Can You Keep A Secret

"Hey big brother."

Kevin looked up at the sound of Nick's voice coming from the doorway of the upstairs office and waved half-heartedly, "Hey Nick."

"You're looking awfully under dressed," Nick joked as he walked into the room and took a seat at one of the leather chairs across from the large desk in the opulent room. "Aren't you taking Danielle out to dinner tonight?"

"Yup," Kevin replied. "Per Se. Reservations are at eight."

"And you're going dressed in sweats?"

"No, I just haven't changed yet," Kevin told his younger brother and gestured at his desk. "I had work to finish up. I got in really early this morning from the bar and then Nicole and I had a nice nap."

"From the bar?" Nick questioned with a strange lilt in his voice that had Kevin shooting him a dirty look.

"Yes, from the bar."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Nick muttered and held his hands up.

"Don't start with me Nick," Kevin breathed out in an exhausted tone of voice. "I need it. Don't you ever get tired of Emma?"

"Not since I met her," Nick replied honestly.

"Then you'd understand how I feel about Ryan," Kevin said quietly. Nick was the only person who knew the entire story, rather then bits and pieces of speculation. "I love her and leaving her hurts me."

"There's a real easy solution to this," Nick pointed out, not for the first time. "Divorce Danielle. Throw a shit load of money at her and go and be with Ryan. Mom and Dad will deal. Joe will deal. The practically non-existent press will deal. You've been with her for almost four years Kevin and with everything that's happened, everything that woman has helped you through? Fuck man."

"I'll lose the kids," Kevin reminded the other man, again, not for the first time. "Would you risk Laney for even a second?"

"No," Nick replied quietly, thinking of his three-year old daughter Elaine. "I wouldn't. But for the record? I like Ryan."

Kevin chuckled and nodded, "Funny. I do too."

"Alright, glad we had this talk. Again. Now where's my niece and nephew so I can head back home with them for dinner."

"What do you have planned for tonight anyway?" Kevin asked his younger brother as they left his study and headed down the stairs to the main floor of the duplex.

"Laney already has all her dolls pulled out because Nicole is coming over. I figured Jamie and I would sack out and watch some movie where cars get blown up."

"Sound's like a good night," Kevin muttered.

"Yea well, Jamie and I always have fun," Nick responded with a smile and turned the corner to be faced with their topic of discussion. "Hey Bud!"

"Uncle Nick!" the seven year old yelled and ran forward, jumping right into his uncles arm's for a big hug. "Hey Dad," he added quickly.

"So Jamie, I was just telling your Dad that me and you have big plans tonight. All night movie-marathon?"

"Yea!" James yelled and high fived Nick. "Don't tell Mom," he quickly added lowering his voice.

"Don't tell Mom what James Joseph?"

"Ummm," the seven year old stammered nervously turning to face his mother. "You look pretty Mommy?"

"Cute James," Danielle replied. "Go get your bags."

"Yes Ma'am," he responded and hurried out of the room.

"Do not keep my son up all night Nicholas," Danielle warned her brother-in-law. "He has school on Monday."

"I know Dani," Nick replied. "Don't worry. I promise he'll be in bed by midnight. For a seven year old that is all night."

"Eleven," Danielle shot back. "And don't think I won't call Emma and tell her that too."

"I'm sure you will," Nick muttered under his breath as Danielle walked out of the living room. "Gosh she's pleasant."

"You realize you're the only person in our family other then me who doesn't adore her right?"

"I'm the only person who's around enough to see through it," Nick reminded his older brother. "And if she calls Emma do you realize the ear-full I'll have tonight when I get home?"

Kevin chuckled and ruffled his younger brother's hair as though they were still kids, and not twenty-seven and thirty-one, "I'll stop her. I promise. Just get the kids and head back to your place. I'll pick them up tomorrow?"

"Yea. Whenever. You know we love having them."

Kevin nodded and headed back towards the bedrooms calling as he went, "Nicki? Jamie? Come on; your uncle's waiting."

"Coming Dad!" James' voice called back just as Kevin stuck his head in the boy's room.

"Where's your sister?"

"Watching Mom I think."

"Alright," Kevin mumbled and walked two more doors down to his bedroom where he did find his daughter, sitting on his bed, watching Danielle put make up on. He paused in the doorway to observe for a moment as neither female had noticed him.

"And then there was a big boom and the monster jumped outta the garbage can," Nicole finished explaining and Kevin frowned as Danielle merely nodded.

"That sound's pretty scary princess. What happened next?" Kevin asked as he walked in and smiled when his daughter's eyes lit up upon seeing him.

"Then the prince fighted with the monster and won."

"And all was right with the world?"

"Wew," his almost three year old pondered. "No. But it was pretty good wif it."

"I think pretty good is acceptable. Don't you Mommy?" Kevin questioned his wife and met her eyes in the mirror, a warning clear in them.

"Yes, pretty good is wonderful sweetie."

"Come on princess. Let's get your stuff and get you to Uncle Nick."

"Unca Nick's here?"

"It's Uncle," Danielle snapped and Kevin watched his daughter's face fall.

"Sorry Mommy," she whispered and Kevin scooped her up, high over his head, sending the sad expression into giggles. "Daddy!" she squealed as he ran out of the room with her and didn't stop til they reached her pink bedroom where he leaned down to pick up the bag he had packed a few hours earlier himself. "Wait Daddy!" she yelled in terror as Kevin started to leave the room. The panic in her voice had him freezing here he stood, suddenly afraid she had slipped from under his arm. "I gotsta get Charlie."

Kevin glanced behind him and saw her teddy bear, and constant companion, sitting on her bed seemingly staring back at them forlornly, "Ooops. Sorry Charlie."

"Down pwease Daddy." Kevin set the toddler on the ground and chuckled as she scurried across the room and grabbed the beautiful handmade patchwork teddy-bear from the bed before she ran back over to him and held her hands up. "Up now."

"What do we say?"

"Pwease Daddy?"

"Good girl," Kevin responded and leaned down to pick her up, smiling as her little arms immediately wrapped around his neck and her face buried in his shoulder. He felt Charlie's body hitting his back with each step he took as the tired child clung to both the bear and her father for the short walk back to the living room. He couldn't help but smile a little brighter, each time the bear smacked him, for the simple irony of where the toy had come from.

"Unca Nick!" Nicole yelled excitedly as she saw her favorite uncle, or at least the one she spent the most time with, standing with her older brother near the front door of the apartment. "I'm ready."

"Good to hear Nicki," Nick told his namesake and accepted the transfer of toddler from his brother's arms to his. "Give your Daddy a kiss."

The toddler accepted her mission and gave Kevin a big kiss on the cheek from where she sat in Nick's arms, "I wuv you Daddy."

"I love you too Princess," Kevin whispered, kissing her forehead and then Charlie's when she thrust the bear in his direction. He then crouched down in front of his son and held his arms out, relaxing when the seven year old gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek as well. "Love you kiddo."

"Love you Dad."

Kevin stood up and watched as Nick gathered the two small bags, adjusted his grip on Nicole and took James' hand, "Be good for your Uncle and Aunt."

"We will," James replied and waved. "Geez Dad, we'll be back tomorrow you know," James joked.

"I know," Kevin whispered. He would never admit it out loud to anyone but Ryan, as she was the only one who would understand his fears; everytime his kid's left the house part of him was terrified something would happen to them. His red-headed lover had simply told him that that's what made him a wonderful father. "Bye guys. See you tomorrow."

"Bye Daddy!" Nicole waved over Nick's shoulder as Kevin's brother walked towards the elevator. Kevin chuckled a bit as the toddler made Charlie's arm wave as well as her own until they stepped into the machine and headed down to the lobby and Nick's car that would take them back to his house in Brooklyn.
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"Ryan!"

"In the kitchen baby," the red head's voice drifted from the back of the simple apartment and Kevin hurried towards the sound.

"She's gorgeous," Kevin breathed out as he came to a stop in front of his girlfriend who was chopping vegetables on a rainy Tuesday night in April. "She's so perfect!"

Ryan's bright smile answered his exclamation as she rounded the counter top and touched his face softly, "I have never seen you this happy."

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," Kevin whispered. "Wait, that's a lie. One other time."

"James," Ryan replied knowingly and Kevin nodded. "Soooo, what's her name? I haven't seen you in days with all the baby hoopla."

"Nicole Kathleen Jonas," Kevin told her. "She was 6 pounds and 4 ounces and she's absolutely perfect."

"I'm so happy for you," Ryan responded in a tone that told Kevin every word she spoke was the truth.

"How did I get so lucky," Kevin whispered and leaned down to kiss the red head. "Why do you love me so much?"

"Because you're my heart," she told him as she pressed a hand over his heart. "Right here. You looked at me one day and grabbed my heart and put it right here. It just took you a while to realize that."

"Too long," Kevin breathed out and kissed her deeply. It had taken Kevin a full five months before he had realized what he had with Ryan wasn't just convenient sex; he had almost lost her in the process. But now nine months later and he wasn't going to give her up for anything. He slowly pulled back and looked at her seriously, "She should be yours you know."

Ryan bit her lip and closed her eyes, thinking of the irony of that statement, "No she shouldn't. Because then she wouldn't be the same beautiful little girl that Danielle gave you."

"If we hadn't lost the baby," Kevin started and Ryan held up a hand to stop him.

"There are a lot of if's in this world that we can't control Kevin," Ryan replied. "It was an accident. These things happen. I've dealt with it."

"I know," Kevin whispered into her hair. "I just wish things were different."

Ryan nodded into his chest before pulling back, "Anyway, I have something for you. Well, for Nicole."

Kevin watched curiously as Ryan left the room, wiping at her eyes the entire way and closed the bedroom door behind her. He sighed and leaned on the counter in front of him, wishing not for the first time that they had either been more careful ahead of time or after the fact. The slip down the icy subway stairs had immediately caused a miscarriage five months ago and had nearly caused Kevin to lose Ryan as well. The door opened then and Kevin watched as she walked out carrying a patchwork teddy-bear.

"What's this?" he asked with a laugh.

"A teddy bear. I was making it for, well, yea. But, I mean, someone should have it right? Tell Danielle it came from a craft fair if you have to."

Kevin nodded and looked down at Ryan in awe once more before setting the bear on the counter and pulling her into his arms just as she started sobbing again.
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Ryan glared at the desktop in front of her as she flipped through the payroll sheets and attempted to make some sort of sense out of Kevin's filing system. She had been working for over an hour on what should theoretically be a simple task and had barely gotten anything accomplished, "I love the man but he seriously needs to learn some semblance of organization."

"Ryan?"

The red head glanced up in surprise at the voice but waved Alex, their other bar manager, into the office, "What's up Alex?"

"Just wanted to drop off some cash." Ryan simply pointed at the safe and watched as he stuck the bill folds through. "You look busy," the young man continued and Ryan snorted.

"Understatement. It's the boss' anniversary dinner tonight and I'm trying to get whatever he'd normally be doing out of the way. Thanks for coming in tonight."

"Hey anytime," he replied honestly. "I could use any extra hours you've got to give."

Ryan glanced at him curiously at the words and nodded, "I'll let Kevin know. I've been looking to cut back a bit honestly."

"You? Yea right. You might as well live here."

Ryan smirked at the comment and shrugged, "It's true. Which is why I'd love to cut back. You do a good job handling things. I can handle the business end if you wanna work the actual shifts. It is only four days a week."

"Yea," Alex agreed; he normally worked Wednesday and Thursday nights, even though Ryan was always on hand. While she took the floor Friday's and Saturday's. "I could definitely do that. Just let me know."

"I will. I have to talk to Kevin about it first. But I'm sure it'll be a good response. He likes you. Thinks your doing a good job."

"Thanks Ryan," Alex replied appreciatively. "Well I gotta get back out there."

"Anything good tonight?"

"Nope."

"Anything bad?"

"I'll let you know when the band starts at eleven."

Ryan laughed at the answer and nodded in understanding as the blonde man walked out of the room, closing the office door behind him. Once the door was closed she flopped back in Kevin's chair and pulled her knees up to her chest, lightly running her fingers along the wooden arm rests as her eyes trailed around the office. She loved this office because it was so reflective of her Kevin.

The dark paneled walls, the heavy drapery that gave the illusion of windows, the overflowing ashtray's, the fully stocked bar, the record collection - all of it was the embodiment of the man she was in love with. The man none of them really knew.

"If these walls could talk," she muttered to herself with a bit of a laugh before rubbing her temples. The society pages still occasionally spouted tales of Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Jonas out on the town; the successful businessman and former popstar and the great love of his life out for a night on the town. What the papers didn't know was that more often then not Kevin wound up back here or back at Ryan's apartment. Either way it was in her arms. "Because I know what the walls would say."
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Ryan crept down the hallway quietly with a secretive grin on her face. She pulled the trench coat she had chosen tighter around her body and paused outside the office door. It was July and the stifling heat in the building from the broken air conditioner had forced them to shut their doors for a few days. Ryan had decided that this was the perfect situation for her to finally get Kevin's attention for good. It had been three months since their first encounter in April and she hadn't missed the fact that he would still invite other girls back to his office.

"Well, that stops now; he isn't going to know what hit him," she whispered and opened the door slowly only to pale at the sight that greeted her. "What the fuck?!" she screamed and ran into the room where a blonde she had never seen before was slapping Kevin's face and trying to wake him up.

"I just got here," she gasped out in answer to Ryan's question. "He was on the floor when I got here. I swear."

"Get out," Ryan growled and dropped down next to her boss, taking in his pale but sweaty complexion, speeding pulse and labored breathing. "Fuck, Kevin what'd you take?"

She jumped up and ran over to his desk, discarding the trench coat in the heat, leaving her in a slinky baby doll nighty, and started going through his drawers until she found what she was looking for. In his bottom drawer was what looked like a pharmacy, both over the counter and street. Based on the traces she could see left on his desk Ryan's experienced mind made the first jump she could think of, "Speedball."

Just as she said the words Kevin's body started seizing, sending Ryan running around the desk to his side where she flipped him to his side and held him there, carefully supporting his head as he vomited on the floor.

"That's it," she whispered. "Get it out. Oh god please don't die. Please just be a bad reaction, not an OD. Please," she kept pleading with his unconscious form something inside of her knowing calling an ambulance would be the end of anything between them, ever.

Ryan laid there with him curled up for the next half hour until he finally stopped throwing up. She held him for a half hour after that until he blearily opened his eyes and met hers looking completely confused, "Ryan?"

"Hey," she whispered with tears running down her face. "There you are."

"What?"

"Shhhhh," she told him and placed a hand over his mouth. "Let's get you on the couch ok?"

"Yea," he nodded still looking confused and shaky. Ryan supported nearly his entire weight as she helped him over to the couch and stayed with him for the next twelve hours before he was finally functioning enough to go home.
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Kevin took another bite of the pasta dish he had selected and stared across the table at Danielle as she lightly picked at the fish she had chosen. He managed to avoid rolling his eyes at the look on her face, only his wife could find something to complain about at a four star restaurant.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked breaking the deathly silence that had fallen over them as Danielle had worked her way through a bottle of wine; which in comparison to his one glass was impressive.

"I think we need to take Nicole to a speech therapist."

Kevin choked on the sip of water he had taken and cleared his throat, "Excuse me?"

"Well, you've heard her. Sweepy. Unca. Wif. That's just unacceptable."

"She's two and a half Danielle," Kevin pointed out dryly and grabbed the bottle of wine to pour himself a second glass of the expensive vintage, fairly certain he would need the extra help to get through the coming conversation.

"That's besides the point," Danielle snapped back quietly. "I was talking to my mother and I never had any speech issues as a child. So I called your mother, and neither did you."

"Oh great, you called my mother," Kevin replied with an eye-roll. "Because she's of course going to give me a glowing recommendation in anything I ever do."

"Your mother loves you," Danielle replied looking hurt. "She's just, not sure what to do with you and your behavior these past few years."

"You mean Ryan of course?"

He smirked as Danielle's eyebrows narrowed in confusion for a moment before a clarity settled across her features, "Oh is that her name? Yes, because of your behavior with your whore."

Kevin managed to bite his tongue at the comment, knowing that in the middle of a crowded restaurant was neither the time nor the place to bait her any further and simply shrugged, "Potato, Potahto. But you are not sending my daughter to a speech therapist."

"She's my daughter too."

"Unfortunately," Kevin muttered into his wine glass.

"What'd you say?"

"I said, of course she is. That doesn't mean you're making her feel any worse then you already do about this. If she's still having a problem by four, then we can talk. But not a moment sooner."

"We'll see about that," Danielle replied and stabbed her fish venomously.

"Here," Kevin added a few minutes later, as he randomly remembered why they were torturing themselves in public. He placed a long blue box on the table and pushed it towards her. "It's why you married me after all."

"I married you cause I was in love with you Kevin," Danielle said quietly without touching the gift. "The drugs, the booze and the women killed the man I was in love with. I just kept hoping he'd come back."

"I'm still here Dani," he said softening slightly. "I've been clean coming up on four years in August."

"Yea, well," Danielle replied looking lost. "The drugs, booze and women killed the girl you married too Kevin."

Kevin slumped down in his chair and vaguely waved for the check as Danielle continued to drink the glass of wine that sat in front of her. He studied her as he handed over his credit card to the waiter; her eyes focused on a corner of the room somewhere as she kept the perfect society expression on her face. It was times like these that were the reason he didn't leave; at least not for good. She was right, he had killed her.

"Let's go," he finally said and stood up, helping her from the chair like the picture perfect husband he pretended to be. They walked outside together and Kevin waited as the valet hailed a cab for them. It wasn't until they pulled up to their apartment building that Kevin spoke again, "I'll see you tomorrow when I go and get the kids."

"What?!" she nearly screeched. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Where do you think I'm going Danielle? Do you want me to write it out for you?"

"Fine," she hissed. "Go fuck the tramp. You better tread really carefully Jonas."

"No need to make threats Danielle," he whispered. "I know the consequences."

"Good," she snapped and slammed the cab door as Kevin leaned over to give the driver the second address he needed to go to that night.

When the cab finally pulled up to Ryan's apartment building Kevin paid the fare and climbed out. He pulled a cigarette out and lit it, taking a seat on the brick wall outside her building as he pulled his cell phone out and hitting Nick's speed dial button.

"Yo, shouldn't you be canoodling with the Mrs?"

"I'm smoking outside of Ryan's building. The kid's still up?"

"Nicki's out cold and has been since about eight; but James might be persuaded to talk to his Dad if I can tear him away from Transformers Six."

Kevin groaned aloud at the movie title and shot back, "They shoulda stopped after one. Now put my son on the phone."

Kevin heard Nick's answering laughter and the muffled sound of talking before James' voice floated through the receiver, "Hi Dad!"

"Oh boy, how much sugar have you had kiddo?"

"Not a lot. Aunt Emma yelled at Uncle Nick about it already."

"I'm sure she did. Your Aunt is one of the few people in our family with her head completely screwed on straight."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. I was just calling to tell you I love you and good night."

"I love you too Dad. Hey is Mom there?"

"Umm, no, your Mom went to bed."

"Oh," James muttered. "Ok, well, she probably wouldn't care anyway."

"About what kiddo? You know your Mom cares about anything you have to tell her," Kevin corrected him, wincing at the almost lie he had just told his son.

"Uncle Nick taught me how to play Blackbird on the guitar tonight."

Kevin froze at the statement and tossed the butt of his cigarette away, "He did huh?"

"Yea!"

"That's great buddy. How'd you do?"

"I think I got it all down. I'm gonna have to practice a lot on my acoustic. Orrrrrrr, ya know, an electric?"

"It's only February champ."

"I know," James mumbled. "Hey Dad, the good part of the movie just came on. Here's Uncle Nick."

"There's a good part to the sixth Transformers?" Kevin mumbled and when he heard Nick pick up the phone he managed to control his temper. "You taught him how to play Blackbird?"

"Uhhh, yea?"

"You taught my son to play the song I used to sing him to sleep with?"

"Oh shit, Kevin, I'm sorry. I forgot you were gonna do that. It's just you haven't yet."

"Whatever," Kevin muttered. "Alright. I'll be by to pick up the kids between say noon and one tomorrow."

"Sound's good," Nick replied. "Say hi to Ryan for me."

"Will do," Kevin responded and hung up the phone before heading inside. "Hey George," he greeted the doorman.

"Mr. Jonas," the man replied. "Ms. Matteson's not in tonight sir."

Kevin froze at the words and stared at him in confusion; a glance at his watch reminded him that it was a Saturday and it was only a quarter to eleven, "She's at the club. Shit. Damnit. Ok, thanks George."

Kevin continued inside and up the elevator to Ryan's floor. He fished out his keys as he continued down the hallway and finally opened her apartment door, closing and locking it behind him. He flipped the living room lights on and loosened his tie on the way through the apartment until he reached her bedroom. He quickly stripped of his clothes and changed into his pajamas, part of him still startled by the fact that based on the bedroom and bathroom alone it looked like he lived here.

Once he had changed and washed his face he climbed into bed and closed his eyes, mentally exhausted from the day he had experienced. A few hours later he felt the bed dip and wrapped his arms around the body that snuggled up next to him.

"Hey," he whispered blinking at her and then glancing at the clock to see that it was three. "You come home early?"

"Well, late since I don't normally work Saturdays," she joked. "What are you doing here?"

"I love you," was Kevin's only reply before he leaned over and kissed her softly, rolling his body on top of hers and showing her just how much.