Can You Keep A Secret

At around eleven in the morning, on Monday the 3rd of March, Ryan quietly unlocked the large steel door that led into the BLVD complex off Bowery as she would any other Monday morning. However, unlike any other Monday morning,` the idea of sitting and going through inventory and billing for Kevin's business was making her nauseous.

She let the door slam behind her and turned the lock before quickly keying in the alarm code to reset and allow for her presence inside the building. Once that was set she descended the stairs leading down into Crash Mansion and worked her way through the bar towards Kevin's office. Since it was a Monday, meaning she would be the only staff member on hand, she left all the lights off and used her years of experience in the environment to maneuver in the pitch black until she reached Kevin's office and flipped his desk lamp on.

The cluttered desk in front of her, usually the source of a string of curses from the red-head, suddenly seemed even more daunting then normal. Not for the first time she wished that her lover had a better organization system, or at least that he let her use her own system seeing as she did most of the paperwork. Today that wish was fueled more from a desire to not have to be in the building for very long; rather then being fueled by a simple need to get the work done easier.

Ryan slowly lowered herself into Kevin's desk chair and let her head fall back with a quiet thud against the leather. Her entire body felt sick with worry and the silence that had fallen on her cell phone since Kevin had dropped her off the morning prior wasn't helping matters. Logically, she knew she was the last person he was, or even should be, thinking about at that moment - but hearing his voice, knowing he was marginally ok, would have at least settled her own concerns over his mental well being and allowed her to focus on things.

After allowing herself a few more minutes to decompress Ryan finally sat up straight and began digging through the inbox on Kevin's desk, ripping open envelopes, reading the contents and sorting them into piles depending on what they contained. She worked steadily for over three hours; writing checks to pay bills, marking up the account ledgers - both on the computer and in the hard copy Kevin insisted on keeping, going over upcoming schedules and time off requests from staff members, checking their show schedule and answering Kevin's BLVD business email. She was locking up the safe when her phone rang sending her flying across the room to grab it; it was the name on the caller ID that made her pause and debate answering. After the phone silenced itself, and immediately rang again, she answered.

"What do you want Carrie?"

"Is that anyway to talk to your sister?"

"Sorry," Ryan apologized quietly and sat back down in Kevin's chair, resting her forehead on his desktop. "It's been a rough day."

"What happened?" Ryan's sister's voice asked nervously. "Did Kevin do something?"

"No damnit!" Ryan snapped, her eyes flashing, wishing her sister was in the room so she could show her how angry that question made her. "His wife...she, fuck," Ryan sighed, the anger leaving her body as quick as it had risen. "She was in a car accident on Saturday night. She didn't make it."

"Sweet Jesus."

"Yea," Ryan agreed, rubbing her temples lightly. "He's with the kids. I'm at work."

"Those poor babies," Ryan heard the older woman's voice whisper. "What's he going to do?"

"I have no idea," Ryan admitted. "I haven't spoken with him since very early yesterday when he found out. He was pretty shell shocked by the whole thing," she continued and swallowed down the nausea at what she was about to admit. "He still loved her I think. At least, part of him did."

"She was his wife. That's what I've been trying to tell you for years Ryan. This doesn't mean he's left her; you can't just swoop in and play insta-family now."

Ryan's heart stopped at her sister's words. She very slowly pulled the cell phone away from her ear and stared at it in shock for a moment before replacing it and speaking in a dangerously low tone, "How dare you imply that I would try and use this for my own benefit. I didn't want the woman to die Carrie! Hell, I liked her!"

"I know you didn't Ry. But, well, this is an excellent opportunity for you. I can't help but think you'd like to take it."

"Kevin and I will sort things out together when the time is right. I am not about to move in on his children and family before she's even cold in the ground. I was fine with our arrangement; I am still fine with it."

"I'm sure you want to believe that Ryan. But I've heard you talk about the kids. You want them in your life."

"Of course I do. They're Kevin's children," Ryan spoke softly, still shocked that her sister would think so little of her to think that she would be opportunistic over a tragedy. "And guess what? He wants me to meet his kids Carrie. He wants me to be a part of their lives. I didn't jump at that."

"You're so young Ryan," Carrie muttered and Ryan stiffened again in her seat. "You just don't understand what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing Caroline," Ryan hissed. "I love him. He loves me. Why can't that be enough for you?"

"Because it isn't real!"

"It is real! It is," Ryan insisted, her voice wavering noticeably.

"If it was real between you he wouldn't be so broken up about his wife that he wouldn't have called you."

"Fuck you Carrie," Ryan finally snapped. "I love you. But I have to go now," she added before hanging up the phone and sobbing. "She's wrong."
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"Can I help you?" Ryan asked quietly as a brunette walked into the bar early on a Tuesday afternoon in March of 2014. The woman looked vaguely familiar though Ryan wasn't entirely sure why; she quickly tried to figure out if it was one of the woman her boss occasionally spent time with in his back office, but dismissed that as an option as she was dressed far too classy.

"Maybe," the woman spoke uncertainly while giving Ryan a once over. "I'm looking for my husband."

Suddenly years of following the Jonas Brothers in her early teens registered the woman's identity to Ryan, "Mrs. Jonas?"

"Yes," Danielle replied with a suddenly bright smile. Ryan cynically thought the smile was there as the red-head obviously knew her place; Kevin was married. "Is he here?"

Ryan thought quickly; again wondering if one of Kevin's companions was in the office with him. Deciding to err on the side of caution Ryan held up a finger and grabbed the phone behind the bar, quickly dialing the extent ion for Kevin's office. The phone rang three times before an out of breath voice answered, "What?"

"Mr. Jonas? It's Ryan sir," she spoke politely as had been her habit since she was hired five months earlier. "Your wife is here."

"She is? Fuck she's early," Kevin muttered and Ryan turned her back to hide the wince when she heard a female voice speaking from somewhere in Kevin's office. "Tell her I'll be out in a few minutes. I'm on a business call."

"Yes sir," Ryan replied quietly and hung up the phone before turning to face Danielle Jonas again. "Mrs. Jonas? Mr. Jonas is on a conference call. He said he'd be out momentarily."

"Thank you Miss?"

"Matteson Mrs. Jonas. But please, call me Ryan."

"Ryan," Danielle repeated and smiled sweetly before she took a seat on a bar stool. "What do you do here Ryan? You look awfully young."

"Oh," Ryan chuckled and shrugged. "I'm a bartender. But Mr. Jonas quickly figured out I'm good with business stuff as well. I'm a business major at Baruch College. Basically, he offered some extra cash my way if I could come in on Mondays and Tuesdays for a few hours when we're closed and help him out with inventory and things of that nature."

"I'm not surprised," Danielle replied with a laugh. "You're beautiful."

"Oh I'm sure that's not it at all Mrs. Jonas," Ryan insisted quickly and more then a little nervously; thinking of the slight crush she had begun developing on the older man.

"Well, let's just say I know my husband; it helps. But I have heard him complain more then once about Trent. So if you know your stuff Kevin would be more then happy to pay you more and get things done right rather then let his bar manager half ass it."

Ryan nodded slowly but kept her mouth shut; her personal opinions of her direct supervisor weren't the topic to idly gossip with her employer's wife about. Not if she potentially wanted to keep her job. She continued to glance at bottles and make notes on the ledger she was carrying around as Danielle sat perched on the stool across the bar and shredded a napkin.

"Would you like a drink Mrs. Jonas?" she finally asked after almost five minutes without a sign of Kevin emerging had passed. "I can make pretty much anything you'd like."

"A white wine spritzer would be lovely Ryan," Danielle replied without taking her eyes off the hallway that led to the offices. "Do you think he'll be much longer?"

"It's hard to say ma'am," Ryan responded carefully as she went about making the drink; going a little heavier on the wine then she maybe should have, but figuring that Kevin could use his wife more relaxed after keeping her waiting because of some groupie. "I usually barely see Mr. Jonas when I'm here on our closed days."

"Really?"

"Yes ma'am. I get here, go into the office, grab the paper work and check if there's anything specific he's looking for. Then I come back out here and do the inventory for the week and then go over the schedules again. Then I give them back to Mr. Jonas before I leave so he can give it the final approval."

"Sounds like Kevin; he doesn't trust anyone to fully run his business. James and I would like him home more. But I guess I've grown used to it."

Ryan nodded in agreement having quickly learned over the last few months exactly how much of a workaholic her boss was; amongst other things. It still broke her heart to realize exactly how far he had fallen, in just four short years, from the twenty-one year old pop star who had made her feel like a princess when she was fourteen, if only for just two minutes.

A strangely comfortable silence fell between the two women for a few more minutes before Ryan finally heard the familiar sound of Kevin's door closing and footsteps coming down the hall. Kevin emerged from around the corner seconds later wearing a bright smile, though looking quite harried. He crossed the large room in a few strides and leaned down to give Danielle a sweet kiss that almost had Ryan rolling her eyes. She managed to contain her disgusted snort and turned her attention to the ledger book she had been making notes in.

"Ryan?"

"Yes Mr. Jonas?" Ryan asked quietly, looking up and smiling at him. The lack of any red in his eyes was surprising to the red-head but she merely chalked it up to knowing that Danielle would be by this afternoon, even if the woman was apparently early for whatever plans they had.

"I'm going to be gone for the rest of the day. We're going to lunch and then we have to go and interview at a school for James." Ryan merely raised an eyebrow at that as the red-head was fairly certain their son wasn't even three years old yet. "It's a private nursery school. He'd be starting in September," Kevin explained with a roll of his eyes. "Dani wants the best."

"We can afford the best," Danielle added in a tight tone that implied this was a regular argument. "Ryan dear, it was truly lovely to meet you," her employer's wife added as she stood from the stool and pushed her glass forward. "I'm sure we'll see each other again."

"Absolutely Mrs. Jonas," Ryan whispered as she picked up the glass and shot a significant glance in the direction of the back office.

"Make sure you lock up and you're the last to leave Ryan," Kevin said quietly as his wife approached the glass doors that lead to the stairs. "Give me ten minutes and get her out of my office."

Ryan nodded in understanding, though the frown on her face told Kevin she wasn't thrilled with playing clean up for him, and watched as he joined his wife at the door. She watched them through the glass doors as they ascended the stairs hand in hand until she couldn't see them anymore. The heavy slam of the steel door on the main level moved Ryan into action.

"If he thinks I'm leaving some floozy in his office for ten minutes he's crazy," she muttered as she stalked down the hallway. When Ryan reached the office door she took a deep breath and threw it open, smirking at the satisfying thud as it hit the inside wall. "Get up," she snapped at the blonde who was sprawled across Kevin's couch.

"Huh?" the girl muttered sitting up, still nude, and making no move to cover herself. The residue of white powder on the coffee table had Ryan groaning and rubbing her temples in exasperation. "Who are you?"

"Your eviction notice," Ryan muttered dryly. "Now put some clothes on," she added, tossing a small black dress at the woman.

"Kevin didn't say I had to leave."

"Well, I did," Ryan snapped. "And don't think I won't throw you out of here naked."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me," Ryan growled and stood patiently while the blonde stood shakily from the couch, slipping into her black dress. Ryan followed the obviously intoxicated woman down the hallway and didn't relax until she too had left the building. "Fuck my life. Kevin Jonas you owe me for this one."
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Tuesday morning found Kevin staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror with a grimace. He ran his fingers through the curls, making a mental note to get them trimmed that afternoon, and attempted to make himself look presentable. However, despite the heavy sweater and pristine slacks he had chosen for the day, the dark circles under his blood shot eyes and his skin's pale tone were proving to make that difficult.

He took a deep breath and finally shook his arms, taking a step back away and giving a final appraisal over his appearance muttering, "This will have to do."

The next sounds he heard, a key in the lock and feet in the front hallway, alerted him that the day was officially starting. He quickly left his bedroom, pulling the door quietly shut behind him and wandered out into the main part of the large apartment. He walked into the kitchen and leaned against the doorway to observe the newest arrival as the incredibly tall, for a woman, blonde moved her way comfortably and quietly around the kitchen.

"Good morning Becky," he whispered, voice roughened from sleepless nights.

"Good morning Mr. Jonas," she replied just as quietly. "How are you doing?" Kevin cocked an eyebrow at the question and immediately felt bad for the action when the sweet blonde blushed crimson and avoided his eyes. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."

"Don't be sorry," Kevin responded, pouring himself a cup of coffee in a travel mug. "It's an instinctive question. As for my answer? I've been better."

"Yea," Becky breathed out and Kevin nearly chuckled as he watched her nervously flutter around. She kept picking up boxes of cereal and replacing them, taking bowls out and then putting them back and frantically looking for something out the kitchen doorway.

"Becky?"

"Yes sir?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine sir," she mumbled. "It's just that, the kids are usually eating breakfast when I get here. And it's usually a lot earlier obviously since James usually has school or ya know, sometimes Nicki has nursery school. Have they eaten yet?" she rambled.

"They're sleeping," Kevin replied with a shrug. "They haven't been sleeping well; understandably. I didn't want to wake them up."

"Oh," Becky muttered and paused in her movements. "So then...what should I do?"

At that question Kevin actually did laugh. He laughed so hard he had to take a seat at the table and very quickly found himself covering his face as his laughter became more of a strangled sob. He could hear the young woman's shuffling feet as he forced composure on himself. Once he had managed to pull himself back together he looked up apologetically and leaned back in the chair in exhaustion.

"I'm sorry Becky. It's just been a bad few days."

"Of course sir," she whispered. "So, I guess you just need me to hang out today?"

"Pretty much," Kevin nodded. "Let the kids sleep as long as they want. Feed them. If they ask I'll be back as soon as I possibly can. I just have to run into work for a few hours and make sure my managers have everything under control."

"Okay," she agreed. "What about the rest of the week?"

"I'm going to need you for Nicole," he explained. "I know you usually are only scheduled during the day, but with the wake being tomorrow night and Thursday night I'm going to need you to keep an eye on the kids, especially Nicole. I don't want them there the whole time. And then at the funeral mass and interment on Friday. They'll be with me, but if you could be around?"

"Of course Mr. Jonas. I'll clear my schedule for the week."

"Thank you so much Becky. I know you've only been with us a few months but you've been a dream," Kevin told her sincerely. "The kids love you."

"I feel the same way Mr. Jonas; Jamie and Nicki are great kids."

"Alright," Kevin nodded, glad that the first difficult conversation of the morning was over, and stood up. "I'm off. I'll try and be back as soon as I possibly can."

Kevin immediately left the kitchen and walked out to the front door where he grabbed his long coat and slipped it on before leaving the apartment to head to Ryan's. When he left the apartment building he nodded at the doorman and walked down the street, prolonging the inevitable conversation he needed to have with his lover.

He began walking north on Hudson, knowing he would be able to get a cab uptown to Ryan's apartment. His footsteps slowed as he approached nearer the Holland Tunnel and after a few moments he found himself fully stopped on the sidewalk. Going to Ryan's was normally a getaway for him. An escape. Today it felt like he was going to his own funeral.

The guilt had been eating at him since his parents called with the news. It had been getting stronger and stronger; and the guilt, more so then Danielle's actual death, was what had been keeping him up at night. The "what-if's" and the "why's" of it all were eating him alive with each passing breath and he only knew one way to stop it.

He finally spotted a cab that was ready to take a fare and stuck his arm out, climbing in after the vehicle had come to a stop. He rattled off Ryan's address distractedly and settled back to stare out the window at the passing buildings. If he really acknowledged it underlying the guilt was a slowly building anger - at himself, at Ryan, at the situation. He couldn't help but blame the woman he loved for the death of the only other woman he had loved. And he hated himself for it.

The cab pulled to a stop in front of Ryan's building and Kevin paid the driver before stepping out into the frigid March air. He nodded to the doorman as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one and inhaling deeply taking comfort in the burning in his lungs and throat and the sudden slight rush that went through his brain. The cigarette slowly dwindled down to the filter as he inhaled and exhaled the smoke, letting it calm his nerves and settle his stomach. He could have just as easily had the cigarette on the small balcony off Ryan's apartment; but he wasn't quite ready to see her yet. When he had tossed the butt away and knew he had no more excuses Kevin entered the building and, shortly thereafter, the elevator.

He came to a stop in front of her apartment and found himself staring at the door. The door to Ryan's apartment was a dark green color and the number on the outside a brassy gold that Kevin had always noticed seemed to absorb rather then reflect the fluorescent lights in the hallway. He gently fingered the key ring in his pocket, the light jangle echoing loudly to his alert ears, and contemplated entering. When his forehead hit the green wood in front of him he knew he wouldn't be able to and instead raised a hand to lightly knock.

"Who is it?" Ryan's voice echoed from the other side of the door and Kevin realized the angle that he stood at probably kept her from being able to see him in the peep hole.

"It's me," Kevin raised his voice to be heard through the door. "I forgot my keys."

Kevin could almost picture her expression, lightly rolled eyes over a amused smirk, as he heard the locks turn in their tumblers. He pushed himself off the door as he noticed the knob turning and forced a slight smile onto his face as the beautiful red head came into view.

"Hey," she whispered, her eyes drawing him in with the compassion and sadness he saw in them. Without meaning to or realizing it Kevin found himself in her arms; tightly wrapped up in them as she whispered soothing words to him and led him over to the couch after kicking the door shut behind her. "Baby it's ok," she finally spoke clearly, brushing his tears away with her thumbs and leaning forward to kiss him gently.

"No it's not," he whispered desperately. "She's gone Ryan. She's gone and the kids are devastated."

"I know baby," Ryan spoke gently, drawing him down into her embrace. "It's going to take time, but you're going to get through it."

"How?"

Kevin could feel her freeze next to him as he spoke the word and waited patiently for any response from the woman. Anything that would make his life start to make sense again.

"I don't know," she answered honestly; one of the main reasons he loved her. She had never sugar coated anything for the older man. "I really don't. But time will help with the kids. I know it will. That's the only way I got through my Mom's death."

"You aren't over your Mom's death," Kevin mumbled and stood from the couch as his reasoning for coming over came back to his mind. Kevin wandered over to the sliding glass door that led to the small balcony and stared out at the cityscape for a few minutes. "I can't do this Ryan. Not right now," he finally spoke bluntly after he had again gathered his composure.

"You can Kevin," Ryan told him seriously, getting up to cross the room to him. "It's going to take time and effort on your part. But you can do it. You're an amazing father. The kids will be ok eventually," she insisted wrapping her hand around his and bringing it to her lips to kiss softly.

"That's not what I meant," Kevin whispered as he untangled their fingers and took a step back. "I can't do this anymore."

"This? Kevin I don't understand," Ryan addressed him with a dawning horror present in her voice and features.

He avoided her eyes, face, hands, all of it and turned his back on her. The fingers of his left hand found themselves tangled in his curls as his postured stiffened when he felt her hands on his back. Her head rested against his back and all he could hear at that moment was the sound of her breathing as it began to grow labored. There was a slight hitch present in his own breathing as he gathered the strength to speak the words he never thought he'd have to say.

"I can't be with you anymore Ryan," he said simply. "This, us, all of it. That's the reason she's dead. We were selfish and Dani's dead. My children don't have a mother because we couldn't look past sex."

"It wasn't just sex Kevin," Ryan whispered, quiet tears beginning to roll down her face, breaking his heart. He wanted her to scream, yell, even try and hit him; he wanted her to do anything to justify what he was doing. He didn't know how to reply to the understanding, though devastated, tone she presented.

"Whatever it was? Should have never happened in the first place. I should have never started cheating on Danielle and I certainly shouldn't have gotten so involved with you the last few years."

"Maybe," Ryan agreed. "But, we've always known there would be consequences. We've always said we were being selfish. We always knew we were wrong. You did it anyway."

"And what about you?"

"I fell in love," Ryan told him. "You were content with sleeping with anyone who would. I saved you Kevin."

"And essentially killed my wife," Kevin growled, trying anything to make her angry. The look that crossed her face, right before it crumbled in sobs, almost made Kevin throw up. He hated himself even more; he hated that he hated himself. If there was one thing Kevin knew, it was that Ryan had blamed herself for ruining his family for years. Even though it was Kevin himself who had destroyed things long before he had even met the beautiful redhead.

"You should go," Ryan whispered backing away from him. "You're upset. We'll talk later."

"No, we won't Ryan," Kevin replied seriously. "We can not be together anymore. Not as anything other then co-workers. It's over. In fact, why don't you go home for a while. See Carrie."

"You hate Carrie."

Kevin shrugged and replied swiftly, "You don't. You gave up your sister for me. Now there's no reason to."

"I love you Kevin," Ryan said flatly, a sparkle missing from her tear soaked eyes. "And I forgive you. I hope this helps you cope with the loss. Go be with your children."

"That's the plan," Kevin mumbled as he walked towards the door, opening and shutting it behind him with a quiet thud. Lightly he dropped his head back against the green door and closed his eyes. "Forget her," he whispered to himself. "It's her fault. Focus on James and Nicole. They need you now. Besides, it's better this way."
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"What do you want Carrie?" Kevin asked his girlfriend's older sister as the woman barged into his office on Thursday afternoon, March 8th, 2018.

"You out of my sister's life," Carrie replied bluntly and Kevin rolled his eyes and laughed. "What are you laughing at Kevin? You've already destroyed your own life, I won't let you take my little sister down as well."

"Your little sister, as you referred to her, is an adult Caroline. She can do whatever she damn well pleases."

"She won't come home."

"How is that my fault?" Kevin asked in shock. "Is it money? Cause, she only has to ask."

"It's not the money," Caroline hissed. "It's you. You're here in New York so she won't leave. She won't leave you. Nevermind, that if you needed to you'd pick up and leave her in a split second."

"I wouldn't," Kevin replied, getting sick of having this same argument whenever his lover's sister arrived in Manhattan to visit. "I love her Carrie."

"Bullshit. You love sleeping with a pretty young girl. You don't love her. If you did you'd have gotten a divorce."

"It's more complicated then that," Kevin whispered leaning back in his chair. "Besides, Danielle knows."

"Oh and that makes it ok of course?"

"No," Kevin admitted honestly. "It doesn't. We know that."

"Do you really? Actions speak louder then words Kevin," Carrie snapped. "Does she know it's Ryan?" she suddenly added and Kevin was momentarily thrown for a loop as usually this was the point where Caroline would storm away from him calling him every name she could think of rather then continuing the line of questioning.

"No," Kevin replied shaking his head in the negative. "She's known there have been other women. She just recently figured out it's only one other woman now."

"Well, you've just got this whole thing figured out don't you? Your family thinks your scum and I'm inclined to believe them. You are turning my sister into a home wrecking tramp!"

"You're out of line Caroline," Kevin growled standing up from his desk and leaning forward on it. "You have no right to come into my office and make accusations like you are."

"Fuck you Kevin," the woman snapped. "They aren't accusations when they're the truth. You'll break things off with her once and for all and you'll get her to come home."

"Or what? You'll sell the story to the papers? Big deal. I'm worth more if a scandal breaks now. This isn't the days of teen pop stardom. Now I own night clubs."

"You're so glib. Just got an answer for everything, don't you?"

"Yea," Kevin replied in a dangerously quiet tone. "I do. And do you want to know why Ryan won't come home? It's not me Carrie. It's you."

"Me?!"

"It's your overbearing, over-protectiveness that drove her away. You never let her live her life. You never let her make any mistakes. You tried to shield her from the world and instead drove her screaming to the other side of the country. If anyone's at fault for why Ryan's with me? It's you."

"How dare you," Carrie hissed, eyes flashing dangerously as she glared at her sister's lover.

"How dare I? You wouldn't let her speak to her father for years Carrie! And you made her think he forgot about her."

"What?" Carrie asked paling.

"You think I didn't check things out when Ryan spilled the story to me years ago? I had a private detective look into things. You think I didn't look for him for her? And that was long before I held any interest in your sister."

"You haven't told her have you?"

"That her father didn't fully abandon her? No. I gave you that much respect; I think you need to tell her yourself."

"You wouldn't know a thing about it. I was trying to protect her. So she didn't turn out like Mom. And even if he didn't fully abandon her, he sure as hell did a good imitation on his own."

"Well, she did turn out like your mother; or at least she fell in love with the wrong person," Kevin said softly. "I was wrong. I know that, but I love her Carrie. And you hate that. Well, now you're going to have to deal with it. Despite how wrong it is and despite how much you don't believe me. It probably will blow up in our faces eventually. I know that. But I love her."

"You don't know how to love."

Kevin's shoulders deflated at the woman's words and he sat back down. His attention turned to a picture sitting on his desk of him holding James and Nicole in a park from the previous fall. He shook his head and smirked realizing now that if either of the sister's was a lost soul and damaged from their childhood it wasn't Ryan, it was Carrie. Instead of sympathy, the thought merely brought more distaste to his feelings towards her.

"I do know how to love Caroline," Kevin whispered. "But I'm beginning to doubt if you do. Please leave. And don't come back until you can at least accept the life your sister has chosen, even if you can't support it."

"I won't come back," Caroline told him in a warning tone that had Kevin looking at her curiously. "The next time Ryan wants to see me she'll need to come back to San Fransisco."

"You'd do that to your sister?" Kevin asked incredulously, knowing Ryan would never return to the house she had found her mother dead in as a teenager. "You really are a cold bitch aren't you?"

"One of us had to be."

"I'm sorry for you then," Kevin told the older woman seriously. "You're going to miss out on so much in her life. She'll never go back Carrie."

"Yes she will. As soon as you do the right thing."

Kevin watched the woman leave, slamming his office door shut behind her, and leaned back into the chair. His heart was pounding in his chest as he let the words she had spoken swirl around inside of his brain. Most of it had hit home with him; he knew he was taking Ryan down a dangerous path - emotionally and otherwise. He also knew it was wrong; in the very fiber of his being he had never wanted his life to turn out the way it had. But when he lost control of one thing, the rest just spiraled away from him before he could latch back on.

He knew Danielle would never forgive him; and he was okay with that. He didn't blame her for any of it, even knowing how much she hated him now. What he hadn't wanted was to drag someone else into his life, not on a permanent basis at least. Though, now that she was there? He'd never give her up for anything.