Can You Keep A Secret

Kevin yawned and turned off the alarm clock that he didn't remember setting and rolled over to see if Ryan was still in bed. He could feel the smile grow on his face at the sight of long red hair splayed along the pillow next to him while she slept peacefully on her side with the February sun warming her face. The longer he stared, the more he wished that this was what he saw every morning when he woke up and very quickly came to a impulsive decision about how he wanted to spend his afternoon. A quick glance at the clock showed it to be a quarter after twelve so he reached over to shake Ryan awake, "Hey love."

"Go away. It's Sunday," was the muffled reply. "I'm too tired for sex."

"Hey now," he whispered and kissed her shoulder gently. "I got enough of that last night."

"Good. Then let me sleep. I set the clock so you could get to Nick's at a decent hour. I love you."

Kevin muffled his laughter into his pillow and pulled her over to face him, smirking at the scowl set in her beautiful face, "Come with me."

The request actually caused Ryan to open her blue eyes in shock and look over at him, "What?"

"Come to Nick's with me to get the kids. I want them to meet you. We'll be a family for one afternoon."

Ryan stared back at him for a few seconds and simply replied, "No."

"No? But, sweetie?"

"No. Now I'm going back to sleep."

"But, you love kids!"

"I do," Ryan whispered in a quiet voice that Kevin could barely hear as she shook him off and rolled back over. "But they're hers. I don't belong in that."

"But I want them to be yours!"

"Yea, well, they aren't," Ryan snapped back and stuck her head under a pillow much to Kevin's shock.

"Ry?" he whispered and rubbed her back gently. "Baby look at me please?"

Ryan pulled her head out from the pillow and looked over at Kevin, this time with a regretful expression on her face and spoke seriously, "I love you Kevin Jonas and I love those kids. You've told me everything about them for years. But I can not risk them hating me or, worse, hating you. They will."

"Oh come on, they have no clue."

"And I'd like to keep it that way," she added. "James is going to be eight in just two months. He's a bright kid. You want me to meet them? You divorce her; we'll wait an appropriate amount of time. Then I'll be more then happy to meet them. Until then? I'm ok with this."

"I'm not."

"I don't care. Now go shower, change and pick up your children. Tell Nick I said hi."

Kevin sighed as she rolled back over to attempt to go back to sleep and finally nodded with a slight feeling of relief in his stomach. He quietly climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom where he went about getting ready for the day, Ryan's words playing on repeat in his head. As he shaved he couldn't help but wonder if she was right, would his children hate him?

Before he left he headed back over to the bed and crouched down next to it to press a soft kiss to Ryan's lips and whispered, "I'm going now. I love you."

"I love you too," she replied opening her eyes slightly. "So much."

"You know, Nick doesn't care when I pick them up."

"Kevinnnn I'm tired, gooooo," she whined and scooted across the bed, batting his hands away from her.

"Alright alright, love you baby."

"Go!"

"Going now," Kevin laughed and left the bedroom, making sure to lock the apartment up behind him.

Once he had left the building he hailed a cab, rather then heading back to Tribecca to pick up his car from their apartment's garage and gave the driver Nick and Emma's address in Park Slope before settling back to wait out the approximately half hour ride, depending on traffic. When they arrived Kevin paid the driver and got out of the car, jogging up the stairs that led to Nick's townhouse and raised a hand to knock, more then a little surprised when it was flung open by his niece before he had made a sound.

"Elaine Marie Jonas!" he snapped. "What are you doing answering the door."

"I saw you at the window Uncle Kevin," the three, almost four, year old responded smartly as she pointed at the large bay window where he could see Nicole waving happily at him.

"You're still supposed to wait til Mommy or Daddy opens the door munchkin," he sighed and ruffled her hair briefly before scooping her up in a hug that she happily returned. "Love you."

"Love you too Uncle Kevin," she replied before he set her down so she could run back to the living room and closed the door, double locking it behind him.

"Where's your parents?" Kevin asked sticking his head in. "Hi Princess."

"Hi Daddy!" she replied without lifting her head from where it was focused on a Barbie doll.

"Kitchen," Elaine replied and Kevin waited a second to watch as the toddler climbed on top of the couch and into the large cushioned window.

"Alright, well, be careful," he added and slipped his coat off finally, throwing it over the banister that led to the second floor of the house. Kevin proceeded through the dark, windowless hallway until he entered the large open room that made up the kitchen and dining area of the old house. "Hey Sis," he called to Emma, who was stirring something on the stove. "Nicky."

"Kevin, Hi!" Emma replied with a bright smile. "I'd hug you but then I'd get you all messy."

"What're you making?" he asked with a chuckle, darting his hand out to grab a carrot stick off the stove next to her.

"Soup," she replied and batted at his hand. "How'd you get in? I didn't even hear the bell."

"I didn't get that far," Kevin replied. "Laney saw me and opened the door."

Nick raised an eyebrow and stood silently, walking out of the kitchen and down the hall; Kevin and Emma remained quiet until they heard, "Elaine Marie Jonas!"

"You are going to have quite a handful when she gets older," Kevin told his sister in law as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Older?" Emma replied. "Try now. She took after Joe. I don't know how. But she did."

"That's ok," Nick responded as he walked back into the kitchen. "Brandon took after me. We're still not sure on Matt yet," Nick continued referring to Joe's sons, who were almost six and almost three respectively.

"Are you sure there's something you four aren't telling me?" Kevin asked. "Come on Em fess up; you and Jenny switched off at some point?"

"Ooooo Kevin," Nick mocked. "You called her Jenny."

Kevin rolled his eyes as the subject of his other sister in laws name was brought up and held the expression for a second before he started laughing, "God. How did Joe of all of us wind up with someone that uptight?"

"I have no idea," Nick groaned and sat down. "I mean, I love Jenny. She balances him out I guess. But damn that girl is a stickler for rules."

"So maybe Brandon took after her?" Kevin said pondering the thought as though for the first time.

"Maybe," Nick replied nodding and Emma smacked them both over the head with a pot holder.

"I swear you two are horrid when you get together. I like Jennifer."

"We do too Em," Kevin insisted. "We just like fucking with her head more. I mean, the woman is a playwright. She's creative. Why the hell doesn't she loosen up a little bit?"

Nick started laughing at Kevin's comment and Emma merely turned back to the stove to continue making her soup. The three adults sat around the kitchen for another twenty minutes or so catching up on things; the latest record Nick was producing, how the club was doing and Kevin allowed himself to relax as this was one of the few environments where he felt like he could really be himself.

Finally with a regretful glance at the clock he stood up, "I gotta get going. The kids have school tomorrow and if I get them home after five Danielle'll have my head."

"What else is new?" Emma muttered before kissing him on the cheek and giving him a hug. "You need to come to dinner soon."

"I will," he promised. "Love you kid."

"Love you too Kev," she replied. "I'll go get Nicki bundled up and tell James to come downstairs."

After Emma had left the room Kevin slumped back down in his chair and ran a hand over his face. Nick looked startled at the sudden change in demeanor and quickly asked his brother, "What's wrong?"

"I might have done something stupid."

"What?"

"I stayed at Ryan's last night."

"Kevin," Nick breathed out. "Last night?"

"Yea," Kevin replied nodding. "I can't stand not being with her anymore Nick. I asked her to come with me to get the kids today. Have an afternoon together, just the four of us."

"What'd she say?"

"No, obviously," Kevin gestured around the kitchen that was empty except for the two of them.

"That's probably a good thing Kev," his younger brother replied honestly. "That's a whole can of worms you don't want to open. Not with the kids."

"But," Kevin stammered and Nick held a hand up for silence.

"I know you love her Kevin. Hell I think the kids would adore her. But, it's just, not a good way to go about things. Not right now."

"Do you think she doesn't want my children?" Kevin asked quietly and Nick sighed biting his lip as he tried to formulate an answer.

"I think she doesn't want to be reminded of the fact that she doesn't have your child Kevin. How do you think she feels every time she knows you're playing with them. Knowing that her child died?"

Kevin blanched and replied, "That was my child too Nick. It still kills me every time I think about it."

"Exactly," Nick replied, wondering when he had become the older brother. "But you have Jamie and Nicki. She has you, sometimes."

Kevin nodded slowly and stood again, "Alright. I guess I see your point. I've really gotta get going though."

"Ok," Nick stood as well and followed his older brother down the hall into the front hall where James and Nicole were both waiting in their winter coats. Kevin pulled his wool pea coat on and buttoned it up before sticking a black hat over his curls and grabbing the kids bags.

"Let's go guys," he told him and waited as they both said final good-bye's to their aunt, uncle and cousin. He then picked Nicole up, balancing her on his left hip, before following James out the front door and down the stairs. "We'll get a cab up the block," he told his son when the seven year old looked at him curiously.

"Ok," James muttered and started walking in the direction that Kevin had pointed.

"Did you have fun last night guys?"

"Sure did Dad," James said with a slightly happier tone. "Uncle Nick and I watched movies. And Aunt Emma made brownies. Real ones."

Kevin laughed heartily at James' statement, as it was a well known fact that Emma Jonas, who had been a dietitian before she had Elaine, was a stickler for her husband's diabetes and his eating habits. The little family chatted as they made their way down the block and into a taxi cab to head home to Manhattan.

When they pulled up to the apartment building Nicole was snoring away tucked next to her father and James too looked about ready to nod off. Kevin carefully gathered the toddler in his arms and helped his son out of the cab before paying the driver and grabbing their bags. James shuffled along ahead of Kevin, his father's hand resting gently on his head straight through the lobby of their building and into the elevator.

"Hey Jamie, grab my keys outta my pocket and go unlock the door. I'm gonna be juggling your sister."

Jamie nodded and fished his father's keys out of the large coat before running down the hall to their apartment door. He disappeared inside a few seconds later as Kevin carefully carried his daughter and two bags to the door and inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

"She asleep?" Danielle asked quietly, sticking her head around the corner from the kitchen and Kevin merely nodded in reply partially wondering why he hadn't gotten his head ripped off the second he walked into the apartment.

He was even more shocked when she approached and carefully helped him get Nicole out of her coat, hat and gloves. He gently kissed her little flushed cheeks and rubbed her back, jiggling her around a little bit as he walked to gently wake her up. He watched her face screw up for a second and carefully whispered, "Shhhhhh. Shhhh princess. Time to wake up."

"No," Nicole mumbled and squished her face into Kevin's neck. "I'ma sweepin."

"But Charlie's lonely," Kevin whispered quietly to her as he continued to pace around the living room. "He's sitting on the couch all by himself."

"Charlie?" the toddler replied looking around for her bear. "Charlie! What're you doin over dere?" she asked the bear, suddenly sounding much more awake as she glared at the bear Danielle had taken out of her small backpack and placed on the couch. Kevin took that as his cue to place the little girl on her feet, where she ran across the room and hopped up onto the couch, pulled Charlie into her lap and turned the tv on with the remote that sat next to her.

"Only channel thirteen princess," Kevin reminded his daughter who nodded.

"I know Daddy. Big Bird's on."

Kevin rolled his shoulders and removed his own coat now that he was no longer carrying a toddler and dropped it across the back of the couch before walking into the kitchen where he found Danielle making dinner. He quietly opened the fridge and took a beer out, opening the bottle and taking a swig before speaking, "What're you making?"

"Just a roasted chicken and potatoes and some veggies," she replied and Kevin stared in shock as she took a swallow from a glass of juice.

"You busting out the hard liquor tonight or something?" he questioned and pointed at the glass.

"No Kevin, it's juice."

"Juice?"

"Yes," she said rolling her eyes, while looking surprisingly relaxed. "Juice."

"Ok, I'm missing something here. You haven't yelled once yet and I've been home for a whole fifteen minutes."

"Never mind, just go get the kids washed up for dinner please?"

"Ummm, Dani?"

"Yea?"

"It's four."

"Yea, I know. By the time they both have baths for tomorrow it'll be approaching five-thirty and dinnertime. I do know how to be a mother Kevin. I know how long all of this takes. Have you forgotten?"

Kevin reeled back as though slapped and nodded quietly, grabbing his beer and walking out of the kitchen, glancing back again to see her leaning heavily on the counter looking troubled, "Dani?"

"Just go Kevin."

"Alright," he whispered. "Nicki princess! Bath time," he called as he walked into the living room, knowing she would take the longest, not to mention needed to be supervised.

"But Big Bird!" she pouted and pointed at the television in front of her where Sesame Street was playing.

"Yea, well Mommy said it's bath time. You've got nursery school in the morning."

"Oh fine," she muttered and Kevin almost laughed at the petulant expression but instead grabbed her upside down and carried the squealing toddler into her bedroom where he set her on her bed and went to her dresser.

"Jasmine or umm, this one?" he said holding out the Hannah Montana pajamas with a amused expression. The recent re-surge in popularity for Miley's old character via re-runs had been the source of endless amusement for Kevin, Nick and their old friend.

"Jasmine," she said and pointed at the teal Aladdin themed pajamas Kevin was holding out.

"Good choice. Let's go baby."

He watched as she kissed Charlie on the nose, placed him carefully on her pillow and slid off the toddler bed Kevin had recently exchanged her crib for. The small brunette skipped down the hall in front of him loudly singing "A Whole New World" before executing a spin that had her sliding to the floor in front of him. He waited a beat to see if she was hurt, knowing that if he showed any concern she'd burst into tears even if she was fine, and relaxed when she popped up a few seconds later and continued on into the bathroom.

Kevin set about running her bath, quickly helped her undress and climb into the quarter filled tub before distractedly handing her a few toys and settling on the closed toilet seat to let his daughter play for a little while.

"Hey Daddy?" she asked a few seconds later, looking up at him with her big brown eyes.

"Yes Princess?"

"Who's Ryan?"

Kevin blanched at the question and stared at his daughter in shock for a few seconds before he collected himself, "Why do you ask baby?"

"I heard you and Unca Nick talking bout him."

Kevin relaxed when he realized his daughter immediately took the usually male name to mean that it was a man and replied, "Just a friend of Daddy's from work."

"Oh," she replied and nodded immediately going back to playing with her tub blocks while leaving Kevin astounded once again at how bright and perceptive the child was. "Daddy?" she continued after a few more minutes, just as Kevin was getting ready to end play time and start bath time.

"Yes Princess?"

"Can you sing me my song?"

"While we wash your hair. Jamie still has to take his shower."

"Okay," she nodded and ducked under the water, coming back up spluttering but finally fully soaked. "Ready."

Kevin chuckled and rolled the sleeves on his long sleeved shirt up before kneeling down and grabbing the bottle of baby shampoo. He quickly applied a dollop to the curls and started massaging them in quietly. It took him a few seconds but he finally started singing the song he had chosen as Nicole's lullaby when she was a baby, Dolly Parton's "Little Sparrow."

He reached the end of the song just as he finished rinsing her hair and washing her little body and immediately scooped her out of the tub in a large towel before she could try and convince him to let her play any longer, "You're gonna prune baby. Though I guess I got lucky that you actually like baths huh?"

"Yep!" she replied and hugged Kevin around the neck as he carried her back towards her bedroom, pausing to knock on James' door and point towards the bathroom. He waited a few seconds until he was sure his son was actually going to go and shower and then continued on the rest of the way to Nicole's room to set about the long process of getting her into pajamas. Fortunately, she did like baths; unfortunately, she had reached the stage of her life where she thought clothes were unnecessary.

An hour later the family was getting ready to sit down and eat dinner when Kevin paused to grab his phone and quickly texted Ryan to tell her he'd be by around eleven that night, as soon as he could get out. He caught the look Danielle sent him at the action and quickly stuck his phone in his pocket attempting to look somewhat innocent. Something was different tonight and he couldn't tell what quite yet.

"So how was your night with Uncle Nick and Aunt Emma?" Danielle broke the uncomfortable silence that always seemed to accompany dinners. Thankfully, never seemingly noticed by their children.

"Great!" James responded and began rambling all about the movies he had watched and the guitar lessons his Uncle had given him. Danielle and Kevin nodded and replied where appropriate, but mostly just kept an eye on the clock and what their children were, and were not, eating. Dinner passed quickly, much to Kevin's relief and as Danielle took Nicki off to wash her up and put her to bed Kevin busied himself with cleaning up the kitchen and reminding James to go finish any homework he may have neglected.

The rest of the night passed fairly similarly; Kevin normally would have found an excuse to leave earlier then he had told Ryan he would, usually work related. But every time he opened his mouth Danielle would shoot him a look that basically told him he was staying put or he wouldn't like the results. So instead he sat in his office and went through some paperwork for BLVD until eight-thirty when he jumped up and headed into James' room to get his son into bed.

"Tired bud?" Kevin whispered as he walked in and James nodded and yawned from his seat at his desk where Kevin found him studying a sheet of music. A glance at the top showed Kevin it was "Blackbird" and the handwriting on the page was most definitely his younger brothers.

"Yea," he replied. "I've got school tomorrow too. Yuck."

"You love school! What's this yuck?" Kevin asked in surprise as James climbed into his bed and snuggled under the covers.

"Cindy dumped me."

Kevin managed to stifle the laugh that wanted to burst out at his son's proclamation and instead adopted a sad expression, "I'm sorry kiddo. But hey, there are other fish in the sea right?"

"Yea, I guess," James muttered. "But she was the love of my life."

"I know," Kevin agreed taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "But trust me Jamie. You will have many of those. And one day when you're least expecting it you'll met the real love of your life and your entire world will be changed."

"Is that what it as like when you met Mom?"

Kevin paused at the question and stared at the wall in front of him for a second before looking down at his son with a tight smile and nodded telling him the truth, "It was. Your Mom was the most beautiful girl in the world when I met her."

"She still is," James mumbled around a yawn and Kevin considered the statement for a moment before nodding.

"Your Mother is still beautiful. Yes. But the thing is," Kevin continued and then looked down, breathing a sigh of relief when he realized his son had completely fallen asleep. "Thank you Nick for exhausting him," he chuckled before kissing his sons head and walking out of the room.

He quickly peaked in on Nicole, covering her up again and kissing her cheek before walking out and heading into the kitchen again. Kevin reached into the fridge and opened another beer before leaning against it and waiting.

Danielle walked in a few minutes later and stood in front of him nervously. Kevin merely watched in silence as she took a seat at the kitchen table and stared at her hands, spinning her engagement ring around her finger continuously in such a way that he began to pray that the next words out of her mouth would be asking him for a divorce.

"I'm pregnant," she finally spoke and Kevin nearly choked on the mouthful of beer he had just swallowed.

"Excuse me?" he questioned.

"I'm pregnant Kevin," she repeated and looked up at him with watery eyes. "I found out last week."

Kevin immediately pulled a kitchen chair out and sat down heavily in it, "But, we've been so careful?"

Danielle nodded and bit her lip; they had decided after Nicole that they weren't going to have any more children. In all honesty, he had barely touched her in the last year and a half, except for a very few occasions, usually when they were both well past intoxicated.

"Well, I guess we weren't that careful," she admitted.

"How far along are you?"

"About a month and a half," she admitted.

"But you were drinking last night!" he hissed at her looking horrified. "You found out last week and you've been drinking?!"

"I," she mumbled looking lost. "I didn't want it to be true ok!"

Kevin ran a hand down his face and met her eyes from across the table and finally just asked, "So what now?"

"We're having another baby is what," she replied. "Perhaps you'd like to be present at the birth of this one?"

"That's not fair," Kevin responded in a warning tone.

"Oh isn't it?" she asked him, the familiar anger creeping into her tone. "How is that not fair Kevin? How would you like it if I told Nicole that her Daddy wasn't there when she was born because he was out fucking some slut?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Kevin hissed, keeping his voice down so as not to wake the children. "If you ever tell her that I swear to fucking God above I will forget you're a woman."

"But it's true isn't it? You were with her while I was having your daughter. And you didn't even find out til hours later."

"You were two weeks early Danielle!"

"Oh and that makes it ok obviously," Danielle laughed and stood up. "I'm going to bed. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. If you'd like to come it's at three. You know where my OBGYN is."

Kevin watched as his wife walked out of the kitchen then and felt a strange mix of elation and terror rip through his chest and he dropped his head to the kitchen table and just sat there trying to process this new information and what it meant for him, his family and, in a round about way, Ryan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh fuck, Kevin," Ryan moaned as the older man pressed her harder into the wall, gripping her hips as he thrust inside of her. "God baby I'm gonna cum. Fuck harder."

Kevin's answering pants and the pressure of his lips on her neck sent Ryan into a free fall and she climaxed with a scream, Kevin following much more quietly a few seconds later. He gently lowered her to her feet and kissed her lips lightly as they stumbled across the bedroom and collapsed on her bed with a laugh.

"This never gets old," Kevin whispered as he caught his breath.

"Not bad for an old man," Ryan joked and sat up, straddling his waist. "Ready to go again?"

"Not quite," Kevin responded with a laugh. "Grab my phone for me would you?"

"Kevin," she whined. "You promised no calls this weekend. Just us before the baby craziness starts."

"I know. But I should at least turn it back on. It's been off for over a day."

"Oh fine," Ryan mumbled and grabbed his phone off the dresser hitting the power button and holding it out for him. They both waited a few minutes and then glanced at the phone in surprise as six voice-mails and at least fifteen text messages registered. "Damn. Someone's popular," the red head muttered.

Kevin held up a hand as he scrolled through the texts from every possible immediately family member he could think of, growing paler with each passing second, "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!"

"Baby what is it?"

"Danielle had the baby," he told her in horror. He watched as all the blood drained from Ryan's face and she turned her horrified expression down at her own body before she immediately started sobbing. "Baby?"

"Oh god, oh god, you missed, oh fuck, GO!" she kept sobbing as she climbed out of bed and frantically gathered clothing that belonged to him handing it to him with shaking hands. "I'm so sorry Kevin. I'm so sorry," she finally fell down on the floor crying.

"Ryan," he whispered. "It's not your fault," he insisted as he dressed before kneeling down next to her. He gently lifted her head and wiped the constant tears away before kissing her softly. "I'll call you as soon as I can ok?"

"Just go Kevin," she told him in a broken voice. "Go be with your family."

"I don't want to leave you like this."

"Fucking go!" she screamed at him. "Get out!"

Kevin jumped back at the venom in her voice, but nodded and left the apartment hailing a cab and barking out the name of the hospital Danielle and his daughter were at.