Wild At Heart

-- His POV --
I placed the car in park and shut off the ignition before turning to the girl beside me. She had been silent the entire car ride, her hands in her lap, her head looking down. "Ame," she looked up at me with wide, nervous eyes, "Lets go." I gave her a small smile for confidence as she opened her door and stepped out into the cold winter air. We were silent as we walked, her leading the way but me remaining beside her, along the snow filled pathways. After a few minutes of listening to the snow crunch under our feet we went off track and began to make our own path, weaving between the hundreds of stones before finally coming to a stop in front of one. I looked towards Amy, but she remained unmoving, so I bent down and gently brushed the snow off of the front of the large, grey stone.
Here lies Jessica Elizabeth Rowlins, beloved daughter, sister and friend.
My breath hitched in my throat as I realized how real all of this was. How Amy truly had lost her confident, her best friend and her sister. I heard her sniffle beside me as I shifted my weight from side to side, finally placing the dozen roses I had purchased at the foot of the stone.
I took a deep breath and tried to force out words, "Hey Jess," I could hear my voice shaking but prayed that the girl beside me couldn't, "Is it okay if I call you that?" Amy was silent beside me, waiting to hear what I was going to say. "Happy birthday. Hope you like the roses." I motioned to the twelve red flowers and tried to gather my thoughts. "My name is Sidney and I'm a friend of your sisters. We miss you down here, I sure know Amy does. But I personally don't know if I could deal with two of her being around all the time," I joked, and much to my pleasure Amy let out a small chuckle. "But seriously, I hope you're feeling better up there. No one should have to go through what you did, and I know that your family and friends are very proud of you for fighting as long and as hard as you did." I heard Amy sniffling again, and I knew she was crying. "Amy told me all about you. How fun you were, how tough you were, how smart you were and how you gave her her most prized possession. That beautiful necklace that she always has around her neck, that she touches when shes nervous, that she holds in her hand and kisses before almost everything she does."

-- Her POV --
My eyes immediately shot to Sidney, whose focus was still on the stone. How did he know that? My breathing stopped when I heard his voice again.
"When Amy said she wanted to come here I knew I should come for support but the more I thought about it, the more I realize that I owe you so much. And that I needed to come and thank you personally." Millions of thoughts whizzed around my head as I tried to decode his message to my sister. My question was finally answered when his voiced pierced the silence once more. "I want to thank you for making sure your sister never led the life I lead, the one that she is helping me escape. She is helping me realize that although its a big part of my life, hockey isnt all of my life. And sometimes you need to step back and smell the roses because in an instant some of the most important and influential things," he paused and looked at me, "and people could be gone." I let out a small sob as his words set in. "I am going to head back to the car and give you and Amy some alone time, because I'm sure you guys want to catch up, but it was nice to meet you, happy birthday and," he placed his hand on top of the stone, "thanks again."
He then turned and looked at me, just as a tear began to roll down my cheek. He placed a cold calloused hand on the side of my face and an instant warmth went through my body. He smiled sheepishly at me and then gently wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb. My eyes closed as his hand left my face and he turned swiftly and began walking towards the car, leaving me alone with my sister.

--His POV--
I walked until Amy was out of sight and I was back at the car, running my hands through my hair. I placed both of my forearms on the side of my car and banged my forehead against them repeatedly. "Fuck!" I whispered angrily, "fuck fuck fuck!" I pushed off abruptly from the car and placed my hands on top of my head, closing my eyes and looking skyward. How did I let it get this bad? How did I develop such strong feelings for a girl who deserves so much better than me? She deserves a guy who is able to be there all the time, who is outgoing and fun and adventurous. A guy who, I sadly realize, is not me. I sighed deeply as I paced back and forth in front of the car. From here on in, I tell myself confidently, I vow never to get in the way of Amy's happiness. I vow to never reveal my true feelings for her, to not let them develop any further, and to hide them in the very back of my mind. I nod confidently, thats just what I'll do.

-- Her POV --
With Sidney back at the car and out of sight, I stood awkwardly in front of my own sisters grave, the cold winter whipping my hair around my face. I shivered involuntarily and shifted my weight around. I hadn't told Sidney, but this is the first time I've visited my sisters grave since, well, her burial. There had been so many times I wanted to, but I could never bring myself to go see her, just to have to say goodbye again. I cleared my throat and breathed in a shaky breath, "Hey Jess." I whispered, "Happy birthday." The tears pricked at the back of my eyes. "I miss you so much. I wish you were here right now. Mom and Dad are doing fine, they miss you alot too." I closed my eyes to keep the tears from spilling over, but a single tear fell down each cheek. "I wish you were here so much. You always know what to do, and how to make me feel better, and how to handle situations. And in case you havent noticed this is a pretty big situation." I nodded my head in the direction Sidney walked. "I know what you're thinking, and yes that was Sidney Crosby. The youngest captain to hoist the stanley cup, the NHLs first over all draft pick, the poster boy for the entire league, and," the tears flooded from my eyes, "the boy I am hopelessly in love with." I wiped what tears I could from my eyes and continued talking to the one person that would know what to do, "He is amazing Jess. He funny, and sweet and smart and gorgeous. But I'm -- I'm just me. Plain old Amy. He would never be with someone like me." After a moment of silence and small smile graced my lips. "Remember our first day of high school?" I asked, reliving the memory in my head, "Remember how John McInly had smiled and winked at you? The hottest, most popular senior had winked at you, and we spent the entire walk home and all hour of the night deciding what you'd wear on your first date, and how he probably had a car." I shook my head and laughed a little. "Or what about the time you got home from your first date with Colin Archer? Remember we laid on my bed and you told me everything? How he made you smile so much it hurt? How when he touched you it was like sparks? I never knew what you meant that night. But now," I closed my eyes, "I do." The tears began to roll down my cheeks again, "And I hate it."
The wind blew a cold chill around the cemetary and I stuck my hands into my pockets for warmth. When the edges of the paper touched my fingers I took it out and rubbed the two faces with my thumb. "I remember this night. The graduation party after wards, not so much," I laughed through tears. "Here," I placed the picture beside the flowers from Sidney and put a rock on the corner to hold it down. "I have a million copies. But I want you to have this one. So that you always know I'm thinking about you. Cause I am." I unconsciously touched the heart around my neck. "I should get going, Sidney is probably waiting. But it was really nice talking to you again Jess. I'm sorry I haven't come sooner, its just, really hard. But I'll be back soon." I grabbed my necklace in my hand and brought it to my lips, "I promise." I opened my eyes and smiled at the stone, "Happy birthday Sis."
I turned around and began to walk back towards the car when another gust of wind swept around me. But this one was different. It was warm. A smile formed on my lips and I closed my eyes, "I love you too."

-- His POV --
When Amy finally came into view I quickly turned on the car, blasting the heat and walked over to meet her at the passenger door. When she came close enough I took a step towards her, "Are you all--" I was interupted by her arms around my mid section and her body pressed up against mine in one of the tightest hugs I have ever experienced.
I gently wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly, hanging on to her for dear life.
After a moment I felt her pull away slightly only to press her soft lips to my cheek, remaining there for longer than I expected. "Thank you," she whispered in my ear before burying herself in my neck once more.
I closed my eyes and sighed; that promise I made minutes earlier just became alot harder to keep.