Denial Used to Feel So Good

I rolled out of bed early the next morning in a zombie-like state. This wasn't completely unusual since it was 5:30 and we had a full day of driving ahead of us. So looking good and waking up were both low on my list of things to care about. I did take a shower though, because I had no idea when I would have the chance again. I, then, found myself throwing my luggage into one of the tour bus compartments and shuffling towards the van in my pajamas and slippers. Colin and I were the unlucky members that were going to be attempting to get some shut eye in the backseat of the rapist van. Speaking of...

I hadn't talked to Colin since the nightclub night. The one where I found him, Nate and Mike "talking to" Gabe outside the club. I had purposely been avoiding him. That was a discussion I was going to avoid for as long as I could. Even though I was furious with him, I didn't want him to pin the whole thing on me (even if I wasn't exactly helping the situation). He would be the one to take the opportunity and lecture me, whether it's his business or not.

Crawling into the backseat I felt someone hovering behind me. Slowly backing out of the car and turning around, I stared confusedly at Gabe.

"Gabe." I announced like an idiot. Right Kyle, like he doesn't already know that.I shook the voice out of my head. The last thing I wanted was that thing talking to me again.

"Hey," he croaked, "I've got your shit..." He held up a handful of my shopping bags.

"Right!" He grimaced at my exclamation and I winced apologetically, "Thanks..." I whispered taking the bags from him, "How's your head?"

"Uh..." he rubbed the back of his neck, "Fuzzy...and yet still manages to feel like a giant brick."

"You were really hammering it down last night. I would have been impressed, had I not been worried about you getting alcohol poisoning." I smirked. He gave a tired smile, but then frowned.

"You stopped by the room last night?" He pointed a finger at me, cocking his head to the side, as if trying to remember.

"Yeah..." I said drawing out the word, "You...don't remember?" Was that disappointment, Kyle? No, shut up. Oh, God...there's two of them now.

He cleared his throat, glancing around nervously, "Nope. Uh," he looked behind him, as if searching for an excuse to walk away, "Um..." He paused suddenly and I looked over his shoulder to see what he was staring at.

William realized that he had been caught eavesdropping and quickly stepped forward, "Sorry." He said, "I didn't want to interrupt." He threw Gabe a dirty look and then turned to smile at me. Out of the corner of my eye, Gabe was rolling his eyes.

"What's up?" I asked in a tone of voice that suggested he was interrupting.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come on our bus." He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb to The Academy Is...bus where everyone plus Kale was loading in.

"She can't. She's got to keep me company." As if summoned, Colin was at my side, "We've got ten hours on the road and there is no way I'm going through that alone. Hey Kyle," He slung his arm around my shoulders, "how many games of I-Spy do you think we can play in ten hours?"

"Oh, dear god." I murmured, only acting the part of distressed since I knew Colin wasn't serious.

"Alright," Bill tried to shrug it off, but it was obvious he wasn't happy about it, "next time."

I mimicked his shrug, which was the universal answer for 'I really don't think so.' It was like Gabe was thinkin' my thoughts because he snorted, "Probably not..."under his breath and I had to stifle my laughter with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Colin took the silence that followed to climb into the car. He hadn't even acknowledged Gabe in the least way; he hadn't even looked at him.

Noting that his plan had failed at that Gabe was looking better than himself, William nodded and turned to leave, but not before smirking, "By the way Kyle, you look really sexy in those pajamas. Hope to see you like that again." He chuckled to himself before walking onto his bus. I blushed not because I was flattered but because it was natural reaction to being called 'sexy,' even in such an unappealing way.

"I hate it when he says stuff like that..." I muttered, crossing my arms. The compliment (using the term loosely) was making me self-conscious like always.

"I know you do." Gabe muttered right back. I sighed and looked up at Gabe decided to be fleetingly honest with him.

"It's like he's trying to be you or something."

Gabe seemed to enjoy that and gave a goofy half-grin, "You think so?"

"Yeah, but he can't pull it off half as well..." I don't know if he heard that statement, because I was already sliding into the car, mumbling it to myself. And now it was time to face Colin.

"What was that about?" He asked protectively, buckling his seatbelt and arranging it so he could lay down on the row of seats that was behind my own.

"Nothing." I snapped instantly. I was throwing 'do not interrogate me' vibes his way. I didn't want to talk about anything with him at 5:30 in the morning, especially this Gabe/William/Me thing. It would put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. And if there was a fight (which, to be honest, was a large possibility) we would have to spend the rest of the day in the same tiny van.

The buses began pulling out of the hotel parking lot and hit the highway. I waited a good fifteen minutes before I felt Colin wasn't going to talk anymore to fluff my pillows and get adjusted. Just as I lay down, he couldn't restrain himself.

"What's going on with you and Gabe?" He blurted.

"Nothing." I said quickly. Too quickly.

"And you and William? And William and Gabe?"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

"He kissed you, you know."

I actually had a laugh at that one, a harsh bitter laugh, but a laugh none-the-less, "NO! That was him?! I thought that was Vicky!"

"Kyle, I don't like it." He announced in his 'dad' voice.

"I don't care. It was nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing is happening. Nothing will happen in the future, alright? Drop it. Although, I know you won't." I whispered the last part, but I had a feeling he heard it anyway.

"I'm looking out for you-"

"Looking out for me?!" He had pushed the right button, "Colin, I'm a big girl alright?! I don't need looking after. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself and my own problems, okay? There's quite a large difference between 'looking out' and 'watching like a hawk', too! And let me tell you, beating someone up because we kissed is not in the 'looking out' category!"

"I did not beat him up!" Colin finally got a word in edgewise.

"But that was your plan wasn't it?!"

"No!"

"Colin!" I growled, annoyed that he was lying to me, especially since I knew it, "You had Nate and Mike with you! Gabe was backed up against the fucking wall! You had him by his shirt! You were going to beat him up! I can't believe you! You are a real bully, you know that right?"

"Hey! I have every right to protect you! To watch out for you, because let's face it, you've fucked up before! You have a hard time trying to decipher what's right and what's wrong, you need me to be there for you to take care of creeps like Gabe!"

"Creeps like Gabe?!" I shrieked. I couldn't even imagine how awkward and uncomfortable the driver felt at that moment, "What do you know about Gabe?!"

"I know that he's a sleaze! Kyle, he doesn't date girls, okay? He has no respect for you! I know guys like him! He's sick! All the does is fuck with your mind! I don't want him to hurt you."

"Oh, my god! You've spent, like, two seconds with him this whole tour! You couldn't know that. Besides, if he isn't my type then who do you have in mind?!"

"I don't know! William!"

I believe I actually choked on air, "W-William?! Are you serious?!"

"Yes! I like you two together! You're a cute couple, besides he actually likes you. Not just your ass..."

"No, William doesn't like anyone but himself, okay? And he's boring as hell, too." I rolled my eyes at Colin's stupidity.

"Oh, yeah, he's not interesting like Gabe, who keeps you guessing all the time about if he's going to throw you away or keep you for another day!" Colin mocked.

"Shut up! Nothing is going on with Gabe or William! Yeah, Gabe and I kissed, but get over it! You still don't have a right to beat the living shit out of him, like I know you were going to do!"

"I have every right! When I sent him over to you that was not part of the deal! I told him hands off!"

My heart dropped, "What?" I asked in a whisper. Tell me he didn't say what I think he said. My temper rose as I spoke again, "What did you just say?!"

Colin must have realized he let the cat out of the bag and stayed completely silent. I don't even think he was breathing. I know I wouldn't if I were him.

"Did you just say that you sent him over to me?! YOU TOLD HIM TO DANCE WITH ME?!Did you pay him as well?! The whole time he was only being nice to me because YOU MADE HIM?!"

"Kyle, please, calm down. It-it wasn't like that- I didn't pay him- he wanted to-it was just- you were feeling so bad-"

Then I lost it. I started laughing. Hysterically. I was so upset. I was so frustrated. I felt so betrayed. How could they do that to me? So, I laughed. I laughed so I hard I started crying. When everything was too much to handle I did what I always did, laughed. What else was I going to do?