Denial Used to Feel So Good

I forgot how much I loved being in the crowd. The adrenaline. The fact that your favorite band was in the same building as you fueled your excitement (which had already been out of this world because on the ride to the venue you and your friends were squealing "I can't believe they're in the same state!'). And then seeing them up on stage, performing and being able to tell that they were actually happy to be playing for you. They wanted to be there; you could see it and feel it whenever they were playing.

Being on stage was exciting, but being in the crowd was indescribable. Of course, being pushed, squished, prodded and violated weren't things on my 'to-do' list, but the experience was one of the things that made going to shows fun. Everyone around you was appreciating the music, no one was worrying about anything else, so it was easy for me to do the same.

When the house lights went down I felt the same flutter in my stomach as I did when I was waiting on the side of the stage. It had been a while since I watched a set. Normally I was too nervous about performing I didn't appreciate the acts.

I was pressed up against the barrier, dead center. Only because I had been there hours before doors had opened and had scoped out the prime spot. Everyone around me screamed loud and I joined in. I could see the dark outlines of Nate, Alex, Ryland and Vicky all take their spots on stage and I cheered louder. I knew they couldn't hear me, but it was fun to play the part of excited fan. The lights came on suddenly with astonishing brightness and everyone screamed louder as the music started.

Gabe walked out with a smirk; I took note that the screams became more shrill. Fan girls. I had to chuckle to myself as the girl to my right looked about ready to faint. I knew Gabe loved this. I wondered why I wasn't more jealous.

There were girls practically crying at the sight of him and he was soaking it up, winking at some of them as he sang...but it didn't bother me. I guess it was because I knew that being onstage made people a little bit cocky. Like Gabe needed an excuse to be more cocky.They played a couple songs before they greeted the audience.

"Hello everyone!" Gabe grinned, panting slightly from jumping around like a maniac, "How are you all feeling tonight?" I joined in the cheers, "Good, good." He laughed, "So, I know you're wondering why we're the first act out. And I will tell you why our very, very good friends are bummed that they couldn't play for you, but their guitarist seems to have developed some sort of ailment."

There were 'aws' in the crowd and I chuckled, rolling my eyes at the fact that Gabe left the impression he and Colin were 'very, very good friends.' Uh, not quite.

"But don't fret-" I snorted as he said 'fret'. What a nerd, "Their beautiful drummer-Tony- and their lead singer-Kyle- are going to be hounding you to buy their merchandise later." There was screams and I shook my head but joined in the screams as the next song played. They played more songs than they normally would have adding new songs from each of their albums.

I loved how they didn't just get up there and play. They talked with you. It was like hanging out in your parent's basement, chatting with all your friends. They just messed around, it wasn't bland, that's for sure.

I was wondering if Gabe had seen me on the floor. He knew that I was going to be in the audience, but I wondered if he was looking for me. He probably wouldn't have looked right in the front row, right in front of his face.

The Ballad of Big Poppa and Diamond Girlstarted and my ears were shattered by the two fan girls on either side of me who both simultaneously screeched, "THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG!" It was pretty much the decibel equivalent of placing your head next to a running chainsaw. And, god, when they started bouncing up and down, waving to Gabe I thought I was going to puke.

But they did manage to catch his attention. He smirked to them and then his eyes wandered in between the two and he broke out into a full-on grin as he saw me being sandwiched. He walked away from Ryland, who he had been singing to, and to the center of the stage, right in front of us. Do you know what he did? Well, I won't give you the gory details, but it involved multiple crotch thrusts and a lot of him running his hand over his body in ways that brought a blush to my cheeks and more squeals from my friends off to the side.

After that, the set couldn't end soon enough.