I Should Have Never Thought of You

CASSADEE’S P.O.V.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. So before I knew it, Paramore was back on tour, and I had to see Hayley. But I avoided it as long as possible. Part of me was avoiding her because I honestly didn’t want to see her, but another part of me was scared. Scared that if I saw her all my feelings would come rushing back…

And boy was that side right.

Considering we had a show to play tonight, I couldn’t hide in my bunk forever. So, I eventually had to leave for sound check and to change and things like that. I walked into the venue and ran straight for the dressing room. I managed to avoid Hayley until the show.

“Cassadee!” She shouted as she ran over to me. A million thoughts flooded through my brain. Most of them were about how much I missed seeing her face everyday. I fought so hard to push those thoughts away though.

“Um… I really can’t talk. I need to go on in like 5 seconds and I’m not done warming up.” I quickly came up with an excuse.

“Oh, ok.” She said slightly disappointed. I quickly ran off in the opposite direction. When we got on stage I quickly pushed all of my thoughts about Hayley aside and let the rush of performing take over me.

When I got off stage though, I was a mess. I was lashing out at people for now reason, and just acting like a bitch. I just had so much on my mind. I was so confused. This entire week I managed to convince myself that I was completely over Hayley. But then she comes back, and I’m right back where I started. A heartbroken mess. And it didn’t help that she waltzed in here like everything was fine. Everything is so far from fine!

After I had calmed down a bit Hayley came over to talk to me. She sat down next to me on the side of the stage as I watched Fall Out Boy. It’s funny, a few years ago I was one of those kids in the crowd, dancing and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs, fantasizing about possibly meeting them, and what would happen if I did, and thinking about how much I would kill to be up their one day. And now I am. Things can change so fast.

“Um, so I wanted to talk to you about what happened.” Hayley shouted over the music.

“Now isn’t really the time to talk.” I shouted back.

“No, now is the time. This really can’t wait.”

“Hayley, we’re on in like 2 minutes we gotta go!” Zac shouted walking over to us. She sighed and got up, disappointed that yet again she didn’t get to talk to me. I was kind of relieved. I really didn’t want to hear what she had to say. It was probably going to be something that ripped my heart out even more.

I stayed where I was on the side of the stage and watched Paramore’s set. Hayley seemed really out of focus. She was hitting wrong notes and almost forgot the words to a song once or twice. It was very unlike her. She was usually flawless during performances. Taylor even walked over to her between songs to see if she was ok. She nodded her head yes but I could tell she really wasn’t. Something was bothering her. And I had a feeling it had to do with me. Maybe it was why she wanted to talk to me so bad.

“Um, before we play our next song, I really need to get something off my chest.” Hayley announced into the microphone about half way through Paramore’s set. All of the guys looked at her confused, and the crowed was dead silent. “Um, ok so, uh, recently this really incredible person came into my life. And I fell madly in love with them.” The crowd awed, and I stared in disbelief. “But, I was afraid to love this person because of what people would think. I guess you could say, with me being raised in a Christian household, our love was kinda taboo.” The crowd began to talk amongst themselves, probably trying to figure out what she was talking about. Hayley continued anyway, they weren’t the ones who needed to hear this speech anyway. “And um, after the accident, everyone caught me and this person kissing in my hospital room. And I got scared. And I freaked out, and pushed them away. And I said things I didn’t mean. Things that could have possibly ruined our relationship forever considering they won’t talk to me now.”

“Hayley? Can’t this wait?” Josh asked.

“No, Josh, it can’t.” She snapped. “Anyway, but um, so I while I was in the hospital and this person was still on tour, I realized something. I realized that I really couldn’t live without them. And I did a hell of a lot of thinking, and realized that I don’t care what people think. Anything people would have to say about us wouldn’t matter. Because our love is stronger than anything. And it’s really all I need. All I need is to see that person smile and to hold them in my arms, and just be with them, and know that they love me and I love them, and everything will be ok.” At this point she was crying a bit and the crowed was awing again. Tears began rolling down my cheeks at this point too. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. “So,” She sniffled before continuing. “I really hope I’m not too late when I say, Cassadee, I love you. And I need you in my life. And I don’t give a fuck what anyone has to say about us. You’re all I need, and all I will ever need in my life.”

I was frozen for a moment. She just completely spilled her heart out to me, and told me she loved me. We never said that out loud. Only through a text message. But here she was saying all that and more. The tears began pouring from my eyes like waterfalls. I really did love her, just as much as she loved me. And being with her just felt right. I quickly forgot that I was trying to be mad at her, and trying to stay tough. Because in that moment I knew… I knew that we were meant to be. I got up from where I was sitting and ran into her arms, my lips colliding with hers and we wrapped our arms around each other. Everything felt so perfect.

The crowds cheering brought us back to reality. We looked out at all of the kids, some of them were crying along with me and Hayley. But everyone seemed happy that we were together.

“I love you.” I shouted to her over the screaming of the fans.

“I love you too.” We just stood there, staring into each other’s eyes for the longest time.

“Um, I’d hate to interrupt the love fest, but we have a show to finish here.” Josh interrupted… yet again.

“Sorry.” Hayley said into mic. I hugged her and gave her a quick kiss before leaving the stage. “Alright, so this is a song off our new album, and it’s kind of a slow song. It’s called ‘The Only Exception.’” She smiled as the band started playing the song. She started singing, hitting every note perfectly. I smiled to myself, thinking about how lucky I was to have someone so perfect in my life.