Denial Used to Feel So Good

"We're doing what?!" I screeched. I felt everyone in the room cringe and Kale tried to calm me down as best he could.

"Kyle, relax. Please." He held up his hands, "It'll be over before you know it!" He tried to reason with me, "And then, we'll be out of here. Bing, bang, boom."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?!" I asked, through clenched teeth.

"Well, quite frankly," Tony chimed in, "Because you would've run away, screaming at the top of your lungs..."

"It's really not that bad." Colin attempted. I quickly glared him into submission.

"It is that bad." I growled, "I'm not doing this signing." I shook my head, crossing my arms stubbornly, "I will not and you can't make me."

Kale rolled his eyes, "Kyle, please, you're sounding like a child. I don't even understand!" He admitted throwing his arms in the air, "What's the big deal?!"

"What's the big deal?!" I glowered at him, "The big deal is, that I know-and hate- everyone in this mother-fucking town and if-" I cut myself off, rolling my eyes and pushing passed everyone. I threw open the back door and fell to the ground; desperately searching for a cigarette.

I was aware that I had thrown a full-blown temper tantrum in front of everybody and I couldn't have cared less. Tony had told me that we were going to perform and then be out of here. I couldn't even imagine the disastrous outcome if I happened to run into someone I didn't want to see. It'd been years since I'd seen him, but I always knew that my past would come back to me and somehow I had a feeling it would be tonight.

\/\/\/\/\

I dragged myself up the walkway to Colin's parent's house, feeling absolutely pathetic. I didn't want him to see me like this, but I couldn't go home. My parents would murder me. I debated whether or not ringing the doorbell. The last time I looked at the clock it read 12:23 a.m but that had been hours ago. I, instead, gave a gentle knock. A part of me didn't want him to answer, but the other part of me needed him to be home. I waited a moment, shivering involuntarily as I realized that my clothes were soaking wet from the rain.

Of course it had to be raining.

I jumped when the porch light turned on. I saw Colin's groggy expression through the side window and sighed. I was so glad his parents didn't answer.

"Kay?" A very sleepy, 16 year old Colin greeted me. It took him a second to realize that something wasn't right, "Kay! What happened to you?!" He quickly ushered me inside, closing and locking the door behind us.

"C-can I b-borrow some cl-clothes?" I asked through chattering teeth. He nodded quickly, taking off my jacket and motioning me to follow him. I slipped off my shoes, which were filled with water and my socks, before following Colin into his laundry room. He grabbed a towel for me and threw my jacket and socks into the dryer.

"Take off your clothes." He instructed, handing me the towel and hurrying into his room. I peeled off the layers of wet cloth that were stuck to me and put everything into the dryer and then wrapped myself up in the towel. Colin returned with a pair of sweatpants and an over-sized T-shirt.

"Here." He said trading me the towel for the clothes. He turned around and gave me time to change before leading me into his bedroom. I took a seat on his bed and attempted to dry my hair as best I could. He stood in the center of his room, watching me.

"Kyle, what happened?" He finally asked. I swallowed, throwing the towel into Colin's dirty clothes hamper that sat at the end of the bed. I thought for a moment and felt tears spring into my eyes. Colin took notice and was instantly by my side, "Kay," He said gently, pulling me onto his lap and wrapping his warm arms around me, "Tell me what happened."

I took in a shaky breath, "You know Kevin?"

Colin scowled, "You mean the creep who practically stalks you? Yes."

"He told me about this party...and this guy...Logan."

\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Oh, no thanks...I don't drink." I smiled politely at my boyfriend's friend as he offered me a beer.

"You don't drink?" He gaped at me, "Logan, will you talk to your girl?" He chuckled.

"Come on, babe. It's not going to kill you." Logan's arm tightened around my waist and he whispered in my ear, "Don't be a downer." I glared at him, but he paid no attention, just continued talking to his friends over the ridiculously loud music. Once again the guy offered me a bottle. I rolled my eyes accepting it. I took a petite sip and discovered that it wasn't as bad as I thought. It was numbing. So what if I was still three years underage?

"Can I have a sip?" Logan asked, reaching for my beer. I held it away from him.

"Get your own."

He grinned, "Now that's more like it."

I knew that if Colin or Tony or Kale were here, I wouldn't be doing this. They would never have let me. I knew it was an idiotic thing to do, but I really just hoped that it would make me forget where I was, make me forget who I was with and what I was doing. All it really did was made me an incredibly easy target.

The night dragged on and I drank more. I kept thinking how glad I was that this was the last high school party I would ever go to. The last one my dumb-ass boyfriend would ever take me to. He only showed me around to his friends, only bragged about me. I was sick of it, but I wouldn't do anything to help myself.

Colin was always on my case, night and day about Logan. He hated him. With such fervor I didn't even think possible. It's not as if I went off with Logan every night to drink and smoke. Well...I hadn't done that, until that stupid party.

There were a lot of things I hadn't done until that party.

"Kyle," Logan's same stupid friend turned to me once again, "want a smoke?"

\/\/\/\/\/\

I shut the door as quietly as I could. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up Colin. This would have been night number how many, that I snuck in. With Colin, Tony, Kale and I living together it was pretty much the same as living with my parents, when it came to curfew. But the thing about living with Colin, Tony and Kale was they actually wanted me home.

As I turned the lock on the front door of our loft, it made an unbelievably loud clicking noise and I cringed. I hesitated, listening for footsteps or any sign that anyone had woken up. When I heard nothing I sighed and turned around.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Colin growled, the lateness of the hour not helping his obvious annoyance with me.

"Shh! Colin! Tony and Kale are sleeping." I pleaded with him.

"I don't give a shit. Where the hell have you been?!"

"Col, please, I promise I wasn't out-"

"What drinking?!" He spat, "Or smoking?!" He held up a pack of my cigarettes. The pack that I recognized had been under my bed, "What are you doing to yourself Kyle?!"

"Colin-" I choked out, "That's not what it looks like-"

"Fuck Kyle! We aren't in high school anymore! I thought you stopped ruining your life when you finally got rid of what's-his-face!" He slapped the pack of cigarettes down onto the kitchen counter.

"Colin, please-" I cried, tears starting to form.

"When did you start smoking anyway?! I mean, are you trying to kill yourself?!"

"Colin!" I begged, falling to my knees and burying my head in my hands, "Please don't yell at me! P-please..."

"What in the hell are you doing man?!" Tony ran from where he and Kale had been watching at their bedroom door, and over to me, "Can't you see you're fucking upsetting her?!"

"Tony! Do you see what she's doing?!" Colin sneered, holding up the pack of smokes again, "Are you saying you're okay with this?!"

"I'm saying-" Tony shouted, "Lay the fuck off!" He glared at Colin before scooping me up in his arms and pulling me onto his lap; holding me tight.

\/\/\/\

I hated this town.