Status: Completed!
No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead
Sorrow Swallows My Screams... 14
[[June 2, 2008]] \Monday\
♠ Ivory’s POV ♠
Things are looking… confusing.
I’m still not sure what to do. I’ve been nicer to Matt but ignoring Jimmy as best I can. Everyone notices, I know, but they don’t comment on it. Should I tell someone? Should I just let it go? Should I call Matt dad? Should Ellamae know the truth?
“Ivory!”
I lift my head from my desk only to see everyone looking at me.
“Uhh,” is all I can get out.
“Pay attention,” Mrs. Oak says with slightly narrowed eyes.
I just nod. I go back to paying attention to class but soon my mind wonders back to my concern and questions. What the hell do I do?
[[June 5, 2008]] \Thursday\
Still don’t know.
I’ve almost slipped up and called Matt dad twice. I don’t know what’s keeping me from calling him that. He didn’t abandon me like I thought. He never knew about me. But still…. Maybe it’s the guilt? I do feel guilty that I’ve been treating him so bad.
Why is life so hard?
[[June 7, 2008]] \Saturday\
“I’ll be fine,” I say beyond annoyed at this point.
Matt just frowned.
I rolled my eyes. “The doctor gave the ok Matt. I could have gone surfing yesterday but noooo. Come on,” I whine.
Matt’s frown let’s up just a little. “Ok. Just… be careful.”
I warm at his concern but play it off. “Yeah yeah.”
With that I’m finally free from the fretting mother hen and I head to the surf. Finally. Too long have I been from the sea and it’s waves. I paddle out and nod to some surfers I’ve talked to a couple times.
“Ivory!” a group of three older (early twenties) girls cheer.
“Hey,” I smile heading over to them.
I sit up my broad and float there with them.
“Who’s the dude?” Kerry asks gesturing with her head to the beach.
I look back at it, my eyes landing on Matt as he lounged back on a chair. His figure small due to the distance.
Turning back to the girls, I answer, “Oh. Just my dad.”
They nod, not knowing how huge the statement really was to me.
[[June 11, 2008]] \Wednesday\
“We have to find the perfect gift!” Ellamae grinned jumping on the balls of her feet a little.
“Definitely,” I smile.
AJ’s 10th birthday was this Saturday and my sister and I put off getting a gift for too long. Damien got his last Friday. Whatever. So here I was, at the mall with my little sister as our fathers trailed behind us. What? They’ve got the money.
Ellamae stopped with a gasp. I looked at what she was looking and grinned.
“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asked.
“What are you-” Matt started was cut short due to Ellamae and I.
We sprinted towards the colorful store with a war cry, “Disney store!”
I, of course, was a little faster. Being older and more active. I know I don’t act my age a lot but come on! It’s the Disney store! I head over to some Lilo & Stitch stuff while I know Ellamae will be over near Cinderella.
“Sweet,” I comment grabbing a Stitch backpack.
It wasn’t a regular backpack that just had his face on it. It was a large stuff animal that looked like him with a pouch and zipper on the back and of course straps to fit around arms.
“Want it?”
I jump a little and look up and over my shoulder at Matt. “Really?” I ask.
He smiles. “Sure.”
“Cool!” I grin then know it’s the perfect moment. “I’m gonna go show El.” I rush away from him and over my shoulder I say, “Thanks dad!"
So I’m a coward. Sue me!
♠ Matt’s POV ♠
Did she? Really? Am I dreaming? No. No I really think she did! Oh god. I didn’t think it would feel this good. My daughter called me dad! About time! There’s no way this grin is coming off my face anytime soon.
I head over to Jimmy’s tall form. The girls talking rapidly beside him. Maybe talking about the two backpacks they were getting. (Ellamae’s is that one female mouse from Cinderella).
I turn my gaze up from them to Jimmy. He was already looking at me with a confused expression. I know it’s because my grin. I just shake my head and give her a talk-to-you-later look. He just shrugs it off.
“You girls ready?” Jimmy asks.
They look up at him for a moment and just nod then go back to talking. We walked over to the ring up counter and paid.
During that time I realized: did Ivory even know she called me dad? She gave no indication that she did. No surprised or guarded face, when she looked me it was neutral I-may-or-may not-have-called-you-dad look.
Shit.
If she did it on purpose then excellent! If she didn’t…it’s a good and bad thing I guess.
Bad= she’s still not to the point on calling me dad on a daily bases.
Good= she called me it, so she’s been thinking on it or something.
You know what?
I’m not going to mull over this too much. It’ll just make me crazy. Mistake or not, she called me dad. And it was fantastic.
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
“That’s great Matt,” Val grinned as we laid in bed that night.
I had just told her, unable to keep it to myself. What? I love Ivory and I’m ecstatic that she called me dad. Most men take that for granted with their own kids.
“You think it was a fluke or she’ll call me it again?” I ask.
Val rubbed my stomach where her hand was resting. “Can’t say. She’s young babe. Her thoughts and emotions are all over the place. But I know that when she does, she’ll be 100% sincere. Till then, try not to think on it too much.”
“I know,” I sigh before dropping a kiss to her brow. “Let’s get some sleep.”
Val reaches over me and turns on the lamp. Snuggling back into me, we share ‘I love you’s’ and fall into a black sleep.
[[June 14, 2008]] \Saturday\
“Happy birthday AJ,” Ellamae and I say together.
“Thanks!” he grins.
“AJ!” two other boys cry out from the pool.
AJ turned away from us and ran to do a cannon ball into his pool. Whatever. Ellamae was soon called away by Tiffany. It was nice of AJ to invite her so Ellamae would have someone to hang out with. But me? I kinda just stood there on my own. I knew most of the kids here, most of them my classmates. I was friendly to them but I wasn’t buddy buddy with them. I can’t afford to have best friends. Besides, who knows why they really want to be my friend? They could just be using me.
With a sigh I head over a tub filled with water, ice, and soda. Grabbing a Spite I then head over to the hammock. I easily maneuver my body on/in it. So I lay there, lost in my thoughts once again as noise of kids and the party become just a dull buzz.
I’m fine. Really… I’m fine.
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
The party did end till about an hour but I wasn’t feeling to well so said a Happy Birthday to AJ again and walked home. He lived two houses down from Damien so just down the block. No biggy.
“So how was it?” Matt asked while I passed him and Val in the living room.
I paused in step and looked at them. “It was really fun but I’m not feeling to well so I left early.”
“Do you need anything?” Matt asked in that fatherly tone of his.
I kept my smile at bay. “I’m fine. Just gonna go lay down.”
“If you’re sure,” he replied, seemingly convinced that I wasn’t.
“Want some soup?” Val offered.
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. Thanks though.”
I’m fine. Really… I’m fine.
♠ Ivory’s POV ♠
Things are looking… confusing.
I’m still not sure what to do. I’ve been nicer to Matt but ignoring Jimmy as best I can. Everyone notices, I know, but they don’t comment on it. Should I tell someone? Should I just let it go? Should I call Matt dad? Should Ellamae know the truth?
“Ivory!”
I lift my head from my desk only to see everyone looking at me.
“Uhh,” is all I can get out.
“Pay attention,” Mrs. Oak says with slightly narrowed eyes.
I just nod. I go back to paying attention to class but soon my mind wonders back to my concern and questions. What the hell do I do?
[[June 5, 2008]] \Thursday\
Still don’t know.
I’ve almost slipped up and called Matt dad twice. I don’t know what’s keeping me from calling him that. He didn’t abandon me like I thought. He never knew about me. But still…. Maybe it’s the guilt? I do feel guilty that I’ve been treating him so bad.
Why is life so hard?
[[June 7, 2008]] \Saturday\
“I’ll be fine,” I say beyond annoyed at this point.
Matt just frowned.
I rolled my eyes. “The doctor gave the ok Matt. I could have gone surfing yesterday but noooo. Come on,” I whine.
Matt’s frown let’s up just a little. “Ok. Just… be careful.”
I warm at his concern but play it off. “Yeah yeah.”
With that I’m finally free from the fretting mother hen and I head to the surf. Finally. Too long have I been from the sea and it’s waves. I paddle out and nod to some surfers I’ve talked to a couple times.
“Ivory!” a group of three older (early twenties) girls cheer.
“Hey,” I smile heading over to them.
I sit up my broad and float there with them.
“Who’s the dude?” Kerry asks gesturing with her head to the beach.
I look back at it, my eyes landing on Matt as he lounged back on a chair. His figure small due to the distance.
Turning back to the girls, I answer, “Oh. Just my dad.”
They nod, not knowing how huge the statement really was to me.
[[June 11, 2008]] \Wednesday\
“We have to find the perfect gift!” Ellamae grinned jumping on the balls of her feet a little.
“Definitely,” I smile.
AJ’s 10th birthday was this Saturday and my sister and I put off getting a gift for too long. Damien got his last Friday. Whatever. So here I was, at the mall with my little sister as our fathers trailed behind us. What? They’ve got the money.
Ellamae stopped with a gasp. I looked at what she was looking and grinned.
“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asked.
“What are you-” Matt started was cut short due to Ellamae and I.
We sprinted towards the colorful store with a war cry, “Disney store!”
I, of course, was a little faster. Being older and more active. I know I don’t act my age a lot but come on! It’s the Disney store! I head over to some Lilo & Stitch stuff while I know Ellamae will be over near Cinderella.
“Sweet,” I comment grabbing a Stitch backpack.
It wasn’t a regular backpack that just had his face on it. It was a large stuff animal that looked like him with a pouch and zipper on the back and of course straps to fit around arms.
“Want it?”
I jump a little and look up and over my shoulder at Matt. “Really?” I ask.
He smiles. “Sure.”
“Cool!” I grin then know it’s the perfect moment. “I’m gonna go show El.” I rush away from him and over my shoulder I say, “Thanks dad!"
So I’m a coward. Sue me!
♠ Matt’s POV ♠
Did she? Really? Am I dreaming? No. No I really think she did! Oh god. I didn’t think it would feel this good. My daughter called me dad! About time! There’s no way this grin is coming off my face anytime soon.
I head over to Jimmy’s tall form. The girls talking rapidly beside him. Maybe talking about the two backpacks they were getting. (Ellamae’s is that one female mouse from Cinderella).
I turn my gaze up from them to Jimmy. He was already looking at me with a confused expression. I know it’s because my grin. I just shake my head and give her a talk-to-you-later look. He just shrugs it off.
“You girls ready?” Jimmy asks.
They look up at him for a moment and just nod then go back to talking. We walked over to the ring up counter and paid.
During that time I realized: did Ivory even know she called me dad? She gave no indication that she did. No surprised or guarded face, when she looked me it was neutral I-may-or-may not-have-called-you-dad look.
Shit.
If she did it on purpose then excellent! If she didn’t…it’s a good and bad thing I guess.
Bad= she’s still not to the point on calling me dad on a daily bases.
Good= she called me it, so she’s been thinking on it or something.
You know what?
I’m not going to mull over this too much. It’ll just make me crazy. Mistake or not, she called me dad. And it was fantastic.
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
“That’s great Matt,” Val grinned as we laid in bed that night.
I had just told her, unable to keep it to myself. What? I love Ivory and I’m ecstatic that she called me dad. Most men take that for granted with their own kids.
“You think it was a fluke or she’ll call me it again?” I ask.
Val rubbed my stomach where her hand was resting. “Can’t say. She’s young babe. Her thoughts and emotions are all over the place. But I know that when she does, she’ll be 100% sincere. Till then, try not to think on it too much.”
“I know,” I sigh before dropping a kiss to her brow. “Let’s get some sleep.”
Val reaches over me and turns on the lamp. Snuggling back into me, we share ‘I love you’s’ and fall into a black sleep.
[[June 14, 2008]] \Saturday\
“Happy birthday AJ,” Ellamae and I say together.
“Thanks!” he grins.
“AJ!” two other boys cry out from the pool.
AJ turned away from us and ran to do a cannon ball into his pool. Whatever. Ellamae was soon called away by Tiffany. It was nice of AJ to invite her so Ellamae would have someone to hang out with. But me? I kinda just stood there on my own. I knew most of the kids here, most of them my classmates. I was friendly to them but I wasn’t buddy buddy with them. I can’t afford to have best friends. Besides, who knows why they really want to be my friend? They could just be using me.
With a sigh I head over a tub filled with water, ice, and soda. Grabbing a Spite I then head over to the hammock. I easily maneuver my body on/in it. So I lay there, lost in my thoughts once again as noise of kids and the party become just a dull buzz.
I’m fine. Really… I’m fine.
\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \
The party did end till about an hour but I wasn’t feeling to well so said a Happy Birthday to AJ again and walked home. He lived two houses down from Damien so just down the block. No biggy.
“So how was it?” Matt asked while I passed him and Val in the living room.
I paused in step and looked at them. “It was really fun but I’m not feeling to well so I left early.”
“Do you need anything?” Matt asked in that fatherly tone of his.
I kept my smile at bay. “I’m fine. Just gonna go lay down.”
“If you’re sure,” he replied, seemingly convinced that I wasn’t.
“Want some soup?” Val offered.
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. Thanks though.”
I’m fine. Really… I’m fine.