Crashing down around me

The next few days were spent in my bunk, holed up with junk food and romantic comedies as we made our way to new york. We stopped every few hours to get gas and junk food and that was the only time I stepped out of my little black hole of comfort and denial.
I cried constantly, my eyes maintaining a scratchy red tint. My voice was cracked and my throat was dry. I felt sick, both mentally and physically. Hayden had made me feel alive when nothing else could. He had banished my suicidal thoughts and helped me become the person I was before this whole ordeal. He had made me me after everything I had gone through and for that I had loved him. But now he was gone and I was losing myself all over again.
“Vi? Violet you have to come out. Enough moping. Hayden is moving on and so can you. He didn’t bring you back to life, Vi. He just blew off some of the dust. Now you need to get up, get dressed and meet me in the living room. We’ll be at the venue in thirty minutes and I suggest you shower and clean up before we get there.” Ferrah was firm as she ordered me from my pit. She gave a disgusted look at my bunk as she pulled back the black curtain. “And clean up this pig sty. We don’t want rats.” She gave me a disapproving look and walked out back to the living room where I heard the sounds of spongebob blaring from the tv.
As I sat there, unmoving, I thought about getting up. I really did. But this new reality was too much for me to face so I curled up under my covers and started Titanic for the third time in two days.
“Violet! I don’t hear the shower! Get. Up!” Ferrah shouted from where she was seated on the couch. I didn’t move, only grimacing to myself as I heard someone get up and walk towards the bunks.
To my surprise, it was Jarred who walked in and sat on my bunk. “Come here sweatheart.” He pulled me into his arms and rocked me as I started to cry.
“I know baby. I know it’s hard. But you just have to trust me okay? It’ll all turn out fine. If he let you go just because you are going on tour then he’s not worth it. He’s not worth anything. If he is stupid enough not to see what he had then he’s not special enough to have it. You’re an amazing person, Vi. You’re happy and witty and wonderfully sarcastic. You make things good and can make even the grumpiest person smile and laugh. You’re beautiful and have a great personality and anyone would be the luckiest guy in the world to have you. You don’t need him, sweetie. He didn’t make you who you are. He didn’t bring you back. You did that. All by yourself. He was only there for the ride.” Jared kissed my forehead and continued rocking me back and forth as his words brought on a new torrent of tears and uncontrollable sobs that racked my body and left me breathless.
“Ja-Jarred? Will you call my aunt M-mish? Ask her to c-come out here? P-Please Jarred? I r-really need her right n-now.” I sobbed into his shirt, unsure if he could understand me but not really caring either way. Just so long as he got the gist and got one of my aunts out here I didn’t care what he gathered from our conversation.
“I really lo-loved him.” I admitted into his favorite Avenged Sevenfold shirt, trying to stem the flow of salty tears.
Suddenly Jarred and I stiffen as we hear a thump coming from the living room. Then, as we wait for a reaction to make sure no one’s hurt, we hear Lucy exclaim, “It’s not my fault! I’m a brilliant brunette with many blonde moments! I can’t help it!”
I giggle, turning my head so I can see Jarred as I attempt a watery smile. Jared eyed me, a knowing look on his face. "Ya know, Vi, everything's okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end." He smiled, satisfied with his seemingly well thought out remark.
"Jarred?" I asked, leaning my head back so I could look him in the eyes.
"Yes?" He looked at me with soft eyes, as if expecting to be asked another question for him to answer with his amazing knowledge of life.
"Did you get that off of a facebook bumpersticker?" I giggled, looking up into his shocked face.
Nodding his head, Jarred leaned closer to whisper, "Yes, but it's our little secret. Shhhhhh. Now come on. It's time for you, little missy, to take a shower because honestly, your hair smells. As does this bunk. So while you clean yourself and your hair veryyyy thoroughly, I will clean up this hell hole.
"Aye aye captain!" I shot him a grateful look and nodded, climbing out of my bunk and walking to the shower.
An hour later I was showered and ready with straightened hair and flawless makeup. My clothes were freshly laundered and my bunk was finally clean.
Just as I put the finishing touches on my outfit, making sure it hung the right way, Lucy bounded back into the bunk hall screaming as she came. At the same moment, Vana gave an operatic "We're hereeeeeeee" from the living room.
This was it. I may not have been over Hayden or even anything that had happened between us. I may still have been in love with the man who broke my heart. I may have been lying my ass off to get here. But I had finally made it. I was here. And here was where I was going to stay.
As I looked out the window at The Spot, which was actually nothing more then a glorified parking lot, I knew I would be okay. It wouldn't be easy. I would still have rough days and doubt myself, but I knew, that after everything I had gone through, I would be alright.
I stepped out of the bus, following the screams of my bandmates, and I knew. My life may not be what I ever expected it to be, but it was amazing and I was lucky to be living it.