Can You Keep A Secret

The ice cold winter wind whipped around the city buildings and had Ryan Matteson wrapping her arms tighter around her body as she hurried down the sidewalk towards 199 Bowery Boulevard; otherwise known as the the BLVD Complex. In the back of her mind she was cursing herself for not having grabbed her coat out of the office before going out a half hour earlier to grab a slice of pizza; February in Manhattan was no place to be wearing a sheer black blouse and mini-skirt only.

As she approached the building she could see the long line of people hoping to gain entrance to either The Nightclub, The Grand Bar, or her room, Crash Mansion and grinned; it hadn't been nearly as crowded when she left at midnight. A quick nod at the bouncer as he moved the velvet rope for her completed her trip for the evening and sent her back to work. She quickly walked down the stairs that led down to Crash Mansion, ignoring the streams of people who were all heading up towards the more mainstream party room. All the money went into Kevin's pocket anyway; Ryan didn't care where they drank, just as long as they drank.

The red head put a bright smile on her face as she worked her way through the downstairs lobby. She pulled open the glass door that led from the lobby and coat check and stepped into the loud bar. It was another typical Friday night at the Bowery neighborhood venue and just based on the bar itself, she couldn't even see the actual venue yet, Ryan could practically predict the bottom line numbers on the cash registers by the end of the night.

As she entered the final notes of a song played out of the speakers as the band on stage, a still nameless showcase band she had long forgotten the name of, and the crowd of industry professionals and wanna-be's clapped half-heartedly while they perfected their looks of boredom and annoyance at having to attend the showcase.

Much like upstairs; all of this was fine with Ryan, providing the crowd kept drinking.

She paused and leaned against one of the columns that were scattered around the basement bar for a moment to check out the room and reevaluate the evening's crowd. In the little over five years she had been working here this bar had become a home to her. The people moving around her were mostly strangers; but there were more then a few faces she had learned to recognize. The people who drank for free because they worked for the entertainment section of the New York Times, the people who always had VIP treatment because they were A&R reps from various labels, the people who were watched like a hawk because they were known to work for other nightclubs. In five years these people had become her closest associates.

A figure bumped into her and apologized, pulling her out of her reverie and back into work mode. Ryan pushed off the pillar and approached the end of the bar where she tapped a gentleman on the shoulder and waited for him to step aside before she ducked underneath the heavy oak bar top. Her short black skirt swished around her thighs as she maneuvered and headed down to the other end to check the register slips. She had three bartenders on that night and she didn't want to risk having too much in the tills at once.

"Hey Roxie," she muttered to her lead bartender. "How're your numbers looking?"

"You should probably do a drop. I'm pushing over three," the blonde replied smartly and Ryan nodded, smirking slightly as the blonde's demeanor changed once she was facing the drunken customers seconds later. Gone was the brilliant chemist who was studying for her masters and once again in place was the ditzy blonde in tight clothes who was there to sell booze and dreams.

Ryan approached Roxie's register and pressed her thumb against the front panel before punching in her security code to make the drawer pop open. She quickly collected $150.00 dollars from the drawer, wrapped it in a rubber band, initialed a slip of paper and stuck that under the band as well before slipping the money into her bra with a wink at the boys who were watching her. The drawer was closed with a snap and Ryan continued on down the line, collecting overflow from the other two registers behind the downstairs bar as the mediocre band played on at the back of the venue.

"You realize it's 2019 right?" Roxie began their usual joke as Ryan wrapped up the final cash roll.

"What of it?"

"You still collect money like it's 2009," the blonde replied and Ryan shrugged.

"Talk to the boss; he's old school."

Roxie chuckled and smirked, "Oh I think I'll leave any talking to the boss entirely in your capable hands."

"That's right you will," Ryan replied with a smirk of her own. "I'll see you later," she added before ducking under the bar and moving towards the open venue area so she could go to the office.

"Hey Red!" a slurring voice called out and Ryan paused to glance behind her. Standing there was a man she had never seen in the bar before leaning towards her. "How bouts a kiss?"

Ryan simply rolled her eyes and raised a hand, pointing at the drunk before turning to go; just as Jimmy, one of Crash Mansions bouncers grabbed the man off the stool and strongly encouraged him to settle out his tab and head home.

She threw another practiced smile on her face as she worked through the crowd, greeting regulars as she went. She also threw a disgusted glance at the band as she walked past the side stage to head backstage and tried to remember who had booked the show tonight. As far as the young bar manager was concerned, they wouldn't be booking another one.

Once she had reached the soundproofed hallway that led to the two greenrooms and the offices she allowed herself to relax a bit. Back here she was just Ryan Matteson, bar manager and businesswoman. Out front she was Ryan Matteson, sexy, slinky bar manager and the wet dream of half their male, and some of their female clientele.

She knocked lightly on the office door and waited a beat before turning the knob and walking inside. Her expression showed her confusion at the empty room before she finally shrugged and headed over to the safe to quickly slip the three bill folds into the slot.

When she heard a toilet flush a few seconds later she nodded as the location of the person she had been expecting to see was explained to her. The sound of a door opening behind her put a smirk back on Ryan's face and she turned around slowly, while unbuttoning another button on her black blouse, to face her lover.

"Hey Kevin," she whispered coyly. "Are you going to hide out back here all night? Or are you gonna come play host with me?"

"I'd rather just play with you," the gruff voice replied and Ryan felt her heart flutter in her chest as she met his dark eyes from across the room. "Did you check the registers?"

"Of course I did baby," she replied with a laugh and approached him, dropping all pretenses of seduction as after almost four years they had more then surpassed any games. "We're going to close out really heavy tonight."

"Really?" Kevin replied in surprise as he fixed them both a drink from his personal bar.

"MMhmm," Ryan nodded and popped a cracker in her mouth watching as he lit a cigarette. "Why're you surprised?" she mumbled around the food before taking a sip of the cranberry vodka.

"Cause that band fucking sucks," he replied and pointed at the TV screens that showed every inch of the bar. "I had to mute the damn feed."

Ryan laughed at the comment and placed her drink down before slipping her arms around his trim waist. She smiled when Kevin's strong arms came up around her and squeezed her to his chest in tight hug. Even after this many years it still amazed her how perfectly their bodies fit together, even if they were just standing in an embrace. She felt his free hand playing with her hair and nuzzled softly at his cloth covered chest, frowning a bit when instead of the familiar scent of Obsession she smelled something completely different.

"What're you wearing?" she asked in confusion and sniffed his shirt again making note of tobacco, scotch and an unfamiliar cologne.

"Burburry," Kevin replied, his voice rumbling from deep inside his chest. "Danielle bought it for me for Christmas. She was complaining I never wear it."

"Ugh, well, I hate it."

"I used to wear it all the time," Kevin replied shrugging. "Apparently it reminds her of when we first met."

"How keen," Ryan muttered and took a step back before picking her drink up again and heading over to the couch to sit down. "You coming?" she asked him in confusion as he walked the other way with his scotch and cigarette.

"I've got some paperwork to finish," Kevin replied and took a seat behind his desk.

"What could you possibly have to finish at almost two in the morning on a Friday?"

"Umm?" Kevin mumbled and Ryan watched him poke around on the cluttered desk for a moment before he stood up and stabbed the cigarette out in an ashtray. "Nothing."

"Exactly," she replied. "Now get over here."

Kevin chuckled and crossed the room to the couch, draining his scotch on the way. She leaned back into his arms as he sat behind her and relished the feel of his hands slowly playing with her hair. As his caresses began getting a little more searching Ryan turned in his arms and kneeled on the couch, reaching over to place her drink of the coffee table before straddling his lap. She met his dark gaze with her own and gently leaned down to kiss his soft lips; smiling when they gave way under hers.

Their kisses immediately grew passionate as neither party could ever get enough of the other. Ryan tangled her hands in his curls and moaned when his lips left hers and made their way down her neck, as his fingers quickly unbuttoned her blouse before pushing it off her shoulders. Kevin's tongue lapped at the top of her full breasts while he un-did the clasp at her back and pulled the black lace garment off.

"God Kevin," she breathed out and rocked her hips into his smirking when his hands immediately grabbed her ass and pulled her down harder onto his crotch. "Fuck baby."

She felt his calloused fingers slip under her skirt and push her panties to the side with one hand while the other, based on the fumbling she could feel, worked on undoing his pants. A few seconds later he was pushing her up and then sliding her forward onto his hard cock.

Ryan's head dropped back and she bit her lip to keep the scream internal as he filled her; damn near four years and she would never get used to that initial feeling, nor did she want to. She immediately began rocking her body, bracing herself on his legs behind her as she started raising her hips, only to immediately slam back down onto him.

"Fuck," Kevin growled out and grasped Ryan's hips in his, moving her faster and harder then she could on her own.

Their coupling was hard, fast, quick and dirty; and very soon after they were both panting and near shaking as Kevin emptied himself inside of her and Ryan felt her walls clench around his shaft.

She dropped her head forward to rest on his shoulder and relaxed as Kevin's arms came up around her and held her tight to his body once more, lightly stroking down the length of her back and pushing her sweaty hair away from her neck to place soft kisses on it.

Her eyes drifted around the office for a moment before she closed them, blocking out the surroundings and only focusing on the man whose heartbeat she could feel underneath her own. It was in this room where she could pretend that he was hers for real. Here in this room he wasn't married, he didn't have children, he didn't have an entire life that she wasn't part of.

Ryan picked up her head when she felt him shift and looked into his dark eyes, feeling familiar butterflies take residence at the look that she saw in them.

"I love you," he whispered quietly staring straight at her and Ryan smiled because she knew it was true.

"I love you too," she replied and kissed him softly; panting when the kisses once again started to gain in passion as Kevin rolled her down onto the couch underneath him.

It was in this room that she was his family.
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"Hi Mr. Jonas. My name is Ryan Matteson. I'm eighteen years old. I'm a business major at Baruch College and I mix a mean cocktail. Oh yea, that'll go over well," Ryan muttered to herself as she paced the length of the empty bar.

"Actually," a male voice interrupted her ranting. "I'm intrigued."

Ryan's head snapped around, long red hair flying, and blushed as she came face to face with Kevin Jonas, the owner of Crash Mansion.

"Mr. Jonas," she gasped out in surprise. "Umm, I'm sorry sir. I'll be going now," Ryan apologized and grabbed her jacket before heading towards the door.

"Ms. Matteson?"

"Yes sir?" Ryan squeaked out and once again met his amused eyes.

"Intrigued isn't a bad thing."

"Oh," Ryan replied and forced a smile onto her face. "Well, that's good."

"That's very good," the curly haired man told her and leaned back on the bar. "Now go make me a drink."

"Hmm?"

"It's not so much an interview as an audition. Get mixing."

"Oh!" Ryan exclaimed and all but ran behind the large bar. She took a moment to compose herself and mentally take stock of what liquor was available to her before she started mixing. She set up six different cocktails, carefully juggling bottles with a the small amount of flair she could pull off without breaking anything, and finished less then ten minutes later. "There you go Mr. Jonas."

She watched as the bar's owner tasted each drink, some more then once, and held a contemplative expression on his face. His eyes then raked over her body again, leaving the red-head slightly uncomfortable, and finally he spoke, "You're hired. But a few things."

"Anything," she replied quickly.

"One, you need to dress better. This is an upscale venue, but it's still a bar and you're still a hot little red-head. Get my drift?"

"Absolutely," Ryan replied, because she did. She had to slut it up, with a bit of class. "Anything else?"

"Yes," Kevin replied picking up a reddish orange drink. "What is this?"

"Vodka, cranberry, pineapple, orange and sprite."

"It's delicious."

"Thank you. I'm probably not the first person who ever thought it up though."

"No probably not," Kevin agreed. "But you're the first person who ever gave it to me. So thank you."

"You're welcome Mr. Jonas."

"Ryan?"

"Yea?"

"It's Kevin," he told her seriously and took a seat on the barstool. "Now come tell me about my newest employee."

Ryan smiled as she walked back around the bar and took a seat next to him while they worked their way through the six cocktails she had poured. During that conversation Ryan learned Kevin had purchased BLVD in 2012, two years after The Jonas Brothers officially called it quits as a band. And though his personal interest was more in Crash Mansion; he actually owned the entire complex of the nightclub, VIP bar, restaurant and of course, the downstairs venue and recording studio that was Crash Mansion.
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"Kevin?" Ryan whispered and stroked his hair back. Their bodies were slick with sweat and the recently risen sun had come up to illuminate her living room and keep the couple awake. "Babe? It's really late. You wanna go to bed?"

"Hmmm?" he nearly purred out sending shivers up and down the twenty-four year old's spine. "Shit," he gasped out a few seconds later as her words registered. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven," she yawned. They had come back to her apartment after closing up at five and hadn't quite made it through the door before Kevin was once again divesting the red-head of her clothing. "Let's go to sleep."

"I have to go," he muttered and began gathering his clothes and dressing.

"What? Why?"

"I just have to ok. I need to go home."

"What the fuck for?" Ryan growled. "You act like she doesn't know. Give her a little more credit then that. If you go in now you'll wake the kids."

"I have to go Ryan," Kevin repeated in a voice that brokered no arguments. Ryan merely rolled her eyes and remained sitting on the couch, grabbing the afghan that was thrown over the back of the furniture and throwing it around her body.

"Whatever," Ryan muttered with a scowl.

"Oh don't look like that," Kevin replied. "It's not like this is all that surprising."

"Fine, go," Ryan whispered ignoring the burning in her eyes and the gnawing in her stomach, a feeling she hated because she knew it was guilt; a guilt she had never quite been able to shake, even after four years.

"Listen, I'd stay. You know I would. But tonight's our anniversary. I need to go home."

Ryan's eyes turned to look at Kevin in shock and she stammered out a one word question, "Anniversary?"

"Yea," Kevin replied having missed the tone his mistress used. "Nine years today. Woo-hoo."

"You're really never going to leave her are you?"

Kevin froze as he gathered his clothes and looked over his shoulder at the beautiful woman who was looking back at him as though she had suddenly realized something. Kevin sighed deeply and simply shook his head, "You know I can't."

Ryan's eyes closed for a moment before she opened them and stood off the couch to quietly walk back into her bedroom, "Don't bother coming back then."

"I think you seem to have forgotten who pays for this apartment and who far overpays you at work."

The red head froze and looked back at her lover with trepidation, "But?"

"No but's about it gorgeous," he almost growled though Ryan could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. "I'll be back and you'll love every second of it. Don't act like you didn't know exactly what you were getting into when we started this. Don't act like you weren't the one who came after me."

Ryan flushed as the truth of his words washed over her; when she had met him, when she was eighteen, Kevin was seemingly happily and blissfully married. Six months later she realized he was actually knee deep in nameless, faceless whores and drugs, a year after that and Ryan had successfully seduced the man she had fallen in love with. The random bar-skank sex and drugs may have stopped as a result of her seduction; but, he was still married.

"Fine, you can't. I get it," Ryan muttered and walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaving Kevin to finish dressing before heading home.

The red head paced around her bedroom for a moment before heading out onto the balcony to look down. She watched as Kevin walked out the front door onto 12th street and walked towards Fifth where she knew he'd flag down a cab to take him over to his duplex in Tribecca.

"How did I get here?" she muttered darkly. "How did I wind up in love with someone I will never have?"
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Ryan scribbled a note and replaced the bottle behind the bar just as she heard the upstairs door slam close. She peered through the glass doors behind her carefully and watched in surprise as Kevin appeared, dripping wet and looking completely lost.

"Kevin?" she asked in surprise as her boss walked through the glass doors and ignored her as he stormed back towards his office. It was a Monday, and since they were closed, as far as she knew Kevin had plans with his family for his son's fourth birthday. Ryan waited a few more minutes before her curiosity finally got the better of her. She placed her inventory sheets on the bar and walked through the opened bar top.

Once she reached the door to Kevin's office Ryan slowly opened it and peaked around. The man in question was sitting at his desk and was staring at a picture as he drank a tumbler full of scotch. Part of Ryan was almost surprised to find him alone and without a nameless band-slut; despite the fact that she knew she had been the only other person in the building until he arrived. Another part of her was surprised to see him obviously still relatively sober; an state that happened few and far between the last year or so.

"What do you want Ryan?" he finally asked without looking at her.

"Are you ok Kevin?" she asked bluntly. "I thought you had Jamie's birthday party today?"

"I did. I went. He had his presents and cake and all that good stuff. I left."

"Why?" Ryan asked quietly as she walked into the room and approached Kevin's desk.

"I couldn't deal with her today," he replied and placed the picture in a drawer. Ryan leaned against the desk and glanced down at the picture with a smile. It was Kevin and his son; taken last year in this very office during a short period of time when Kevin had cleaned himself up. Ryan knew that since she had taken the picture herself. It was that picture that had started their tentative friendship. "I miss her sometimes."

Ryan nodded without commenting. She loved him too much to tell him to take his kids and just leave. Because as screwed up as Kevin himself was; she knew from simple observation that his wife was potentially far worse.

She watched as he downed the rest of the scotch and stood up, unbuttoning his shirt quickly and throwing it in a corner, revealing his strong, toned back to her. She felt her heart rate pound as he stretched and ruffled his curls in an attempt to remove some of the water from them.

"I hope you don't mind?" he asked with a chuckle. "I was soaked through."

"No it's fine," Ryan replied, her eyes tracing every inch of his body. "It's your office after all."

Kevin nodded and Ryan shifted as he continued staring at her. He slowly approached where she was leaning on his desk until he stood directly in front of her and said in an incredibly soft voice, "You're very pretty. Do you know that?"

Ryan blinked in surprise and stared up at the taller, slightly older man. She had caught the looks he had sent her over the years. The looks he sent all of the girls right before he took them back into his office. But, for the first time she saw something other then just appreciative lust behind his gaze. His finger slowly trailed up her arm, over her shoulder to her neck where he pushed her hair back. Ryan felt a shiver run down her spine as he lightly kissed her neck and began sucking on the flesh behind her ear.

She felt Kevin's hands grasp her waist before he lifted and placed her sitting on his desk. He leaned forward further and captured her lips with his, pushing his pelvis against hers in the process and letting her feel just how turned on he was. Ryan's pulse skyrocketed and she didn't think twice before kissing him back. Their tongues and lips tangled as their hips rocked, applying constant pressure and friction until Kevin pulled away with a gasp, "God I want to fuck you."

Ryan moaned at the words and bucked her hips harder against his, biting her lip at the slight pain when his fingers dug into her hip bones in reaction. She immediately pulled her shirt over her head and unsnapped her bra before replying, "Then fuck me."

Kevin's mouth came down on her breasts and he licked gently at her nipple, while the thumb and forefinger of his right hand rolled her other between them. He released her breast with a pop after a few seconds and pulled her down off the desk, spinning her around and leaning her forward over the furniture. In the back of her mind she couldn't help but cynically wonder how many of the other girls had found themselves in this very situation; though she doubted any of them had ever wanted it as badly as she did.

Ryan could feel his hard cock pressing against his jeans and into the back of her thigh as he fumbled with the clasp on her pants before finally getting it and yanking the denim down. He pinned her, surprisingly gently, to the desk in front of him as she felt him un-fasten his own pants, soon the denim pressing against her legs was replaced with flesh.

"This is gonna feel so good Ryan," he whispered in her ear and she gasped as his fingers entered her from behind and slowly moved in and out of her body. Ryan felt the paper of his desk blotter rubbing against her breasts and frowned when Kevin paused in his actions. A quick glance showed him opening a side drawer and pulling out a condom. "Ready?" he asked her a few seconds later and Ryan merely nodded in reply as she felt him line the head of his penis with her opening and push forward with a muffled curse.
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"Hey I'm home," Kevin called quietly as he walked into the 10th floor duplex apartment on Hudson River Drive in Tribecca. He heard a tv playing so he knew someone was awake.

"Daddy!"

Kevin's grin broadened as he heard the voice of his two and a half year old daughter Nicole squeal, followed by little pounding footsteps until she turned the corner.

"Princess!" he replied and scooped the curly haired brunette up in his arms, leaning over to pepper her face with kisses, despite her giggling protests. "How is my absolute favorite girl in the world?"

"Sweepy," she replied and yawned pulling a deep chuckle from Kevin.

"Then what're you doing up?"

"Had a bad dream," she told him and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "Jamie told me I could sweep wif him. But Mommy said I hadda be a big girl. So I watched Grover instead of sweeping."

Kevin scowled over his daughter's head and lightly stroked the soft curls, "Guess what we're gonna do?"

"What?" she replied, the words slightly mumbled as they came out around her thumb.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower and put some pj's on. And then you and me are going to go take a nap in the guest room."

"Ok," Nicole replied. "Lemme down pwease."

Kevin gently set her on the floor and watched as she ran back into the living room. On his way to his bedroom he heard the tv shut off and then the soft footsteps run off towards the family guest room. Once he had entered his bedroom he eyed the lump on the bed with distaste. He could tell by the smell of alcohol in the room that Danielle had probably passed out early and not for the first time wished she didn't know what she knew about his younger years.

"Get up," he hissed and poked her shoulder. "Get up!"

"What?" Danielle groaned.

"We gave Becky weekends off," he growled referring to their children's nanny who worked for them on weekdays during the day so Kevin could work at the club and Danielle could attend her "charity functions". "You promised you weren't going to do this anymore!" Kevin snapped quietly, terrified that the kids would overhear.

"Well, I decided when you didn't come home that it didn't really matter what I did last night. I waited til the kids were in bed."

Kevin groaned and ran his hands through his hair before turning and walking into the bathroom to shower and change. When he came out ten minutes later Danielle was once again sleeping, though his pillow had been tossed onto the floor. He stared at her body for a full minute before grabbing his pillow and walking out of the room and down towards the guest room.

He paused at his son's room briefly and opened the door, peeking inside. He slowly walked in and smiled as he looked around the room. It astonished him sometimes how alike he and his son were; it terrified him to an extent. James loved music and dreamed of being a rockstar just like his dad was. The seven year old had even been dropping some serious hints that for his birthday in April he wanted an electric guitar; what he didn't know was that said guitar was already purchased and sitting in Ryan's apartment so that curious second graders couldn't locate it.

The thirty-one year old father took a seat on his son's desk chair and watched as he slept. Kevin gently reached out and pushed the long brown hair away from his forehead, thinking of how lucky James was that he inherited Danielle's soft waves, rather then Kevin's curls, unlike Nicole.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before leaning over and lightly kissing the young boy's forehead. He had tried so hard the last four years to undo whatever damage his out of control personality had done during his son's first three years; but sometimes he just didn't think it was enough. Sometimes James would look at him with Nicole and frown as though Kevin reading to his daughter was a foreign concept. Unfortunately, Kevin knew all the baseball games and trips to the zoo now might never make up for a coke addicted father who was never home for the first four years of his life.

Kevin silently closed the door and distractedly cleared his throat of the familiar lump that always followed his late night, or early morning as the case was, visits with his children. He slowly continued down the hall to the guest room and entered.

It was there that he found Nicole snoring away, sucking her thumb of course, in the middle of the large bed. He a soft smile he climbed in next to the toddler and covered her up, fixing her grip on her teddy bear and pulling her thumb out of her mouth. He settled his body against the headboard and rubbed his tired eyes before settling his gaze on his daughter.

Not for the first time he asked himself why he didn't just leave; take the kids, take Ryan and just leave. And then came the stab of guilt. He had taken so much from his wife already. She wasn't all to blame for why they were where they were. He had done more then enough damage himself a few years earlier. It was the beautiful redhead that had saved him; what he had thought would just be another quick fuck with one of his beautiful employees had quickly turned into a stronger love then he had ever thought he could feel for someone that wasn't one of his children.

It was what he had done that had him in limbo. Danielle knew too much of his transgressions; she knew too much of what had happened before they were married, after they were married and especially during his downward spiral before Ryan stepped in and kicked him in the proverbial ass. A judge would take one look at Danielle's testimony and hand her their children. They didn't usually need proof in family court when allegations of cocaine usage were thrown around; even if he had been more then clean for almost four years.

"I can't lose you and your brother," he whispered down at the sleeping toddler and slid under the covers himself before immediately falling asleep.