The Incomparable Edie Wells

In the morning, the first thing I'm aware of is a warm, gentle tingling sensation of someone's lips on my forehead.

Frozen, I try to look like I'm still asleep, but my mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour. Who the hell is kissing my forehead? And why are they in my bed? And why is there an arm under my neck where the pillow should be? And why do I hear someone else's heart speed up with the contact?

It's then that it all floods back to me. The events from last night.

I had sex with Parker.

Oh, shit. I am so dead.

My eyes flutter open to be met with my best friend's bare chest. I can hear his heart racing as I lift my eyes up to meet his emerald ones, a look of lust in them as he stared down at me. I'm cradled in his arm, with it protectively wrapped around my torso, covering me as if he's shielding me from all my troubles. I sigh contentedly, letting my eyes slide shut for a second.

“Good morning,” Parker says softly, smiling lopsidedly like a little boy.

I blush as the events from last night start to come flooding back to my memory. The dance. The fight with Levi. The fight with Parker. The sex with Parker.

Oh, god. The sex with Parker.

I look up at him through my eyelashes, trying to hide my face that's burning with embarrassment. “Morning...”

Parker shifts his position so that he's propped up on his elbow, hovering over me. I try not to make eye contact with him, but no matter what I do, he's going to know something's up. “Eds, I... Last night...” He bites his lip, his hair falling over his forehead. My heart skips a little at how attractive it is. “That... was that your... your...?”

I can tell what he's trying to say. “My first?”

He blushes. “Yeah, that.”

I exhale deeply, biting my lip. “Yeah... it was, Parker.”

Gritting his teeth, Parker lets out a breath. “I'm sorry, Edie, I should've stopped it before we got that far. I mean, the whole thing with Levi... and then you were just there, with my shirt on an those shorts, and I just... I couldn't control myself while we were here, alone, for a whole night... I didn't think about the fact that you might... that we might...” At this point his face has flushed a deep crimson, and he's stopped making eye contact. “That I might take...”

“My virginity?” I finish softly, using my hand to tilt his face towards me. His eyes are guilty, but filled with lust. I don't really know what to make of it. “Park... I don't regret last night.” His mouth opens a little in surprise, but I place my finger on his lips before he can say something. “That was... incredible. Amazing,” I smile, feeling the blush creep back up to my cheeks. “I'm glad it was you.”

He ducks his head, embarrassed. “Did you mean.... what you said, last night... that you... loved me?” His voice is soft, nervous – but I could tell that just by the way he's shaking ever so slightly as I lay beneath him.

“Yes,” I assure him, leaning up to peck his lips. I pull back and look him in the eyes, trying to convey the emotion. “I love you, Park. As more than just a friend.”

The resulting make-out session is enough to make my pulse race again. I can feel my face flush as his hands roam to the same uncharted areas they had last night, sending me flashbacks in waves. Most of them are incredible – the feeling of his hands, his skin, his -

Uh-oh.

“Park?” I ask hesitantly. I can feel my voice wavering with fear.

“Yeah,” he says absentmindedly, kissing my neck and making his way to the skin behind my ear.

“I think we have a problem.”

The tone in my voice makes him freeze. Slowly, he pulls his head away from my neck and cautiously looks me in the eyes, confusion written all over them. “What is it?”

I swallow hard, doing my best to maintain eye contact. “Di-Did we, um... use anything? Last night?”

His eyes widen. “Fuck.”

That's the only answer I need. Hurriedly, I push him off of me and sit bolt upright, ignoring the stinging pain in my head and back. It takes me a few seconds to realize I'm still naked – I grab the nearest clothes and pull them on quickly, wincing as they brush over the cut on my back. It's still tender, but it'll be alright for now. I have bigger things to worry about.

Parker's scrambling to dress himself, too, but he's not getting anywhere. After managing to get on his boxers and a shirt from the gift shop that says “I ♥ Poker”, he searches around for his pants. Lord knows where they ended up.

“Edie, I'm so fucking sorry.” He runs his hand through his already messy copper hair, his voice shaking. “I wasn't thinking. I didn't know we were going to have sex. I wasn't prepared. Fuck. I'm sorry.”

I sigh. “Look, let's just find your pants.”

“Edie-”

I hold up my hand, a universal sign of stop. “Park, look, I'm not mad. I forgive you.”

I don't really know why I'm being so calm about this – usually in this kind of situation I'm the one freaking out, not Parker. I guess it hasn't really sunk in the impact of the situation. My brain's shut down to everything. All that exists is white noise – like nothing is real. It's almost like this is all a dream, and I'll wake up, in my own bed, completely unharmed.

It's not until I find Parker's pants on top of a lamp that it all comes crashing down.

I numbly hand him the garment and my legs collapse from under me. I sit on the edge of the bed, facing him, but not really seeing anything. I stare at the ground in front of me, aware of everything that's going but at the same time closed off in my little world.

What if...?

Parker kneels down in front of me so he can look me in the eyes. “Eds, we're going to get through this, okay? We'll be fine.” He gently cups my elbows, bringing me closer to him. I finally break my gaze away from the floor and look into his eyes. And in that second, I believe him. “I am so, so sorry. But I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens, okay? No matter what. I promise.”

I can feel tears sting the back of my eyes. “You don't mean that.”

He shakes his head. “I swear to God, Eds. I've been your best friend for five years. I promise you. I won't leave you.” He gives my arms a slight shake. “I won't be like your mom.”

I suck in a sharp breath. I'll admit, that hits a nerve – I know Parker means well, but it still hurts just the same. It's like putting an antibiotic on a cut, it burns, even though you know it's going to make you better.

“I know,” I say quietly. “Thank you, Parker.”

He leans up and kisses me softly. It's not like the rough, lust-filled ones from the night before; this one is gentle, loving, and reassuring. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him closer, loving that feel of being safe in his arms. He wraps his around my torso, coming to rest on my lower back. He slides himself in between my legs, still sitting on the floor and me on the bed.

Pulling away, I rest my forehead on his.

“Eds,” he whispers, reaching his hand up to comb my hair behind my ear.

“Yeah?”

“Where does this leave us?”

I've been dreading this question since the words 'I love you, Parker' left my mouth. I don't regret them, but they make this whole thing so much more complicated. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm in love with Parker – I would never have slept with him if there had been.

Right?

But I still have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind. I never officially broke up with Levi. Maybe it's implied... But I wouldn't bet on it. I've come so far this year; I deserve something to show for it, right? Maybe I could just keep up the facade that I love Levi – maybe that would help me stay popular. After all, no one knows about the incident. I could easily say nothing happened, right?

I can't even believe what I'm thinking. But I have to. I'm reminded of something Maggie told me, at the start of all this.

“You may have to sell your soul to the devil, but who cares as long as everyone knows you, right?”

I'll lose everything if I stay with Parker. I'm not sure which I'd rather have.

“I don't-”

I'm cut off by the sound of All Time Low, playing from my cell phone on the bedside table. I have no idea how it ended up there, but I stay still as the words to “Remembering Sunday” faintly make their way into the silent room.

“I'm not coming back; I've done something to terrible, I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me; I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just washing you out of my hair and out of my mind; keeping an eye on the world, from so many thousands of feet off the ground; I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head...”

I pick it up slowly. It's a text from Levi.

Hey, babe <3 Just wanted to make sure you're okay. Lost track of you last night. Text me so I know you're alright. Love you.

I sigh and shut my eyes.

Any normal person would be screaming for me to dump Levi, on the spot. And part of me is doing the same thing. But the other part is reminding me of all the great times I've spent with him. My first kiss, my first date. The first time he said 'I love you'. The multiple dates we've been on, that ended in a goodnight kiss that made my toes curl.

But then there's Parker.

He reads the text before I even get a chance to hide it. “That bastard,” he spits, pushing himself off of the floor. “How the hell can he act like nothing is wrong?! After he almost – what he did -” He runs his hand through his hair again, this time in anger. His muscles are tensed.

“Parker.”

He stops his pacing. One look at my face, and he knows what I'm thinking.

“You're not going to leave him, are you?” he asks quietly, sticking his hands in his pockets. When I don't reply, he scoffs. “I can't believe – I fucking – I fell for it again. How stupid was I, right? To think the girl of my dreams actually felt the same way about me. Ha!”

I sigh and stand up. “Park, it's not like that-”

“Then how is it?! Tell me, Edith, how it is! Look my in the fucking eyes and tell me that you didn't just have sex with me to keep me quiet?!”

I open my mouth to say something, but he's too riled up to let me talk.

“I fucking trusted you! A little bitch like you! Maggie warned me that you'd just break my heart,” he laughs bitterly, “but I didn't listen to her. Not Edie, not my best friend. She's too nice for that. I guess things change when you have an image to uphold. God forbid you be happy, as long as everyone knows your name.”

He's so angry at this point, he's shaking. I take a step towards him, but he backs off. “I didn't mean for this to happen!” I insist. “You have to believe me! I love you, Parker!”

His eyes are on fire – the picture of fury. “Believe you? Ha!” He reaches for something in his pocket. He pulls out a tiny square piece of foil. It takes me a second to realize what it is. My heart skips a beat. “By the way, I guess one of us was smart last night. I'm betting it wasn't you.” He tosses the condom wrapper on the floor and grabs his car keys. “Get your shit together – I'm taking you home.”

“Park -”

He shakes his head. “Save it for someone who cares.” He picks up his wallet. “I'm going down to get breakfast. Be ready to go in half an hour.”

And with that, he walks out the door, letting it slam loudly behind him.

I let the tears fall. I don't think this is something that will just get better on its own. I've genuinely fucked up this time.

How can I make this better?