I Want to Hold You, for Now and Forever

Bob Dylan, ‘Don’t Fall Apart On Me Tonight’:

“Don't fall apart on me tonight,
I just don't think that I could handle it.
Don't fall apart on me tonight,
Yesterday's just a memory,
Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be.”

After the tearful reunion with my mum, by the way I hardly cry but I missed her like hell, she was my best friend. She ushered us all in the house which isn’t that big but it was the best growing up in, it was just so homey

“Beci, get your skinny arse here” my mum laughed and Beci tightly hugged her

“How are you mum?” yeah, me and Beci called each others parents mum and dad

“I’m good, you?”

“Yeah, I'm good too” she grinned

“Jen, Charl, Shortshit your turns” everyone laughed at what my mum called Dani but they group hugged her anyway

“Why do people keep taking the piss out of my height?” Dani asked

“Join the club” Johnny told her

“So introduce the boys Chloe”

“Erm, this is Matt, Jimmy, Zacky, Johnny, Matt B and J B” I told her and she actually hugged each one. Was she on crack?

“And this is Brian” I said pointing at him whilst biting the nails on my other hand, I was really nervous

“So you’re the one that married my daughter” she said seriously, looking him up and down “What do your parents think of not being at the wedding?”

He cleared his throat before answering “They were disappointed but they love her a lot so they dealt with it” he looked at me

“I see, I see. So how did you meet and the truth please, I’m a mother and I can decipher bullshit” she looked between us both as some of the others snickered

“Vegas” I coughed

“Vegas?” she questioned and she thought about it “I think I know what you’re going to say but carry on”

I nudged Brian “you’re turn”

“Thanks” he eyed me “We were drunk”

“Oh God and you think by staying together your doing the right thing?” she questioned us both

“No” Brian told her “We have nothing to lose, why not?”

“Why not?” she laughed “My daughter is still in education and is barely 23”

“Gee, thanks mum make me sound like a child”

“You are”

“I’m not, didn’t we already have this fucking conversation before I left”

“I’m your mother and I’ll never stop worrying about you, you’re on your own over there”

“That’s why I fucking left. To be on my own, to be who I want to be without you questioning my every move” the guys all felt awkward and Beci decided to usher everyone out but Brian stayed and I loved that he stayed to support me “I was suffocated here, I had to leave Mum”

“I know but I worry all the time babe, I can’t help it, I’m scared that we’re countries apart and if something happens to you, I can’t get there in time” guilt consumed me. I knew my mum was a worrier by nature and forgot to take that into account

“I’m sorry mum. I just love it over there and I love him” I pointed at Brian

“I love her too” he said quickly and it brought a huge grin to my face. That was the first time we said it

“Brian, I’m looking out for my little girl here do you understand where I’m coming from?” she asked him

“Completely”

“I guess this is welcome to the family” she said pulling him into an embrace

“Guess it is mom” he laughed and as did my mum. Wow, that’s freaky

“That’s just fucking weird” I scrunched my face up

“Your not too old to go over my knee with that language young lady” I rolled my eyes and Brian laughed “And don’t be influencing her with the tattoos, she has too many as it is”

“I have four” I rolled my eyes “I’m not as bad as him or the freak show in the other room”

“Mine are cool though”

“You don’t even like the one on your back” I stuck my tongue out at him

“And now he’s stuck with it forever, lesson learned” my mum said

“Yeah, only get ones I like”

“That’s not what I meant” she laughed. We walked out of the kitchen into the lounge where everyone was huddled together

“Oh dear” my mum pointed out “I look like I have the Hell’s Angels in my Living room” and we all laughed. We sat there talking for a while and it looked like my mum liked them, which is strange because she doesn’t really feel comfortable around anyone with tattoos and piercings

“So Beci, when are you going to see your parents?”

“Tomorrow probably” she replied

“Are you not staying there?”

“How would we all fit in her house?” Shads asked

“Because it’s big enough to sleep Diddy’s entourage” Jen laughed

“It can’t be that big” Zacky said

“It’s Mahoosive” I said and I wasn’t exaggerating, it was, plus she was an only child so that makes it even better cause she was spoilt

“So why are we saying at a hotel then?” Johnny asked anyone

“Yeah” MB joined in

“Because, I don’t want to stay with my parents” Beci put sternly

“Yeah dirtbags” Dani agreed

“Why the fuck are you agreeing?” Charl asked

“I don’t know”

“Midget” Jen said

“Fuck off dirtbag” Dani glared at her

“Dani, Charlotte, your language is just as bad as Chloe’s” my mum pointed out

“No ones is as bad a Chloe’s” Zacky laughed

“Fuck off Twin”

“Chloe!” my mum shouted “Wait… Twin?”

“Yes mother dearest, you also gave birth to a little Zachery Baker” I grinned

“I don’t want to know”

“Seriously, they're so alike it’s weird” Jimmy said

“She’s weird in general Jimmy” My mum told him “Is he just as weird?”

“Sure is Momma Nash” he nodded his head

“Oh god, how do you put up with them?”

“I don’t know sometimes, I really don’t”

“Fuck off Rev, your as bad as us” Zacky said

“Zachery! The swearing please” my mum scolded him

“Sorry momma Nash” Where did all this momma Nash shit come from?

“Where are the big bros, mum?”

“Working”

“Is the business good?”

“Its extremely going well, their doing so well”

“What do they do?” JB asked

“Well the younger of the two is a chef so he and my eldest son opened their own restaurant” she smiled proudly

“Wow, we should go” Johnny said

“No” I told him

“Why not?”

“Because”

“Don’t start this again” Beci rolled her eyes

“You should go see them babe, they’d love to see you”

“I know but we got two weeks, why do everything now?”

“We want to see where you guys hung out as kids” Jimmy smiled

“The park” my mum rolled her eyes

“Yeah it’s the only entertaining thing around here” I finished

“Really?” Brian asked

“Chloe, it was only interesting to you and Beci because you always ended up getting drunk and stumbling home pretending to be sober”

“The Good ole days” Beci and I said at the same

“For you two, you put me through hell”

“Meh, you have to go through the bad to get to the good” I told her with a cheeky grin. I really did put her through shit and I’d be the first to admit it

“You wont be saying that when you have kids” she laughed

“I don’t want kids”

“You’re still saying that? Seriously?”

I nodded my head “Of course, why would I change my mind?”

“You don’t want kids?” Brian asked me

“Nopes. Never”

“Why?”

“Just never wanted them. I like my freedom thank you”

“Oh ok” he looked kind of shocked at my admission and a little sad. We never talked about having kids and honestly I never wanted to get married either

“Are we going to go back to the hotel for a nap?” Charl asked with a yawn “I’m tired”

“Yeah, go sleep. We’ll go out for dinner tonight” my mum told us and said she’d ring us with where they booked. We left and got to the hotel and everyone went to their separate rooms. As soon as me and Brian walked into ours, I jumped on the bed whilst he stood at the end, looking at me

“What?” I asked him

“You seriously don’t want kids?”

“This again? No I don’t, I never wanted to get married either” I confessed like it was nothing

“Seriously?”

“My answers aren’t going to change” I laughed

“I want kids” he told me

“And?”

“I want kids and you don’t”

“As I’ve discovered” I looked at him with my face scrunched up

“Will you ever change your mind?”

“Nopes, I can’t help how I feel”

“Then how will this work?” he said pointing between us

“What?”

“How will ‘us’ work? We want different things, I want a family”

“Families break, why would I want to put a kid through that?” I half laughed

“You don’t want kids because you think you won’t be able to provide stability?” he questioned

“Just drop it Brian”

“No I fucking won’t”

“I don’t nor will I ever want kids. Simple as”

“Then what are we doing?”

“What are we doing? You think I’m here to provide you with a fucking family whilst you fuck off being a Rockstar and fucking groupies? That’s a fucking joke” by now I was stood face to face with him, well more like my face looking up to his

“That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you fucking mean”

“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want what I want. It wont work” it felt like a slap across the face and tears filled my eyes as he walked out the room, slamming the door on his way out

Is it over before it truly began? I couldn’t help how I felt, I’ve never wanted kids and he doesn’t even know why, maybe I should have explained that what he does for a living would cause the same heartache to our child as what my father did to me as a child? He wouldn’t understand, he has it all; A Perfect family, a perfect group of friends and a perfect life. Who was I kidding when I thought I could fit in with that? This could mean Goodbye.