Denial Used to Feel So Good

"I should go." Gabe mumbled into my hair. We were still in Bill's bunk, cuddled together.

"Don't go." I said groggily, burying my head in the crook of his arm and wrapping my arms around his skinny middle.

"You're falling asleep on me. Apparently I'm a very boring person to make out with." He chuckled lightly, stroking my hair and watching me as I began to doze off.

"No, don't go. Stay with me." I held on tighter, but didn't bother to open my eyes.

"Kay, I gotta go." He sighed.

"No!" I protested firmly, grabbing his hand that was nearest to me and sinking my teeth into it.

"Ow! You just bit me! How is that supposed to make me want to stay?" He was half-laughing, half-serious, "Chica, I really gotta go." He said apologetically, shaking off the slight pain in his hand.

"Why?" I asked, letting my annoyance fill my tone.

"Because TAI's set is going to be over soon!" I jumped in surprise at Gabe's sudden loss of temper. He quickly apologized, pulling me back onto his lap and kissing my forehead, "I'm sorry. Lo siento." He rubbed his eyes, "I just...shouldn't be here...you know?"

"Oh, Gabe," I sat up, forcing my eyes open so I could apologize.

"No, don't worry about it." He muttered, climbing out of the bunk, "I'll see you tomorrow probably." He said sadly, quickly leaning back down into the bunk to give me a peck on the cheek before hurrying away.

I instantly felt bad. I shouldn't be in Williams bunk. I mean the whole...Colin thing was a shock, but I shouldn't go buddy-ing up to Bill, planting all these ideas in his head. This situation was a disaster.

But a part of me felt like I should have known. I should have been able to tell that Colin...you know. But it was one of those things that never even crosses your mind. You remain happy and oblivious. It was horrible. I thought of Colin as a brother, I mean how could he think of me as something other than a sister? Everything did make sense now, I guess. Colin being a dick to Gabe and being protective to the point of annoyance. Why was I so dense?!

And why did he have to go out and kiss me?!

With every thought I could feel myself getting worked up again and I didn't want to continuing thinking about this. Eventually it would lead to the inevitable, 'what's going to happen' and that was something I didn't want to face. Tony, Kale? What about them? The band? It was all...drama.

"Okay Kyle...don't think about it." I actually spoke aloud, hoping that it would distract me from my thoughts.

What happens when I see Colin again? What do I say to him? How do you deal out that kind of rejection? He's been pining for me. Don't flatter yourself Kyle, it's probably just hormones. Are you kidding?! Did you see the look in his eyes?! That was hardcore pining.

I groaned, rolling over on my side, facing the wall of the bus. I pulled the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes; hoping sleep would wipe away my thoughts.

"Kyle?" A soft voice didn't allow me the chance of falling asleep, "Are you awake?" I rolled over again and was face to face with William, "Sorry," he grimaced, "Did I wake you?"

"No." I shook my head, "I wasn't asleep yet."

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently, looking me over. I shrugged, giving him the signal that I didn't want to talk about it. He actually got that message (if only he were that receptive to everyother message I sent his way) and didn't say anything further about it.

"Have you taken a shower yet?" He asked. I shook my head and he continued, "We're on the road all day tomorrow, I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Thanks William." I smiled half-heartedly and he smiled back, giving me space enough to climb out of the bed.

"No problem. We leave in an hour, is that okay?"

I nodded again and thanked him. I suppose he thought he was being comforting when he leaned down to kiss me, but in honesty, it had the opposite affect. I quickly scurried off the bus, grabbed my suitcase and ran to the showers.