Denial Used to Feel So Good

I spent the rest of the drive huddled inside a bunk (alone) contemplating life. Yeah, right. I spent it sleeping. I needed all my energy if I was going to try and put on a convincing show. I was dreading the inevitable confrontation with Colin. I was also dreading my guest appearance during Cobra's set. It wouldn't be the same. Not with all the shit that went on those passed few days. All the drama was enough to compensate for the rest of my life. But I knew there was more to come.

We unloaded the second we stopped at the venue. We had to speed through set up and sound check because doors were only two hours away. I kept myself busy and disconnected from the rest of the group. Everyone seemed to catch onto the glum mood and we all worked quietly, except when noise was needed...i.e. sound check.

I avoided Colin at all cost. I didn't even look at him. I was giving him the cold shoulder, putting on my 'ice queen' façade. He pretty much did the same. Neither of us was going to give the other the satisfaction. Besides it was all too fresh. The only time I interacted with Colin was when Kale practically screamed at him.

"What the hell happened to your face, man?!" Kale gasped as he put together his microphone on stage. I looked up from my own mike and stared at Colin. With the house lights on I could see a dark bruise across the better part of his left cheek. That couldn't have been from me slapping him...

"I don't want to talk about it." Colin grumbled, looking past Kale, directly at me. We locked eyes for a moment before he tore his gaze away; pretending to busy himself. And that was the extent of our interaction.

Finishing our sound check and filing offstage to allow Cobra their turn, I caught Gabe's hand and pulled him off to the side, "Gabe?"

"Yeah?" he asked nervously, biting his lip. I was curious as to what he was so nervous about, but brushed it off.

"I-I don't think I can come onstage with you guys tonight..." I whispered apologetically, chewing the inside of my cheek. I felt Gabe physically relax and then he nodded.

"Is everything alright?" he asked. I would've considered that a stupid question but I knew he meant to ask 'is everything alright, besides the obvious'.

"Yeah...I just...don't think it would be a smart idea." I stole a glance over my shoulder at my band. Gabe did the same.

"Oh...alright." he wanted to say more, I could tell. I didn't give him the chance though.

"Thanks." I said lamely, quickly walking away.

I spent the rest of the night pretty much by myself. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, or doing anything. I actually really didn't want to even play our show, but I knew I had to. If anything it would be good for me to get back up onstage and forget everything, only if it was for 45 minutes.

I had this gut feeling that something horrible was going to happen onstage. Something like Colin storming off in the middle of our set, or me breaking down. But nothing went wrong. Everything was flawless. We weren't as chatty as we had been before. But Tony and Kale took over the witty banter that Colin and I usually supplied and made it work.

Walking offstage, I felt oddly rejuvenated. It was like I remembered the whole point of being here. All of this was for our music. And although it didn't feel that way at the time, this whole tour was the best thing we could have possibly done to promote our sound. We needed to do this.

"Good show tonight Kyle." The Butcher praised as I passed him backstage about a half an hour after our set.

"Thanks." I smiled, "Do you know which bus our bags were loaded onto?"

"Ours I think...but don't take my word on it." I nodded and wished him good luck on his set, because I planned on taking the longest shower known to man.

Kale caught up to me as I wandered across the parking lot to The Academy Is'...bus.

"Kyle!" He jogged across the lot and grabbed my arm, "What's wrong? What's up with you and Colin?"

"I really don't want to talk about it." I stated blandly, but they never seem to get the message do they?

"Come on, it can't be that bad. I mean...maybe it is...you slapped him but...why?" Kale and I stopped walking as we reached the bus. I unlatched the compartment that held the luggage and rummaged around for mine.

"Kale." I groaned, finding my bag and pulling it out onto the ground, "Not the time. All I want to do is shower right now."

He frowned, "You've got to go dance with Gabe though..." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder towards the venue. It was funny how he said 'dance with Gabe'instead of 'perform with Cobra'.

"Kale, their set's probably almost over by now. I'm not going out tonight." I unzipped my suitcase and sat down on the pavement. The search begins. All of my dirty clothes were sitting on the top layer of my bag and I had to work to get the clothes that were clean. I needed a better system than this, because my sweaty dirty clothes were contaminating my clean ones.

"Is Gabe involved in this thing too? Is that why you and Colin are warring?" Kale pried, annoying me to no end.

"NO!" I answered forcefully, "We aren't warring. A difference of opinions. Happens everyday. Every second as a matter of fact. Nothing to worry about. Gabe isn't involved. This has nothing to do with him. I'm just not in the mood to be violated tonight, thank you very much. And I would appreciate it if you would respect my wishes not to talk about this." I finally located the clothes I want and pulled them from the bottom of the bag so vigorously a few stray items of clothes flew out with them.

"Oh-kay." Kale held up his hands in surrender, before kneeling down and helping me collect stray garments from the ground. He shoved a handful of stuff back in the duffel bag and a flash of purple caught my eye.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I frowned, quickly reaching into my suitcase and gabbing the neon purple hoodie that lay inside, "What the hell is this?"

"Uh, your sweatshirt?" Kale explained as if I was out of my mind.

"This isn't mine. How did this get in here?" I flipped the sweatshirt around in my hands, examining it carefully. I knew exactly whose it was, I just had no idea why it was in my suitcase.

"Are you mental?" Kale laughed, "I packed it there."

"Why were you packing my suitcase?" I gaped at him, completely incoherent.

"I packed it that night you got shit-faced drunk remember? I mean," he chuckled, "you probably don't remember that night but I'm sure you remember that morning. Who did you think packed your shit all nice and tidy? The packing fairy?" He laughed again with a roll of his eyes.

"Kale you're not that funny." I mumbled distractedly, quickly zipping up my duffel bag and shoving back in the baggage compartment before sprinting off into the venue.