Colder Than My Heart

Alex was jittery. He was biting back an overwhelming smile and he felt the explosive feeling of excitement building within his gut. He concentrated on busying himself so he didn’t think about the day ahead and subconsciously smiled to himself. Zack looked over his friend who was typing frantically on his iMac while they had access to the limited internet. He walked over, sitting on the edge of Alex’s wide seat and glancing over his shoulder. On the screen was a cartoon background of a man with a head made from an orange. Eyes scanning the page Zack instantly recognised the site to be Twitter. He looked over the past messages the few people was following had posted before looking at one Alex had recently posted.

‘AlexATL sitting here passing the time before I go and help some friends out. Can’t wait!’ Zack read. His brows furrowed as he read over the words, Alex hadn’t mentioned any plans for the day. As if reading Zack’s mind Alex turned his head to face his friend and band mate. Zack’s questioning look stayed prominent on his face as Alex looked towards him. He answered his silent question by beginning with a smile.

“I’m going to help Sa-,” Alex stopped, steadying his excitement levels before continuing again. “I’m going to help Too Close work on some lyrics. Jersey and Sarah invited me to have lunch with them yesterday and Sarah was kinda stuck so she asked if I’m collab with her,” he explained finding it hard not to grin by the end of his talk. Zack continued to study Alex when he saw the smile that had formed on his face. Even when Alex picked up on him staring and turned back to his laptop he never stopped smiling.

“So why don’t you go now?” Zack asked out of curiosity. Alex shrugged his shoulders lightly before extending his arms to tap his fingers against the keys some more.

“They’re on stage,” he said simply. Zack’s mouth twisted to the side of his face before he took to his feet, dragging himself to the back half of the bus. Alex watched Zack carefully as he moved away from him. He bit down on his lip. Just as Zack’s hand reached up to open the divider between the front half of the bus and the bunk area Alex’s voice grabbed his attention. “Would you mind if I left early?” Alex muttered. Zack looked behind him, smiling before nodding slightly.

“Go ahead,” he shrugged. Alex smiled in agreement as Zack turned back to the archway and moved into the bunks.

“I’ll be catching some rest before we go on,” he called out. Alex chuckled lightly before closing his laptop and standing up. He almost felt ill, light-headed as the adrenaline forcefully pounded through his veins. His stomach felt like a lead weight, twisting and stretching inside of him as he took his steps to the doorframe of the bus. He pressed the button as he reached the front of the bus, pulling the crème curtain back so he could step out before shutting the door once again. He pressed the button outside that would shut the door before noticing that a large portion of the sheet was stuck in the way. He moved forwards quickly, attempting to push the sheet back but to no avail as the door clamped around the material before he could get a chance to shift it. Alex let out a loud groan, trying to push small amounts of the troublesome curtain back in the minute gap it was stuck in. He managed a few small portions but not much progress was being made.

“My god, is that Alex?” The sound of his name caused Alex to stop what he was doing. His eyes lingered on the material in his hands for a few moments before he turned to see where the voices were coming from. A couple of feet on the other side of the wire fencing to his right stood three admiring girls. One rather tall brunette stood with her hand rose to her face and her body angled slightly towards the blond next to her. Alex guessed it was the brunette who had attempted to go unheard as all three pairs of eyes stayed glued to him. He simply smiled in their direction.

“Oh my god it is!” A small redhead announced as she ran forward towards the gate, the other two closely in tow.

“Ssh! Don’t make too much noise,” Alex asked softly just loud enough for them to here as their hands grabbed onto the chain. He looked around as he paced towards the vultures, checking to see if anyone was around that he knew so he could use them to excuse himself and run to the stage but he was alone.

“Oh, sorry,” the redhead apologized but the grin plastered across her features told Alex she couldn’t care less.

“Yeah we’re pretty big fans,” the brunette smiled. Alex meekly returned the smile as his hands found their way into his pockets. He observed as the girls stole glances at each other before turning back to them. Here it comes.

“Would you mind signing this for me?”

“Can you hold this while I take a picture?”

“Oh my friend loves you, she couldn’t be here today. Can I film you saying hi to her?”

“Even better could you talk to her if we called her?”

“Yes! She’d love that, could you do it?” Alex almost laughed, some fans were too typical but he wasn’t about to prove himself to be an asshole.

“Sure,” he replied causing the girls to let out a slight squeal of excitement between them. He chuckled lightly under his breath, at one point he’d been in their shoes, idolising the people who stood before him on the stage and sung through his CD player to him. Although his lifestyle opened his eyes, made him realise the people just like him who shared the same stages were just normal people who worked hard to get where they are. In reality, he was nothing special. The brunette held the phone to her ear, looking around in thought while the other held onto their breath.

“Okay it’s ringing,” she whispered as if the girl on the end of the line would be able to hear. Alex smiled genuinely at their enthusiasm, his previous thoughts returning to his mind as he took the phone and pressed it to his own ear.

“What’s her name?” He asked in a tone just as quiet as the one the brunette had used.

“Katie,” the blond replied. Alex simply nodded in reply before looking at his feet which were kicking the gravel beneath him. Half way through the second of the next two rings the pattern stopped. Alex heard a little shuffling on the other end of the line and the girls watched him with anticipation.

“Hello?” He heard a sweet voice greet him.

“Hey is this Katie?” He asked, looking up and smiling after he heard the girls begin to whisper.

“Um, yeah it is. Who’s this?” The girl asked timidly.

“This is Alex, I’m with your friends, they wanted me to say hi to you,” he explained with a nod as if he were speaking in a video conversation.

“Oh my- Alex Gaskarth? Seriously?” The girl asked seeming more enthused.

“That’d be me,” he replied with a small laugh.

“Oh god! Wow, sorry I’m a pretty big fan of your music,” she apologized. Well you’re more calm than your friends.

“Why thank you, yeah I’ve been told,” he replied causing the girl to laugh as he shifted his weight onto the other foot. “So how are you doing today, you feeling good?” He asked looking around to see if anyone had decided to show their face: still no one.

“Yeah I’m okay, kinda bummed I couldn’t come to your show though,” she muttered. Alex felt sympathy towards the girl; she seemed more genuine than the scarcely clad girls before him, a true fan. He almost wished he was ugly so he had more followers like that.

“Aw, it’d be pretty awesome if you could get here,” he answered honestly. He wasn’t lying, from the fact that she wasn’t hyperventilating over the phone and was actually attempting to make a conversation that didn’t consist of wanting his children he could tell she was a genuine follower of the music he spent so hard working on. He could tell she really wanted to be there and he almost wished she’d taken one of her friends’ tickets. That almost made him feel guilty.

“Yeah,” the girl sighed. “I had a ticket for your show and everything but the family I was supposed to be staying with bailed on me last minute and I wasn’t allowed to come see you,” she muttered. Alex’s face slowly dropped as he took in her words. His band had always stood for having a good time and making music for the fans so the sound of disappointment in the girls’ voice genuinely touched him. He bit his lip and the line was silent for a moment. He looked up towards the three girls, who continued to grin wildly at him, he was thankful of the wire in the way. He thought quickly on the spot. He figured if the girl was going to stay with family to see the St. Louis warped date then she clearly wasn’t from around that area.

“Hey Katie?” He asked.

“Yeah?” The girl replied still sounding completely fatigued.

“What state are you from?” He asked whipping his own cell phone from his pocket and frantically scrolling through the menu.

“Um, I’m from Dallas, Texas, but I couldn’t get tickets for the show you’re playing in a on the third so me and my friends got them for today,” she explained taken off guard by his question.

“That’s cool,” Alex replied absently as he opened the ‘memos’ folder of his phone and began to type in ‘Dallas’ in a new note. “What’s your surname?” He asked when he finished typing the word.

“Lewis,” she replied in a questioning tone. Alex smiled, typing in the girls name before saving the note and slipping the device back into his pocket.

“Katie Lewis from Dallas, is that right?” He asked keeping a hold onto his phone from inside his pocket.

“Yeah it is.”

“Okay just making sure,” he smiled waiting for her inevitable question.

“How come you wanted to know?” She asked.

“Well it’s kind of un fair of unfair to your family to just drop out on you like that. Hey listen,” he began raising a hand as he explained the next part. The girls at the fence were now thoroughly confused by the conversation they could only hear half of. “The Dallas show’s in,” he racked his brains “two days right?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“I want you to go along, to that show and just go up to the guys on the gate as normal,” he instructed.

“Okay?”

“Just go up to them and when they ask for your ticket tell them your name and that you’re on All Time Low’s guest list. Can you do that for me?” He asked. He ignored the gasps and screams of ‘oh my god’ a couple of feet away from him and focused purely on the voice on the other end of the line.

“Are you serious?!”

“Of course.”

“And you seriously won’t forget?”

“Trust me, I won’t forget,” Alex grinned tapping the phone in his pocket. “Just follow those instructions, and come along, I want to see your face before the show,” he added causing the girl to break into fits of flattery and thanks.

“Thank you so much for this!” Katie praised excitedly.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m gonna pass you back to your friends okay?” Alex bid farewell.

“Sure, thank you Alex, I’ll be there.”

“Good, bye,” he smiled handing the phone back through the fence to the dumbstruck girls. “I have to catch some friends, I’ll see you later,” he winked at the girls with hanging jaws. As he moved away he could hear the girls whispering loudly at the phone. He chuckled to himself as he moved closer to his destination. When he finally reached the stage he was glad to hear his new friends were still on stage. He flashed his laminate before moving to the side of the stage. Almost instantly Sarah’s graceful, sweating figure turned and locked eyes with Alex causing both of them to smile wildly. She turned back to the crowd and continued to sing. Both of them were sailing above cloud nine and for Alex, seeing that girls’ face totally completed his day. He felt whole.