garage getting the surfboards.

He turned around and passed me my pink board, subtly looking me up and down.

"That bikini suits you." he coughed.

"Thanks, nice boardies." I smiled.

He shut the door to the garage and padded through the house and out to the back door.

The beach was covered in towels, umbrellas, sand castles and kids running amuck.

Nick strapped the cord to his ankle and smiled at me before running out to the water.

He tried to catch a wave, he really did, but he didn't succeed.

I sat giggling as Nick became increasingly determined to show me how he could surf.

He came running up the sand, shaking water out of his ringlets.

"Good swell out there Jonas?" I smirked.

"Shut up. You try."

I shrugged and took my board out to the water.

Not to brag or anything, but I immediatally caught a wave and rode it out, keeping perfect balance.

Nick sat digging a hole in the wet sand and shook his head at me.

I poked my tongue out and ran up to him.

"How many waves did you catch?" I questioned cheekily.

"Enough. Keep trying." he blushed.

I shrugged and bounded back onto the beach.

I was too involved in my water activities that I didn't notice what Nick was doing back on the sand.

n i c h o l a s

Cianna and I walked quickly back to her house. There was no way I was about to tell her it was 2:15 and she'd completely missed David coming over for their date. I guess she just liked me better.

There was a small white note slipped under the door and I picked it up.

'Hey Cianna,
I guess you went out. That's okay. Just popped by to pick you up. Tried to call but your phone was off. Have fun. Xx David.'

It was nice to see he was caring.

I climbed the stairs two at a time to get to Cianna quicker.

Swinging open the door quietly, I jumped out of my skin when I saw her changing out of her bathing suit. I'm a typical guy, and just because I wear a purity rng doesn't mean I don't think of these things sometimes.

Her mirror was perfectly positioned so that I could see all of her front without her seeing me leaning against the wooden door frame.

She slipped her delicate legs out of her bottoms and ran the towel over her body.

My breathing picked up a notch as she bent over her drawers.

She turned back to the mirror and I pitched a tent right there and then when she dropped the top half of the material.

I had to yank myself away from the door with all my might otherwise she would've seen me sooner rather than later. But I did something very sneaky before I left.

c i a n n a

One week later I was hanging out with Nick in his bedroom, when there was a loud shriek out in the dining room.

Joe came rocketing up the stairs and latched his fingers onto Nick's ear, dragging him out.

"Hey! What's going on?" I asked.

"It's none of your damn business!" Joe snapped harshly.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Nick defended.

Joe yanked his younger brother into his bedroom and the screaming started.

"Who the hell do you think you are?! What the hell are you doing taking photos of her in a bikini and especially photos of her changing! How dare you invade a girl's privacy like that! You should treat her with the utmost respect!"

I didn't need to press my ear to the wall to hear to hear the fight.

"I have needs okay? I'm a guy! I have freaking testosterone! I get that way sometimes!" Nick argued back.

"Doesn't every guy?! But how dare you treat her that way! How dare you!"

"Just shut up Joe! I've seen the way you undress Taylor with your eyes!"

"That's a hell of a lot different than actually taking a photograph of a completely naked girl, who is underage!"

Joe came storming out again and picked me up to place me next to Nick.

"Who do you think we're talking about here Cianna?" he spat, venom dripping off his words.

"Um, I don't know." I stuttered.

Joe shoved the camera at me and I looked at it quizically.

Nick jumped forward to grab the small black box but so Joe and they both bumped me.

I went flying and slammed into the chest of drawers, the corner of the wood leaving a large, painful indent in my back.

I cried out and shut my eyes in a desperate attempt to block out the agony.

Nick dropped to his knees beside me, taking my hand in his.

Joe growled and yanked his brother away from me. "Don't touch her you perv!"

"What's going on?" I cried, looking backwards between Nick and Joe.

"He's a perv taking photos!"

"I am not! I couldn't help it!"

"You so could've helped yourself!"

"STOP!" I screamed. "What's going on? Photos of who?"

"Photos of you Cianna, he took photos while you were at the beach and while you were changing too." Joe sighed.

Nick cringed and stepped away from me as my mouth dropped.

"You what?! Are you trying to ruin me? Are you seriously that horrible! How dare you!"

Anger boiled in my blood and I snatched the camera.

"You don't understand Cianna! I'm a guy, we do stupid things!"

"I did some pretty stupid things didn't I?" I mumbled, deleting the pornographic images. "I was stupid to trust you, to befriend you."

I tossed the camera back to Joe and walked straight out the door.

My feet padding along the footpath was the only thing audible as tears trickled down my cheeks.

"Cianna wait please!" Nick yelled, running up behind me.

His curls were bouncing with every movement and eyes filled with desperation.

I picked up the pace, narrowly avoiding tripping on the cracks in the pavement.

"Cianna come on, come on babe."

"Babe?!" I roared, stopping dead in my tracks. "Babe?!"

"Good, you've stopped. Just hear me out Cianna please, I'm begging you."

"Well keep begging cuz I ain't listening!"

I stepped across into the gutter to cross the road, Nick following.

The road was busy and it would take forever to finally get to the other side so I raced past Nick balamcing on the edge of the curb.

"Cianna listen to me!"

"Just go Nick! I don't want to talk about this!!"

"You don't mean that!"

"Don't tell me what I do and don't mean you ass!" I screamed.

n i c h o l a s

I felt so ashamed of myself and horrified that Cianna thought of me as some disgusting pervert.

I only took my eyes off of her for a second, but in that tiny fragment of time she lost her footing and came tumbling down, cracking her head against the concrete.