Denial Used to Feel So Good

I spent the rest of the day in Vicky and my room, dreading the show later that night. I think sometime around lunch Vicky came back; sneaking in and then out without look me in the eye. She probably knew I was still upset and that if she looked directly into my eyes, she might burst into flames. I did order room service at one point and enjoyed a glass of wine with a grilled cheese sandwich.

The only time I actually left the room was when Tony came in and told me it was time to head to the venue. We walked in a huge group a few blocks down the street to the venue. I realized this would be a problem when someone found out that the bands were staying at the hotel down the street, and hundreds of obsessed fans camped out until we left the next day. Tony and I lingered in the back. He knew that I didn't want to talk about it, but I was glad he was there.

"Kyle, are you alright to perform tonight?" He asked quietly, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you talking about? Of course I am..." I mumbled, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

"I mean, you were really upset. And you still are. I can tell 'cause you're eyes do that smolder-y thing when you get real upset. And right now they're doing that smolder-y thing."

I sighed, smiling feebly at his babbling, "You're such a sweetie." I wrapped my arms around his middle and leaned into him as he hugged me back. We continued to walk, "I'm a little upset." I admitted, "But as long as nobody does anything stupid and as long as William doesn't come within twenty feet of me, I should be fine to perform."

He scrunched up his nose in disapproval, "Well, don't worry. I'll be on stupid patrol and I'll be your body guard."

"You're always lookin' out for me." I full-out grinned and Tony proudly slung an arm around my shoulder, leading me inside the club for sound check.

We completed sound check and the rest of the preparations went smoothly. I stayed mostly to myself. Except for Tony and Vicky. I was trying to figure out if Gabe was ignoring me or if he was 'playing it cool'. He seemed to be acting a little cold. This day only kept getting better.

It was almost time for us to go on. I could hear the crowd from behind the curtain and I was trying to calm my nerves. Even after all these shows, my nerves got the best of me. That was when Gabe came up to me.

"Kyle," He greeted, walking up to me with his hands in his pockets and staring at the ground. No one was around, so I smiled at him, "Hey you."

"Listen...uh, I don't think..." He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"You don't think? That's what you came over here to tell me?" I teased, smirking.

"No, no..." he muttered, distractedly, "I-uh...don't think that you should come on stage tonight." I felt my jaw drop and I blinked at him, taking a moment to properly digest what was said.

"Wh-what?" Gabe had never-ever been the one to call off our performance together, "Y-you don't want me to...sing...with...you? Why not?"

"I just...don't think...It'd be a good idea."

"Gabe-what-" I shook my head in disbelief, "I don't-"

"You've gotta go on." He said quickly, pointing to the stage where the lights were dimming. I frowned, opening my mouth to say something. Before I could speak, he turned and rushed away.

"What the fuck?!" I mumbled to myself, but I didn't have time to dwell on it because Kale was pushing me on stage.

"Okay," Tony announced the moment we got offstage, latching onto my arm and pulling me aside, "What's wrong? I thought you said you were okay?"

"What? Did I suck?" I asked, feeling self-conscious about my performance.

"No, of course you didn't suck." He rolled his eyes, "But something is obviously wrong."

"Obviously?" I questioned.

"Kyle, seriously, did something happen? I mean besides...you know."

I crossed my arms with a shrug. I didn't want to talk about it, because I might get over-emotional. It sounds strange but the fact that Gabe didn't want me onstage with him stung, "Nothing happened. Just..." I shrugged again, looking up to the ceiling to avoid Tony's penetrating gaze.

"Just?" He pressed.

I sighed, "Gabe asked me not to come onstage with him...and he didn't really say why. All he said was 'I don't think it'd be a good idea'. I don't know what I did wrong, or why he's acting so weird tonight. That and the whole...William thing." I shook my head, "Whatever. It's just a lot to handle right now."

He gave me a sympathetic look, kissing my forehead before saying, "I want you to go take a shower and get in your pajamas and then I'm going to take you back to the hotel so you and I can have a girl's night." I laughed lightly and pulled him into a hug.

"Okay." I agreed, heading off to find the showers as Tony went off in the opposite direction. I passed everyone else waiting to perform and I made sure to not make eye contact with anyone. It might have been my imagination, but it felt like everyone was staring at me. I hated all this unwanted attention. This unwanted, negative attention. God, I hate drama. It felt like the walk of shame...and all I was doing was trying to get to the bathroom.

"Kyle!" I heard someone call my name and I stopped; not looking back but waiting for the person to catch up with me. I was surprised that it was Colin. He stepped in front of me and swallowed, "I really want to apologize." He said, a blush coloring his cheeks, "It was really idiotic of me to listen to William...after all this...stuff," He emphasized the word to convey his message, "I guess, I was ready to believe the worst. But that was really stupid of me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. Forgive me?" He asked timidly. I sighed, feeling a swell of pity. I could understand his point of view. If someone rejected me, like I did to Colin, I would be ready to think the worst of them.

"Of course, Col." I held out my arms and gave him a tight squeeze, "Could you do one thing for me though?"

He nodded, "Anything."

"Could you murder William?"

He chuckled, "I don't know about murder but I could rough him up." He cracked his knuckles for dramatic effect and I laughed.

"I can accept that."