No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead

[[May 9, 2008]] \Friday\

I knock twice on the classroom door.

“Come in,” I hear from inside. I open the door and step in seeing a woman sitting at a desk. “Mr. Sanders I presume?”

“Yes,” I nod taking her outstretched hand. “Hello Mrs. Oak.”

With her hand she motions me to take a seat and I do. “I’m sure you’re confused about my letter but I am quite concerned about Ivory.”

My eyebrows furrow a little. “What’s there to be concerned about? Ivory assures me she’s doing the work and not acting out.”

“Oh no, of course not,” Mrs. Oak agrees. “I’m concerned about Ivory… socially.” I don’t say anything so she continues. “Her brother, Damien, seems to have found a best friend in AJ. I asked her sister’s teacher that Ellamea has made a best friend and others. Ivory on the other hand…” she trails off.

I frown, concerned myself. “She doesn’t have any friends?” I guess I never really thought about it till know.

Mrs. Oak sighs a little. “Ivory’s a very bright and determined girl but if seems like she holds everyone, but her siblings and their friends, at arms length.”

“She lost her mother a little over a month ago,” I confess not knowing if she knows this.

The teacher frowns, “Oh… I didn’t know that. I just assumed you and Ivory’s mother chose to have Ivory take her mothers last name.”

I nod in agreement through I had no choice in name because I simply didn’t know about Ivory, but I didn’t want to share my troubles with a stranger. “Ivory’s been living with her mom till the death.”

“I see,” Mrs. Oak nods. “I can see where that could make Ivory scared to make friends. Not wanting to gain emotional ties encase something happens to them too. I’m sorry to trouble you Mr. Sanders, I was just concerned. This is a very important moment in Ivory’s life.”

“I know,” I agree firmly. “I just think she needs more time.”

Mrs. Oak smiles and stands up, I also stand. “Yes. I agree. Ivory’s a very lovely child Mr. Sanders, you should be proud.”

“I am,” I smile, not lying.

I’m very proud of my daughter, but now deeply concerned. A child needs friends besides just her siblings. I’d talk to her… but that could just cause more trouble. Yeah, I won’t talk to her about this. She’ll make friends soon.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

I guess Val thought it important enough for me to bring it up. Oh boy. We three were sitting at the kitchen table eating chicken and salad. Val kept giving me the look to talk. I sigh and place down my fork.

“Ivory,” I say getting her attention. “I want to talk about the meeting I had with Mrs. Oak today.”

“Ok,” she says confused. “What’s up?”

“She said you haven’t been making an effort to make any friends.”

Iehsa suddenly glares at me, “I don’t need any. I have Ellamae and Damien.”

“Friend’s outside your family,” I clarify. Her face gets frostier making me sigh, “Ivory… I’m just concerned.”

“I don’t care,” Ivory grounds out. “I don’t need any friends.”

“Ivory-”

“No!” she shouts stand up. “You don’t understand! I had friends. In Florida. I could trust them but now that I’m here I can’t trust anybody! They either like me because the contest or because of you! Just- just leave me alone! I hate you!”

With that she runs out of the kitchen and I listen to her quick footsteps going up the stairs. I sigh and drop my head into my hands. I ignore Val’s hand as she strokes my back. I knew I shouldn’t have brought it up.

[[May 10, 2008]] \Saturday\

I hear the door open behind and look over my shoulder to see Johnny entering with Damien.

“Yo!” Zack greets sharing a ‘secret’ handshake with Damien. “What’s up D-man?”

Damien smiles, “Not much.”

“Thought I’d show him the works,” Johnny adds, a smile on his face also.

That fucking green eyed monster burns in my chest as I look at Johnny and his adoptive son.

“And I wanted to talk to Matt,” Damien added looking over at me. “When you’re not busy that is.”

I shrug, “We can talk now if you like. We’re mainly here for Syn and Jimmy… and they’re not here yet.” I stand. “Come on. We’ll talk in the next room.”

I look Johnny in the eye as I trail behind D on our way out. He gives me the look he has no clue. Great. We make to the room, it was just a lounge room. I take a seat on a couch as Damien takes a seat on a chair.

“So what’s up D?” I ask.

He coughs a couple times.

Damien’s Nervous Habit: Force cough.

“Ivory called me this morning,” he admits, sighing in the end. “She told me about your concerns, that’s her voice not mine.”

I nod and lean back on the couch. “I am.”

“If I tell you something Matt, will you keep it a secret? Ivory might hate me if I told you.”

The look on his face tells me this is big, so I lean up lacing my fingers together. “I promise Damien.”

“A… uh two months before our mom died. So did Joey and Kelsey. There were Ivory’s best friends. Joey and my mom shared a hospital room when they gave birth. So Ivory and him were friends since birth. Mom and Jenny, Joey’s mom, always joked the too would go up to get married. Kelsey moved next door when…” he trails off in a little thought. “Ivory was 2, I think. Anyway, it wasn’t just the three Gold’s all the time like everyone thinks. I had a best friend I’d hang out with and so did Ellamae.” Damien pauses for a moment to take a deep breath. “Ivory was with them when it happened.” I feel a moment of dread wash over me as I see the look in his eyes. “It… was horrible. The surf was extra rough that day but they had been in water like that before. But in a matter of minutes, a storm swept in. Joey went under and hit his head. Kelsey drowned. Ivory… was lucky enough to be able to cling to the reef before some guys pulled her up.”

‘Oh God… Ivory…’

Damien’s fast blinking and adverting eyes show me he’s trying not to cry. “Ivory… was devastated. She’s never talked about it and when she thinks about it… it still haunts her, I know. I think the only reason she’s nice to AJ is because of me, same with Tiffany.”

I take a few moments to let this all settle in. “And she’s still able to surf?” I ask dazed.

Damien smiles a little. “The water was flat the next day but she went out and just sat there in the water, for hours, and no one bothered her. By the end of the day she rode in and in two days she put together a cooking and surfing event to raise money for Joey and Kelsey’s funerals. Everyone said she was taking it so well. That… she was so strong for someone so young.” Damien shakes his head lightly with a frown. “She’s strong Matt but she’s not that strong.”

“She’s bottled it up,” I murmur.