Status: incomplete
Crashing down around me
Crashing down around me
“Matt? Val? Can I turn my house into an orphanage? We have sixteen bedrooms that would hold about five kids each, not counting the rooms of the live in help. We have a huge playground in the front yard and two swimming pools. Our backyard is large enough for all the kids to play whatever they want. We have all the sports equipment anyone could ever want. We have a music room with about ten instruments and a recording studio. There are ducks and fish in our pond/lake thing and we have four paddleboats and three rowboats.
We could keep on all the workers and hire a few caretakers for the kids. We’re about ten minutes out of Fresno so I’m sure we’d get kids.” I was rambling but this was something I really wanted to do. If I had to leave everything, go live with people I barley know in a place I’ve never been, I wanted to leave a mark on Bellevue.
Val seemed to love the idea, a spark in her eye told me she would help until I got everything done.
“Okay. Let’s do it. We can stay here until we get everything settled. I’ll work on hiring the caretakers. Val will publicize it. Do you know what you want to name it Violet?”
“K.P Mathews Adoption Center.” I answered quickly. Tears were streaming down my face and my throat was closing. Kimmy and Patrick Mathews Adoption Center. Mom and Dad would be so proud. I wish they were here. I wish they hadn’t left me.
It had been the longest day ever; Matt and Val had spent the rest of the evening planning my parents’ funeral. They asked me about a million yes or no questions. I guess they knew I could only give one-word answers.
A week passed and nothing was really different. I still cried for the vast majority of every day. I still wouldn’t see anyone except Scarlett and Tara. I barely ate, spoke, or slept. I didn’t go to band practice. I didn’t sing or play my bass. I didn’t even dance.
“Come on babe. Let’s get you dressed. Kimmy and Pat would want you to stand out at their funeral.” Scarlett pulled me from my bed and into my closet. She picked out a bright red strapless satin dress. It was gorgeous. The dress pleated right under the bust line, creating four large creases that ran to the hem. It took me a second before I realized that Scarlett was in the same dress, only in deep purple. My peacock purple pumps were four inches with a round toe and ankle strap. Scarlett’s ruby ones were pointy toed with a five inch heel, even though she was tall to being with.
“Your parents loved it when we dressed like this.” She reminded me quietly, her voice thick with unshed tears.
We did our makeup and rode in the Hurst to the church. My parent’s weren’t religious but they always said they had never been to a more beautiful place. They joked that they wanted to be buried here. I had to follow their last wish.
No prayers were said as everyone took their turns to say goodbye to my parents. I never stopped crying as I silently listened in to the private tributes.
‘Will You Be There’ by Michael Jackson played as my Mom and Dad’s caskets were lowered into the same plot of earth situated under the shade of a weeping willow, its branches softly brushing the ground.
Tears flowed from every single person there. They all had a special memory with my mom, dad or both of them in it. So many people loved my parents but out of everyone there, I would miss them the most.
Everyone left a special gift in the caskets, laying them gently beside my parents.
Once all the guests had left, I walked up to stand in between my parents.
“I love you. I’ll always love you. I forgive you for not telling me that I was adopted. Matt and Val are great, but they could never replace you. I miss you so much. How am I supposed to live without you? What am I going to do? I don’t know anything about this world! You were supposed to teach me! Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? I can’t do it without you.” I was sobbing uncontrollably, shaking in the summer breeze. “I can’t do it without you.”
“Violet! Did you finish packing?” Val called to me from the hall outside the guest room where she and Matt had been staying.
I looked up, expecting to see her standing in my doorway and continued sitting in the middle of my closet, clothes piled messily around me in lopsided towers. Shoes were everywhere and there was a trail of makeup that hadn’t made it to the box. Multicolored tights, leggings and nylons laced through the dresses, skirts, tunics, shirts, shorts, pants, and jeans. A wide array of bras and panties created a border around my clothing kingdom.
“Violet? Are you ready?” She came in my room, looking around for the neatly packed suitcases that I promised her would be ready by three.
Val took in my unorganized array of clothes, the empty suitcases lying open on my bed. Then she spotted me. I was curled up, clutching a picture of Mom and Dad.
I was supposed to move out today, leave my home to go live with Matt, Val and the rest of Avenged Sevenfold. But the only progress I had made so far was to pull every article of clothing I owned out of its proper place and onto the floor.
I had been trying to get myself together for almost four hours and made no progress whatsoever. It was impossible. I had to stay. Leaving my parents was not an option I could live with. If I left this place, all the memories of Mom and Dad would just be memories, nothing material. My locket was the only thing I had left.
“I-I can’t go! I can’t leave! I can’t leave them!” I was sobbing uncontrollably. It had only been a week since my parents had died, seven of the hardest days of my life.
“Violet, go take a shower. Clean yourself up. I’ll pack your room.” Val pushed me towards my bathroom and began folding my clothes, stacking them neatly in one of my many bright purple suitcases.
I undressed and stepped into the scalding hot water, feeling the burn cut through the numbing sadness that had filled me since I got home on that horrible day. I shampooed my hair, sorrow filling me as I smelled the lavender scent of my mother. Once I had laced conditioner through my dark hair, I shaved my legs and underarms. I rinsed and stepped out into the steamy bathroom.
Through it all, tears had continued to flow down my face. I kept trying to fight the overwhelming logic that kept repeating itself in my mind. ‘Stay here, Violet. You will remember them better if you live here, if you stay. They will stay with you here; they know where to find you. If you leave, they won’t know where you are.’
I couldn’t face it as my parents’ last words filled my mind. “We love you, Violet. Always and forever. We love you no matter what. Never forget that. You are our Vivacious Violet and we’ll always be here for you. We’ll never leave you.”
“Liar!” I screamed to the voices in my head, trying to fight off the urge that told me I was cheated by my own parents, the two people I had trusted more then anyone else in the world.
“Why did you lie? Why did you leave me? I’m all alone now. Why did you leave?” I sobbed to the empty bathroom as if expecting a response.
“Violet! Violet are you all right? Are you okay Sweetie?” Matt burst into the bathroom, ready to attack anyone or anything that seemed out of place.
I looked up at him from the floor, clutching my towel tight to my wet body.
We could keep on all the workers and hire a few caretakers for the kids. We’re about ten minutes out of Fresno so I’m sure we’d get kids.” I was rambling but this was something I really wanted to do. If I had to leave everything, go live with people I barley know in a place I’ve never been, I wanted to leave a mark on Bellevue.
Val seemed to love the idea, a spark in her eye told me she would help until I got everything done.
“Okay. Let’s do it. We can stay here until we get everything settled. I’ll work on hiring the caretakers. Val will publicize it. Do you know what you want to name it Violet?”
“K.P Mathews Adoption Center.” I answered quickly. Tears were streaming down my face and my throat was closing. Kimmy and Patrick Mathews Adoption Center. Mom and Dad would be so proud. I wish they were here. I wish they hadn’t left me.
It had been the longest day ever; Matt and Val had spent the rest of the evening planning my parents’ funeral. They asked me about a million yes or no questions. I guess they knew I could only give one-word answers.
A week passed and nothing was really different. I still cried for the vast majority of every day. I still wouldn’t see anyone except Scarlett and Tara. I barely ate, spoke, or slept. I didn’t go to band practice. I didn’t sing or play my bass. I didn’t even dance.
“Come on babe. Let’s get you dressed. Kimmy and Pat would want you to stand out at their funeral.” Scarlett pulled me from my bed and into my closet. She picked out a bright red strapless satin dress. It was gorgeous. The dress pleated right under the bust line, creating four large creases that ran to the hem. It took me a second before I realized that Scarlett was in the same dress, only in deep purple. My peacock purple pumps were four inches with a round toe and ankle strap. Scarlett’s ruby ones were pointy toed with a five inch heel, even though she was tall to being with.
“Your parents loved it when we dressed like this.” She reminded me quietly, her voice thick with unshed tears.
We did our makeup and rode in the Hurst to the church. My parent’s weren’t religious but they always said they had never been to a more beautiful place. They joked that they wanted to be buried here. I had to follow their last wish.
No prayers were said as everyone took their turns to say goodbye to my parents. I never stopped crying as I silently listened in to the private tributes.
‘Will You Be There’ by Michael Jackson played as my Mom and Dad’s caskets were lowered into the same plot of earth situated under the shade of a weeping willow, its branches softly brushing the ground.
Tears flowed from every single person there. They all had a special memory with my mom, dad or both of them in it. So many people loved my parents but out of everyone there, I would miss them the most.
Everyone left a special gift in the caskets, laying them gently beside my parents.
Once all the guests had left, I walked up to stand in between my parents.
“I love you. I’ll always love you. I forgive you for not telling me that I was adopted. Matt and Val are great, but they could never replace you. I miss you so much. How am I supposed to live without you? What am I going to do? I don’t know anything about this world! You were supposed to teach me! Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? I can’t do it without you.” I was sobbing uncontrollably, shaking in the summer breeze. “I can’t do it without you.”
“Violet! Did you finish packing?” Val called to me from the hall outside the guest room where she and Matt had been staying.
I looked up, expecting to see her standing in my doorway and continued sitting in the middle of my closet, clothes piled messily around me in lopsided towers. Shoes were everywhere and there was a trail of makeup that hadn’t made it to the box. Multicolored tights, leggings and nylons laced through the dresses, skirts, tunics, shirts, shorts, pants, and jeans. A wide array of bras and panties created a border around my clothing kingdom.
“Violet? Are you ready?” She came in my room, looking around for the neatly packed suitcases that I promised her would be ready by three.
Val took in my unorganized array of clothes, the empty suitcases lying open on my bed. Then she spotted me. I was curled up, clutching a picture of Mom and Dad.
I was supposed to move out today, leave my home to go live with Matt, Val and the rest of Avenged Sevenfold. But the only progress I had made so far was to pull every article of clothing I owned out of its proper place and onto the floor.
I had been trying to get myself together for almost four hours and made no progress whatsoever. It was impossible. I had to stay. Leaving my parents was not an option I could live with. If I left this place, all the memories of Mom and Dad would just be memories, nothing material. My locket was the only thing I had left.
“I-I can’t go! I can’t leave! I can’t leave them!” I was sobbing uncontrollably. It had only been a week since my parents had died, seven of the hardest days of my life.
“Violet, go take a shower. Clean yourself up. I’ll pack your room.” Val pushed me towards my bathroom and began folding my clothes, stacking them neatly in one of my many bright purple suitcases.
I undressed and stepped into the scalding hot water, feeling the burn cut through the numbing sadness that had filled me since I got home on that horrible day. I shampooed my hair, sorrow filling me as I smelled the lavender scent of my mother. Once I had laced conditioner through my dark hair, I shaved my legs and underarms. I rinsed and stepped out into the steamy bathroom.
Through it all, tears had continued to flow down my face. I kept trying to fight the overwhelming logic that kept repeating itself in my mind. ‘Stay here, Violet. You will remember them better if you live here, if you stay. They will stay with you here; they know where to find you. If you leave, they won’t know where you are.’
I couldn’t face it as my parents’ last words filled my mind. “We love you, Violet. Always and forever. We love you no matter what. Never forget that. You are our Vivacious Violet and we’ll always be here for you. We’ll never leave you.”
“Liar!” I screamed to the voices in my head, trying to fight off the urge that told me I was cheated by my own parents, the two people I had trusted more then anyone else in the world.
“Why did you lie? Why did you leave me? I’m all alone now. Why did you leave?” I sobbed to the empty bathroom as if expecting a response.
“Violet! Violet are you all right? Are you okay Sweetie?” Matt burst into the bathroom, ready to attack anyone or anything that seemed out of place.
I looked up at him from the floor, clutching my towel tight to my wet body.