No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead

[[May 24, 2008]] \Saturday\

Still no sign on what I should do with my new knowledge. So many thoughts are plaguing my mind. Matt, Ellamae, Jimmy, and I. But most of all Matt. The guilt is ripping at my chest. Eating me from the inside out. How do I fix all that I’ve done? How do I handle this?

“Ivory!”

I look over at Jared (the guy that got 1st in the surf comp). I must have dazed out. I’ve just been sitting on my board lost in thought.

“Come on!” he calls. “You get the next one!”

I just nod so he knows I hear. I scan the water, looking for my set. There! Turning quickly and getting down, I start to paddle. I catch the wave but as I go to stand I lose my footing.

The wave turns me this way and that. The pressure is enormous. I can’t seem to escape. Up is down, right is left. I know how to escape a bail out any day of the week. But this time… my thoughts are too scrambled to do anything but get lost in this entrapment of my watery prison.

Panic and total blackness.

\\ ♠ ♠ Elsewhere ♠ ♠ \\

♠ Matt’s POV ♠

The guys and I were at my place, just talking and hanging out. Ivory was off with that Jared guy today, surfing. Two of my surfing buddies were at the beach today and I asked them to keep an eye on her.

“So Matt,” Zack said, breaking me from my thoughts. “How’s it going with S.O.S?” I raise an eyebrow in question. “Spawn Of Satan,” he clarified.

“No change,” I murmured.

Zacky smiled sympathetically at me, right before very loud pounding and yelling from my front door is heard. The guys and I all glance at each other in question before I get up and head to my front door. I open it and see Trevor, one of the guys that was going to keep an eye on Ivory.

“Matt!” he starts out with a hint franticness in his voice to match his face. “It’s Ivory.”

Oh God no.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“Here babe.”

I look up silently at Val then take the coffee from her hand.

“Thanks,” I mumble turning back to Ivory.

She was in the hospital. Slipped up on a wave and went under. The corner of her board got her right in the head, leaving a gash which was all stitched up now. That wasn’t the worst part. She was under too long, almost drowned. Lucky one of Jared’s friends pulled her up. They signaled to a lifeguard while paddling to shore. She needed CPA. She awoke long enough to cough up some water then pass up from the concussion on her head. She’s been out for almost 2 hours.

2 hours too long if you ask me.

“Sorry Mr. Sanders,” a nurse said entering the room. “I have to check some things out on Ivory.”

I nod silently and get up, leaving the room with Val. I wait in, of course, the waiting room; my leg jumping up and down. It’s been too long. How long does it take for the nurse to do stuff?

“Mr. Sanders?” I look up to see Ivory’s doctor.

“What’s wrong?” I ask instantly moving to my feet.

She smiles. “Ivory’s awake and fine. Might be a little out of it do to the pain reliever but other than that everything looks to be fine.”

“Can I go see her?” I ask.

She smiles. “Go ahead.”

I smile in thanks and quickly head back to my daughter’s room. I open the door and there she is. Sitting up and leaning back while watching the small TV they have in there.

She turns to the door. “Hey Matt. What’s up?”

Matt... that word. Why can’t she call me dad? Isn’t most 9-year-olds security their father? I wanted nothing more than for her to claim me, to call me dad, or father, or just about anything but Matt. It was a painful every time she called me, Matt, although I hid it well. I’ve been trying so hard but getting no results.

“Nothing,” I tell her answering her question. “How’s the head?” I ask moving over to the chair I was in earlier and taking a seat.

Her eyes are a little dazed. “Ok. They got me on pain stuff.”

I nod. “Good thing too. Bet your head would be pounding with out it.” She goes to nod also but winces. “Careful,” I tell her with a worried frown.

“It’s cool,” she replied back.

Yeah… cool. Cool like the 7 stitches in your head. Of course, I don’t say that out loud. Thank God she’s ok.

[[May 28, 2008]] \Wednesday\

♠ Damien’s POV ♠

“What’s wrong with Ivory?”

I don’t take my eyes off my little sister but answer my friend. “I dunno. It’s not the bail out or anything. It’s something else I don’t know.”

“She’s been like this for days,” AJ complained.

This: meaning closed off and separating herself from me and others. No, something was really wrong. I tired asking her yesterday but she got really upset and told me she’d handle it herself. Handle what? What is she keeping from me again? Something that it keeps her up at night, distracts her in class, and distant herself. What ever that’s bothering her, it might help if she could surf but with her stitches, salt water isn’t good for it.

“I know,” I replied to AJ’s comment. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Man,” AJ sighed. “Being an older brother must be hard.”

“Tell me about it,” I laugh.

Yeah… tell me about it.

[[May 31, 2008]] \Saturday\

♠ Matt’s POV ♠

I was just on my way out the door when Ivory’s voice reached my ears.

“Where you going?”

‘Weird,’ I think. ‘She usually doesn’t ask.’

“Um uh fishing with the guys and Damien.”

It’s a little stand off. We’re just looking at each other.

Until she breaks it, “C-can I g-go too?”

Ivory’s Nervous Habit:Stuttering. And I only know that because Damien told me.

I’m shocked and ecstatic. But I of course don’t let it show.

I smile softly. “Sure. Ever been fishing before?”

She nods, a small smile of her own. “Yeah. Uncle TJ took me twice. I’m not very good.”

“You’ll do better this time,” I assure. “Third times the charm. Now, let’s hit the road.”

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“Uh,” Ivory complained a little bit to my right. “How come you’ve all caught something but not me?”

I chuckle a little at her face. “Patience, kiddo.”

I wince at myself. I can’t believe I did that. That’s sure to cause some bitter comment from her. But then… it never comes. I peak a look at Ivory to see her looking out at the water. Maybe she didn’t hear me? Thank God.

“Whoa!” Ivory suddenly shouts, pulling back on her pool.

I rush to her side. “Got a bite. Careful now we don’t want the line to break. Let it get tired before reeling in.”

Ivory just nods while holding her poll up and tightly. It was really bending to the power of the fish. Must be pretty big.

“Ok start reeling,” I tell her.

Again all she does is nod and start reeling. She’s having some trouble. Making up my mind, I reach around her and put my hands over hers, helping her reel. She doesn’t complain or even look at me. Bit by bit we reel the fish in.

“That’s huge!” Damien exclaims.

“Hurry, snap a picture,” I tell Brian.

He does and I grab the large fish from my daughter’s poll, freeing the fish from the hook before throwing it back.

“Looks like we know the winner of biggest catch,” Johnny says smiling at Ivory.

All she does is smile and move back to her spot, casting and sitting down once again. I look at the guys, sharing a grin with them. Ivory's and my first father daughter moment.

Things are looking up.