I Want to Hold You, for Now and Forever

Jim Morrison [The Doors:

“I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh look at that!" Then- whoosh, and I'm gone...and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me- ever.”

I’m about to pop at any moment, well I’m praying that I will or I’ll just start damn pushing. I don’t think I could get anymore uncomfortable than I am right now and it doesn’t help that I’m surrounded by assholes, skinny assholes, may I point out. We’re celebrating the boys’ return from tour but I’m currently trying to figure out why the fuck they chose the busiest place to go, whenever I go to walk somewhere it’s like parting of the red fucking sea. Idiots. Everyone’s talking, laughing and smiling, except me, the hot flashes and the baby kicking are just adding to my crumbling composure and its overall just making me horrible to be around, do I feel guilty about being a bitch to those who have been nothing but sweet? Fuck no because them being sweet to me just pisses me off even more so yeah, everyone is in a lose-lose situation with me. Blame Brian, he got me into this situation.

“Knock Knock” Jimmy grinned in my direction

“Not in, fuck off” I mumbled, earning a few chuckles

“Just do it” he stressed and I rolled my eyes

“Knock Knock”

“Who’s there” I humoured him

“Me… I kill you” he said, using a foreign causing the others to laugh

“Its official you’re a fucking idiot” I wasn’t amused in the slightest, mainly cause of the pain that has added to my list of annoyances.

“Cheer up Blud” Beci grinned at me and I faked a smile. I felt Brian nudge me and I turned to look at him, he just winked at me, letting me know that it was about to happen; Shads big surprise. It put a big smile on my face.

“Err Bec?” Whilst she was looking at me, Shads had gotten on his knee. She turned to me and the gob-smacked look on her face was more than highly amusing

“Oh.. What?.. Dreaming??” She stumbled out as we snickered

“Beci, I’ve never met anyone who is as compassionate, as caring and as loving as you nor someone who can instantly take your breath away with a single look or smile. Everything you are is beautiful and you’re utterly flawless to me. You’re the brightest star in my darkest night and without you, I don’t think I’d know what home truly is. Will you be my partner in crime till the end?” Matt being Matt added his own twist to a truly exquisite speech, he just couldn’t be normal. He presented her with an equally exquisite ring

Tears flooded her eyes making the green shine through the hazel “I wouldn’t think of robbing a bank with anyone else, of course I will” He slid the ring gently onto her pale finger and embraced into a searing kiss.

“I’m getting married!” Beci screamed and did a stupid little dance

“I would join you G-star but I might flip the table over when I get up” I laughed as the pain increased and she bent down to hug me as I felt something burst

“Oh my god, did you just piss yourself?” Charl asked as mine and Beci’s eyes went wide. Beci smacked Charl over the head

“Her waters you dick”

“She has waters?” Charl asked confused

“Dude, she’s in Labour” Zacky cleared up

“Shit” Brian shrieked, trying to get me up

“Ouch! Don’t grab me so tight” They were all rushing around as if they were about to have a baby come out of a small hole… No jokes here people… No jokes.

“Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorr…”

“Dude, we get the point” Zacky laughed “Just get to the car and Johnny will pay the bill”

“What?!” Johnny shouted

“Fine, I’ll help” Jimmy offered as the others escorted me to the car. The contractions were increasing and becoming even more painful

“Hurry the fuck up! It’s trying to kill me!” I screamed

“Breathe, Breathe” Beci tried to help

“I am fucking breathing. Get this fucker out of me”

“Babe, just a couple more minutes” Brian soothed, gently stroking my hair in a calming gesture

“Make it stop” I whimpered

“It’ll be out in no time” Matt smiled softly

“I hope so for the sake of Brian’s fingers and future guitar playing” I inhaled sharply

“I like my fingers” Brian quickly replied before the car came to a screeching holt and I was rushed into the hospital, surprisingly seeing Johnny and Jimmy already waiting

“Dude what took you so long?” Jimmy asked Zacky

“How?” Zacky in returned was shocked at how fast they got there

“Hello? Pregnant lady here?” I waved my hand in desperation

“Doctor?!!” Shads Shouted in hopes to get noticed but failed “WOMAN GIVING BIRTH!!!” he yelled at the top of his lungs and a doctor with two nurses came rushing over with a wheelchair, putting me in it. Brian never once let go of my hand as I was wheeled into a room and transferred to the bed. The doctor checked to see how much I was dilated and said I was ready to go straight away. Once they were ready, I was told to push

“No way” I refused

“What do you mean no way?” Brian asked with urgency in his eyes

“I don’t want it to hurt anymore” I started to sob as a blinding pain caused me to push and I let out a deafening scream

“Come on baby, you can do it” Brian sounded like my personal cheerleader so in returned I squeezed his fingers as tight as I could and if I wasn’t in so much pain, I would have laugh at the way his face contorted

“The head is coming” the doctor informed us “Just a few more pushes Mrs Haner and it’ll all be over” After 15 more minutes of screaming and pushing. A loud cry was heard as the doctor introduced the newest member to the Haner household

“It’s a boy!” He grinned “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Dad?” he asked Brian, who was in awe. Brian accepted the appliance that was offered, the newborn was then whisked away to be cleaned up and Brian came back to me

“We’re parents” he told me with tears in his eyes and his forehead to mine.

“Sir, we’re just going to clean up so you can go out and inform everyone of the good news” A nurse in a polite way told him to fuck off. Brian kissed me lovingly on the lips and whispered he loved me before he swung the door open and shouted ‘It’s a Boy!’ which gave me a chuckle. 10 minutes later the doctor walked over, handing me this little person that I had carried for 9 months and suddenly, I felt I had a purpose and felt a kind of love, I’ve never felt before and I knew this feeling wouldn’t go away. Brian walked in with his family and the group that seemed to grow

“That’s my son” Brian said quietly

“Oliver Brian Haner” I blurted out and a surprise expression took over

“I love it” He laughed “Little Oliver” The little boy grasped onto his finger and a tear rolled down his face “I’m a Dad”

“You’ll be an amazing one” I confirmed

“Your family is on the first flight they can book” Beci grinned, sitting on the other side of the bed, next to me “Aww, he looks like Bri”

“Fuck, we have two of them?” Jimmy sighed as Beci smacked him over the head

“There’s a kid in the room” she laughed

“He can’t understand anything” Zacky defended him

“Soo?” Charl replied

“I feel sorry for this kid already” Papa Gates laughed. An hour later and the room was empty, with just me, Brian and Oliver. I felt complete, whole, like I was on top of the world.

“I Love You” I looked deep into Brian’s eyes

“I Love You too, baby. Nothing means more to me than this right now, I’d move heaven and earth just to be with you” Tears filled my eyes, he had this amazing ability to leave me speechless. I leaned in and kissed his cheek

“I think I can do one better than that” he told me before pulling me in for a kiss that told me things that words couldn’t and the most important was that he loved me.

Here we were, picture perfect.

My journey began in rainy England and concluded in the arms of a man who couldn’t be more perfect for me. Everything happened by mistake but I promise you, it was the best damn mistake of my life.