Crashing down around me

“It’s okay baby. It’s okay. I love you.”
Just hearing his voice again caused an overflow of emotion to flood my being, washing over me in overpowering waves. My body shuddered as I attempted to stifle the sobs that were wreaking havoc on my once calm body. Just hearing his voice had sent me over the edge, causing me to remember why I rarely called in the first place.
“Shhhh. It’s alright, V. it’s okay baby. You’re fine. I’m here.” His soothing words stabbed into me like pushpins, and, like a balloon under the pressure of said pushpins, I popped.
Tears came streaming down my face by the gallon, creating a muddy river of mascara and eyeliner as I clutched my knees to my chest and rocked myself back and forth. All the while Brian was there, cooing softly to me and telling me over and over that everything would be okay, I was all right. He spoke to me until my sobs quieted.
“I-I’m sorry, B. Really rea-lly sorry. I j-just wanted this so badly that I didn’t th-think of who I would h-hurt. I lo-love you guys so much. I d-don’t want to loose you. I c-can’t loose anyone e-les. I can’t loose anyone else.” It was silent for a while, the quiet only punctuated by my sniffles as we both got lost in our thoughts.
“I miss them so much, B. I miss them so so much. I want them back Brian! I want them to see me! See this! I want my mommy and daddy but they aren’t ever coming back. I wont ever see them again! And I miss them so much but no matter where I go or what I do I can’t ever hear my dad make one of his lame jokes or my mom snort into her morning coffee! They’re missing out on so much! I’m missing out on so much! B, my parents are gone. And there’s nothing I can do about it. And I have you guys. And I love you. But they were my parents, Bri! My parents! They were there when I fell off my two wheeler for the first time and when I came home crying over heart break. They were best friends with my first grade teacher and knew all of the Hot Topic workers because I sent them there so much! They were there even when no one else was. Not even Scarlett. Why couldn’t I have gone with them? Why couldn’t I have died too? Huh? Why am I stuck here? I feel so alone! I’m surrounded by people but I’ve never felt more alone. Brian, I play at shows and I smile and I sing. I do everything perfectly so that no one will ever suspect that I’m not all right. But I’m not. And I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to fix anything.” I broke down again into uncontrollable sobs that shook my small body and tossed me into the unforgiving waves of self loathing that lurked behind my happy demeanor.
All that time, Brian had stayed silent, so silent that, if not for the steady rhythm of his breathing, I would have thought he had hung up. But in two quick words, I knew he was there. In two quick words, I felt both relief and intense worry.
“We’re coming.”