Can You Keep A Secret

"I should head home," Kevin mumbled into Ryan's hair at around eight on Wednesday night. The couple were currently stretched out on the couch in Kevin's office where they had been since Nick waved good-bye a half hour earlier.

"I know," Ryan replied and traced the buttons on Kevin's shirt; her sense was nearly overwhelmed by the smell of his cologne, the Obsession she buys him, and the last thing the red head wanted to do was move.

"I told Danielle I'd be home tonight," he reminded her.

"I know," she repeated this time while lightly tugging on the first closed button of his shirt, popping it open with a smirk. "You'll be home in five minutes if you jump in a cab you know."

"You're a bad influence," Kevin muttered with his eyes closed as he felt Ryan kneel up and begin to actively unbutton his shirt, while her lips followed the progress of her nimble fingers until she reached the waist band of his jeans. "Baby I gotta go home."

"You're not going anywhere yet," Ryan whispered and gently ran her tongue around his belly button while her hands rested on his waist, feeling his jeans tightening under her palms. Ryan deftly unbuckled his belt and unzipped the perfectly fitted jeans, slipping her fingers under the band to give a few impatient tugs until Kevin finally lifted his hips with a sigh and allowed her to pull the material down his legs. "I've gotta say," Ryan commented as she worked his pants over his ankles, grateful Kevin had kicked his shoes off earlier. "I loved the tight pants when we were younger, but a pair of pants that fits properly is so much nicer."

"Less chaffing too," Kevin joked before grabbing Ryan and pulling her back down into his arms. The red head settled her body, straddling his waist and rested her head under his chin as Kevin's arms came up to hold her tightly to him. "I love you."

"I love you too Kev," Ryan replied with a smile. She could feel each breath as he exhaled and it ruffled her hair lightly and each heartbeat was thudding under her chest. Ryan gently turned her head and began pressing soft kisses to his exposed collarbone, pushing his shirt sleeves down over his well toned shoulders, not for the first time appreciating what vanity in a early-thirties male will do to inspire exercise. She slowly crept down his body again, kissing the bare flesh as she moved until she once again reached his waist and gently stroked her hands down his thighs. "I am far too overdressed to play."

"Yea, how'd I wind up naked and you still look like it's February?"

"You said you had to go home," Ryan mumbled, her words muffled as she kissed his hip. "I figured it'd be quicker this way."

"Get up here," Kevin growled in a tone that brokered no arguments and had Ryan scrambling up his body as he grabbed her and flipped them before attacking her lips with his own. She felt his hand grab her ass and pull her tight into him, even as his other hand began to work her shirt up her body and over her head.

"MmmKevin," Ryan moaned as his lips explored her neck and his fingers sent a trail of heat over her body as they skimmed down her side. He unsnapped her bra and pulled it off, dropping it behind him before immediately beginning to work on her jeans. "What's the rush?" Ryan asked with a laugh as she helped him pull the denim from her legs.

"I don't have a lot of time," he mumbled against her lips, deepening the kiss as he pushed her into the couch and settled between her legs, splitting her folds with the head of his penis almost immediately.

Ryan gasped when Kevin skipped any attempt at foreplay and slowly began thrusting into her, his hands gripped her hips and tilted them higher, pulling a loud moan from her mouth as his hips slammed into hers.

"God you're wet," he muttered, lightly biting down on her shoulder. "I love you so much Ryan."

Ryan merely wrapped her legs around Kevin's waist and clung to him relishing the feelings he could pull from her with the simplest touch and how years later he knew everything to do to release them. Kevin started thrusting faster and attacked her lips with his, tongue delving into her mouth gently.

Ryan pulled away with a gasp seconds later as her breathing started to speed up, "I'm close."

"That's a good girl," Kevin whispered and pinned her hips to the couch and slamming his hips into hers with a repeated grunt.

"Fuck Kevin, more," Ryan cried arching her back and raising her hips to meet his.

They were both panting when the theme to Sesame Street suddenly rang through the room; Kevin groaned in annoyance but immediately stopped and pushed himself off of Ryan to root around on the floor for his pants where he pulled his cell phone out.

"What?!" Ryan screeched looking stunned where she lay. She watched as he stared at the phone and smiled brightly before pushing a button and placing the phone near his ear.

"Hey princess," Kevin whispered and appeared to listen to whatever the response was. Ryan sighed and slid forward so she could rest her head on his back as he spoke to his daughter. "Yes sweetie. I promise I'll be home in a half hour; just in time to put you to bed. I love you too baby."

"That Nicole?" Ryan asked when he hung up the phone.

"Yea," Kevin exhaled the word. "I've gotta go."

"Yea, I know," she muttered and then glanced over his shoulder. "Gonna go home with that?"

Kevin glanced down and started laughing, which immediately turned into appreciative muffled moans as Ryan slipped her hands around his waist and grasped him in her hand while pulling his mouth in for a kiss.
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"Oh my God," a voice sounded from the office doorway and Kevin's head snapped around to meet Joe's eyes across the room. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Hi Joe, knock much?" Kevin muttered as he gently pushed Ryan off his lap; he then stood and zipped his pants as Ryan tried to pull her top over her head, straighten her skirt and fix her hair without meeting Joe's eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh gee, I thought I'd swing by and see how you were doing since you didn't come to my house for dinner with Dani and we were all expecting you," Joe muttered as Kevin stumbled slightly over to his personal bar and began fixing a drink. "Oh, that's right. Get another drink."

"Shuttup," Kevin growled. "Hey Red? You want something?" Ryan quickly shook her head and pointed towards the door before hurrying out of the office and back into the bar. "That one's a good fuck. Lemme tell you."

"Nice Kevin," Joe whispered and ran a hand through his long hair. "Why don't you head home. I'm sure the slut you just promoted can handle things here."

"What'd you call her?" Kevin snapped as he turned to look at Joe; scotch sloshing out of the tumbler he was holding. "Don't you say a fucking word about Ryan. You don't know anything about her."

"I know she's a fucking tramp college student who spent the last two months fucking her way up the food chain around here. Isn't that what you told me?"

"I said nothing of the sort," Kevin slurred slightly before clearing his throat and rubbing his forehead. "I didn't say that," he repeated more to himself then to Joe.

"Sure you did," Joe laughed. "I bet you don't even remember, do you? You left me a message saying you just got done fucking some redhead who works for you. Apparently she was a pretty big Jonas fan and spread her legs damn quick. Though you also sounded like you had half a bottle of Jack in you at the time."

"No," Kevin mumbled. "It took two years. That's not quick."

"Two years? Wow, and you didn't fire her before she finally gave it up?"

"Fuck you," Kevin shouted, shaking his head to clear it. "Get the fuck outta my office. Just go back to your perfect life with your wife and your awards and fame and leave me to mine."

"Ironic isn't it," Joe called back as he walked towards the office door, leaving his older brother leaning against his large desk. "I wound up not being the one to fuck it all up. Picture perfect Kevin Jonas is a coke-head who cheats on his wife and Joe Jonas, the one they all expected to crash and burn, is married, with a steady career and totally anti-Hollywood."

"I've got a career," Kevin grumbled and took a sip of his scotch.

"Not with the way you're headed," Joe replied and turned his back on the older male.

Kevin watched as Joe swung the door open and jumped at the sight of a figure, wearing a suit, who had his hand raised to knock. Kevin waved him in and glared at Joe as his younger brother walked out, ignoring the man in the suit.

"Mr. Jonas," the man said quietly as he walked in, after locking the door behind him, and approached the desk.

"Hey Rick," Kevin whispered, taking a seat at his desk and rolling his sleeves up. "You got everything?"

"Of course Mr. Jonas," the quiet gentleman, a few years older then Kevin himself, answered as he propped the large briefcase he carried against the desk and waited.

"64-24-78-90," Kevin mumbled, massaging his temples harder. He watched as the other man crouched down in front of the steel safe and unlocked it based on the numbers Kevin had given to him. "It's the envelope on top."

"Of course sir," Rick answered as he opened the heavy steel door and pulled a manila envelope from inside, casually slipping it inside of his suit jacket. "Now, for what I have for you," Rick whispered crossing the room again and picking up the briefcase as Kevin pulled open a desk drawer and pulled out a small mirror that he set on the desk.

Rick began by lining a few pill bottles up in front of Kevin; the younger man barely glanced at the bottles as he knew they would be a mix of amphetamines and other stimulants in pill form. He simply picked them up and tossed them in his bottom drawer with whatever else he had left in there. Rick finally pulled out a leather case from which he extracted a large plastic zip-lock bag and tossed it on the table in front of Kevin. Before Kevin could grab the bag, a dime-bag sized baggie, containing an off white powder, landed in front of him as well.

"What's in there?"

"The usual," Rick replied, pointing to the larger bag and referring to Kevin's preference for cocaine in its salt, or powdered, form. "And the smaller bag is a bonus; I just got my hands on some china white. I thought you'd like a taste. Bet it's right up your alley."

"China white," Kevin muttered nervously and picked the smaller bag up, opening it and sticking his pinkie in before touching it to the tip of his tongue. "I don't fuck around with heroin," he finally stated sounding put off.

"I'm not asking you to shoot it," Rick nearly purred. "Just try it. Mix the two, make a nice little speed-ball."

"I dunno," Kevin repeated slowly and looked between the two bags. "I'm an upper ya know?" Rick nodded, knowing well his client's preference for uppers to downers; something the opiate he had just handed over definitely was. It was the contemplative look on the younger man's face that stopped Rick from speaking. "A bonus?" Kevin finally asked with an interested tone creeping into his voice; preference might be something you spoke of in public, but anyone who used knew the truth, drugs were drugs.

"Completely," Rick agreed. "You like it? You want more? You just throw it in your text next time you need me."

Kevin nodded slowly and placed the smaller bag down on the desk as he picked up the larger bag and began meticulously laying out a few lines using a credit card to cut and arrange them; though Rick noted with a smirk that his eyes kept straying back over to the other, smaller, bag, even as he leaned down with a rolled up bill and inhaled the white powder, his dealer forgotten as he quietly left the office and the club.
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Kevin unlocked the apartment door quietly and stepped inside, tilting his head to listen for any sounds that would clue him into the location of his family. He could vaguely hear the living room television going and when he peeked his head around the corner of the room he saw Danielle's head over the top of the couch.

"I'm home," he called quietly, pulling his coat off and dropping it over a chair before entering the room fully and studying his wife who was sitting on the couch with Nicole propped, sleeping, against her leg. "Want me to take her?"

"Please," Danielle replied. "She insisted on waiting up for you and threw a fit when I tried to make her go into her room."

"I told her I'd be home in a half an hour."

"It's been forty-five minutes," Danielle snapped quietly, trying not to stir the baby.

"There was traffic," Kevin answered honestly; he hadn't been expecting the construction which had held him up for an extra fifteen minutes. "I'll take her," he finally said and leaned down to scoop up the sleeping toddler carefully. He cradled her small body in his arms and settled her head on his shoulder, pausing when she began snuggling deeper into his arms and mumbling. "Shhhh," he whispered softly into her hair, lightly kissing the top of her curls. "Shhhh baby."

"Daddy," she mumbled and flung an arm up punching Kevin in the nose before she started breathing deep and steady again.

"Fu," Kevin almost hissed but caught himself at the last second when Danielle shot him a warning look. "Sorry," he muttered. "Hey gimme Charlie," he added holding a hand out for the bear to be placed into it. Once he had both child and toy secured Kevin carefully walked out of the dark living room and towards the back hall where the bedrooms were. He paused outside of James' room when he saw the light on and carefully adjusted Nicole so he could push the door open. "James? Bedtime buddy."

The seven year old looked up from the book he was reading in bed and frowned, "Can't I just finish this chapter?"

"How many pages into the chapter are you?"

"Uhh, one paragraph," James finally admitted.

"Bed. Now. I'll be in in a minute."

"Alright," James muttered and Kevin waited while his son grabbed a bookmark and placed the book on his nightstand before he continued on to Nicole's room.

He entered the toddler's bedroom, avoiding any scattered toys, and approached her small bed. He gently laid her down, grateful that the blankets had already been pulled back and covered her up after place Charlie next to her head. Kevin slowly kneeled down next to the bed, wincing at the slight cracking in his joints, and ran his hand softly over his daughter's head. The soft curls felt like silk under his fingers and his heart swelled as he stared at her snow white cheeks and soft, tiny pink lips. He stayed there and watched her chest rise and fall, a habit he had fallen into after she was born and he couldn't sleep as he was only a few months clean at that point.

"You're all mine aren't you princess," he whispered and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I love you baby-girl."

It was as close to a prayer as the young man could bring himself to say; despite the twelve-steps and their base in prayer that Ryan had tried to force feed him for his recovery, he didn't have the faith in God he had in his childhood. He didn't know when it had started to leave him, probably as he fell further and further down a twisted rabbit hole of his own doing, he knew when it had evaporated completely. The night the doctor informed him that he and Ryan's child had died.
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"Mr. Jonas?"

Kevin's head snapped up and he turned wide eyes on the doctor who walked out of the procedure room on the maternity floor and into the hallway where Kevin was sitting nervously in a chair. He felt Nick tense beside him as they both waited impatiently for any news.

"Yes?" he finally replied, having realized the doctor had never met him.

"Ms. Matteson is going to be fine," he started out and Kevin released the breath he had been holding.

The fall earlier had been bad, but Kevin hadn't realized quite how bad until she had screamed from the bathroom later and he had run in to find her bleeding. She had fainted almost immediately after. The rest of the time following had been a blur of panicked phone calls to the hospital and to his younger brother. Now as he stared at the doctor he couldn't ask the next most logical question.

"What about the baby?" Nick finally asked himself when he realized Kevin wasn't talking.

"Unfortunately, the fall you described definitely caused Ms. Matteson's body to miscarry the fetus."

"Oh," Kevin whispered, getting his voice back. "But Ryan's ok?"

"She's going to be fine. We're keeping her overnight to monitor her. She was showing signs of a mild concussion from the fall anyway, so either way we'd have kept her overnight."

Kevin nodded and stammered out a few questions, "I was going to bring her in sooner. But, she said she didn't hit her head? If I had?"

"Probably not," the doctor admitted. "She has bruising on her abdomen already from where she hit the railing. She was only two and a half months along; unfortunately, these things do happen."

Kevin nodded slowly and sat back down again as the doctor gave his leave and walked back towards the nurses station. His heart broke as the words fully registered and he had to press a fist to his mouth to keep from sobbing in the middle of a hospital hallway. Nick's hand rested on his neck and he could feel his brother nervously trying to react to the situation. Kevin turned grateful eyes on Nick and spoke softly, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not judging me like the rest of them."

Nick nodded and said the only three words that he had ever said when presented with Kevin's entire situation over the last few years; the only words that had ever mattered to Nick when it came to his older brother, "I love you."

Kevin then allowed his younger brother to pull him into a hug and cry everything he could out before he had to go and be strong for Ryan.
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"Are you going to come to bed at any point?"

Kevin glanced up from the book he was reading in his study and shrugged, "Maybe."

"You better be here in the morning," Danielle snapped at him and stepped in, shutting the door behind her with a quiet click.

"Or?" Kevin asked quietly, his attention back on his novel, as he reached for the scotch he had set on the end of his desk.

"Or I will divorce you and not in the neat, tidy way you'd like. I will drag you through every newspaper I can get my hands on. I will get every cent you have and I'll take the kids."

"You'll never take my kids away from me Danielle," Kevin replied trying to look as casual as he could, even though inside he was suddenly a ball of knots. "They'd hate you. They love me too much."

"They're still young and impressionable; the blind hero worship over your waste of life can be changed."

Kevin rolled his eyes and drained the tumbler of amber liquid with a barely noticeable grimace before he stood up from his desk and turned to face her, "Waste of life? What are you wearing right now? Who sleeps in vintage Valentino nightgowns if their husband is a waste of life?"

"Fuck you Kevin. You can't wave the life you gave us in front of me as an excuse for your behaviors. I'm pregnant again; as much as you seem to hate that. We are going to have another child."

"So you've said," Kevin muttered as he brushed past her and re-shelved the book he had been read. He then stopped at his small bar and poured another two fingers of scotch into his tumbler before turning to face her. "Well? I know you've got something to yell about."

"I am sick and tired of being treated like the hired help around here," Danielle began calmly. "I take care of your children while you run around and fuck some tramp. Let's not even get into what it used to be like."

"That part of my life is over now," Kevin said quietly. "And Ryan is not a tramp."

"Oh yea? Well, you're married to me; so ya, she is."

"Move on Danielle," he ground out through a clenched jaw, eyes studying the liquid that sloshed around in his glass. "Get to the point."

"We're going to my sister's this weekend."

"Excuse me? I have to work."

"No, you really don't. You own the place. What you are doing is going with me to my sister's. She's having a party and you promised weeks ago we'd go. I already talked to Joe and Jen; the kids are going to stay with them while we're gone."

"If the kids are staying anywhere they're staying with Nick and Emma," Kevin replied quickly; as much as he loved his brother and as much as he actually did occasionally like his sister-in-law, they were the last people he ever wanted watching his children for a long weekend. "I don't trust Joe."

"He has two boys of his own. You know he's a damn good father."

"He might be a good father," Kevin started and took a deep breath because he hated the truth that existed in his next words. "But he basically hates me and I don't trust him not to bad mouth me around my children."

"Joe wouldn't do that," Danielle interjected and Kevin snorted.

"Oh yea?"

"Yes. Joe and you might have your problems but he wouldn't try and push those over on the kids. Hell, I'd kick his ass if he did."

"I really do have to work," Kevin continued as though the conversation about Joe hadn't happened; mainly as he couldn't remember the last time he had had a fully civil conversation with his brother. "I can't get out of it."

Danielle chuckled and Kevin watched her roll her eyes before she replied, "Work huh? So the Alexander Hamilton House in the Hudson Valley calling to confirm your reservation for Friday and Saturday nights in their Master Suite is work related?" Kevin blanched when the words processed and nearly fumbled when she tossed him his cell phone he had left in the kitchen earlier. "You're coming with me to my sisters or I am taking the kids and leaving. For real this time. I am not going to put up with being the laughing stock of your circle of friends and I am certainly not going to deal with the pity from your family anymore."

"My family doesn't pity you; they wish I would disappear and you would stay," Kevin muttered cynically and carefully scrolled through his call log. "And I'm not canceling that reservation. I'm certainly not going to your bitch of a sister's for the weekend. And my kids are not staying with Joe."

"Yes, you are," Danielle repeated. "Think about what your children are worth to you Kevin, because I am not putting up with this anymore. She goes or I go."

Kevin watched silently as Danielle flung his study door open and stalked down the hall, he then heard their bedroom door slam shut and lock. Sighing he glanced at the almost empty glass of alcohol he had and tossed it back with a cough. As he continued to lean on the desk Kevin heard Danielle's words about his children play through his mind as well as Ryan's voice and said out loud, "She wouldn't. There is no way. They love me too much. She wouldn't risk them hating her."

His eyes trailed to the two picture frames that sat on his desk, duplicates of the ones that sat on his desk at work, and smiled. James and Nicole smiled happily from their recent school photos, or nursery school in Nicole's case. The pictures were only one each of the many that littered his two offices; his beautiful babies. Ryan's words from Sunday came back to haunt him them; he could hear the red head pointing out that they would hate her, and potentially him too, if the truth of their affair ever came out.

"But they love Dani just as much. Shit."