I Should Have Never Thought of You

CASSADEE’S P.O.V.

Paramore had to cancel a couple of shows because of the accident. Hayley needed to stay in the hospital for a week. Us and Fall Out Boy continued on and Paramore stayed behind in New Jersey, where the accident happened, while they waited for Hayley to recover. This was a relief because I really didn’t want to see her… at all. Everyone told me that she was looking for me and wanted to talk to me and that I jumped to conclusions. But I didn’t want to hear it. It’s obvious she doesn’t want me back.

But that doesn’t mean I’m over her. I’ve been sulking in my bunk when I’m not doing a show. I don’t go hang out at any of the parties on anyone’s busses. If there is a party on our bus I usually go to Fall Out Boy’s bus for the night. Everyone has learned to just leave me alone by now. But I can tell what they’re all thinking ‘Oh my god is she cutting herself again? Is she ok? Should we talk to her?’ But they all eventually decide against talking to me.

So here I am… alone in my bunk. Listening to my iPod and just feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that I let myself fall for Hayley. Sorry that I actually believed she loved me. Sorry that I actually thought about taking her back. And most importantly sorry that I’m so upset over it. But when you love someone as much as I loved Hayley it’s really hard to forget about them.

My pathetic thoughts were interrupted by someone opening the curtain to my bunk. Did someone really decide to disturb me? It was Pete. Of course, he has to go all big brother and try to get me to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. And he wasn’t going to make me talk about it. Nothing he could say would make me talk about anything I was feeling.

“What do you want Pete?” I asked him.

“I wanted to talk. Mind if I climb in?” He asked.

“Not really.” I sighed and moved so Pete could squeeze into my bunk and we could sit comfortably. It’s a good thing he’s not that tall.

“So how are you doing?”

“I’m ok for someone who just got their heart ripped out.” Damn it! I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about it! I swear that man has magical powers that make you talk to him!

“So that bad huh?”

“Yeah, that bad.”

“Cass it seriously was a misunderstanding.”

“Really? Because if you heard what I did you wouldn’t believe it either.”

“I know what you heard. And I also know what was said after that.”

“yes, I know what everyone wants me to think was said after that. She said she just loves him as a best friend and blah blah blah.”

“It’s the truth Cassadee.” He insisted.

“Whatever it doesn’t matter if it is anyway. I decided I’m not taking her back anyway. She called me a lesbian freak in front of everyone. Even if she does like me, she’s not going to want to be open with our relationship. I don’t want to have to hide my love for her. I want the whole word to see how happy she makes me.” Pete had this huge smile on his face. It was kind of creepy. “What?” I asked.

“You really love her?” He asked.

“Well not shit Sherlock!”

“Then don’t give up. Don’t let go of a feeling that special.” He hugged me tightly. “She’ll come around eventually.” He said as he climbed out of my bunk. I sighed and went back to laying down and sulking.

HAYLEY’S P.O.V.

I sat in my hospital room flipping the channels on the tv, anticipating the moment where they’ll tell me I leave this damned place. I wanted to get back to the tour, to get back to Cassadee. To apologize to her. To show her that I’m completely serious about our relationship. I want to show her that I love her, and that I will love her forever. And I want to show her that I’ll never leave her.

But no, I’m still stuck in this hospital until someone tells me otherwise! Ugh this is so frustrating! I want to get out of here! I’m going crazy staring at these white walls all day!

A knock on the door distracted me from my thoughts of Cassadee and my rapidly fleeing sanity. The nurse entered the room. She had that same smile on her face as every other day. That’s another thing I couldn’t stand. The nurses. Always. Smiled. You know their dog could have just died and they would still come in here with a smile like everything is fucking peachy!

“Ms. Williams.” She said.

“Yeah?” I asked in a bored tone.

“You’re free to go home whenever you’d like.” The nurse told me with that same smile that made me want to rip her face off.

“Really?! I can leave?! Sweet!” I shouted. I called Zac and told him to bring me some clothes. He brought them and I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to change. I came out of the bathroom and we went down to the lobby. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork but after that we left and went to the bus.

“Hayley! You’re back!” Jeremy shouted.

“Yes! I’m back!”

“Thank god!” Taylor said. “I don’t know how much more of this place I could take.”

“I know! But now we get to go back to the tour, and Cassadee, and playing shows, and Cassadee… did I mention Cassadee?”

“Yes I believe you did about five million times.” Josh said.

“Well then Debby Downer. I’m excited that I can finally set things right.” I told him.

“Whatever. I’ll be in my bunk if anyone needs me.” Josh got up from the couch and walked back towards the bunks. He closed the door that separated the bunks from the lounge. I sighed and sat down next to Taylor.

“What got shoved up his ass?” I asked.

“I don’t know. He’s been like this for a few days.” Zac said.

“Well, whatever. I’m in a good mood and I’m not gonna let him ruin it.” In two days I would get to hold Cassadee in my arms, and I would apologize and tell her how much I love her. And everything would finally be right.