Denial Used to Feel So Good

The halfway mark of the tour came and went and everything was taking a toll on my mental health. Performing every night, running on minimal sleep, driving for hours on end. I loved it all, it's what I've always wanted to do, but despite all of the fun I was having, the feeling of being homesick was undeniable as it followed me everywhere.

Gabe had let up on the harassment since our...'discussion'. At first I thought that would be a good thing, it would lessen the stress but it didn't. It actually felt lonely without him constantly annoying me. And I'm not going to lie, it felt like crap knowing he was purposely ignoring me.

But honestly, who could I talk to? I did not want to weigh down Colin, Tony and Kale with my crazy emotions. They would be sympathetic and be saints but I didn't want them to worry about me. I didn't want to ruin their fun. So, I kept it to myself which everyone knows you're not supposed to do.

We had another day off and a night at a hotel so I figured I would lay off on the partying and use the time to recuperate. Hopefully sleeping for more than 30 minute increments before waking up again would help restore my sanity.

"Are sure you don't want to go?" Kale asked for about the eighth time. The guys really seemed to be uneasy leaving me alone. Not just in this circumstance, but in general. It was sweet of them but it could be smothering at times.

"Yes." I said, suppressing an eye roll. I hated being asked the same question over again. I was like Will Ferrell in Austin Powers. If I've already given you the same answer the other seven times, I'm not going to change my mind. And restating your question over and over again is only going to annoy me, not change my mind.

I digress, they finally left, not before telling me how much I was going to miss out. I took the longest bath I could stand. Without any boys screaming at me to hurry up, I savored the moment. I felt better when I got out, but not by much.