Praying for a Riot
Supermarket Horrors
“Okay,” Tomethy says, fixing his jacket around him as he stood in front of the frozen food section, watching his four band mates faces.
“This is it, we can do this.”
He saw Joe scowl from between Faris and Rhys. “Why did you have to go all the way to the frozen food, Tom; honestly!”
Tom frowned. “Because I happen to enjoy, the frozen food section.”
Josh raised his eyebrows. “Are you insane?”
Tom shook his head. “Will you shut up, I’m trying to organize the shopping here!”
He organized the guys into two groups; Joe and Josh to one half of the shopping center, Faris and Rhys to the other. He would venture to the bottle shop.
“Okay boys,” He says, raising his eyebrows at the passers by giving them strange looks. “Follow only what is on the list, and if I find that you’ve bought something extra…”
He shot a look particularly at Josh and Joe. He was starting to regret putting them together already.
“Yes, Sir Tomethy!”
And they headed off, Josh tripping over his own feet.
Faris picked up a packet of cereal.
“Rhys, when the list says Corn Breakfast Cereal, do you think he means Corn Flakes, or Corn O’s?”
Rhys peered over Faris’s shoulder at the list in his hand. “Maybe he means an actual breakfast cereal containing corn?”
Faris raised his eyebrows. “You mean …corn that you eat for breakfast?”
Rhys nods. “He probably means a breakfast corn!”
Faris put Corn O’s back, and looks around. “Then where’s the Breakfast Corn?”
Rhys turned around and walked a few steps up to the shop assistant, stacking the shelves.
“Excuse me, do you happen to have any Breakfast Corns?”
The shop assistant just have them a strange look. “I don’t think so.”
Rhys turned to Faris in frustration. “What are we going to do! Tomethy is going to slaughter us!”
Faris gripped his friends’ shoulders. “Don’t panic, I’m sure we’ll find some Breakfast Corns.”
Rhys nods, looking around. “But I doubt we’ll find some here…let’s go out and call a few places, see if they have Breakfast Corns.”
Faris nods. “Good idea, Spider.”
-
“Do it.”
Josh shakes his head. “I can’t, she’s standing right there…guarding them!”
Joe stomps his foot. “How the fuck are we supposed to get the free samples if the scary lady just stands there not offering them to us!”
Josh pokes his friend in the back. “Go distract her.”
“YOU DISTRACT HER!”
“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO YELL THAT OUT JOE!”
Joe stopped opening his mouth and closed it, biting his lip. “Did she notice?”
“No…”
Josh nods, his big hair shaking around. “Okay, you seduce her…or something…and I’ll steal the tray..Then you run, okay?”
Joe nods obediently. “Okay.”
He walks over to the middle of the isle, watching the free sample lady. He winks at Josh, and starts to take off his jacket.
Then his shirt.
Josh tried not to laugh.
Joe made eye contact with the woman, who was staring oddly at him, and threw his shirt to the ground, swaying his hips to the awful supermarket music.
He picked up his shirt, displaying a horrible rendition of what he must have supposed was sexy.
This was not going to work.
Josh knew he had to save him as security started to walk near his stripping…dancing…friend.
“JOE!”
“RUN!”
And Josh ran forward, leaping onto the free sample lady, who screamed, and motioned for Joe to take the free samples.
“BOLT!”
Josh got up off the lady, took another tray of samples, and ran like hell with Joe to the supermarket doors.
__
Tomethy tucked the plastic bag of bottles under his arm and sighed. Things seemed to have gone smoothly, nobody had called him screeching for help, and he was glad.
Walking out to the meeting place the five men agreed on, he noticed a phone booth with two men shoved inside it.
Faris and Rhys.
He cocked his head to the side, confused. He began to walk across the street towards them.
He watched as Rhys pressed his ear into the phone, and suddenly Faris turned around.
He stared at Tom with his mouth open for a moment, before tapping Rhys on the shoulder. The moment Rhys turned to look in his direction, a loud screech that Tom knew all too familiarly reached his ears.
Tomethy turned around, and his eyes went wide.
Joshua and Joe were running as fast as their skinny legs would take them, holding trays of something, most of it falling off as they screamed and ran.
There were two security men running after them, and Tom quickly turned around to look at Rhys and Faris wedged in the phone booth.
“RUN.CAR.NOW.” He mouthed to them.
He got the nod from the other two, and bolted towards the car where Josh was attempting to use his hair to open the car door.
“Josh, you fucking idiot!” Tomethy cried as Rhys and Faris joined them; Rhys threw Tom the keys and he unlocked the car door, jumping in and throwing the other doors open for the four stunned men.
Tomethy started the car, and backed out of the parking lot, revving as quickly as he could towards the exit.
When they were on the main road, Tomethy absolutely fuming, he stared at the four wedged in the back seat, none of them daring to sit in the passenger seat and feel his wrath.
“I am not happy.”
Joe piped up. “Need I remind you, Tomethy, that you were simply standing in the parking lot…”
“I’d finished shopping, I want explanations, now.”
“The lady was being awful!”
“What lady?”
“The free samples lady!”
Tomethy rolled his eyes. “FREE samples Joe! FREE!”
Josh turned to his friend. “Oh.”
“And what were you two doing in a PHONE BOOTH?”
Faris looked up, after not saying much for quite a while. “They didn’t have any Breakfast Corns…so we were looking for a place that sold them.”
Tomethy stayed silent.
He would never go shopping with them again.
“This is it, we can do this.”
He saw Joe scowl from between Faris and Rhys. “Why did you have to go all the way to the frozen food, Tom; honestly!”
Tom frowned. “Because I happen to enjoy, the frozen food section.”
Josh raised his eyebrows. “Are you insane?”
Tom shook his head. “Will you shut up, I’m trying to organize the shopping here!”
He organized the guys into two groups; Joe and Josh to one half of the shopping center, Faris and Rhys to the other. He would venture to the bottle shop.
“Okay boys,” He says, raising his eyebrows at the passers by giving them strange looks. “Follow only what is on the list, and if I find that you’ve bought something extra…”
He shot a look particularly at Josh and Joe. He was starting to regret putting them together already.
“Yes, Sir Tomethy!”
And they headed off, Josh tripping over his own feet.
Faris picked up a packet of cereal.
“Rhys, when the list says Corn Breakfast Cereal, do you think he means Corn Flakes, or Corn O’s?”
Rhys peered over Faris’s shoulder at the list in his hand. “Maybe he means an actual breakfast cereal containing corn?”
Faris raised his eyebrows. “You mean …corn that you eat for breakfast?”
Rhys nods. “He probably means a breakfast corn!”
Faris put Corn O’s back, and looks around. “Then where’s the Breakfast Corn?”
Rhys turned around and walked a few steps up to the shop assistant, stacking the shelves.
“Excuse me, do you happen to have any Breakfast Corns?”
The shop assistant just have them a strange look. “I don’t think so.”
Rhys turned to Faris in frustration. “What are we going to do! Tomethy is going to slaughter us!”
Faris gripped his friends’ shoulders. “Don’t panic, I’m sure we’ll find some Breakfast Corns.”
Rhys nods, looking around. “But I doubt we’ll find some here…let’s go out and call a few places, see if they have Breakfast Corns.”
Faris nods. “Good idea, Spider.”
-
“Do it.”
Josh shakes his head. “I can’t, she’s standing right there…guarding them!”
Joe stomps his foot. “How the fuck are we supposed to get the free samples if the scary lady just stands there not offering them to us!”
Josh pokes his friend in the back. “Go distract her.”
“YOU DISTRACT HER!”
“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO YELL THAT OUT JOE!”
Joe stopped opening his mouth and closed it, biting his lip. “Did she notice?”
“No…”
Josh nods, his big hair shaking around. “Okay, you seduce her…or something…and I’ll steal the tray..Then you run, okay?”
Joe nods obediently. “Okay.”
He walks over to the middle of the isle, watching the free sample lady. He winks at Josh, and starts to take off his jacket.
Then his shirt.
Josh tried not to laugh.
Joe made eye contact with the woman, who was staring oddly at him, and threw his shirt to the ground, swaying his hips to the awful supermarket music.
He picked up his shirt, displaying a horrible rendition of what he must have supposed was sexy.
This was not going to work.
Josh knew he had to save him as security started to walk near his stripping…dancing…friend.
“JOE!”
“RUN!”
And Josh ran forward, leaping onto the free sample lady, who screamed, and motioned for Joe to take the free samples.
“BOLT!”
Josh got up off the lady, took another tray of samples, and ran like hell with Joe to the supermarket doors.
__
Tomethy tucked the plastic bag of bottles under his arm and sighed. Things seemed to have gone smoothly, nobody had called him screeching for help, and he was glad.
Walking out to the meeting place the five men agreed on, he noticed a phone booth with two men shoved inside it.
Faris and Rhys.
He cocked his head to the side, confused. He began to walk across the street towards them.
He watched as Rhys pressed his ear into the phone, and suddenly Faris turned around.
He stared at Tom with his mouth open for a moment, before tapping Rhys on the shoulder. The moment Rhys turned to look in his direction, a loud screech that Tom knew all too familiarly reached his ears.
Tomethy turned around, and his eyes went wide.
Joshua and Joe were running as fast as their skinny legs would take them, holding trays of something, most of it falling off as they screamed and ran.
There were two security men running after them, and Tom quickly turned around to look at Rhys and Faris wedged in the phone booth.
“RUN.CAR.NOW.” He mouthed to them.
He got the nod from the other two, and bolted towards the car where Josh was attempting to use his hair to open the car door.
“Josh, you fucking idiot!” Tomethy cried as Rhys and Faris joined them; Rhys threw Tom the keys and he unlocked the car door, jumping in and throwing the other doors open for the four stunned men.
Tomethy started the car, and backed out of the parking lot, revving as quickly as he could towards the exit.
When they were on the main road, Tomethy absolutely fuming, he stared at the four wedged in the back seat, none of them daring to sit in the passenger seat and feel his wrath.
“I am not happy.”
Joe piped up. “Need I remind you, Tomethy, that you were simply standing in the parking lot…”
“I’d finished shopping, I want explanations, now.”
“The lady was being awful!”
“What lady?”
“The free samples lady!”
Tomethy rolled his eyes. “FREE samples Joe! FREE!”
Josh turned to his friend. “Oh.”
“And what were you two doing in a PHONE BOOTH?”
Faris looked up, after not saying much for quite a while. “They didn’t have any Breakfast Corns…so we were looking for a place that sold them.”
Tomethy stayed silent.
He would never go shopping with them again.