Hey Mom, I'm Gay

July 2nd. The hottest day in New York City so far this summer. And I’m still wearing this hoodie. Not just because it’s his. It’s comfy. And filled with memories. No, not here, Blake. No crying in front of Mom. Especially not after… the incident. See, Mom and Dad were fighting (as usual), and Dad stormed off and didn’t come back. The next morning the cops showed up on our doorstep. “Jonathon Fallon is dead. I’m sorry.” the cop had said. I wanted to punch that dude’s brains out. He had no sympathy whatsoever for my mom’s feelings. Yes, I have no feelings. Anyway, the story was that Dad had gotten into a fight at a bar with a gay guy, and they went outside to fight. Dad punched the guy in the face, and then the guy got pissed off and shot Dad down. Just like that. So, I can’t cry in front of Mom, ‘cause then I’ll have to tell her my story and she’d hate me. Because, yes, I am gay.

His name’s Chip. And he’s all I’ve ever wanted in my life. But, I haven’t seen him for three days. The last night I saw him, my band was playing at a club downtown. We talked and then I told him I was cold, ‘cause we were outside. That’s how I got his hoodie. I kissed him, which led to making out, which led to- well, you know. And then I told him I was gay and he flipped out and left. And I haven’t seen him since.

“Blakey? Honey, are you okay?” I drift back into reality, hearing Mom’s voice. I look around me. Oh yeah, I forgot we were in Burger King. Suddenly, fast food doesn’t seem so appetizing anymore.

“Uh… yeah, Mom. I’m fine. Why?” I ask her. She looks down and sighs.

“’Ever since Jon died, I’ve wanted to run away and kill myself.’” Mom quoted from my diary, I mean, journal.

“How did you know that?” I ask her. She exhaled, uneasily.

“I read it. In your diary.”

I sigh and put my face in my hands, my elbows on the table. I remember the cuts I had given myself, the night of Dad’s death. I wrote that in there, too. Has she read that? I wrote about Chip. Has she read about him? I lift my head, and look at Mom’s hopeful eyes. They read, “Please don’t let my son be gay.” Hate to be a downer Mom, but…

“Hey Mom? I’m gay.”

Mom bursts into tears and I groan. Her and her freakin’ emotions. Someone in a Burger King work t-shirt and black pants, comes out and starts to comfort her. I look at the guy. Bleach blonde hair, silvery eyes, lip ring.

Oh, My God.

“Ch-Chip?” I ask. The guy turns his head towards me, and stares at me.

“Blake.” Hearing his voice, was angelic to me now. I stand up from my little seat thing and walk the two steps towards him. I grab one of his hands off Mom’s face, and intertwine our fingers.

“Still sweaty. Perfect.” I mumble to myself. Chip removes his hand and looks at me. He looks sorry. Well, good for him. He should be sorry.

“Blake… I-I’m so sorry for leaving. I-I was just surprised. I really didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t mean to get involved. I was drunk. But, uh… come here.”

I walk behind him, outside the restaurant, and to a big tree. He puts a hand on my face and his other on my hip. And smiles.

“I was drunk but… I really enjoyed it. Like, you have no idea. I loved it.” Chip informs me. I blush and put my hand on his that’s on my face. No wonder he left. I mean, who can resist my awesomeness? No one. Exactly.

“I know I know. Same here. And uh… I haven’t taken this sweatshirt off since I put it on that night…” I mumble. Chip laughs and puts his other hand on my face too. He pulls my face up to his, and kisses me. He. Kisses. Me.

When he’s done, he smiles at me. “I miss you.” he confesses. I laugh and make a mental note to write that in my, er… diary.

“’K. My mom’s probably thinking you kidnapped me, so let’s go back. Hey, what’re you doing on Friday?” I ask him. He shrugs.

“Eh… I dunno. It’s Fourth of July, so probably hanging with the ‘rents, but if you wanted to do something…” he drifts off and starts walking back towards Burger King. I smirk and run to catch up with him.

“Well, if you want, you can come hang with me at my place. Mom is going out with her friends.” I tell Chip. He nods and walks into the restaurant, smiling. I smile too, and watch him disappear behind the grills. I tap Mom on the shoulder and grab her by her arm. We walk out to the car, and I put her in the passenger seat.

“Honey, do you have your permit?” she asks me, like usual. I smile and kiss her forehead.

“Of course I do, Mom.” I tell her, and close the passenger door. I walk over to the driver’s seat and get in. I turn the key and the engine purrs. I put it in Drive and ride out of the parking lot. Mom’s soon asleep, and I smile.

Around ten minutes later, I pull into the driveway. I wake Mom up, no matter how much I didn’t want to. We walk into the house, and she immediately goes to bed. I kick my shoes off, grab my cell phone off the counter, and sit on green velvet couch. I grab the remote to the television and turn on MTV. Parental Control is on. Yay. I open my phone and the screen says 1 New Message. I click Read, and the message opens.

hey. off work in 10. ill come by. ;)

I smile at Chip’s message. He always makes me so… cheerful. And emo kids don’t get cheerful too often.

I jump off the couch and run into my bedroom. I throw off my clothes and take my contact lenses out. I set them on the counter and get in the shower, that’s in the bathroom connected to my room. I get wet, and then jump back out and wrap a towel around my hips. I walk back into my bedroom and search through a pile of stuff on my dresser. I finally find my black thick-rimmed glasses and put them on. I walk over to my closet and find a pair of dark denim jeans. I throw them on my bed, and do the same with a white button-up shirt. I close my closet doors, and walk to my dresser. I grab a pair of red and black plaid boxers, a red skinny tie, and my black Converse low-tops. I put everything on my bed and unwrap the towel from my hips. I put the boxers on, then my jeans. I walk into the bathroom again. I mess with my hair for a couple seconds, then walk back out into my bedroom. I put the white shirt on and button it up. I roll the sleeves up to just above my elbows, and wrap the tie around my neck. I pick the Converse off my bed, and put those on. I walk back into the bathroom, and take off my glasses. I set them on the back of the toilet, and pick up one of my contacts. I gently put it in my eye and do the same with the other. I hear a car door close and shriek. Quietly, of course. Don’t wanna wake Mommy. I walk out of my bedroom, and check my teeth in a mirror. There’s a knock on the door, and I walk over to it. I open the door and Chip comes in and embraces me in a hug.

“Hello handsome.” he says. I smile.

“Hi.” I say. I kiss his lips and he brings me over to the couch. He lays down and pulls me on top of him. I kiss his neck and he moans. Wow, lucky first try. I smirk and go ‘shh’. He nods and kisses my lips again. I start unbuttoning his jeans and then we hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Oh, shit. Hurry! Run outside!” I tell Chip. He does as he’s told, after one more kiss, and I fix my shirt and tie. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. Parental Control’s still on?!

“Hi honey. How are you?” Mom asks as she sits next to me on the couch.

“Good. Um… I’m gonna go for a walk, okay?” I tell her. Without an answer, I sprint from the couch, to the door, to outside, to in Chip’s car. I kiss his neck again, and he pushes me away.

“Hold on, Mr. Impatient.” he tells me, playfully.

He drives out of my driveway, and we end up in an abandoned parking lot. Chip gets into my lap, and presses his lips to mine, full-force. I put my hands on his back and feel around for the bottom of his shirt. A-ha! Found it! I pull it over his head and he resumes kissing me. I remember the last time we did this… ugh… it seems so long ago. Unexpectedly, Chip thrusts his hips against mine and I moan. Loudly. I bet I sounded like a whore. Great. He obviously is as amused by this as I am turned on, so he does it again. I bite my lip to fight back the moan, to tease Chip. He unbuttons my shirt, and throws it in the back seat, leaving my tie on. He rubs his hands down my torso, and to the waistband of my pants. He sighs and kisses my lips, softly.

“You’re really cute and all, but uh… I’ve gotta tell you something.” Chip climbs off my lap and sits back in the driver’s seat. He stares out the window.

“I’m twenty-four.” he mumbles. My stomach flips and he adds, “So, I basically raped you, illegally.” I chuckle and grab his chin in my hand.

“You can’t rape the willing.” I tell him. He laughs and kisses me again.

So, Chip drives me home and we do end up spending Fourth of July at my house. You can imagine, right? I know. But, Mom busted in on us, and yelled at me for being gay. We didn’t mention the fact that Chip was twenty-four and we were illegally having sex. No, that would just add more problems.

But, I did what I knew I had to, and repeated what I had told Mom two days before.

“Hey Mom? I’m gay.”

And Chip added, “Deal with it.”

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Ah, diary. Those were the days. Summer boys with sand-white skin, playing in the heat. Yeah, it may have been illegal, but we were in love, to say the least. Dad, if you’re listening, I love you. Oh, and you really shouldn’t have punched that gay guy.

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