Denial Used to Feel So Good

"Suarez! Suarez!" I panted, almost running into the bassist.

"Kyle!" he grinned back, "Missed you tonight. I had no one to stare at." He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

"I'm sorry-wait, what about Vicky?" I said momentarily sidetracked.

"She yells at me." He explained sadly. I shook my head, getting back to business.

"Gabe?" I asked. He pointed behind me, the way I had just come from.

"On the bus. Said he didn't want to do the signing. People are going to be bummed." Alex shrugged, "You're going to be there right?"

"I'm not sure. I'm feeling a little sick." I admitted honestly, my grip tightening on the hoodie in my hands. I needed some answers.

"Sorry, sweetie." He cooed sympathetically, "Tomorrow night. Is that Gabe's hoodie?" I nodded before leaning forward to give Alex a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks Suarez." I called over my shoulder as I headed back to the parking lot. I didn't announce myself or knock. I just let myself in; punching in the code I had learned when I read it off of the back of Ryland's hand.

"Gabe?" I called into the dark bus. My stomach was in knots. This was a bad discovery and I was praying that it didn't mean what I thought it did.

"Yeah-" Gabe appeared from the back lounge, "Kyle, hey. What- is that my hoodie?" His confused expression broke out into a grin as he took several long steps forward and grabbed the sweater out of my hands.

"Yeah." I nodded shyly.

"God! I can't believe you found it!" He laughed, sliding his arms through it, "I thought I lost it! Thank you!" I smiled a little at his excitement over his favorite hoodie, but then quickly covered it up.

"Guess where I found it." I hinted in a whisper; watching him carefully as he marveled at it.

"Where?" He wondered mindlessly, zipping it up and pulling at the sleeves, adjusting it to his liking.

"My suitcase." I muttered to the floor.

"Your suit-" He froze, his eyes wandering from his purple scrap of fabric to me.

"Yeah," I continued, gaining conviction, "Kale packed it there. Said it was laying around the room from that night I got drunk. Why was it laying around the room, Gabe?" I met his eyes and stared him straight on.

"It's not what you think-" He began his defense quickly.

"Then what is it, Gabe?! You said nothing happened! You got mad at me for accusing you! But look-y here," I gestured to his sweatshirt, "What else did you shed that night Gabe?"

"I did not take advantage of you, Kyle." He said hotly, like this whole conversation was a touchy subject.

"Well what am I supposed to believe?! What really happened that night? Why did you lie to me?!" I couldn't stop all the dirty claims that came tumbling out of my mouth. I knew I should give him a chance to explain what happened, but I was too willingly to find his bad traits.

"I gave this to you," He said slowly, "because you were cold!"

"Bullshit!" I called loudly. His eyes narrowed into slits and I continued, "You can't come up with a better excuse than that?!"

"We didn't have sex!" He shouted, "You wanted to! But I said NO." That put me in my place and I fell silent.

"What?"

"You know, you are a very persistent drunk!" he seethed, his eyes smoldering into mine.

"Oh my god..." I knew it was the truth too. I knew that's exactly what happened. And I understood why he kept it from me, and I was grateful he did that, "Gabe...I'm sorry." I said softly, "I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry."

He sighed, "No, I'm sorry. I should've told you before...I was just ashamed...because...I wanted it more than you did, I think."

"Maybe, you're a much more rational drunk...but equally persistent I think..." I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck.

"So...that wasn't a dream then?" Gabe grimaced.

"Last night?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"When we...made out?" Gabe looked down at the floor, a blush coloring his cheeks.

"Nope that wasn't a dream..." I bit my lip, "So you remember?" I asked, feeling my own blush developing.

"Vaguely...." Despite his embarrassment, a goofy grin spread across his face, "Damn, that was the best dream I've ever had." I was too embarrassed to smile and too confused to say anything else.

"Kyle?" Gabe asked nervously.

"Did you punch Colin?" I blurted out of no-where. I already knew the answer, but I needed some confirmation. Besides, I wanted to hear it from Gabe and not from Colin who would only use the incident to make Gabe look like a villain.

"It's a possibility." He didn't sound apologetic, or remorseful, which I don't blame him. Colin can be a real asshole.

But this whole thing was hilarious. I had gotten drunk and tried to seduce Gabe, and Gabe had gotten drunk and tried to do the same. And we both hid it from each other. I had never been a part of something crazier. And after everything, the only thought that crossed my mind was: God, he looks great in that fucking hoodie. I couldn't let my hormones get the best of me so I tired to think of something else.

I really couldn't believe that he hadn't taken advantage of me even though he said he wanted to. In all honesty, Gabe had seemed like a guy to go for an easy fuck. And there I was: wasted beyond all reason, coming onto him and he hadn't done it.

And then all I could think about was how much I needed him. Despite the fact he could be a total jerk when he wanted to, he was amazing. In every aspect. A ten in every category...except looks...in that category the judges say a 20. It took all my self-control not to jump him.

"What are you think about?" Gabe asked timidly, a look of self-consciousness evident in his composure.

I sighed heavily, practically yelling out my frustration, "I'm trying to concentrate on not having you right now! Just fucking ravaging you! Want is nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now."

A spark of excitement lit up his eyes, "So...what's stopping you?"

"Your clothes."