I Should Have Never Thought of You

Cassadee’s P.O.V.

Just like every other night, I stood backstage watching Paramore perform… ok, more like watching Hayley. But seriously, how can you not. She’s so beautiful, and so confident up on stage. She sings every note perfectly. Everything about her is just… wow.

“Cassadee!” I hear someone scream and turn around to see Mike Gentile. “What were you staring at?”

“Nothing. I just zoned out.” I said laughing it off. No one knew about my crush on Hayley. No one even knows I‘m a lesbian. If anyone knew… I shuddered just thinking about it.

“You sure you’re ok Cass?” Alex asked. “We go on in 5 minutes.”

“Yeah, never better.” I lied.

“Ok.” He said as they both walked away. I turned back around to watch the last few minutes of Paramore’s set.

After the show we all went out to dinner. I ended up sitting next to Hayley. I was nervous and fidgety the whole time. I must have went to the bathroom almost 5 times just to get away. After my fourth trip I came back to the table and Pete was talking about how we were staying at a hotel tonight.

“Ok, every room has two beds and a couch that pulls out into a bed. So we can have four people in each room. So all the guys from Paramore will share a room. And so will all the guys from Hey Monday and same for us.” Pete said.

“What about Hayley and I?” I asked.

“You girls will be in a room together.” He explained.

“Ok, cool.” Hayley said.

“Yeah, awesome.” I said faking excitement. I have to share a room… with Hayley Williams… What if I do something stupid? What if I talk in my sleep? I have been known to do that… and I have been known to dream about Hayley. Oh god…

Pete paid the bill and we left the restaurant. We got in our buses and went to the hotel we would be staying at. We packed some pajamas and clothes for tomorrow etc… and then checked in. Me and Hayley walked into our room and everything suddenly got awkward. I checked the time on the clock. It was almost midnight.

“I’m kinda tired.” I said. “I’m just gonna go to bed.”

“Yeah me too.” We both changed into our pajamas and then climbed into our beds. “Night.” Hayley said.

“Goodnight.” I said as I turned the off the light on the nightstand next to me. I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Hayley’s P.O.V.

“I’m kinda tired.” Cassadee said. “I’m just gonna go to bed.”

“Yeah me to.” I said not knowing what else to do. It was already awkward enough. We changed into our pajamas and climbed into our beds. “Night.” I said.

“Goodnight.” She said as she turned off the light.

It was about 3 a.m. and I still couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Cassadee and how I feel about her. I’m not a lesbian, I don’t like girls. Never have, never will, I just can’t. But there’s something about Cass that is just special. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. It’s driving me crazy.

“I love you Hayley.” What the hell? I looked over at Cassadee who was fast asleep. She was just talking in her sleep. But she said she loved me? Why would she be having romantic dreams about me? Maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe it wasn’t romantic at all. She could have just meant it as a friend.

“Cassadee.” I whispered. She didn’t answer. “Cassadee!” I whispered a little louder.

“What?”

“You were talking in your sleep.”

“What was I saying?!” She asked in a worried tone. What was she afraid she was saying?

“Um… it was nothing.”

“What was it?” Should I tell her? Maybe that will make things worse. Or maybe it will help me realize what my feeling are.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously what did I say?!”

“You said ‘I love you Hayley.’”

“Oh, um…”

“Um what?”

“I do love you.”

“What?!”

“I love you Hayley. As more than a friend.” She said. I suddenly felt a million emotions at once. Anger, sadness, joy… and love. This isn’t right! A relationship is supposed to be a boy and a girl! Why can’t I just make these feelings go away?

“Um… I think I’m just going to go sleep in the guys’ room.” I said and ran out of the room. Once I got out of the room I broke down crying. But I ran across the hall and knocked on the door. Josh answered.

“Hayley? What’s wrong?”

“Everything!”

“You wanna come in and talk about it?”

“Sure.” I walked into the room and sat down on the couch with the guys.

“Now. What happened?” Josh asked.

“Cassadee is in love with me.” I sniffled and then began sobbing again.

“So, what’s so wrong with that? Just tell her you don’t like her. It’s nothing to cry over.” Jeremy said.

“Are you blind?!” Zac yelled.

“What?”

“She obviously has feelings for her but she’s afraid to admit it!” Everyone, including me stared at him in amazement.

“Zac, that is the biggest load bull shit I have ever heard.” I said.

“Is it? Is it really?”

“Yes it is!”

“Wait, Zac… are YOU gay?” Taylor asked.

“No! I’m not! I’m just very in touch with my feminine side.” He said defensively.

“Ok. Whatever you say.”

“Hayley, if you… like girls, its ok. We’re not gonna hate you.” Josh said.

“I don’t like girls! Especially not Cassadee!”

“It’s ok if you do though. Just saying.”

“Ok, but I don’t. I’m straight.”

“Ok, we believe you!” Jeremy said.

“Good. Now if you don’t mind I would like to go to sleep now.”

“Sure. Night Hayley.” Josh said.

“Night” Everyone else said in unison.

“Goodnight guys.”