Status: Completed!
No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead
Sorrow Swallows My Screams... 10
“Hey guys,” I greet with a cocky grin.
“You were great!” They all say simultaneously.
“Thanks,” I smile for real this time.
“Well I know I’m not winning that one,” Damien admits freely about the run I just did.
I just wink at him. Damien is a great skater and has won many competitions. However, he’s only won one against me, and though it’s never been said out loud, it may be because I didn’t tell anymore of my ankle I hurt form surfing the day before. I broke it on my last run. But whatever, Damien would win more if he had my confidence and determination; same with Ellamae.
I just wanted it more. A memory of my mother rises….
[[Flashback]]
I had just finished hanging my latest surfing metal up when I felt a presence to my right; I turn to see my mother. She had a strange look in her eyes as they traveled from the metal to me.
“Ivory,” she said softly walking over to my bed and taking a seat, patting a spot beside her. “Come sit.”
I was two months shy of my 8th birthday, and confused to what she wanted to talk about. But I do as she asks and take a seat.
“Ivory,” she begins. “I love that you’re completive and determined. But some times… it scares me. You’re driven by some force that I don’t know of. You enter so many competitions, even if you’re hurt. I just don’t get it. What’s driving you so much?”
I had looked away from her when she said it scared her. She’d never understand. I shouldn’t have to prove myself to a father who rejected me. But that doesn’t stop this thing in me. The thing that has to win, that has to be the best. Because even though I’ll never meet my father, at least I’ll know how good I am.
I’ll forever know I’m too good for him.
[[End Flashback]]
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
♠ Johnny’s POV ♠
“We’ve seen a dozen skaters out here today! They’ve showed us their moves and it’s time to tell them and you, who won!” the announcer called into his mic.
Myself, and the rest of the crowd cheers.
“Ok so for the ages 6-9 street we have… 8-year-old, Kenny Dudd!” The crowd cheers as the boys goes and collects his trophy. “And for ages 6-9 vert… 8-year-old, Ellamae Gold!”
I grin and jump up along with Jimmy and the others, cheering. We watch as Ellamae grins and rushes to collect her trophy, standing next to Kenny.
“And for ages 9-12 vert and street we have… 9-year-old Ivory Gold!”
Even louder cheers, Ivory was quite the crowd pleaser when competing. I glance at Matt who was grinning and cheering like a proud father. I laugh as Ivory coolly collects her two trophy’s and nudges her little sister as the two share a smile.
“Ok ok, quiet down, because for ages 10-15 street we have 14-year-old Dustin Cole!” Cheers. “And for ages 10-25 vert we have… dang, who are these kids parents!” he laughs slightly into his mic. “10-year old, Damien Gold!”
“Yeah D!” I cheer loudly, grinning madly.
He was all smiles as he got his trophy and stood beside Dustin.
“Ages 13-18 street we got 17-year-old Blaze Samston! And ages 13-18 vert… 18-year-old Mikey Venio!” Cheers. “And for the final two… these two winners will, besides their trophies, will receive a brand new a Girl deck and a photo shoot plus interview for Transworld Skate magazine!” Cheers. “Ok so for all ages vert… Ziggy Z!” Many cheers as the young 19-year-old goes and collects his trophy. “And finally, all ages street.” He pauses looking over the envelope. “I can’t believe it…” he says in a softer shocked voice then grins and says loudly, “9-year-old Ivory Gold!”
The guys, girls, and I cheer very loudly along with the crowd. Ivory moves from her spot and collects her third win, grinning. Glancing at Matt again, I see him smiling and fondly watching his daughter. Probably the first time he’s ever really seen her truly happy, besides pictures.
I see Matt say something but can’t hear him over the noise.
“What?” I yell up to him.
He grins looking down at me. “She’s got my smile! My dimples!”
I laugh softly and slap him on the back, turning to gaze back out at the kids.
[[May 3, 2008]] \Saturday\
♠ Ivory’s POV ♠
“Well this is it,” Matt says pulling into a parking space. I nod and open the door but of course he stops me. “Maybe I should come,” he says frowning lightly in thought.
“That’s ok,” I tell him.
“Believe it or not Ivory,” he says dryly. “I do know a thing or to about interviews and photo-shoots.”
“Good for you.” I roll my eyes. “Come on Matt. I know I’m 9 but this is a big step in my career.” I sigh and look at him. “If you knew anything you’d know how hard it is for a rock-star’s kid to make it from their own talent. I want people to like me for my skating or surfing. Not you.”
Matt seems to think it over before sighing, “I guess you’re right. I just…” he gets that look on his face I dread.
He’s trying to bond. Oh lord…
“Please,” I scoff getting out of the car. “I’ll call you when I’m done. I’ll be fine Matt. Go…” I wave my hand, “do something.”
I ignore the hurt and tired look on Matt’s face. “Ok,” he nods then smiles, “Just don’t sign anything they give you.”
I roll my eyes and move to close the door; I look at him through the open passengers window, “I’m not an idiot Matt.”
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
♠ Matt’s POV ♠
I see Ivory waiting out front of the building, a security guard standing with her. Did she really think if I couldn’t be there then I wouldn’t have someone there to watch over her? It wasn’t trouble to get Transworld to arrange for a good security guard to wait with Ivory, I mean, I’m M-Fucking-Shadows. I nod a thanks to the guard as I pull up beside the two while Ivory opens the door and gets in.
“How’d it go?” I ask not really expecting too much from her.
“It was amazing!” She exclaimed loudly. “Well, I’ve been interviewed a lot but mom never let any of the big time magazines or stuff interview me. And the photo-shoot was awesome!” Ivory told me this all in a very fast manner with a smile on her face. “The pictures and article come out next month! Ziggy Z is awesome! He invited me to come skate with him and his friends anytime I wanted!”
“That’s great Ivory,” I grin. “I can’t wait to read it. But I’m not sure about this Ziggy Z guy,” I joke. “Aren’t you a little too young to be thinking of boys that way?”
Her face scrunches up in a disgusting manner, “Gross Matt!”
I laugh as she leans forward to mess with the radio. She stops on 106.7 and leans back into her seat, looking out the window. That beautiful smile still on her face. I don’t let the sigh of happiness nor relief leave me. Relief she didn’t bit my head off at my lame joke about the boy and happiness for the first calm and cheerful conversation we’ve ever had, no matter how short it was.
[[May 7, 2008]] \Wednesday\
I had just closed the front door when I head Val, “Matt is that you!?”
“Yeah!” I answer back.
“I’m in the office! Come here!”
I sigh lightly but do as she yelled.
“What’s up babe?” I ask once entering the office.
“This,” she answers holding up a white envelope.
Confused, I walk the few feet and take it from her. It has Mr. Sanders written on the front. I open it only to frown as I read through it.
“So?” Val asks. “I found it on the kitchen counter when I got home. Looks like Ivory left it before she went out surfing.”
“It’s from her teacher,” I answer looking up. “She wants to have a meeting this Friday about Ivory.”
Val’s eyebrows scrunch together, “Does it say why?”
I sigh, placing the letter back into the envelope. “No. Just she’s concerned for Ivory.”
“Just she’s concerned? Not why?”
I shrug, “Nope. Probably want to say the why in the meeting. I planned to go to the studio this Friday all day, but looks like I’ll have to swing by the school at 3:30.”
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
It was around midnight when I quietly opened Ivory’s door. I do this a lot, Ivory and Val both don’t know I do this. Ivory looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Not angry and so hateful towards me. I guess it’s that moment when I get to relax with my daughter, even though she’s asleep.
I had asked Ivory about the letter and why her teacher should be concerned. Iehsa just frowned and said she didn’t know. She was going by the same rules here as she did with her mom in Florida. She wasn’t acting out or starting fights, and she did all her work. All because she was afraid to get in trouble enough to lose her free time to skate and surf. So even she was confused to what would be wrong.
I silently walked over to the side of Ivory’s bed so I could see her face. So beautiful. My flesh, my blood. She’d hate to know she’s more like me then she thinks. I gently stroked her pale cheek with my pointer finger and move to leave when something catches my eye. I pull the thing from under her pillow, a picture. I look it over using the light from the moon. It was a picture of Ivory and her mom.
It was only a profile of her mom’s back. Ivory was hugging her mom around her neck, supporting her head by resting her chin on her mom’s shoulder. Iehsha was facing the camera and smiling, she looks so happy. In the background was all blue, the ocean.
I sigh very softly before gently placing it back under Ivory’s pillow. I wonder if Ivory and I would ever take happy pictures like that? As father and daughter. Nothings changed really. That one time in the car when she was all smiling and talkative was just what it was, a one time thing. It made me wish she’d get more magazines and photo-shoots just so she’d loose herself for that moment and talk to me like a cheerful daughter.
“You were great!” They all say simultaneously.
“Thanks,” I smile for real this time.
“Well I know I’m not winning that one,” Damien admits freely about the run I just did.
I just wink at him. Damien is a great skater and has won many competitions. However, he’s only won one against me, and though it’s never been said out loud, it may be because I didn’t tell anymore of my ankle I hurt form surfing the day before. I broke it on my last run. But whatever, Damien would win more if he had my confidence and determination; same with Ellamae.
I just wanted it more. A memory of my mother rises….
[[Flashback]]
I had just finished hanging my latest surfing metal up when I felt a presence to my right; I turn to see my mother. She had a strange look in her eyes as they traveled from the metal to me.
“Ivory,” she said softly walking over to my bed and taking a seat, patting a spot beside her. “Come sit.”
I was two months shy of my 8th birthday, and confused to what she wanted to talk about. But I do as she asks and take a seat.
“Ivory,” she begins. “I love that you’re completive and determined. But some times… it scares me. You’re driven by some force that I don’t know of. You enter so many competitions, even if you’re hurt. I just don’t get it. What’s driving you so much?”
I had looked away from her when she said it scared her. She’d never understand. I shouldn’t have to prove myself to a father who rejected me. But that doesn’t stop this thing in me. The thing that has to win, that has to be the best. Because even though I’ll never meet my father, at least I’ll know how good I am.
I’ll forever know I’m too good for him.
[[End Flashback]]
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
♠ Johnny’s POV ♠
“We’ve seen a dozen skaters out here today! They’ve showed us their moves and it’s time to tell them and you, who won!” the announcer called into his mic.
Myself, and the rest of the crowd cheers.
“Ok so for the ages 6-9 street we have… 8-year-old, Kenny Dudd!” The crowd cheers as the boys goes and collects his trophy. “And for ages 6-9 vert… 8-year-old, Ellamae Gold!”
I grin and jump up along with Jimmy and the others, cheering. We watch as Ellamae grins and rushes to collect her trophy, standing next to Kenny.
“And for ages 9-12 vert and street we have… 9-year-old Ivory Gold!”
Even louder cheers, Ivory was quite the crowd pleaser when competing. I glance at Matt who was grinning and cheering like a proud father. I laugh as Ivory coolly collects her two trophy’s and nudges her little sister as the two share a smile.
“Ok ok, quiet down, because for ages 10-15 street we have 14-year-old Dustin Cole!” Cheers. “And for ages 10-25 vert we have… dang, who are these kids parents!” he laughs slightly into his mic. “10-year old, Damien Gold!”
“Yeah D!” I cheer loudly, grinning madly.
He was all smiles as he got his trophy and stood beside Dustin.
“Ages 13-18 street we got 17-year-old Blaze Samston! And ages 13-18 vert… 18-year-old Mikey Venio!” Cheers. “And for the final two… these two winners will, besides their trophies, will receive a brand new a Girl deck and a photo shoot plus interview for Transworld Skate magazine!” Cheers. “Ok so for all ages vert… Ziggy Z!” Many cheers as the young 19-year-old goes and collects his trophy. “And finally, all ages street.” He pauses looking over the envelope. “I can’t believe it…” he says in a softer shocked voice then grins and says loudly, “9-year-old Ivory Gold!”
The guys, girls, and I cheer very loudly along with the crowd. Ivory moves from her spot and collects her third win, grinning. Glancing at Matt again, I see him smiling and fondly watching his daughter. Probably the first time he’s ever really seen her truly happy, besides pictures.
I see Matt say something but can’t hear him over the noise.
“What?” I yell up to him.
He grins looking down at me. “She’s got my smile! My dimples!”
I laugh softly and slap him on the back, turning to gaze back out at the kids.
[[May 3, 2008]] \Saturday\
♠ Ivory’s POV ♠
“Well this is it,” Matt says pulling into a parking space. I nod and open the door but of course he stops me. “Maybe I should come,” he says frowning lightly in thought.
“That’s ok,” I tell him.
“Believe it or not Ivory,” he says dryly. “I do know a thing or to about interviews and photo-shoots.”
“Good for you.” I roll my eyes. “Come on Matt. I know I’m 9 but this is a big step in my career.” I sigh and look at him. “If you knew anything you’d know how hard it is for a rock-star’s kid to make it from their own talent. I want people to like me for my skating or surfing. Not you.”
Matt seems to think it over before sighing, “I guess you’re right. I just…” he gets that look on his face I dread.
He’s trying to bond. Oh lord…
“Please,” I scoff getting out of the car. “I’ll call you when I’m done. I’ll be fine Matt. Go…” I wave my hand, “do something.”
I ignore the hurt and tired look on Matt’s face. “Ok,” he nods then smiles, “Just don’t sign anything they give you.”
I roll my eyes and move to close the door; I look at him through the open passengers window, “I’m not an idiot Matt.”
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
♠ Matt’s POV ♠
I see Ivory waiting out front of the building, a security guard standing with her. Did she really think if I couldn’t be there then I wouldn’t have someone there to watch over her? It wasn’t trouble to get Transworld to arrange for a good security guard to wait with Ivory, I mean, I’m M-Fucking-Shadows. I nod a thanks to the guard as I pull up beside the two while Ivory opens the door and gets in.
“How’d it go?” I ask not really expecting too much from her.
“It was amazing!” She exclaimed loudly. “Well, I’ve been interviewed a lot but mom never let any of the big time magazines or stuff interview me. And the photo-shoot was awesome!” Ivory told me this all in a very fast manner with a smile on her face. “The pictures and article come out next month! Ziggy Z is awesome! He invited me to come skate with him and his friends anytime I wanted!”
“That’s great Ivory,” I grin. “I can’t wait to read it. But I’m not sure about this Ziggy Z guy,” I joke. “Aren’t you a little too young to be thinking of boys that way?”
Her face scrunches up in a disgusting manner, “Gross Matt!”
I laugh as she leans forward to mess with the radio. She stops on 106.7 and leans back into her seat, looking out the window. That beautiful smile still on her face. I don’t let the sigh of happiness nor relief leave me. Relief she didn’t bit my head off at my lame joke about the boy and happiness for the first calm and cheerful conversation we’ve ever had, no matter how short it was.
[[May 7, 2008]] \Wednesday\
I had just closed the front door when I head Val, “Matt is that you!?”
“Yeah!” I answer back.
“I’m in the office! Come here!”
I sigh lightly but do as she yelled.
“What’s up babe?” I ask once entering the office.
“This,” she answers holding up a white envelope.
Confused, I walk the few feet and take it from her. It has Mr. Sanders written on the front. I open it only to frown as I read through it.
“So?” Val asks. “I found it on the kitchen counter when I got home. Looks like Ivory left it before she went out surfing.”
“It’s from her teacher,” I answer looking up. “She wants to have a meeting this Friday about Ivory.”
Val’s eyebrows scrunch together, “Does it say why?”
I sigh, placing the letter back into the envelope. “No. Just she’s concerned for Ivory.”
“Just she’s concerned? Not why?”
I shrug, “Nope. Probably want to say the why in the meeting. I planned to go to the studio this Friday all day, but looks like I’ll have to swing by the school at 3:30.”
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
It was around midnight when I quietly opened Ivory’s door. I do this a lot, Ivory and Val both don’t know I do this. Ivory looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Not angry and so hateful towards me. I guess it’s that moment when I get to relax with my daughter, even though she’s asleep.
I had asked Ivory about the letter and why her teacher should be concerned. Iehsa just frowned and said she didn’t know. She was going by the same rules here as she did with her mom in Florida. She wasn’t acting out or starting fights, and she did all her work. All because she was afraid to get in trouble enough to lose her free time to skate and surf. So even she was confused to what would be wrong.
I silently walked over to the side of Ivory’s bed so I could see her face. So beautiful. My flesh, my blood. She’d hate to know she’s more like me then she thinks. I gently stroked her pale cheek with my pointer finger and move to leave when something catches my eye. I pull the thing from under her pillow, a picture. I look it over using the light from the moon. It was a picture of Ivory and her mom.
It was only a profile of her mom’s back. Ivory was hugging her mom around her neck, supporting her head by resting her chin on her mom’s shoulder. Iehsha was facing the camera and smiling, she looks so happy. In the background was all blue, the ocean.
I sigh very softly before gently placing it back under Ivory’s pillow. I wonder if Ivory and I would ever take happy pictures like that? As father and daughter. Nothings changed really. That one time in the car when she was all smiling and talkative was just what it was, a one time thing. It made me wish she’d get more magazines and photo-shoots just so she’d loose herself for that moment and talk to me like a cheerful daughter.