Say You Will. Stay Away.

As we got nearer to the FFTL bus I realised how ridiculous it was; I should just go back to The Blackout's van. I couldn't help but like Ricky now, and I had to believe I could trust him, but right now I wanted to see Sean. Most likely he was just chatting with Matt, and I could (probably) handle being around that.
"Ricky, I think I should go back to my van."
"Okay, but Matthew, if you wanna talk, well... We're parked right by you." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but give him a hug.
"Thanks Ricky." He lifted my chin and kissed me on the cheek.
"You're welcome."

I knocked on the door and got no reply, so I walked straight in. Sean was sleeping, but it was still afternoon, about three, so I woke him up and got in his bunk with him.
"Hey Mattoo..."
"Hi Sean. Did you have a good time with Matt?"
"Yeah, he's well nice. They all are. Guess what?"
"What?"
"We decided to give the kids a treat. You know the big show we’re playing in London?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna give him a kiss on stage, just before we go on, just for a laugh, the kids will love it, won’t they?”
“Yeah. It’ll be great.” I said, and forcing a smile. Was it just an excuse to get close to Matt? Who had suggested it? This was the last thing I needed
“What ‘ave you been up to then? Hanging about town alone?”
“I’ve been with Ricky, actually, he’s nice.”
“Yeah? Well that’s good,” he said, absentmindedly, “What time is it? Do you reckon we should start to get ready for the show?”
“From First to Last aren’t playing this one, are they? So I guess we’ll be going on a bit early. Yeah, let’s get to the venue.”

The show went well. It was the first night, so we were all excited. As usual all eyes were on Sean… Especially mine. He really was the most beautiful person in the room, the most beautiful person in any room.

After the show we went out to meet the fans, as usual, and signed everything in sight. I was exhausted, so once I was sure no one else wanted to say hi I headed back to the van. As I neared the bay where we were parked I realised I really didn’t feel like sleeping. Next to our van was the FFTL van. I remembered Ricky’s kind words earlier, and I thought, why not?

“Hey guys.” I said, stepping onto their bus. The floor was littered with bottles and they all looked a little the worse for wear. I wondered if it was a mistake, but as soon as Ricky saw me he grabbed me and sat me down on his lap.
“Matthew! You came…”
“Hi Ricky.”
Chris and Manning looked drunker than Ricky, and they were sharing a joint. Travis had a guitar out. Matt and Derek were nowhere to be seen.
“Have a drink?”
“No thanks, I’m not in the mood.” I put my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder. For a while I was quiet while the others chatted. Sean was right, they were nice, funny guys, and if I wasn’t feeling so low I definitely would have joined in. After a while, maybe at two or three am, the others went to bed.
“Coming Ricky?”
“Not yet, I’ll stay with Matthew a while.”
“Night.”
“Night.”
Ricky was pretty drunk by now. He was slurring his words a bit, and had he stood up I was sure he would have been swaying on his feet.
“Did you talk to Sean, Matthew?”
“He’s going to kiss Matt on stage.”
“Oh, Matthew…” he looked at me sympathetically and hugged me closer. “I understand. I do. You deserve better than him…” He was wasted, but he was still making me feel better.
“What could be better than Sean?”
“Someone who loves you back.”
“No one would, Ricky.”
“Matthew…” he looked me in the eye. It was a weird, intense look. “Matthew…”
He lifted my chin, like he had earlier, but this time he kissed me softly on the lips.