Denial Used to Feel So Good
List Of Things To Do
I was dumbfounded and shook to my absolute core. Gabe was so fucking right. I'm a dirty skank. I'm just leading all of these guys on and then breaking them into tiny pieces so I could cook them in a stew....I'm and the wicked witch of the mother fucking east and I deserve to be squished by a house and have my red ruby slippers stolen. Book me a junior suite in hell because that's where I'm going.
"Gabe..." I muttered to myself helplessly even though he wasn't in the room anymore. I pulled my astonished self together and forced myself to get in the shower. I needed to relax and calm down and give Gabe the chance to do both of those as well.
For the millionth time I promised myself that I would make things better. I knew very well that I only managed to fuck things up when I tried making them better, but though that's true I wouldn't give up.
List of things to do:
1) Tell William to keep it in his pants
2) Tell Gabe that I told William to keep it in his pants
3) Commence making up with Gabe
4) Tell everyone about Gabe and I
I'll admit that I was going to do all in my power to avoid number 4, but I put it on there to make myself feel better.
I finished up my shower and got dressed before heading out to the buses. All was quiet and it made me suspicious. There were a few people loading things into trailers and doing odd jobs, but I couldn't find any members of TAI or Cobra. I hesitated knocking on Cobras bus door because if someone answered and I told them I had to talk to Gabe they might get suspicious, so I went for The Academy Is...
The Butcher greeted me with a bright smile, "Kyle! You were awesome tonight!"
"Oh, thanks..." I blushed looking at my feet.
"I mean, I couldn't really hear you singing because I was you know...playing the drums but I have faith that you kicked ass."
I snorted, "Hah, yeah. Uh, listen is Bill here? I kinda need to talk to him."
"Yeah, come on in." The Butcher stepped out of the way and gestured for me to follow him. I stepped on the bus and The Butcher motioned to the back.
"He's in there."
"Thanks." I smiled politely and then shuffled my way over mounds of dirty clothes to the backroom. I knocked uncomfortably on the door, silently praying he wouldn't answer.
"Come in." His voice carried through the door and I stepped inside, making sure to close the door behind me.
"Hey William. Hope you don't mind me dropping in?" I asked nervously. He shook his head with a smile, pulling off his headphones and shutting off his iPod.
"'Course not. You're welcome anytime." He said, patting the bed beside me.
"Well...thanks..." I mumbled, remaining standing, "Listen, I just came to clear some stuff up." I inhaled a big breath, "I think I may have been a little misleading. I never meant to lead you on and I feel bad when I flirt with you because...I don't really mean it. And that sounds totally bitchy...but I just don't know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. My flirt-ometer has been broken since birth and I'm not good at gauging people's reactions and I'm really, really, really sorry about everything and all of the misconceptions I've given you and you have every right to hate me, but I really want to put a stop to this before it gets out of control."
Like it hasn't already, Kyle. You're such a dipshit sometimes.
"Whoa...Uh..."
"Gabe..." I muttered to myself helplessly even though he wasn't in the room anymore. I pulled my astonished self together and forced myself to get in the shower. I needed to relax and calm down and give Gabe the chance to do both of those as well.
For the millionth time I promised myself that I would make things better. I knew very well that I only managed to fuck things up when I tried making them better, but though that's true I wouldn't give up.
List of things to do:
1) Tell William to keep it in his pants
2) Tell Gabe that I told William to keep it in his pants
3) Commence making up with Gabe
4) Tell everyone about Gabe and I
I'll admit that I was going to do all in my power to avoid number 4, but I put it on there to make myself feel better.
I finished up my shower and got dressed before heading out to the buses. All was quiet and it made me suspicious. There were a few people loading things into trailers and doing odd jobs, but I couldn't find any members of TAI or Cobra. I hesitated knocking on Cobras bus door because if someone answered and I told them I had to talk to Gabe they might get suspicious, so I went for The Academy Is...
The Butcher greeted me with a bright smile, "Kyle! You were awesome tonight!"
"Oh, thanks..." I blushed looking at my feet.
"I mean, I couldn't really hear you singing because I was you know...playing the drums but I have faith that you kicked ass."
I snorted, "Hah, yeah. Uh, listen is Bill here? I kinda need to talk to him."
"Yeah, come on in." The Butcher stepped out of the way and gestured for me to follow him. I stepped on the bus and The Butcher motioned to the back.
"He's in there."
"Thanks." I smiled politely and then shuffled my way over mounds of dirty clothes to the backroom. I knocked uncomfortably on the door, silently praying he wouldn't answer.
"Come in." His voice carried through the door and I stepped inside, making sure to close the door behind me.
"Hey William. Hope you don't mind me dropping in?" I asked nervously. He shook his head with a smile, pulling off his headphones and shutting off his iPod.
"'Course not. You're welcome anytime." He said, patting the bed beside me.
"Well...thanks..." I mumbled, remaining standing, "Listen, I just came to clear some stuff up." I inhaled a big breath, "I think I may have been a little misleading. I never meant to lead you on and I feel bad when I flirt with you because...I don't really mean it. And that sounds totally bitchy...but I just don't know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. My flirt-ometer has been broken since birth and I'm not good at gauging people's reactions and I'm really, really, really sorry about everything and all of the misconceptions I've given you and you have every right to hate me, but I really want to put a stop to this before it gets out of control."
Like it hasn't already, Kyle. You're such a dipshit sometimes.
"Whoa...Uh..."
♠ ♠ ♠
And here begins that longest authors note ever (even for me):I owe you all the biggest apology of all. I am so sorry. I've had a lot of personal shit to deal with and it's all been a blur. I want to thank everyone who has commented. I appreciate that so much and it was so encouraging to know that you guys haven't given up on me. I am planinng on trying to update semi-regularily (but it's hard to say) and bear with me if they aren't the longest or best parts. I'm trying to get back into the writing zone. It's been a long four months and you guys are awesome for waiting this long. I wish and hope that you guys will stick with me while I try to get my personal life back in order and begin writing again.
Mucho love,
H