Colder Than My Heart

Alex quickly gathered his lunch. He kept stealing glances at the almost vacant table as he hesitated at the end of the line. As he stole one last firm glance a hand landed on top of his shoulder sending small shockwaves through his body as he regained his composure. When he turned his head he came face to face with Vinny and raised a thick eyebrow. Vinny shrugged off Alex’s questionable look and dragged his hand across his shoulder before making his way to the table they were to gather around. Alex let out a defeated sigh, moving towards the plastic seats and taking his place. For a few moments Alex sat poking his food with the plastic fork, frowning at the chicken on the plate. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, although no one took notice.

He supported his head with both hands, letting his bangs fall over his fingers before letting his eyes fall shut. His fingers acted as a guard to shield his eyes from the sunlight that had been blinding him throughout the day in a chance to ease the migraine that was beginning to throb behind his eyes. Concentrating on the sounds of his breath he was unaware of the conversation circulating around him. He was slipping into a state of peace, concentrating on nothing and everything at once. His fatigue was slowly slipping away as he guarded his face and kept his eyes tightly sealed.

“Alex?” He recognised his name after a few minutes. He sat back up, removing his hands and opening his eyes only to grunt at the piercing light he was now faced with.

“Yeah?” He asked, blinking his eyes to adjust to the light. After a few fast blinks of his eyelids Rian’s outline came into focus. He felt slightly embarrassed at how spaced out he’d been to not even welcome his friend. However he smiled weakly as a silent apology. Rian ignored his expression and carried on with conversation.

“We’re gonna head back to the bus,” he began, informing Alex on what he’d clearly missed in his state and causing him to look down at the plastic knife held lightly between his fingers. Alex frowned; the food on his plate hadn’t been touched causing him to push his mouth to the side. He looked around, the only other food on the cheap plates were mere remnants. He shrunk back into his seat, looking up at Rian who had yet to get his point across. “Do you want to come with or are you gonna eat?” He asked, now all eyes were on him. Alex chewed on his meaty lower lip in thought. He stared up at the material covering the canopy they were sat under and wondered what to do.

“I think I’ll stay,” Alex concluded with a nod of his head. After all, they had quite a drive and if there were actually any food on the bus Jack sure as hell wouldn’t share it.

“Want any of us to stay with?” Rian asked as a couple of others around the table began to slowly take to their feet. Alex shook his head, no.

“I’m good,” was all he said before he began to prod his food once more. Rian simply nodded before taking to his feet along with the others who were left in their seats. They all bid quick farewells before Alex began to shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Think we should go talk to him?” Jersey asked staring over Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah frowned looking up from her scattered sheets she took in Jersey’s face. He continued to stare over her shoulder, she followed his gaze. Sat alone at one of the larger tables was Alex. She smiled to herself as her bright eyes scanned over him. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling the beanie that covered his head as he did so. She could see him breathing out a heavy breath as he did so before he looked back up and their eyes connected.

“Yeah,” Sarah answered quietly as they continued their silent staring-contest. Alex’s eyes quickly flickered upwards not knowing what to do. Go over? Just ignore them? He brought his hand up off the table and sent the couple a small wave. Sarah simply smiled wider, tilting her head to the side. Alex tossed her a confused glance but she simply beckoned him over in reply. He once again was unsure of what to do. Taking to his feet he looked down at the cold, unappetising meal and tossed it into a plastic trash can nearby before walking over.

“Hey man,” Jersey grinned as the other male approached. Alex smiled in return.

“Hey,” he replied before taking a seat opposite them and resting his forearms on the table. “Hey to you too stranger,” he smiled warmly at Sarah who simply flashed him a quick glimpse of her paper white teeth.

“How’s it going?” Jersey asked sitting up in his place. Alex merely shrugged and nodded his head in reply before catching Sarah running her fingers through her brunette locks, frustration apparent on her face as she let out a disgruntled sigh.

“Is something wrong?” Alex asked scanning over her appearance. At the sound of his voice she let her hair free, looking up at him with an apologetic look as she put the papers back on the table.

“Sorry,” she mumbled her apology. Alex frowned in confusion, turning to Jersey whose eyes rolled.

“It’s just writer’s block,” he explained with a shake of his head. Alex nodded in understanding, knowing full well just how troublesome a situation like this could be, especially whilst on the road.

“Well I could always leave if you want? I don’t mind,” he offered placing his palms face down on the table, ready to jump to his feet at the word ‘go’.

“Oh! No it’s fine, don’t leave,” Sarah rushed reaching her hand forwards and touching his. Alex’s eyes snapped to her hand at the contact. He was sure she hadn’t felt it but he certainly could. Every sense in his body seemed to come alive as he realised her fingers weren’t moving away from his. He looked up straight into her eyes before turning to Jersey who looked just as much like he wanted the figure to stay as the girl next to him did. He took the pressure off his hands, letting them glide forwards across the surface of the table to his original position. Sarah’s expression relaxed at his actions and she flicked a smile at him. “I’ll finish them later,” she muttered, wondering if anyone else could actually hear her as she stacked the papers together. In her peripheral vision she could see Alex tilting his head to the side.

“Do you mind if I heard you sing what you have?” He asked. Sarah stopped what she was doing and brought her eyes up to his once more.

“Right now?” She asked slightly taken back. Alex responded with a simple shrug before reconnecting their eye contact.

“Why not?” He asked with a subconscious smile on his lips.

“Are you sure?” She asked once more, still slightly in shock as she began to fan the pages out once more. She continued to study everything about Alex’s composure as he nodded definitely. With a simple sigh she brought the neatest page to the front of the pile, chiming the lyrics she had sung to Jersey mere minutes sooner softly and sweetly in Alex’s direction. She sung as confidently as she could, hoping he’d believe it. She felt somewhat more under pressure as it was someone outside of her band listening to her work. Normally no one outside their group would be allowed to hear a single note of the music until it had been fully put into production with all instruments in perfect key beforehand. When she finished she kept her eyes glued shut, when she got no reaction she reopened one eye. Alex sat in thought before her. He was chewing down on his lip, one of his hands playing with the stumbled skin idly.

“Sing me that last line again,” he instructed. Sarah looked to Jersey, puzzled. However Jersey was wiser to what Alex was doing and merely shrugged in reply. Sarah let out a small sigh under her breath before looking over the words before her.

“You’ll strip her of everything, say ‘you’ll go far’,” she sung she repeated before snapping her eyes back to Alex.

“But how can she be sure? She’s left her cases by the door,” he chimed back to her in a perfect tone. Sarah raised her eyebrows. Alex looked at her before chewing on the interior wall of his cheek. “Is that okay?” He asked. Sarah choked out her smile.

“Yeah, it fits the song thank you,” she replied before grabbing her pencil and scribbling down the words that were still fresh in her mind from Alex’s miniature performance. When she looked back up Alex had a content look on his face. “Alex?” She asked him shyly.

“Yeah?” He replied with the same look on his face. She played with her fingers for a moment, trying to find the right way to form her words before looking back up at him.

“Would you mind helping me finish my song?” She asked. “You know, like a collaboration,” she added before looking back up at him. A grin began to slowly form on his lips, peeling back over his teeth and touching the corners of his eyes. She waited anxiously for his reply, encasing the skin of her fleshy lip between her teeth and her fingers continued to stroke each other.

“I’d love to.”